mixed messages

[Atldude]

noob

i have read the bible but what does it mean... i am completely missing

 

[_DracoLord_]

Next.

Forget about her.

 

[WhitePimp]

I don't think you're going to win this one. Just disappear from her life man. Get time to clear your head and look at what you're doing objectively and rationally...then once your feelings are no longer involved, you may be able to work on it again. But by then you'll probably be over her and not give a sh!t.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I hate the term 'Mixed Messages'. More often than not there's nothing 'Mixed' being communicated and rather it's a failure to read what a woman is communicating. The average guy tends to 'get' exactly what a woman has implied with her words, but it takes practice to read her behavior and then apply it to his own. When a girl goes from hot to cold and back again, THIS IS the message - she's got buyers regret, you're not her first priority, she's deliberating between you and what she perceives is a better prospect, you were better looking when she was drunk, etc. - the message isn't the 'what ifs', the message IS her own hesitation and how her behavior manifests it.

Women with high IL wont confuse you. When a woman wants to fukk she'll find a way to fukk. If she's fluctuating between being into you and then not, put her away for a while and spin other plates. If she sorts it out for herself and pursues you, then you are still playing in your frame and you maintain the value of your attention to her. It's when you patiently while away your time wondering what the magic formula is that'll bring her around that you lean over into her frame.

What most guys think are 'mixed messages' or confusing behavior coming from a woman is simply due to their inability (for whatever reason) to make an accurate interpretation of why she's behaving in such a manner. Usually this boils down to a guy getting so wrapped up in a girl (i.e. ONEitis) that he'd rather make concessions for this behavior than see it for what it really is. In other words, it's far easier to call it 'mixed messages' or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle women are, when in fact it's simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives. A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him. Women of all ILs will sh!t test, and men will pass or fail accordingly, but a test is more easily recognizable.

 

[Makro2323]

The main thing to do is stop talking to her and instant messaging her at every opportunity. I have a feeling that you could still be able to raise her interest level, but to do that you are going to have to give her the impression that you don't really care what she thinks one way or the other. The only way to do this is to sit back and wait, and that means ignoring any contact she tried to make with you. When she's stopped trying to contact you then send her a message after a few days, but instead of coming across as desperate and needy you must behave indifferently. An example would be: 'Hey, how are things? You sent me a few messages last week didn't you, sorry I've been quite busy." The problem with you is that you are simply too desperate. In the meantime, you should try and pursue other girls. Good luck.

 

[Atldude]

strategy

so this is what i am going to do..: i am going to stay offline (or maybe i should stay on line and ignore her?) the next two weeks and then one week before i get to her city i am going to txt her to set a date up.. and then disappear again... and then confirm a couple of days before... and then finally on the day i am going to call her to pick me up/ meet me at location...

what dy'all think?

 

[cedd]

dont focus on this 'low interest level' girl and try other ones.
ask yourself if shes worth the effort.
if you really want to see if shes interested or not : CALL HER AND ASK HER OUT !
if shes interested she'll accept your offer. if she doesn't accept or says some 'I don't know...bla bla' b****s then hang up and forget about her.

cheers

 

[Tazman]

In other words, it's far easier to call it 'mixed messages' or fall back on the old chestnut of how fickle women are, when in fact it's simply a rationale to keep themselves on the hook, so to speak, because they lack any real, viable, options with other women in their lives.

A woman that has a high IL in a guy has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with him.

Golden.

When you have other things (or spinning plates) going on in your life that are more important you won't have to resort to "pretending" like you do, and your behavior will exude this on it's own.

It's funny how you could call a guy an AFC for behaving a certain way toward a chick he likes, but you put this same guy in a situation where he doesn't really care about whatever chick he's with or the outcome of his relationship and you'd call him the jerk that women seem to love. This behavior manifests itself due to circumstance (of course it varies from person to person as well).

 

[Atldude]

well i kinda did ask her out... i asked if she was gonna be around and she suggested we meet for coffee/dinner... so i think there's still a possibility.. i am going to make sure i dont get played though...

 

[Makro2323]

OK, this is what you must do. Tell her you can't make it to dinner, tell her you're too busy. Then she will be confused, because thus far you have always been available. Then ignore her for a few days before contacting her again. When you contact her again after a few days don't ask her out for dinner/coffee etc. Instead just say something like 'hey, how are things?'. It's important however that you turn down this date. Good luck


EDIT: I realise it's going to be difficult to not go for coffee with her, as you obviously seem to like her, but trust me it really will increase her interest level (provided she's slightly interested to begin with). So far you are appearing too intense, always available and frankly quite a desperate case. You mention that you don't want to get played, but you must realise that it is you who needs to be doing all the playing.

 

[On Point]

My translation: you've been friend zoned and she is blowing you off.

Most women don't like direct conflict so you're unlikely to get a honest answer if you ask that, and it makes you seem needy and desperate. She'll probably keep giving you mixed messages and wait for you to get a clue.

The prescription:
* Don't chat online except to set up something in person.
* Don't waste time with low interest women
* Go outside and get some numbers

Get at 'em tiger.

so this girl i have been talking to, now all of a sudden seems distant... anyways, i chatted with her online... and we just went thru some chitty chat stuff... so i told her i would call her tomorrow and she says she is out all day tomorrow. I am thinking about asking her point blank "Do you want to keep talking and see where things go? or do you just want things to be friendly"?

 

[On Point]

I think you have oneitus and you need to find other woman to date.

You wouldn't be wasting your time be drawing up battle plans if you had a couple high interest woman on the hook.

so this is what i am going to do..: i am going to stay offline (or maybe i should stay on line and ignore her?) the next two weeks and then one week before i get to her city i am going to txt her to set a date up.. and then disappear again... and then confirm a couple of days before... and then finally on the day i am going to call her to pick me up/ meet me at location...

what dy'all think?

 

[Atldude]

thanks all for the above posts... is ganji the way to go with this chic?

 

[Makro2323]

What's ganji?

 

[Dubbed]

I agree. Imagine asking her that question: regardless of how she responds, do you really expect there to be no awkwardness after you find out where you two stand? If she says she's serious, *and tells you this*, what then? I think it's better for this feeling to develop "under the radar" without either person blatantly telling the other that it's happening.

If she answers with "Let's just be friends," nervous, you're really no worse off then you are now.

Whatever happens, good luck man.

nice.

 

[Atldude]

visit girls's city

so this is what i think i am going to do... i was supposed to be at her city this weekend to visit some other people.. but can't because of work.. but will be visiting sometime this month or early next month... so i am going to just pop up.. and then give her a call when i am there.. and then try and arrange smthng ad-hoc.. and see how she responds...

regards