I'm in love with my best friend who I hang out with everyday, it's been like that for years now. We've traveled abroad together, we do almost everything together.
I'm currently in the midst of a divorce and over the last year, me and the bestie got even closer because I would talk to her about everything.
About two months ago, we were traveling abroad in a group of 4 close friends and we were out partying at a nightclub, she was dancing and kissing this random dude and I got really jealous, couldn't take it, and left with one of the friends back to my hotel. The bestie came back to our room a little later and we all hung out. The next day, I hooked up with a girl from a dating app, and I did it all right in front of bestie. I met the girl at the hotel bar, then we all went out to party, and a little while later, I left with the girl and spent the night with her. This is when it dawned on me that I have feelings for bestie.
Everything was normal between us, we were back to base, hanging out everyday like usual. One crazy night of drinking, led to me kissing her and she asked me: are things over fully with your wife? Are you ready to start dating using apps? I was still trying to make out with her and she also said "Love in friendship is very different from romantic love, and you wouldn't listen to me if I'd say if we were together because we're such close friends" and while I wanted to go further than that, she wasn't reciprocal so obviously I stopped and we just cuddled for a while and that's when I told her that the only reason I hooked up with the girl on our trip was because I got jealous seeing her kiss someone else and not me.
The next day after this incident, we were hanging out, and she said you were so drunk and trying to make out with me! We didn't end up talking further and again just let it go. Things were absolutely normal again between us.
A few weeks ago, it was just me and her and another friend hanging out. Throughout the night she was very touchy with me and was holding my hand for so long. Little later, we were cuddling and half asleep ad I told her that I'd want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to her and she's the one I'd want to start a family with and spend the rest of my life with and I asked if she'd consider that? She acted like she didn't hear anything, even though I repeated it a few times, but she didn't give me a response at all.
Things were again completely normal for the next 3-4 days and we were out partying again. Before going out, I asked her - Did you really not hear what I said that night? She was again evasive and then I asked her again at the club, and here's when she said - "I want to be there for you as your friend, I don't think we can be what you want us to be". I obviously was a bit upset and I anyways had to attend another party at the club that was next door so I jut left. A couple of hours, the bestie and other friend came to the club where I was and we were out having a smoke, and I drunkenly blurted out to my other friend, that did she tell you that I'm in love with her? The same night (before bestie and friend arrived), I ended up kissing an old flame of mine that I bumped into and when we were on the way back in the car together, that friend called and gave me a piece of her mind asking why I did that because she's now married with a kid. All this drama played out in front of bestie who I told that I loved.
The next morning I reflected a lot to understand my feelings and sent her a long e-mail telling her how I fell in love with her, and the times when I was jealous about her seeing other guys but couldn't say anything because I was married and how I admired and loved her but was crushed to know she didn't feel the same way, but that I'll move on from this and hopefully can go back to things being normal.
When we met the same evening after my morning e-mail - She said she sees me as a friend, that she never saw me in a romantic way, that she doesn't want to give me any hopes, and that she needs her space to process everything, and that this changes a lot of things. She also misconceived a few things about our times together in the past, thinking that I'd try to manipulate things because I was in love with her, like the times we went travelling abroad, and the time I took her out for dinners, movies etc. but I clarified that everything I did for her, I did as a friend.
We met the next day at another common friend's place, and I tried keeping conversation with her to the minimal. The day after she called me and vented out to me that I'm not giving her space to process everything, and she spoke about some other things about my behavior like why I always talk about my work so much, that I don't know anything about her, that she's a really independent woman - didn't make much sense. I anyways sent her a response saying I was sorry to be putting her through this, but I can't help that we have common friends and that I just want everything to go back to normal.
Now, she's angry at me, awkward around me, says she needs her space. She's been avoiding me at times, we're meeting less and in separate groups. We didn't end up spending New Year's together.
Finally after about 2 weeks, she called and we ended up hanging out with our usual group. Two friends from our group were getting married later that week, we even attended their wedding together, but she didn't leave with me after the wedding after party. She decided to stay longer, which is highly unusual behavior.
After about 2 weeks of this hanging out business, I couldn't take it anymore. Last week when she called I didn't answer the phone and sent her a text later saying that I can't be a real friend to her and I'd rather move on than be stuck in a crap state of mind. She didn't reply, and we haven't spoken since - it's been a week now.
I've already started going on dates as well and I'm trying to move on but I'd love to be with her - I think we'd have a wonderful relationship together.
I need help to figure out how I can make this happen!
Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this long post.
I'm currently in the midst of a divorce and over the last year, me and the bestie got even closer because I would talk to her about everything.
About two months ago, we were traveling abroad in a group of 4 close friends and we were out partying at a nightclub, she was dancing and kissing this random dude and I got really jealous, couldn't take it, and left with one of the friends back to my hotel. The bestie came back to our room a little later and we all hung out. The next day, I hooked up with a girl from a dating app, and I did it all right in front of bestie. I met the girl at the hotel bar, then we all went out to party, and a little while later, I left with the girl and spent the night with her. This is when it dawned on me that I have feelings for bestie.
Everything was normal between us, we were back to base, hanging out everyday like usual. One crazy night of drinking, led to me kissing her and she asked me: are things over fully with your wife? Are you ready to start dating using apps? I was still trying to make out with her and she also said "Love in friendship is very different from romantic love, and you wouldn't listen to me if I'd say if we were together because we're such close friends" and while I wanted to go further than that, she wasn't reciprocal so obviously I stopped and we just cuddled for a while and that's when I told her that the only reason I hooked up with the girl on our trip was because I got jealous seeing her kiss someone else and not me.
The next day after this incident, we were hanging out, and she said you were so drunk and trying to make out with me! We didn't end up talking further and again just let it go. Things were absolutely normal again between us.
A few weeks ago, it was just me and her and another friend hanging out. Throughout the night she was very touchy with me and was holding my hand for so long. Little later, we were cuddling and half asleep ad I told her that I'd want to spend the rest of my life waking up next to her and she's the one I'd want to start a family with and spend the rest of my life with and I asked if she'd consider that? She acted like she didn't hear anything, even though I repeated it a few times, but she didn't give me a response at all.
Things were again completely normal for the next 3-4 days and we were out partying again. Before going out, I asked her - Did you really not hear what I said that night? She was again evasive and then I asked her again at the club, and here's when she said - "I want to be there for you as your friend, I don't think we can be what you want us to be". I obviously was a bit upset and I anyways had to attend another party at the club that was next door so I jut left. A couple of hours, the bestie and other friend came to the club where I was and we were out having a smoke, and I drunkenly blurted out to my other friend, that did she tell you that I'm in love with her? The same night (before bestie and friend arrived), I ended up kissing an old flame of mine that I bumped into and when we were on the way back in the car together, that friend called and gave me a piece of her mind asking why I did that because she's now married with a kid. All this drama played out in front of bestie who I told that I loved.
The next morning I reflected a lot to understand my feelings and sent her a long e-mail telling her how I fell in love with her, and the times when I was jealous about her seeing other guys but couldn't say anything because I was married and how I admired and loved her but was crushed to know she didn't feel the same way, but that I'll move on from this and hopefully can go back to things being normal.
When we met the same evening after my morning e-mail - She said she sees me as a friend, that she never saw me in a romantic way, that she doesn't want to give me any hopes, and that she needs her space to process everything, and that this changes a lot of things. She also misconceived a few things about our times together in the past, thinking that I'd try to manipulate things because I was in love with her, like the times we went travelling abroad, and the time I took her out for dinners, movies etc. but I clarified that everything I did for her, I did as a friend.
We met the next day at another common friend's place, and I tried keeping conversation with her to the minimal. The day after she called me and vented out to me that I'm not giving her space to process everything, and she spoke about some other things about my behavior like why I always talk about my work so much, that I don't know anything about her, that she's a really independent woman - didn't make much sense. I anyways sent her a response saying I was sorry to be putting her through this, but I can't help that we have common friends and that I just want everything to go back to normal.
Now, she's angry at me, awkward around me, says she needs her space. She's been avoiding me at times, we're meeting less and in separate groups. We didn't end up spending New Year's together.
Finally after about 2 weeks, she called and we ended up hanging out with our usual group. Two friends from our group were getting married later that week, we even attended their wedding together, but she didn't leave with me after the wedding after party. She decided to stay longer, which is highly unusual behavior.
After about 2 weeks of this hanging out business, I couldn't take it anymore. Last week when she called I didn't answer the phone and sent her a text later saying that I can't be a real friend to her and I'd rather move on than be stuck in a crap state of mind. She didn't reply, and we haven't spoken since - it's been a week now.
I've already started going on dates as well and I'm trying to move on but I'd love to be with her - I think we'd have a wonderful relationship together.
I need help to figure out how I can make this happen!
Thank you everyone for taking the time to read this long post.