Need Advice: Girl who friendzoned me keeps initiating contact

[Bayne05]

So there's this girl I used to know during my AFC days and I once asked her out but she rejected me because she wasn't ready to start dating and friendzoned me(this was 6 or 7 years ago). After a few months I found out she started dating so I decided to stop talking to her completely, didn't confront her about it I just went NC. At the time I was this chubby boy, but thanks to being extremely active in university I quickly lost all that weight in a matter of 3 months. Three months after losing weight she would literally chase after me everytime she spotted me on campus to greet me, and she kept commenting on how I'm looking healthy. Now and then I would test the waters to see if I had a shot with her, but she still wasn't very clear about her interest. So eventually I left her alone went NC again and this time I deleted her everywhere on Facebook, BBM etc...a few months later she would add me again everywhere and initiated contact, still wasn't clear about her interest. I stopped giving her too much attention, she was always the one who initiated contact and we would chat for a while until the conversation died out, I wouldn't try to carry the conversation or ask her out on a date because I don't want to give her the idea that I still had feelings for her or that I'm desperate. At one point we didn't speak for 3 full years, but she still popped up and starting talking to me telling me about a movie that reminded her of me. At one point I realised that I actually really liked this girl and it was affecting my dating life because every time she popped up I'd start thinking about her all over again. Sometime last year I decided completely NC, not just deleting her but also block her on every app I have her on so she won't try to speak with me again, I even put her number on the reject list.
I open my email today, I find an email from her trying to reach out to me. Part of me wants to tell her to fvck off and never speak to me again, another part of me wants to confront her about all of this so we can settle it once and for all.

I'm confused, what should I do?

 

[dude99]

So there's this girl I used to know during my AFC days and I once asked her out but she rejected me because she wasn't ready to start dating and friendzoned me(this was 6 or 7 years ago). After a few months I found out she started dating so I decided to stop talking to her completely, didn't confront her about it I just went NC. At the time I was this chubby boy, but thanks to being extremely active in university I quickly lost all that weight in a matter of 3 months. Three months after losing weight she would literally chase after me everytime she spotted me on campus to greet me, and she kept commenting on how I'm looking healthy. Now and then I would test the waters to see if I had a shot with her, but she still wasn't very clear about her interest. So eventually I left her alone went NC again and this time I deleted her everywhere on Facebook, BBM etc...a few months later she would add me again everywhere and initiated contact, still wasn't clear about her interest. I stopped giving her too much attention, she was always the one who initiated contact and we would chat for a while until the conversation died out, I wouldn't try to carry the conversation or ask her out on a date because I don't want to give her the idea that I still had feelings for her or that I'm desperate. At one point we didn't speak for 3 full years, but she still popped up and starting talking to me telling me about a movie that reminded her of me. At one point I realised that I actually really liked this girl and it was affecting my dating life because every time she popped up I'd start thinking about her all over again. Sometime last year I decided completely NC, not just deleting her but also block her on every app I have her on so she won't try to speak with me again, I even put her number on the reject list.
I open my email today, I find an email from her trying to reach out to me. Part of me wants to tell her to fvck off and never speak to me again, another part of me wants to confront her about all of this so we can settle it once and for all.

I'm confused, what should I do?

You have been her validator for 7 years. Why would she suddenly be "gee i didnt see how awesome Bayne05 was before, i wad so blind. I see it now."

You asked her out multiple times in the past only for her to friendzone you multiple times. When she gets kicked in the teeth she looks for her old buddy to pick her up dust her off, fix her self esteem and get her ready for the next guy. All chicks do this. When they are licking their wounds they always look backwards.

She knows you have put her on a pedestle. She knows you still like her. She knows she can use you whenever the heck she wants to.

I would just ignore and delete the email, but that is me.

Dont tell her to #uck off it will validate her even more than asking her out again. She will know that she still controls your emotions. I wouldnt ask her out either. This is the ego boost she wants.

I would wait 3 weeks and just tell her how awesome your life is. Leave the conversation closed. Ask no questions. Give her no ins. Make zero effort. Be vague and positive. " hi where to start this last year has been crazy !!!! But awesome craxy!!! Things has been awesome! Got promoted at work ! Dating a bunch, and having a blast, going on vacation, gotta make some time for me!!!! busy as all bloody hell but that is life in the fast lane. You take care!"

She had her chance. She blew it 7 years ago. Stop giving her more chances. Its done.

 

[marmel75]

Just tell her that you can catch up over drinks and thrn escalate while there...its pretty simple.

If she still rejects it then you know where you stand and if not the you are going to bang her.

 

[BeExcellent]

As things currently stand she is using you for attention.

Unless you ask her out you'll never know the answer. If she says "Yes" to a date then there might be interest there. If she says "No" to a date then she is low interest and merely uses you for the occasional attention pick me up.

So be direct and clear and ask her on a date. Until you do that you are running your hamster silly over analyzing things.

 

[dude99]

As things currently stand she is using you for attention.
.

^^^^

This is all she is doing. After 7 years of poping in and out of his life, if she genuinely liked him it wouldn't have taken her 7 years to make it clear to him

He is wasting his time validating this girl for nearly a decade.

 

[Bayne05]

You have been her validator for 7 years. Why would she suddenly be "gee i didnt see how awesome Bayne05 was before, i wad so blind. I see it now."

You asked her out multiple times in the past only for her to friendzone you multiple times. When she gets kicked in the teeth she looks for her old buddy to pick her up dust her off, fix her self esteem and get her ready for the next guy. All chicks do this. When they are licking their wounds they always look backwards.

She knows you have put her on a pedestle. She knows you still like her. She knows she can use you whenever the heck she wants to

I haven't been validating her for 7 years and I only asked her out once. After I found out that she's dating I stopped talking to her altogether, in those 7 years I'd say we were in contact for 3 years mostly because I bumped into her on campus all the time. I never initiated contact with her or did I lurk around her social media profiles liking her pics and stuff, she's the one who did that and she's the one messaged me first everytime. Although I didn't confront her about it I knew she's using me for validation everytime she spoke to me which is why I kept my responses aloof and not trying to keep the conversation going. And I'm fully aware that she might be using me as her backup guy after 7 years of being played by other men, which is why I want to confront her about it.

Just tell her that you can catch up over drinks and thrn escalate while there...its pretty simple.

If she still rejects it then you know where you stand and if not the you are going to bang her.

That's what I normally do with every other women, but with this one it's different

you really wanna re-arrange this girls insides that badly tho?

Nope. I mean I did block her so I really wasn't expecting to hear from her again, but here she is. Whether I end up banging her or not doesn't matter I'm already getting plenty of poon

As things currently stand she is using you for attention.

Unless you ask her out you'll never know the answer. If she says "Yes" to a date then there might be interest there. If she says "No" to a date then she is low interest and merely uses you for the occasional attention pick me up.

So be direct and clear and ask her on a date. Until you do that you are running your hamster silly over analyzing things.

It is pretty obvious she might be using me for attention, but you're right that unless I know where she stands I'll just keep over analyzing the situation, that's what I want to put an end to

OVERALL: I've decided to confront her and get the answer once and for all I can't keep dancing around with her, it's childish and it doesn't represent who I am as someone who's always direct. Honestly it pisses me off how I have a soft spot for this women and me thinking about her all the time when I barely even remember my ex's(that's why I blocked her and broke all contact). Whether I fvck/date her or not really doesn't matter, I'm not that boy from 7 years ago anymore, how I felt about her isn't as serious as it use to be

Thanks for the replies fellas

 

[QuadDeuces]

I've decided to confront her and get the answer once and for all I can't keep dancing around with her, it's childish and it doesn't represent who I am as someone

Confronting her is the worst needy beta bytch behaviour you can do. A huge ego boost for her.

You friendzone this chick and persue different girls who are interested to bang you. Once she sees you going out with other girls and you have no time to listen to her friendzone bs anymore she either steps up or disappears.

Never confront a girl who has low interest with the fact she has low interest.

 

[RangerMIke]

He asked her out once.... 7 years ago.... When he was an afc.... and chubby. Hasn't done it since, from what I gathered.

OP: Put an end to the bvll****. You want to know how she feels? Don't dance around it. Don't feel it out. Don't chat on and on. Just ask her the Fvck out and she'll tell you everything you need to know in one word.

No = NC forever.
Yes = Smash.

Nothing in between.

Yep... keep it simple.

 

[marmel75]

I haven't been validating her for 7 years and I only asked her out once. After I found out that she's dating I stopped talking to her altogether, in those 7 years I'd say we were in contact for 3 years mostly because I bumped into her on campus all the time. I never initiated contact with her or did I lurk around her social media profiles liking her pics and stuff, she's the one who did that and she's the one messaged me first everytime. Although I didn't confront her about it I knew she's using me for validation everytime she spoke to me which is why I kept my responses aloof and not trying to keep the conversation going. And I'm fully aware that she might be using me as her backup guy after 7 years of being played by other men, which is why I want to confront her about it.


That's what I normally do with every other women, but with this one it's different


Nope. I mean I did block her so I really wasn't expecting to hear from her again, but here she is. Whether I end up banging her or not doesn't matter I'm already getting plenty of poon


It is pretty obvious she might be using me for attention, but you're right that unless I know where she stands I'll just keep over analyzing the situation, that's what I want to put an end to

OVERALL: I've decided to confront her and get the answer once and for all I can't keep dancing around with her, it's childish and it doesn't represent who I am as someone who's always direct. Honestly it pisses me off how I have a soft spot for this women and me thinking about her all the time when I barely even remember my ex's(that's why I blocked her and broke all contact). Whether I fvck/date her or not really doesn't matter, I'm not that boy from 7 years ago anymore, how I felt about her isn't as serious as it use to be

Thanks for the replies fellas

The only reason you think its different is due to your mindset. Its not different, you've just convinced yourself it is.

Her pvssy gets wet the same way other chicks pvssies do, she responds to the same type of things other women respond to, etc.

Stop making things difficult for yourself.

 

[Glassguy]

Three choices:

1. Ask her out. If she says no, go NC forever and ignore all of her future efforts.

2. Ask her out. If she says no, become Best little buddies and listen to her gripe about men from here on out.

3. Ask her out. If she says yes, smash it.

We think the same. No frills, tell her what you want and she takes the bait or she doesnt. No sweat off our balls either way.

I will add one more thing:

If she does meet up for drinks, and you play your cards correctly and smash it, be VERY careful to not fall back into your AFC chump mentality as it will tell you that you have just completed a conquest and you wont want to keep your fingers off your phone to tell her how great it was. Instead, remain low, be cool, and then tell her the next time that you want to have drinks with her. Stay mildly quiet until the next time you meet up. Wash, rinse, repeat. Before long she will be eating out of your hand, when she does, your frame is to never change from what worked to get to that point.

No, or her playing it off as "we cant meet for a drink like that, we are friends!" means you banish her thought and number forever. Just ghost.

 

[Infern0]

You keep saying "she wasn't being clear about her interest"

To me that translates as you weren't trying to escalate (probably due to fear of rejection) so things just stagnate until you throw a tantrum because she isn't the man and pursuing you.

If she's contacting you, get in the same place with her and escalate. If you get rejected you just say hey im not looking for anything platonic with you so no need for you to contact me if thats all you want, bye.

You have to get a yes or no in that manner because its the not knowing and overthinking that gets ya