My depressed girlfriend broke up with me due to needing space, but gets mad when I give it to her

[MatureDJ]

Let me translate this:

"I need my space" == "I'm trying to upgrade your sorry azz, but if I fail, I want you to be ready to 'man up'"

 

[MatureDJ]

Depressed or not she’s using all the classic lines women use when they breakup with someone. She’s trying to ease her guilt of that by reaching out to make sure you’re ok with being friends now but still going on dates. She basically friendzoned you without officially telling you. Screw that. You have to look after yourself, not her. She made her decision to breakup with you. Think about it, what is “going slow” and “starting over” going to fix after you’ve been together for 2 fvcking years?

Exactly, it's time to start spinning plates.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Women like this will emotionally torture and punish you of you let them. You're not their punching bag. Sorry to say it, but don't expect it to change. It'll either stay the same or get worse.

Did you know for another type of guy she's his punching bag?

 

[LucianoM]

man i cant believe ppl sweat chit like this

 

[bat soup]

She sounds like a pain in the arse. Either dump her, downgrade her to fwb or start cheating on her and if she finds out tell her that it's her own fault for being scatty and unreliable.

 

[zacharie101]

My opinion is: she could be a borderline too. Either way, she doesn't feel good enough for him so is actively sabotaging the relationship before he has a chance to ends it with her first(in her mind). A bit like a pre-emptive dump. It means she is looking to confirm her negative self image that she isn't wanted by men.

Great perspective. One thing she mentioned was the last time she was feeling severely depressed and everything in her life was stressful, her ex at the time would complain, was not understanding, and would get angry for her not having time for him.

Although I've always been supportive and understanding about everything happening to her, I do kind of feel like in her head she jumped the gun thinking I would end it, or feel neglected by her lack of time, or that our relationship would end up the same way.

She did mention before when she started school she was worried I would get bored of her, since she would be busy and we wouldn't be able to hang as much, but I reassured her that I understand and am not a selfish person. She also has admitted to sometimes feeling insecure about both herself and the relationship.

 

[HyenaPrince]

but I reassured her that I understand and am not a selfish person.

Congratulations, you've f*cked yourself. She has been frequently testing you. When a woman asks you questions that require reassurance and validation, you don't give it away. You're taking everything she says at face value. You can do that in a business meeting or when you're writing a quarterly report.

With women though, it's different. She unconsciously wanted to see if your presence was fleeting. This is actually not even limited to women in particular. We, as humans, love things that are rare. This is why people go absolutely crazy in anticipation of lunar and solar eclipses. They're rare and look cool.

Don't give her the safety net she's looking for. If you do, she'll test your boundaries more and more. And by doing so, she'll see that you don't do sh*t about and thus her respect for you is going to fade away. No respect = no attraction.

 

[AttackFormation]

When they tell you stories about the ex, they are trying to condition you to behave in a way they want you to. It's also very disrespectful. so now you know she is extremely manipulative and not some helpless way for you as a white knight to save as you believed.

"And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light."

 

[MatureDJ]

If she says something like "start over as friends," then you need to tell her directly that while you understand this is a hard time for her, that isn't what YOU are looking for and that maybe she needs some time on her own to figure things out, then you walk away and never look back and you start dating other girls. If she gets mad at you and says she still expects to go on dates and hear from you every day, your response should be along the lines of, "That's what I wanted too, but I don't go on dates with friends nor do I talk to each of them every day. I'm a busy guy. I can only make that kind of time for a partner and you've told me you aren't interested in that right now so I need to shift my time and energy elsewhere." She needs to understand that she WILL lose you and she is NOT in the position of being able to unilaterally keep changing the terms of your relationship and expect you to stick around through it. You will not tolerate that and she needs to know that. Additionally, do NOT accept any shaming or criticism from her for your taking this position.

This is such a good comment that I am incentivized to set up another account just so that I could Like it again.

 

[HyenaPrince]

She may be testing his boundaries, but it is also likely she has NO boundaries. Women like her need FIRM boundaries. From my experience of women who behaved as described by OP's girl, they have none. They are often volatile and aggressive. Avoid. He cannot fix her. She needs to fix herself or find an expert who will.

In the mean time, I wouldn't emotionally invest and get serious with her. It is a recipe for disaster. I would a

She's manipulative as f*ck. She will throw him this bait again and again until she gets tired of him. She won't fix herself, why would she? She's having success with her tactic. Otherwise she wouldn't have created such havoc in OP's mind.

Women don't fix themselves. This is just the story they tell their new boyfriends to make him feel like he caught the best version of her.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Great perspective. One thing she mentioned was the last time she was feeling severely depressed and everything in her life was stressful, her ex at the time would complain, was not understanding, and would get angry for her not having time for him.

Although I've always been supportive and understanding about everything happening to her, I do kind of feel like in her head she jumped the gun thinking I would end it, or feel neglected by her lack of time, or that our relationship would end up the same way.

She did mention before when she started school she was worried I would get bored of her, since she would be busy and we wouldn't be able to hang as much, but I reassured her that I understand and am not a selfish person. She also has admitted to sometimes feeling insecure about both herself and the relationship.

Bro let me give you some insight into how these things work. A woman does or says something that she feels should get her dumped by a "normal" man and when you don't she starts to get upset because she loses respect for you because she thinks you have no self-respect for yourself.

So she will continue doing more and more of these things each time hoping you dump her. Everytime you don't she loses more and more respect until she finally dumps you.

This is something like a vicious death spiral where the only way out that works in your favor is to dump her early on in these situations.

It sucks but it is what it is.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Bro let me give you some insight into how these things work. A woman does or says something that she feels should get her dumped by a "normal" man and when you don't she starts to get upset because she loses respect for you because she thinks you have no self-respect for yourself.

So she will continue doing more and more of these things each time hoping you dump her. Everytime you don't she loses more and more respect until she finally dumps you.

This is something like a vicious death spiral where the only way out that works in your favor is to dump her early on in these situations.

It sucks but it is what it is.

Your self respect gets tanked if you hang in there. Confidence too. Possibly zeroed out. Only up to go from there.

 

[soulforge]

Bruv do not throw your youth away over a damaged girl like this.. Trust me life is very short, next thing you know, your getting old, you will look back and see how you wasted so many precious years on low quality broken woman.

Your going to end up a broken man yourself by the time she is done with you.

Let this screwball fix her own problems.. She is using you man, and will at some point get rid of you, and blame you for her crappy life.

Here you are trying to take care of her needs, and for what? Us experienced will tell you.. Woman are ruthless Cvnts.. After everything you do for her, she WILL at some point get rid of you.

These woman are that cold, that if she saw you homeless suffering in the street, she would walk right past you, holding her new boyfriends hand.

Do not be her safety fall guy.. I would run away from this train wreck!

 

[vaibhav]

o yj

What should I do? My depressed girlfriend asked for a "break" due to needing space, but gets mad when I give it to her and she still wants to go on dates with me.

Before we started dating she warned me about going through depressing stages, pushing people away, and being insecure. We've been together for 2 years, when she feels overwhelmed or too stressed, she goes into depression. It's happened before, but this time was the worst and she told me she wants to start over as friends, take things slow, doesn't want to bring me down, but still wants to go on dates with me. I feel in my heart I would regret it if I walk away. She says she sees a future with me but wants us to pause our relationship.

She is very stressed right now due to school, work, and her family issues.

She started initiating contact the next day after asking for a break and got angry for not hearing from me.

She wants space, but expects to hear from me everyday and still wants to go on dates. She also cooked for me yesterday without me asking.

 

[vaibhav]

What should I do? My depressed girlfriend asked for a "break" due to needing space, but gets mad when I give it to her and she still wants to go on dates with me.

Before we started dating she warned me about going through depressing stages, pushing people away, and being insecure. We've been together for 2 years, when she feels overwhelmed or too stressed, she goes into depression. It's happened before, but this time was the worst and she told me she wants to start over as friends, take things slow, doesn't want to bring me down, but still wants to go on dates with me. I feel in my heart I would regret it if I walk away. She says she sees a future with me but wants us to pause our relationship.

She is very stressed right now due to school, work, and her family issues.

She started initiating contact the next day after asking for a break and got angry for not hearing from me.

She wants space, but expects to hear from me everyday and still wants to go on dates. She also cooked for me yesterday without me asking.

I think unintentionally she wants a open relationship