need advice after weird break up plz help

legend9

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hey guys, i was looking for some advice. long story short i dated this girl, i was his first boyfriend, and first kiss. we started dating while she was a sophomore in high school and i was a senior. fast forward now she is a senior in high school and im a sophomore at a college that is 1.5 hours away. for first 2 years the relationship was amazing. I would come home on the weekends to see her and we would always have fun and spend a lot of time together. then out of the blue her texts got shorter and we would see each other less on the weekends. Then right before exams at my college and before summer break she says she wants to take a "break" because shes apparently going through a lot of things. a week later we meet and kiss and stuff and she says we will get back together in two weeks after she has had her space. two weeks go by and she tweets "i think its best to go separate ways", (doesnt even text me directly). so i go NC and she texts after a couple days "hope ur doing ok", i give in and ask to see her and i pick her up and in the car she tells me this is happiest shes been and that she felt i loved her more than she loved me. so i explode and basically tell her to go screw herself and call her ungrateful *****, etc., and i **** you not within 15 seconds something clicks in her head and she wants to be back with me. of course i was confused that someone could go so quickly from that to wanting to be back with me but love turns you into a fool and i couldnt fight my heart and took her back. things werent the same, all summer was terrible for me. She would always be too busy and I never saw her. We didn’t text as much because I would refuse to text first and lower myself. She was always short when she texting me to but still acted like she loved me. She always reassured me that she wanted to be with me when I asked. We would have good times together but the feeling of not being loved as much always outweighed these good times. I did everything I could to make her happy and took her out on dates whenever she wasn’t busy. I know I should have ended it earlier but I couldn’t as her promise that she wanted to be with me kept me around, and the sex was always amazing. Well come to the end of summer we go through a rough patch again because o was out of town for 4 days and she had a family member pass away so we didn’t see each other much. two days before I go back to school she starts acting weird again after I see her after not seeing for a week, and I asked her if she wanted to be together and she replied by saying she didn’t know. I told her im not playing this bull**** again and she said yes she wanted to, I asked if she had doubts about our relationship and she said “honestly yes.” She then had to leave to attend the funeral and I was left feeling broken hearted and back to square 1 again. The next day when we were going to hang out she texts me “lets have a good day like the old days” I replied saying of course love you so much blah blah.


So we see each other and I had a idea to take her out to do something fancy but she just wants to go out into town, I ask her before we go anywhere do u really want to be with me? She responds yes but a few moments later she starts acting nervous and saying I don’t know. And saying she doesn’t wanna hurt me and lose me so we drive around in my car for an hour while she makes her decision and keeps saying idk, at this point I don’t know what to do and feel helpless. I told her listen I want to be with u but I cant be with a girl who doesn’t want me back. So she eventually shakes her head no when I ask do u want to be with me. I take her to a park and she gets out and i say so its over? And she nods. I tell her to say it then tell me its over. She wont say it, but I tell her to say its over if that’s what she wants. So she eventually says “its over” and I say alright and I explode again telling her ive down everything for her and she shoudlve ended it the first time and how my summer has been nothing but **** cause of her. I go to my car to drive her home but she stays and calls her sister to come get her. I plead with her to come with me so I can take her home but she refuses. I ask so this is it then? By this point shes crying and telling me to go away so I leave. The next day I leave for college and she leaves me a letter at my front porch that my mom finds along with a box of my clothes. The letter basically says “I know you prob hate me…but you deserve so much better, I didn’t give you the attention you deserved, if you think this is selfish youll realize it isn’t when you find a girl that treats u ten times better. I still love you and its going to be a rough ride without you. This didn’t happen cuz of another guy. Tbh I don’t think ill ever be able to love someone like I loved you. I don’t even deserve someone that’s done half the stuff you’ve done for me. Youre my first true love and I wouldn’t trade past 2 and half years for the world. I hope we can reach good terms sometime and youll forgive me but I understand you may never forgive me. In the meantime im here if you need me. I wish you the best of luck in life and wish nothing but the best for you. Have a great year in college – love blah blah.”


If you’ve read this far I love you. Please any advice helps so far ive been no contact for a week and 3 days since the break up. She hasn’t contacted me. My emotions are a mess. I refuse to contact her. I know she wronged me but I cant shake her. That letter really tore me to pieces. Any advice helps.
 

xstang77

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I've been there..how old are you? One thing I can guarantee is that what you and this girl ever had is officially over on and off almost always ends in off.
 

xstang77

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All you can really do is go nc at this point and read the dj bible, I know it sucks but it will only get worse if anything continues with her,especially the meetings you've had with her seem to be dramatically escalating,you need to be careful you could end up in handcuffs over something small because of your emotions.
 

legend9

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All you can really do is go nc at this point and read the dj bible, I know it sucks but it will only get worse if anything continues with her,especially the meetings you've had with her seem to be dramatically escalating,you need to be careful you could end up in handcuffs over something small because of your emotions.
thanks for the reply man and haha i would never hit her i just meant i got mad and told her off
 

xstang77

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thanks for the reply man and haha i would never hit her i just meant i got mad and told her off
No problem,I don't mean to insinuate that you would but it wouldn't even be that could be something else,females love drama and making rumors
 

Dingo

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My advise....

Your writing... Learn the edit for brevity and clarity. Use paragraphs.... That was hard to read and follow.

Your girl... For whatever reason she dumped you..... Sorry..... It hurts but time heals and you will survive.
 

Reptar

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Time heals all wounds. I'm not reading that wall of text, but you'll get over it. Cut contact and focus on YOU. Take care of yourself first. If you're super distressed emotionally, maybe even consider a therapist. Do things you enjoy, get out of your house, meet new girls (when you feel ready), hang out with friends. Just do things to bring up your mood and take your mind off her.

But above all, don't crawl back to her on your knees. Rise above this ordeal and learn from it.
 

MrWood

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ive done everything for her and she shoudlve ended it the first time and how my summer has been nothing but **** cause of her
and this is the core of why... To our logical brain this is the "correct thing" to think/feel
to hers:
i am a small girl and I have made a man not be himself first
he acts and says he is incomplete without me, i need a complete man
what kind of man is he that he is so affected by my actions
I make him feel bad waiting for my actions, he could be doing X,Y,Z instead of waiting
I said I dont love him and want away, he says he loves me more as I love him less
add more illogical feelings...
 

legend9

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and this is the core of why... To our logical brain this is the "correct thing" to think/feel
to hers:
i am a small girl and I have made a man not be himself first
he acts and says he is incomplete without me, i need a complete man
what kind of man is he that he is so affected by my actions
I make him feel bad waiting for my actions, he could be doing X,Y,Z instead of waiting
I said I dont love him and want away, he says he loves me more as I love him less
add more illogical feelings...
You're right lol but before things changed the power was in my hands and she was the one incomplete without me. Guess I should've realized the change better and ended it
 

Glassguy

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There is no maybe about it. She is planting that seed in your head so you dont think thats what happened.

In the 2 times I had women want to end a fling, relationship, etc and say there "was nobody else", there was somebody else. Trust me on this. Women are scared creatures by nature and they require ATTENTION and SECURITY. They will not leave one situation until they have at least one of those things lined up first, normally both are set in place before they bounce.

Dude you're 20 years old. I'm 39. I've seen it all. I can promise that knowing what I know now, if I could be 20 years old again I would have died from fvcking hot chicks a long time ago.

DO NOT contact her. I wouldnt even respond to ANYTHING she does to you for a minimum of 30 days. She fvcked with your head, let hers spin a little.

Go out and start hitting on chicks ASAP. When you start pounding a couple new chicks, old whats her face wont even be on your brain anymore.

Lastly, if you do see her out, THANK HER for the break up. Let her know that it was the right thing to do and you owe her one later in life. Talk about spinning her hamster.

Oh.....GO BANG OTHER CHICKS!
 

legend9

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There is no maybe about it. She is planting that seed in your head so you dont think thats what happened.

In the 2 times I had women want to end a fling, relationship, etc and say there "was nobody else", there was somebody else. Trust me on this. Women are scared creatures by nature and they require ATTENTION and SECURITY. They will not leave one situation until they have at least one of those things lined up first, normally both are set in place before they bounce.

Dude you're 20 years old. I'm 39. I've seen it all. I can promise that knowing what I know now, if I could be 20 years old again I would have died from fvcking hot chicks a long time ago.

DO NOT contact her. I wouldnt even respond to ANYTHING she does to you for a minimum of 30 days. She fvcked with your head, let hers spin a little.

Go out and start hitting on chicks ASAP. When you start pounding a couple new chicks, old whats her face wont even be on your brain anymore.

Lastly, if you do see her out, THANK HER for the break up. Let her know that it was the right thing to do and you owe her one later in life. Talk about spinning her hamster.

Oh.....GO BANG OTHER CHICKS!
Now that's what I like to hear! Sounds like a plan man thanks for the great advice haha. Time to find out what college is all about
 

Glassguy

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Hell yes.........go have fun. Get good grades. Drink beer. Bang chicks regularly......dont entertain their bullsh!t. Red flags? Move on. Live on your terms now so you wont have to ever adjust later in life.
 

dude99

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hey guys, i was looking for some advice. long story short i dated this girl, i was his first boyfriend, and first kiss. we started dating while she was a sophomore in high school and i was a senior. fast forward now she is a senior in high school and im a sophomore at a college that is 1.5 hours away. for first 2 years the relationship was amazing. I would come home on the weekends to see her and we would always have fun and spend a lot of time together. then out of the blue her texts got shorter and we would see each other less on the weekends. Then right before exams at my college and before summer break she says she wants to take a "break" because shes apparently going through a lot of things. a week later we meet and kiss and stuff and she says we will get back together in two weeks after she has had her space. two weeks go by and she tweets "i think its best to go separate ways", (doesnt even text me directly). so i go NC and she texts after a couple days "hope ur doing ok", i give in and ask to see her and i pick her up and in the car she tells me this is happiest shes been and that she felt i loved her more than she loved me. so i explode and basically tell her to go screw herself and call her ungrateful *****, etc., and i **** you not within 15 seconds something clicks in her head and she wants to be back with me. of course i was confused that someone could go so quickly from that to wanting to be back with me but love turns you into a fool and i couldnt fight my heart and took her back. things werent the same, all summer was terrible for me. She would always be too busy and I never saw her. We didn’t text as much because I would refuse to text first and lower myself. She was always short when she texting me to but still acted like she loved me. She always reassured me that she wanted to be with me when I asked. We would have good times together but the feeling of not being loved as much always outweighed these good times. I did everything I could to make her happy and took her out on dates whenever she wasn’t busy. I know I should have ended it earlier but I couldn’t as her promise that she wanted to be with me kept me around, and the sex was always amazing. Well come to the end of summer we go through a rough patch again because o was out of town for 4 days and she had a family member pass away so we didn’t see each other much. two days before I go back to school she starts acting weird again after I see her after not seeing for a week, and I asked her if she wanted to be together and she replied by saying she didn’t know. I told her im not playing this bull**** again and she said yes she wanted to, I asked if she had doubts about our relationship and she said “honestly yes.” She then had to leave to attend the funeral and I was left feeling broken hearted and back to square 1 again. The next day when we were going to hang out she texts me “lets have a good day like the old days” I replied saying of course love you so much blah blah.


So we see each other and I had a idea to take her out to do something fancy but she just wants to go out into town, I ask her before we go anywhere do u really want to be with me? She responds yes but a few moments later she starts acting nervous and saying I don’t know. And saying she doesn’t wanna hurt me and lose me so we drive around in my car for an hour while she makes her decision and keeps saying idk, at this point I don’t know what to do and feel helpless. I told her listen I want to be with u but I cant be with a girl who doesn’t want me back. So she eventually shakes her head no when I ask do u want to be with me. I take her to a park and she gets out and i say so its over? And she nods. I tell her to say it then tell me its over. She wont say it, but I tell her to say its over if that’s what she wants. So she eventually says “its over” and I say alright and I explode again telling her ive down everything for her and she shoudlve ended it the first time and how my summer has been nothing but **** cause of her. I go to my car to drive her home but she stays and calls her sister to come get her. I plead with her to come with me so I can take her home but she refuses. I ask so this is it then? By this point shes crying and telling me to go away so I leave. The next day I leave for college and she leaves me a letter at my front porch that my mom finds along with a box of my clothes. The letter basically says “I know you prob hate me…but you deserve so much better, I didn’t give you the attention you deserved, if you think this is selfish youll realize it isn’t when you find a girl that treats u ten times better. I still love you and its going to be a rough ride without you. This didn’t happen cuz of another guy. Tbh I don’t think ill ever be able to love someone like I loved you. I don’t even deserve someone that’s done half the stuff you’ve done for me. Youre my first true love and I wouldn’t trade past 2 and half years for the world. I hope we can reach good terms sometime and youll forgive me but I understand you may never forgive me. In the meantime im here if you need me. I wish you the best of luck in life and wish nothing but the best for you. Have a great year in college – love blah blah.”


If you’ve read this far I love you. Please any advice helps so far ive been no contact for a week and 3 days since the break up. She hasn’t contacted me. My emotions are a mess. I refuse to contact her. I know she wronged me but I cant shake her. That letter really tore me to pieces. Any advice helps.
Dude move on. Focus on school and other girls. Date. Get to know new people. Have fun. Spin plates. The girls in your age bracket aren't mature enough to handle an actual relationship. Do not focus all your time and emotion on one girl. This is what happens.

Also don't believe the whopper of a lie she told you that this wasn't over some other guy. It totally was. It is why her texts became colder she became "confused" because she was conflicted. Conflicted because she was sitting with you but having sex behind your back.

For future reference when a girl answers with " i don't know," what they are saying is " i don'thave the balls to tell you it's over. I want you to end it so i won't be the bad person."

The first "i don't know," she gave you; you should have walked away then. She wasn't confused. She just didn't have the guts too end it.
 

legend9

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Dude move on. Focus on school and other girls. Date. Get to know new people. Have fun. Spin plates. The girls in your age bracket aren't mature enough to handle an actual relationship. Do not focus all your time and emotion on one girl. This is what happens.

Also don't believe the whopper of a lie she told you that this wasn't over some other guy. It totally was. It is why her texts became colder she became "confused" because she was conflicted. Conflicted because she was sitting with you but having sex behind your back.

For future reference when a girl answers with " i don't know," what they are saying is " i don'thave the balls to tell you it's over. I want you to end it so i won't be the bad person."

The first "i don't know," she gave you; you should have walked away then. She wasn't confused. She just didn't have the guts too end it.
You're right I should've ended it, and thanks for advice man. I know for a fact she wasn't banging other dudes cuz I live in a small town and that would be pretty easy for me to find out unless I'm the biggest idiot on the planet lol.
 

legend9

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I unfriended/removed her on all forms of social media, good move right?
 

Tony197

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I unfriended/removed her on all forms of social media, good move right?
Don't just unfriend her. Go to BlockSite so you can't even check her pages for Updates.

Don't hamster about it anymore. You're literally addicted to her, even though your rational mind tells you she's no good. Treat her like a drug and go cold turkey. She doesn't exist anymore and neither do you. Go ghost.

You are not ready to date yet, but you're at college so surround yourself with other girls. Go to the library or coffee shop or whatever just to remind yourself there are SO MANY other people out there.

Don't speculate as to what she is/isn't doing. "Maybe she cheated on me?", "Maybe she misses me and is pining away for me?" "Maybe it's a rebound or GIGS?" Maybe, maybe, maybe...there are a million different scenarios, but none of them change what you should be doing.

NO CONTACT.
COLD TURKEY.
DON'T GET HER BACK - GET YOURSELF BACK.

Here's a rule of thumb - would Clint Eastwood, or John Wayne, or The Rock, or James Bond, or Indiana Jones waste time worrying about one woman? Nope. She blew it. She'll have to fix it (or not). Either way, not your problem.
 
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