Need advice on break/Breakup w/ GF

[j0504s]

Well this just fits even more with her being a BPD, the alcoholism. VERY CLASSIC.

I know you want to stay with her, but for your own sobriety and sanity? Trust me, run away. Run away and hide.

If you don't you are going to regret this for the rest of your life. You are co dependent on each other, I see this now.

Break this cycle you are in.

ya, you are right...this sucks but thats it....thanks for all your great help. you are a very smart guy and i respect you alot sir!

 

[marmel75]

Is it not possible the OP might be BPD himself? Reading this is seems like they are very similar and the alcoholism is a common trait showing some form of addictive personality...

Not saying the OP is, just wondering if perhaps they might have an uncommon understanding of each other which might make them perfect for each other...just sayin'

 

[j0504s]

Is it not possible the OP might be BPD himself? Reading this is seems like they are very similar and the alcoholism is a common trait showing some form of addictive personality...

Not saying the OP is, just wondering if perhaps they might have an uncommon understanding of each other which might make them perfect for each other...just sayin'

Through much testing and therapy. The only close to personality type was narssasitic This by high end expensive Doctors....but who Rly knows

 

[dap]

BPD is pretty rare in guys (plus he doesn't sound BPD). Guys tend to have narcasisstic PD, antisocial PD, obsessive compulsive PD, etc. BPD girls and narcasisstic men naturally attract each other. The men love the ego boost and the girls love how the men are addicted to the ego boost. I think the OP is understanding how a BPD relationship could ruin his life if he sticks with it. There will be some pain now, but it is nothing compared to the pain of sticking it out.

EDIT: I should also mention that narcassistic PD is not nearly as debilitating as BPD and includes a lot of people who most would consider are "normal." These people can totally have normal, fruitful relationships and are by no means doomed to dating BPD girls all their lives.

 

[j0504s]

Well this just fits even more with her being a BPD, the alcoholism. VERY CLASSIC.

I know you want to stay with her, but for your own sobriety and sanity? Trust me, run away. Run away and hide.

If you don't you are going to regret this for the rest of your life. You are co dependent on each other, I see this now.

Break this cycle you are in.

I just got out of my therapy session and she Thinks you are Genuis.when I can get the computer I will write the rest but you are dead on about everything u have said Thank you

 

[cordoncordon]

I just got out of my therapy session and she Thinks you are Genuis.when I can get the computer I will write the rest but you are dead on about everything u have said Thank you

My going rate is $150/hour for personal, one on one consultation.

 

[j0504s]

My going rate is $150/hour for personal, one on one consultation.

So I should call her tell her I'm coming over? I should snake the contact?

 

[cordoncordon]

So I should call her tell her I'm coming over? I should snake the contact?

Its fine to go over. Just get your stuff and get out.

 

[j0504s]

Its fine to go over. Just get your stuff and get out.

Omg she calls me this morning to say for me to get my stuff after I leftover voice msg. Trying to be all sweet and w.e I go over 2 hours later and she's not there she is even sicker then I though I have her key still should I just go in and get my stuff?

 

[cordoncordon]

Omg she calls me this morning to say for me to get my stuff after I leftover voice msg. Trying to be all sweet and w.e I go over 2 hours later and she's not there she is even sicker then I though I have her key still should I just go in and get my stuff?

Yes.

 

[j0504s]

Yes.

its all done its over im kinda of mess, she said she wanted to die she said she thinks she will releapse. she hooked up with another guy (no sex) when we were on a break, Claimng she was vulnerble I told her he was taking advantage of her vulnirbility, she said sno no no he was being nice...we both know the answer

#BPD COrdoncordon i truly respect you. everything you said was on the dot. you are a gifted indiviual and i will forever respect you, thank you for helping me through this process. I would honestly like to speak with you maybe via skype sometime,

I surely dont have problems picking up girls BUT i need more insite on how to identify these women, as i think i attract them do to Narssacism.

Thanks
j0504s for ever greatful (btw sry about my grammer and spelling ive been using my smart phone)

 

[perseverance]

You are going to continue a relationship with a BPD? If so, god help you.

You don't know what her mental state is, I hate the way some men on this site feel as though they are certified psychologists. The only way to know whether this woman is a BPD sufferer would be to have take tests at a health-centre.

I think she is a woman deeply in love and infatuated with this man, who was deeply hurt by her boyfriend's decision to put work in front of their one year anniversary and probably feels rejected. I can see where she is coming from.

Granted I think she went over-the-top, I don't think it's a good idea to be filling the OP's head with nonsense.

The best thing the OP can do is sit down with this girl and have an adult like conversation and see where things are and then make a decision on the relationship from there.

 

[cordoncordon]

its all done its over im kinda of mess, she said she wanted to die she said she thinks she will releapse. she hooked up with another guy (no sex) when we were on a break, Claimng she was vulnerble I told her he was taking advantage of her vulnirbility, she said sno no no he was being nice...we both know the answer

#BPD COrdoncordon i truly respect you. everything you said was on the dot. you are a gifted indiviual and i will forever respect you, thank you for helping me through this process. I would honestly like to speak with you maybe via skype sometime,

I surely dont have problems picking up girls BUT i need more insite on how to identify these women, as i think i attract them do to Narssacism.

Thanks
j0504s for ever greatful (btw sry about my grammer and spelling ive been using my smart phone)

No problem, and I am more than open to talk if you need to chat.

And there is the predicted suicide threat. Don't worry its just all talk.

I won't lie, this break up will be hard, mainly because you two were codependant on each other and you suffer from a few issues yourself. But you have shown that you are willing and able to do the right things to get yourself on the right path, and doing this is by far the best thing you could do to continue in the right direction. 6 months to a year from now you are going to look back at this, when you are doing well, and laugh at how messed up this relationship was and what a good move it was to get out of it.

 

[perseverance]

And there is the predicted suicide threat. Don't worry its just all talk.
.

You won't be saying that if she does commit suicide. If someone told me they were going to commit suicide or wanted to commit suicide, I would ensure that person was given professional help. People who openly talk about suicide can actually end up committing suicide, so it's serious stuff.

If she is mentally ill (which it seems to be that way) then she needs help from health-care professionals.

 

[backbreaker]

one last thing is we are both recovering alcoholics/addicts, I have a year and half sober and she has about 14 months

oh ****.

congrats on the time. i've got almost 8 years myself.

I've seen this deal way too many times. right now she's a dry drunk. she's about to **** up. i hate to be that blunt but it's all right there.

Look you've been together for a year. getting clean is easy as **** when you are dating someone in AA. there is no pressure to go out and meet other pepole, no pressure to drink or drug, you have someone with you that is like another sponsor and that can call you on your BS. so basically, the way i see it, she really only has 4 months clean.

this is what she's gonna do. sometime in the next 2 weeks, she's gonna call you and she's going to use her little joker; she's gonna tell you that she's thinking about using/drinking. knowing that you know what that entails, she is banking on you to drop all of your layers of defense and come to her rescue.

this is why i made a rule after i dated one, never to date a girl in AA again. **** em yeah lol, date them hell no.

you can't be around her right now under any circumstances. this is yoru sobriety we are talking about. not only can she drive you mentally to the point of thinking about picking up, she can just **** up and bring you with her.

leave her alone

You won't be saying that if she does commit suicide. If someone told me they were going to commit suicide or wanted to commit suicide, I would ensure that person was given professional help. People who openly talk about suicide can actually end up committing suicide, so it's serious stuff.

If she is mentally ill (which it seems to be that way) then she needs help from health-care professionals.

I'm about 90% sure it's all talk. Druggies have this bad, they know how to get attention/manipulate people. Most addicts like getting high too much to kill themselves; if push came to shove she would just go back to the drinking.

they cut, they make threats, but it's attention whoring

its all done its over im kinda of mess, she said she wanted to die she said she thinks she will releapse

lol i hadn't even read the entire post yet, i didn't see this. told ya. this is textbook

run. do not talk to her again. she's about to seriously **** some **** up

 

[cordoncordon]

You won't be saying that if she does commit suicide. If someone told me they were going to commit suicide or wanted to commit suicide, I would ensure that person was given professional help. People who openly talk about suicide can actually end up committing suicide, so it's serious stuff.

If she is mentally ill (which it seems to be that way) then she needs help from health-care professionals.

I've lived with a BPD. I know them like the back of my hand. And when I say my ex was a BPD, she was the poster child.

Trust me, its all talk. One thing BPD's have the ability to do is fall in love with someone new at the drop of a hat. Their ability to change how they feel about a job, a hobby, or a person, in a flash.....is legendary. She will find someone new by next week. This is because they don't really love. They don't feel emotion like a normal person. Everything they encounter in life is just a distraction to try and fill the emptiness in their life.

 

[cordoncordon]

You won't be saying that if she does commit suicide. If someone told me they were going to commit suicide or wanted to commit suicide, I would ensure that person was given professional help. People who openly talk about suicide can actually end up committing suicide, so it's serious stuff.

If she is mentally ill (which it seems to be that way) then she needs help from health-care professionals.

I mean what do you want OP to do? Stay with her, forgoing his own sanity, just on the very very very slight chance she might try and kill herself? This is not his responsibility. He needs to look after A#1, himself.

 

[j0504s]

I mean what do you want OP to do? Stay with her, forgoing his own sanity, just on the very very very slight chance she might try and kill herself? This is not his responsibility. He needs to look after A#1, himself.

Unfortunately depression has hit I missed. My first day of work in over a year today I couldn't leave my bed it's almost like the 7 stages of grief all but acceptance hit me all at once. That prob is not accurate but I feel like death it self. I try and remind my self this will pass but it's hard to believe. I called her mom and dad after yo let them know and thank them. They are e a mess as well from it. I received two phone calls and 2 texts from her last night asking if I called her mom in the texts I did not answer.....

 

[Aristippus]

"Well I need to get my stuff its the only thing linking me to her still, how do i approach this, I have her house key still as well. So I NEED to take care of this."


***This response is for other people's benefit. You either tell her you're getting your things, and then you get them and leave her key, or you simply get your things when she isn't there and leave the key if you want to avoid the drama while getting your things.

"one last thing is we are both recovering alcoholics/addicts"

***She simply jumped from one addiction, alcohol, to another, you. While there's nothing wrong with kicking your old alcoholic tendencies, it's a bad idea for 2 people who had an alcohol problem to date. The chance for relapse is too great. It would be like if 2 former coke-heads or 2 ex-convicts decided to date. If one relapses, the other might because they BOTH have a similar problem pattern. I'm not saying that having an alcohol problem is the same as being a convict. I'm using the ex coke-head and ex-convict example to get you to look at the picture from the outside instead of being inside of the picture.

(btw sry about my grammer and spelling ive been using my smart phone)

***Talk about irony! A "smart" phone that uses poor grammar.



perseverance said:
"I think she is a woman deeply in love and infatuated with this man, who was deeply hurt by her boyfriend's decision to put work in front of their one year anniversary and probably feels rejected. I can see where she is coming from."

***Whatever her reasoning, when the going gets tough, that's when you see a person's true colors. Whether she was deeply infatuated and/or hurt is irrelevant. Her true character is coming out. Let's see what her actions say................

"she hooked up with another guy (no sex) when we were on a break, Claimng she was vulnerble I told her he was taking advantage of her vulnirbility, she said sno no no he was being nice...we both know the answer"


*** I think if we look at her actions we ALL know the answer. We see through her actions what kind of character she has. She sure doesn't waste time does she? Can you honestly say that a woman who will jump ship (and into the arms of another man) at the drop of a hat is good relationship material? You know the answer to that too.

 

[perseverance]

I mean what do you want OP to do? Stay with her, forgoing his own sanity, just on the very very very slight chance she might try and kill herself? This is not his responsibility. He needs to look after A#1, himself.

It's not what I want the OP to do that matters. It's his life and his decision. I would just ensure that this girl had the medical attention she so clearly needs. I don't know what this girl suffers from, I am not a mental health expert, but there is something clearly amiss with this woman. She needs professional help.