My reaction to a flake

[darksprezzatura]

Had a date with my main plate of 6 months tomorrow, which she had asked me out on.

She cancels today saying she has to reschedule, a family thing came up. No reschedule date/time.

I said ok.

I threw her number.

She texts later saying can we talk?

I don’t respond. Maybe I’m toxic. Maybe her act was genuine. But I don’t like how she made me feel. And I don’t want to do anything with her now.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Say you're going to respect her family situation and soft next. It could be a combo of a genuine family incident combined with decreased interest.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I don’t respond. Maybe I’m toxic. Maybe her act was genuine. But I don’t like how she made me feel. And I don’t want to do anything with her now.

That sounds like something that a woman would say. Unless you have a reason to believe she’s lying, it would be silly to ghost someone you’ve been seeing for 6 months over one cancelled date. An immediate offer to reschedule is not necessary with someone you’ve been seeing for a while. It’s implied that you will see each other again.

 

[RBK]

Say you're going to respect her family situation and soft next. It could be a combo of a genuine family incident combined with decreased interest.

I like this option.. I'd do some pulling back after a flake. Start seeking other options.

 

[Macadellic]

And I don’t want to do anything with her now.

Then don’t, no one is forcing you.

Does anyone force a woman to have something to do with a man she wants nothing to do with?

 

[darksprezzatura]

Often in situations like these, I trust my gut.

If I wouldn’t act this way with her, I don’t expect her to either.

I’d ask you guys a question: If you’ve been flaked on say 50 times in your life, how many times have you flaked on a girl you liked?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That sounds like something that a woman would say. Unless you have a reason to believe she’s lying, it would be silly to ghost someone you’ve been seeing for 6 months over one cancelled date. An immediate offer to reschedule is not necessary with someone you’ve been seeing for a while. It’s implied that you will see each other again.

Agreed. Sounds rather childish and an immature way of handling things. Especially if you are unsure of what the family obligation is.

Give her whatever time she needs and go find other women in the meantime.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Often in situations like these, I trust my gut.

If I wouldn’t act this way with her, I don’t expect her to either.

I’d ask you guys a question: If you’ve been flaked on say 50 times in your life, how many times have you flaked on a girl you liked?

Depends on what the reason was. If I don't know the reason and I've been dating her 6 months, I would assume there was something legitimate that came up. I'd let her explain herself and then go from there.

Maybe it's nothing, maybe it's something. But I wouldn't jump to a conclusion based on faulty logic that any reason for cancelling a date is not valid. There are in fact valid reasons for cancelling dates. You are an adult aren't you?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I like this option.. I'd do some pulling back after a flake. Start seeking other options.

OP seems to really be jumping to conclusions calling this a flake when he doesn't know what actually happened yet.

If you are dating a person for any length of time over w few months there are inevitably going to be situations where one person is going to need to reschedule a date due to things that come up out of their control.

If your default reaction is to go sulk in a corner like a sad little boy then I'd probably suggest the issue isn't with her it's with OP. It's not that serious. You aren't the center of the universe bro. Take your ball and go home if you must, but this seems to be a pretty severe overreaction unless there is a LOT you left out.

 

[darksprezzatura]

In my humble opinion, unless a flake starts with an apology followed by an explanation of the emergency and a reschedule, it’s time to throw away the number.

In my experiences, no woman highly interested in a guy would risk a flake unless an emergency.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Seems like guys have taught women these days that it’s okay to waste their time so it’s normalized.

My gut theory is, at any time I doubt that I can rely on a woman, it’s time to move on. It may seem like an overreaction, but it has served me well.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Seems like guys have taught women these days that it’s okay to waste their time so it’s normalized.

My gut theory is, at any time I doubt that I can rely on a woman, it’s time to move on. It may seem like an overreaction, but it has served me well.

It's most certainly an overreaction but you do you OP.

 

[SW15]

What sort of good credit has she built up as a main plate for 6 months?

 

[darksprezzatura]

What sort of good credit has she built up as a main plate for 6 months?

Hey man, maybe I’m just turned off by her, but I don’t really see anything substantial.

She’s fun, adventurous great hobbies and generally cool as a person. Also hot and great in bed.

But the red flags she has, which I won’t disclose, disqualify her as LTR material anyway.

Add in a flake here and there + some unavailability when I want to see her, it’s bye bye time.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I feel it’s time to really focus on myself, interact with more women generally, focus more on my career and stack paper.

The upside of losing a “main” plate who wants to stay in touch everyday is I’ll get a hell lotta time to focus on my own self and the desperation would let me hit the gym/work harder.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Long term “plates” tend to civilize men and we stop being hungry for being the best person we wanted to be. Atleast that’s my opinion

 

[SW15]

Hey man, maybe I’m just turned off by her, but I don’t really see anything substantial.

She’s fun, adventurous great hobbies and generally cool as a person. Also hot and great in bed.

But the red flags she has, which I won’t disclose, disqualify her as LTR material anyway.

Add in a flake here and there + some unavailability when I want to see her, it’s bye bye time.

I was leaning towards recommending you ceasing the interaction, but wanted to see if it could be salvaged. It doesn't seem like it can be. Even if it could be, it could not last for that long anyway.

 

[manfrombelow]

That sounds like something that a woman would say. Unless you have a reason to believe she’s lying, it would be silly to ghost someone you’ve been seeing for 6 months over one cancelled date. An immediate offer to reschedule is not necessary with someone you’ve been seeing for a while. It’s implied that you will see each other again.

Exactly. It sounds just like something a woman would say.

So this plate/fwb/whatever OP calls her... cancelled one date (a fvck date presumbly) and OP felt hurt and wanted nothing to do with her anymore, and didn't respond to her need to talk?

Problem is, some of us men forget that they should treat women, especially the ones they are fvcking, like normal human beings too.

I mean come on man, women out there don't owe any of us anything anyway.

 

[darksprezzatura]

I was leaning towards recommending you ceasing the interaction, but wanted to see if it could be salvaged. It doesn't seem like it can be. Even if it could be, it could not last for that long anyway.

Thanks for the giving my scenario a thought.

 

[Zimbabwe]

family thing came up

This is incredibly vague and could mean anything really, I find it really weird for a girl to suddenly just flake after 6 months of dating and use such a flimsy excuse.