"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Need a bit of wisdom...

MaudGrimes

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Hey,

After returning to this site (I read some posts over a month or two last year) I've decided to put down my own post and see what kind of advice you guys can give. First I should give a bit of background about myself.

I'm going to be turning 30 this year and though I have had one or two short term relationships I have yet to have what I would call a LTR. This is not all due to a complete lack of success with women - without wanting to sound arrogant I consider myself to be a pretty good looking guy, I work out and I dress pretty well. I have actually lost the exact count of the amount of women I have slept with (I think somewhere between 80 and 90), so again I have had success with women in the past.

I should counter this by explaining where my failings so far have been. I still consider myself to be an AFC; my lack of a meaningful LTR so far has been my refusal to enter a relationship with a woman I know is not at the standard I think I deserve. I don't think this standard is beyond what I should be able to achieve, though I'm getting to the stage (and the age!) where I'm concerned I am going to end up having to settle for somebody. I suffer from shyness in some social situations and find it hard to talk to people in loud, busy environments (for example clubs/bars) - many of the women I have slept with have been after a drunken night out when the shyness is reduced. I also have a knack of saying things without thinking which can turn women off if I say the wrong thing.

In short I wanted to check what advice you can give. I need to raise my game, and quickly. It would be good to hear from any of you who can relate to this story and what you did to up your game. At the moment I have very little in the way of dates, I've tried (and quickly rejected) on-line dating and to be honest I need some direction in the steps I should take in achieving my goal. There seems to be so much advice available that sometimes it seems hard to pick out a few good pointers to start with!

Maud Grimes
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Bible_Belt

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I'm getting to the stage (and the age!) where I'm concerned I am going to end up having to settle for somebody.

Why? Are you trying to have kids? That's the only reason I can think of to feel rushed. Even then, for a guy it's not exactly much of a rush when you can always just marry a younger woman later in life.
 

MaudGrimes

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That's a good point - and I ain't ready to clean up baby shyt yet so that won't be for a while anyway!

I think it's more because my current AFC ways aren't changing so I'm assuming they'll remain like that.
 

pdx1138

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How did you manage to fvck 80-90 women while being an AFC?
 

MaudGrimes

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It sounds ridiculous I know - I can be funny, confident, cool etc with women I'm not interested in and therefore can sleep with them if I choose. It's when I meet a women I think is at the league I want I turn back into that 17 year old geek! It's frustrating to say the least
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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