MrConfidences thread

[MrConfidence]

Opening up to girls.

Approaching girls isn't much of a problem with me, but after I approach a girl, I have no idea what to talk about. I know I could go up to her and say hey how's it going, but after that, I have no idea what to say to her. Remember, before I approach these girls I really don't know much about them, except for maybe their name. This is also a school environment, so techniques that might work at the mall and stuff, might not work here.

EDIT: Rephrased the post a bit.

 

[brenbaus]

umm, well a decent approach in high school is not that much different than the mall, notice something about her to joke about and go with the flow

 

[MrConfidence]

umm, well a decent approach in high school is not that much different than the mall, notice something about her to joke about and go with the flow

Cool advice, but to be honest, I'm not so good with the observational thing, so is there anything else I can do? If not, I guess I'll just practice observational openers.

 

[Bballer7389]

Cool advice, but to be honest, I'm not so good with the observational thing, so is there anything else I can do? If not, I guess I'll just practice observational openers.

Umm, try to catch what shes wearing, or a necklace you take a particular liking too

 

[LegendBoy]

Ask about subjects, if shes alone why shes alone, hows the day been, if she looks with a sad face ask her why she looks depressed if happy why so happy u get the flow.

I got a female friend at school who is pretty hot and hasn't ever put out for any guy, like kissed one guy and i dont really care if im LJBF because i have known her since i was like 5. a goodish friend i reckon she could help me out in picking up chicks at school wingwoman lol. She would probably do it too. Find one for yourse.f.

 

[Bballer7389]

Ask about subjects, if shes alone why shes alone, hows the day been, if she looks with a sad face ask her why she looks depressed if happy why so happy u get the flow.

I got a female friend at school who is pretty hot and hasn't ever put out for any guy, like kissed one guy and i dont really care if im LJBF because i have known her since i was like 5. a goodish friend i reckon she could help me out in picking up chicks at school wingwoman lol. She would probably do it too. Find one for yourse.f.

nicely done, a wingwoman

 

[MrConfidence]

Well, contrary to my name, I'm not really that confident in myself, and I care too much about people think. I don't know, it just feels like, when I'm out at a football game or something, everyone's judging me, and if I mess up, I feel like everyone will laugh at me for messing up, because like I said, I feel like everyone's watching. A good example of this, was when everyone in the band was doing this cheer, and I didn't do it, because I thought if it did, it would make me look stupid. Another good example is that when I was marching, I made a few mistakes, and I started getting paranoid that everyone thought that I sucked, just because I made a few mistakes. This also ties in with my confidence problem, because if I was truly confident, I would know that, most likely, few people even noticed my mistake, and what if a lot of people noticed? We all make mistakes. I play saxophone, guitar, bass guitar, I'm smart, I play sports, and I look decent, but you know what the problem is? I don't have confidence in any of those things, and always feel like I need someone elses approval. So how do I stop caring about what others think, and gain confidence in my talents?

 

[Im A King]

i believe that the key to being confident is just to tell yourself that your the best and that you cant mess up. i tend to do this a lot on the basketball courts and in school, and it keeps me going everyday.Even if you mess up, it's not like the whole world will laugh at you, life goes on and people don't care about the little things.

 

[MrConfidence]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=106786

P.S what compelled you to make "MrConfidence" your tag?

Well, the reason I made the name "MrConfidence" is because I want to eventually become confident.

Thanks for that thread, it's going to really help with my situation.

 

[Bvbidd]

There is some medication that helps with this. Even the knowledge alone that people take medication to get rid of thoughts should tell yourself the thoughts are not really normal.

I mean sure, out of everybody at a football game mabye 2 out of 100 are actually thinking about you, making fun of you, whatever, but the other 98 don't give a ****, unlike your brain is telling you. So it's all in your head.

Don't think people don't take notice of you when you act weird cuz they do, but if it's interefering with your life. They can fvck themselves.

The problem may be is your looking for extremes in your head, you want to be able to do stupid stuff without people thinking you look stupid. Even the thought of a few people of a hundred making fun of you calling you gay whatever alone justifies having the anxiety in your head. A lot of people will try to get you out of the anxiety by saying your normal and shove medication at you, this causes further frustation though because people will still think you look weird.

What you really should know is there is always some people who will think you look gay stupid ugly whatever. Fvck, even I make fun of normal people walking around. You should first, not give a sh!t and second realize it's not everybody who cares.

So either go to a docter or.. just really stop giving a sh!t what people think of you because you can't control what they think.

Once you got that down, you can start to do things that will make you confident.

I've noticed then when you get advice for this from a confident person it's never, "No they are not really looking at you." it's always "Why the **** do you care?".

 

[MrConfidence]

What I want to be able to do though, is to be able to act weird without giving a crap what other people think. For instance, if I'm just acting like I naturally act, and someone thinks it's weird, I want to be able to not give a crap. And maybe it's not even something that's really weird, maybe it's just weird to them because it's not how they act, or it's not how they expect me to act. And "stop giving a sh*t about what others think" is great advice, but unfortunately it's not as easy as just telling yourself "I don't give a crap".

 

[Bvbidd]

What the fvck?

If you already don't care if other people think your weird then what's the problem? Just don't give a crap. I already told you there is medication that does this forcefully as well.

You obviously still want people to think your cool or get girls or whatever, that's why your on this site. You obviously still care if people think your weird.

You can't not care if people think your weird but desperatly want people to think your cool at the same time. It's not easy because your still lieing to yourself. Your not accepting yourself. If there is something wrong with you accept it, even if it makes you a loser, accept it first and not give a fvck. Then you can fix yourself.

That's what makes some people so respected, they know their cool without needing it. I'm not there, neither is anybody on this site.

 

[MrConfidence]

You can't not care if people think your weird but desperatly want people to think your cool at the same time. It's not easy because your still lieing to yourself. Your not accepting yourself.

So how do I lose that desperation, wanting people to think I'm cool?

Oh yeah, and I never said that I didn't care that people said I was weird, it's just that you acted like I said that in your post.

 

[Bvbidd]

I already said, just accept yourself. It's called being secure. Accept yourself as you are right now.

It's why you see so many people out there working so hard at success yet still being made fun of for it. Because they are doing it for the wrong reasons. They are doing it to impress other people rather then just because they want to.

(Yeah and I said that other stuff as to kind of go along with the advice you hear all the time you know)

 

[MrConfidence]

I already said, just accept yourself. It's called being secure. Accept yourself as you are right now.

It's why you see so many people out there working so hard at success yet still being made fun of for it. Because they are doing it for the wrong reasons. They are doing it to impress other people rather then just because they want to.

(Yeah and I said that other stuff as to kind of go along with the advice you hear all the time you know)

Ah, I get it, accept myself for who I am now right? That's how I understood it. But if someone is better than you at something, should you try to be as good as them, or just have confidence at the level that you are at? I know I'm a good saxophone player, but I have confidence problems with that because I know that there are several better saxophonists in band, and if I'm not as good as them, I feel like I suck, definitely something I need to get over.

 

[Bvbidd]

Accept yourself seperate from all that other sh!t.

Your still thinking in the other people are better than me mindset.

The easiest way to reinforce this, is to probally be good at sh!t in the first place. But if you never look at it this way you'll always be working to impress others and that's kind of a sad existance.

So so far, you say you can play 3 instruments, play sports, and look alright. There that's good enough as is. Now there accept yourself as that.

You can't play 4 instruments, but why the fvck do you care? That's who you are. Nobody will have a problem with it if they do they can fvck themselves.

Now, if you want to learn how to play 4 then do that, but not to impress others just to feel better about yourself.

 

[MrConfidence]

Accept yourself seperate from all that other sh!t.

Your still thinking in the other people are better than me mindset.

The easiest way to reinforce this, is to probally be good at sh!t in the first place. But if you never look at it this way you'll always be working to impress others and that's kind of a sad existance.

So so far, you say you can play 3 instruments, play sports, and look alright. There that's good enough as is. Now there accept yourself as that.

You can't play 4 instruments, but why the fvck do you care? That's who you are. Nobody will have a problem with it if they do they can fvck themselves.

Now, if you want to learn how to play 4 then do that, but not to impress others just to feel better about yourself.

I'm finally starting to understand it, I have to do things, and improve myself because I want to, not to impress other people. I also have to accept that I'm good at what I do, and have to learn to not care if people are better than me. Thanks for all the advice, you're really helping me improve dude.

 

[sexy_kuta]

**** meds for this shhiiit

accept who you are and be happy with what you have.. if u dont like ur body.. go the gym..

i been going to the gym for a few months.. im seeing good gains and their movating me to go to the gym more... it keeps me motivated.. i been going everyday..

i do it for myself not for others, Confidence=dont give a fuk about what people think of you..

it doesnt mean u gotta be ****y and brag noo thats immature..

its all in ur mind.. ur mind set, u gotta be happy , be pleases with urself.. enjoy lookin in the mirror cuz i do,

its all in the mind set. no one can really help u.. it will help u alot tho

know that u can get girls if u try...

 

[Bvbidd]

You don't really want meds for it.

You get addicted, meds for anxiety work by depressing and blocking your nervous system (basically like making your drunk to stop you from panic in social situations).

So to walk around doped up basically slightly drunk all day everyday in order to be okay in social situations is not a good habit, not to mention the actual strong physical addiction you get.

So really just change your mindset that's all you need to do.

Confidence is not caring what others think. This is good.
****iness on the other hand is actually beliving people think postive things of you when they probally don't. This isn't cool. It's kind of sad. It's really funny from some people's point of view though, some people it just really pisses off.

 

[Mr_rogers]

I'm finally starting to understand it, I have to do things, and improve myself because I want to, not to impress other people. I also have to accept that I'm good at what I do, and have to learn to not care if people are better than me. Thanks for all the advice, you're really helping me improve dude.

*sigh* Man, you've been here two years and still stuck here? Make sure to read Pook's "Kill that Desperation!". I bet it'll come in handy.