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Marry first gf or what...?

pyros

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Hi.

A) It is not that I'm a wussy. I should have been harder with the 'having dinner at her parent's everyday' thing but I have to admit that I was alone in her country so she had a lot of reasons to have dinner there: we save money, we dont cook, I want to be with my parents, etc etc.
She's 'in charge' well, I don't know. There are a few things like the one I just mentioned before that she did not want to change, but she's always been very nice to me, dunno.
It seems there were a few final things that there was no way to modify, and I'm afraid there will be more. On the other hand she has a lot of good qualities I really like.
I guess it would have been better or it would have helped me if I had had some short term relationships before her, but I did not. Anyway, many of my friends have banged some girls but they haven't had any gf or anything that lasted more than two dates. Isn't that weird too?

I broke up with her because I was scared of all this stuff plus her health condition, plus this 'red flags', but that was less important at that time. I got back with her because I wanted to, because I did not break up because I really wanted to do it.
When we moved in together, we had an argument a couple of times and after that she left the apartment (at night) so I went right after her.
But, half a year later this happened twice again, we had a fight and she run away from me, and I did not chase her. I just said I'm leaving in 15 mins so if you're not here I'll go without you. And she came back in 5-10 mins.


B)
I wanted to ask, I mean, people spin plates because they are not so good plates, because if you did find one you really like then it would become a relationship, so you have a gf, so you don't have to spin anymore.
So let's say you spin for a while, and then you meet this wonderful girl which becomes your gf. You are together for 5 years and talk about marriage, but she's your first and only gf. If the relationship is good, but you do not have anything to compare it to, what the heck yo do?
you cannot compare it unless you've had a few gf's before this one.
So you must have had one, two or three gf's before, but if gf #1 had been good enough, you would not have gone to #2,
so spining plates implies that you must have bad luck several times until you find something great...some day. But what if you find it with gf #1? or #2? really, I would not like to have many gf's until I find my wife. The process of getting to know each other, dating, and breaking up is not nice and it hurts. So why would you like to repeat it?

there are ppl that spin plates over and over and never find something they really like, so they go break up after break up.
There are other ppl that date a couple of persons and they get married, and are quite happy.
So the theory of spining plates means in other words, you're dating average girls, with no so high value for you; because if they did, then you would stop spining.
Or am I retarded? lol

P.S.
a different story is when you just want to make out or bang as many girls as you want.
 

sexysuave

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Yes, I do think it’s a little weird that your friends only got up to “2 dates” and that’s it. Most people have some sort of relationship experience. As far as her leaving like that a few times when she was mad, I don’t like that too much either. You will have to talk to her about this if you’re even entertaining the idea of marrying her. Sit down and set some sort of rules, that when you guys get into a fight if you get married, she can’t just go running away. I mean, that’s kinda major. You’re in the hard spot because I feel like you already don’t have that “frame” with her and that she feels like she can do any of this and get away with it because that’s what happened in the past.

One of the most important things here is to make sure you have the upper hand in a relationship. There has be a level of respect from her and to be honest, also a level of fear from her. She has to know that when it comes down to it, you have the final say. I’m not sure if I’m explaining this correctly or not, but think of someone that you know you have a leader role with, in other words, without saying much at all, it is clear that you are the leader and that other person is a follower. It’s obvious to both of you that you are in charge. That’s the kinda thing you want to have with your lady also. It’s not something that you sit down and say “hey, I’m in charge”, you just have to BE that person with her and keep that frame. You can’t slip, that’s why I’m torn on giving you good tips now because it feels like you’ve done your fair share of “slipping up”.

I see what you’re saying in part “B”, however, I don’t agree with all of it. For example, I don’t’ think all your plates are “bad plates” and if they were good you would be going out with them. That’s not really true, or should I say, doesn’t have to be true. There were times when I had a rotation of 10+ girls, and kept meeting new girls as well. I didn’t wanna relationship with any of them because I simply wasn’t looking for one, even though I did like some of these girls. Don’t get me wrong, some were just strictly sex, but there were some girls that were pretty compatible and I could really get along with them and even considered seeing them more often.

There were a few girls that I actually wanted to see more often but kept turning them down for more frequent meetings because I was usually busy with other girls. Then some of them got boyfriends and fell out of the “rotation” and for a few of them I’d be lying if I didn’t say “damn, maybe I should have spent more time with that one, she was actually pretty damn cool”… but it was never something I stressed too much over.. funny thing is, any girl you have a huge crush on, once you hit it, you become a little more rational about the situation and get even more control,, so I usually try to get that out of the way as soon as possible lol.. And if you keep doing a girl good, and keep your frame, eventually there will come a day where you can just FEEL that you have more power than her and that she defers to you. Nothing has to be said, but it’s clear to both of you who “da man” is in that situation lol.

So not all plates have to be bad, you can keep spinning good plates until you eventually really feel extra special with one of them. As far as your how many giflriends and why, I know what you’re saying. But most people start having girlfriends in mid teens, 15, 16 years old.. at that age I’ve already had a few of them. And it’s that “puppy love” thing for the most part and it eventually falls apart or what not. And sometimes you feel crushed and like it’s the end of the world, and sometimes they feel it’s the end of the world if you’re the one breaking up with them, but looking back on it you just kinda laugh now.. things are not all that serious.. so by the time people get your age, they’ve already gotten a few of these out of the way and have some experience..

And I also agree that, yes, I also know people who just fell in love in high school and stayed together and got married and they are perfectly happy (or at least appear to be). And that’s fine! Great for them, I’m honestly happy for anyone who is happy. It doesn’t happen like that for everyone, but for the few that have that, right on! But that’s a different story from what you have, but it is what it is. We can’t change your past, all you can do is go from here.

One thing that people can try to get relationship experience and at the same time not go through “tough and painful breakups” is to set a rule to only date for 3 months at a time. This way, you will not be breaking her heart too much because you’ve only seen her for 3 months. And then after 3 months let her go easy and start banging multiple chicks again until one of them stands out and date her for 3 months, and etc. this is just an IDEA, I’ve had a few of my friends try it so they can get experience including myself at one time for a bit, but you have to be careful. Don’t’ get too serious and emotional with the girl and do not tell her you “love her” lol or anything like that.. I mean, this thing can go wrong in a 100 ways, you may even truly fall in love with her (or think you’re in love).. it’s not easy to stick to the program and just try to date for 3 months with girls, but if you’ve got the willpower it would be a good experience.. Or maybe I should say it a little better: Date for 3 months and if you’re certain you won’t end up with that girl and don’t’ see yourself with her, let her go after 3 months. If you’ve fallen for her and see that she is really special and she TREATS YOU GOOD AND SPECIAL, lol than fu*k it, by all means, stay with her longer and see what happens..

I can’t tell you what to do, as you seem to not know either (once again, lack of any experience). I remember that movie “buelers day off”, when the guy skips school to hang out with his girlfriend and his friend. I remember towards the end of the movie, when he talks about his “extremely nice” friend, and how he could easily see him fall for the first girlfriend that he has and marry her and let her walk all over him. Lol. I’ve seen plenty guys like that, so when you watch that movie next time, look out for that line and see if that hits you like a ton of bricks.

If you said “I wanna know what you recommend for me right now”, and I had to tell you my opinion based on the knowledge of the situation, I would say you should probably leave her, and go date as many girls as you can. “get it out of your system”. I’ve seen guys do this and they become much more mature and grown up and learn how to deal with women better. You also learn to not idolize them too much, and you learn to believe DEEP DOWN, to truly believe that you can get women whenever you want, and if anything was to go wrong, you’d be ok. See, when you know this DEEP DOWN, you will act differently with your girl and you will be able to keep that frame. Oh, and one of the main reasons for this is also to make sure that next time you have a serious girlfriend, only do it when you have the power in the relationship. And KEEP that power and don’t relax so much that you let her get over on you. Remember, you give her a finger, and she will take the whole hand! Lol

Also, the above tip only goes if you live in the United States. Are you currently in the US? If you live in some small hick town in a 3rd world country and this is the only girl available lol well, you know what I mean.
 

LoneWolf

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sexysuave said:
I have a person that I’m very close too, that’s been married for a few years, and the last year or so his wife tried to leave him a few times. She is very *****y, commanding, has attitude, but he still sticks around and always takes her back. She even moved out for a couple of months and then she “changed her mind” and moved back into his house, and he let her. He just took her back. Now the curious thing here is, she was the only serious gf he ever had, his first real gf. I’m not sure if he had sex with randoms before or not, but if he did, it wasn’t too many of them. Now the thing is, this guy is a GREAT GUY!! He has also come a long way on developing his body and looks and he is also funny as hell as well. I know for a fact of numerous girls being interested in him, but he’s been with her for quite a few years now and he just can’t seem to let it go, even when it’s glaringly obvious to everyone around that this girl is not good for him. Sometimes I wish I could just slap the living sh*t out of her when she talks up to him or raises her voice and gives him attitude for no reason at all. I even got into it with her once and damn near cursed her out, and he just sat there and didn’t do anything. Later on he asked me not to interfere in his personal life so I’ve bit my tongue since then.

I’ve seen this a few times with guys who’ve only had one girlfriend and married her. They just can’t let her go, and in my opinion (keep in mind, I don’t’ know you), I think this is also happening to you. This is why it is STUPID not to “spin plates”. Guys, or better yet, poor suckers, end up with one girl, idolize her, blow her the f*ck out of proportion in their mind, and then end up stuck with her because that’s all they know!! They beg her to come back when she leaves, they always take her back no matter what. I’ve even seen girls cheat on a guy like this and they still take them back!! It is beyond ridiculous, and that’s the danger of just going the relationship mode and dating a girl and “making it work” and putting work in the relationship. That’s all you know!!!!!! You can’t compare it to anything else because you haven’t had anything else. This is a great downfall of many great men! They think “I’ll never be able to find anyone better” or “well she wanted me when no other girl did” or “I have too much time invested in this” or “what will our parents think”.

Keep in mind, this life is VERY SHORT. It goes by quick. If YOU are not happy, damn what anyone else thinks! You need to put YOU first!

For all the other guys out there, please “spit plates” and date multiple girls before you get serious with any of them… please… please???? It is true, you need to be with a bunch of them to learn how to deal with them, to prove to yourself that you can in fact get girls (yeah, a lot of you here will say, I only have one girl but I know I can get others.. get the f*ck outta here.. you’re just saying that not to look bad.. deep down, you can’t let this bad apple go.)… When you truly KNOW you can get girls, you DON’T put up with any sh*t.. ever.. YOU are the man, not her. Until you try can date multiple girls and go out there and pick up 10, 20, + girls, you really have no idea what it means to truly have an abundance mindset, and the cool, calm, relaxing feeling when you wake up single and HAPPY, knowing that you WILL meet some girls that day.

I’ll never forget when I hooked one of my buddies up with a friend of a girl I was screwing occasionally. We went up to the lake a few hours away to meet up with them for a day, and they stayed that night and we had a great time. I did my thing with my plate and he got “lucky” with her friend. The following morning they had to go home, but we had the condo for another day (at the lake, pool, all that good stuff). I was THRILLED that they were going home, this little lake town had wonderful clubs that were packed with girls at night. My friend on the other hand was begging me to “make them stay”. I’m like “huh, are you kidding me, this is the best news yet”.. he is like “no, tell them they should stay, blab la”.. I’m like “dude, we already f*cked these girls.. tonight, we’re going out and meet new ones.. what’s wrong with you”.. And it took me a minute to convince him, but I was CONVINCED that we are meeting new girls that night and that just came from years of experience of actually doing that. That’s the difference in mindset of only dating a few girls (or one in your case) and dating many of them.

To end this, it is your choice. If you are truly happy with this girl, than go ahead and marry her. But only marry her if that’s what YOU want. Not because you feel sorry for her, not because your parents think it’s right, not because you guys have mutual friends, not any of that! Only if it’s what YOU really want. The sad part about only being with one girl is that you really can’t base your decision on anything… you don’t know if it gets better or worse, you have no comparison…
LOL I know someone just like that. She's obviously the man of the house because he always does what she says. Always says sorry omg it makes me sick. Sometimes she keeps calling his phone and asks "Where are you? Are you coming???" And hes like yes Im coming... sorry, yes, I'm on my way now.

Makes me sick man. And he too can get better girls... his wife is ****ing huge and ugly. Too bad they're expecting a baby next month. He honestly does love her though, so weird. But he has kissed another girl once at a club behind his back. I know he likes his skinny hot blondes. Maybe he'll cheat on her one day. Hate her sometimes!
 

pyros

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One more question.
How the heck do you meet so many girls? how the heck do you bang so many?
do you pick up girls in bars and clubs? at the mall? or what? it just amazes me how so many guys here talk about dating multiple girls...?¿ I don't even meet them so how am I supose to bang them? lol
 

FairShake

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pyros said:
One more question.
How the heck do you meet so many girls? how the heck do you bang so many?
do you pick up girls in bars and clubs? at the mall? or what? it just amazes me how so many guys here talk about dating multiple girls...?¿ I don't even meet them so how am I supose to bang them? lol
FWIW I think many guys here are full of sh!t. In fact, when it comes to women, it's safe to say many guys are full of sh!t in general.

Nowwww, where have I met my conquests? Through friends mostly. I make a female friend or two and I meet their friends. That's instant social proof for at least one of their friends. Oh, and I usually bang my female friend too.

I also used to play the "find the drunkest girl at the bar" game. I'm not particularly good looking or socially savvy but right place, right time, with a place to go and you can play that game too.
 

sexysuave

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Originally Posted by pyros
One more question.
How the heck do you meet so many girls? how the heck do you bang so many?
do you pick up girls in bars and clubs? at the mall? or what? it just amazes me how so many guys here talk about dating multiple girls...?¿ I don't even meet them so how am I supose to bang them? lol

ANYWHERE AND EVERYWHERE… lol, literally, when I’m single, I’ll meet them anywhere.. it doesn’t matter what the venue is, I’m approaching and trying to pull. Bars and clubs?? Yes, of course, plenty… mall?? Yes, of course.. met tons of chicks at the mall…

You don’t meet them? I’m not sure why. Like I said before, I’m not sure where the hell some of you guys live, but living in any decent sized city in America, especially the big cities, meeting women is childs play.. But.. you have to have the balls to approach.. don’t’ even let your self have time to think about it.. just go up and approach.. If you’re single, or if you become single, set yourself a goal to approach 5-10 chicks a day.. and try to get their number.. this seems like a high number but one trip to the mall could do the trick.. if you see a girl at gas station,, approach.. I’ve done girls I met at gas stations lol.. airport if you’re traveling?? Approach.. traffic light you’re at a stop.. roll your window down and holler and try to get the number.. not the highest success rate there, but once again, I’ve ended up f*cking chicks that I met while rolling down my window and talking to them and getting their number.. lol

Grocery store? Lol used to be one of my favorites,, I’ve f*cked quite a few chicks that I approached at grocery stores.. House parties or any kind of parties? Opportunities galore… Sporting events, nba games, nfl, baseball, college games… ummm, yeah, plenty of approach opportunities.. If you go to college LOL man… you meet tonnsss of chicks at school lol.. if you’re smart at least…

As a matter of fact, you can take a buddy with you and sarge at different colleges and use your imagination. You can either make up a story about why you’re there or come up with some other reasons, tell them you’ll be transferring there or some sh*t lol.. I’ve done this a few times with a friend. .. we’ll go to some big university and just sarge.. go approaching like mad man lol talk to like 10 – 20 girls.. walk away with like 8 – 9 numbers,, sometimes more…

Restraurants, you can meet people eating or drinking there, or you can hit on your waitress… or you can just walk up to a few girls sitting together and if they’re eating like an appetizer or something you just sit down with them, grab a bite of the appetizer and start talking to them,, but you have to be very confident to do this obviously lol.. last time I visited my buddies in San Jose, CA, I’ve done this at the Santana row area where they have all those restaurants and bars.. we were just walking to some club and I see these 4 girls sitting in a restaurant eating.. so I tell my buddy, hold on a second,, check this out lol.. and I just walk in there and go sit with the girls.. start munching on their appetizer and lean back and talk to them.. at first they were pretty shocked and laughing.. but they really opened up to me when they realized I was just a very confident fun guy and wanted to meet them… they came out with me and joined me and my friend at the club there.. later on that night, I ended up banging one of those chicks lol..

You also meet girls through your social circle.. anyone you know.. ON the airplane lol.. I’ve met a few girls ON the plane, and one time made out with this 18 year old sitting next to me.. ON THE PLANE lol and I’ve never met this chick before in my life lol.. I damn near fingered her lol but I was fun and playful, and I was teasing her,, I came on the the plane tipsy as it is so I was just in the mood..

Bottom line is, you can meet girls ANYWHERE and if you are single, I’m sorry but you almost have to make it a goal and set time for it.. if you have a daily goal and you approach about 10 chicks a day.. it’s almost hard NOT to start spinning multiple plates.. When I’m single I have more girls to see than I have time to see ‘em all.. and I like meeting new ones, so I’ll have a rotation of over 10 girls,, most of them meeting with me strictly for sex, and that’s it.. but it is VERY POSSIBLE and don’t’ let anyone tell you otherwise.. the people saying it’s not possible to meet and screw multiple chicks are the guys who can’t do it themselves or have never seen anyone do it..

That’s why it’s good to have friends that are good with girls, because sometimes you need to see some of this sh*t in order to believe it.. trust me,, even though I’ve been involved in “pick up” since I was like 14 – 15, there were plenty of things along the way that I probably wouldn’t have believe until I saw somebody do it and I’m like “no f*cking way” lol.. for example, it’s possible to start making out with girls within seconds of meeting them.. if you’re ever at a bar or club, and a girl asks to buy her a drink, you respond with “well give me a kiss”.. she’ll probably laugh and say “haha, common buy me a drink”,, and you say “well, you give me a kiss”,, and get your lips ready for her, and you won’t believe how many times the chick will actually kiss you and then be like “ok, now buy me a drink”.. then you say “oh no, it has to be a real kiss, who do you think I am” (you can make up any vocab you wanna use here, I’m just using these examples, but each situation might be slightly different, some girls will kiss you RIGHT AWAY, and some you gotta put in a little more work,, I even had a girl that kept coming back every 15 minutes or so, and kept flirting and asking for the drink, and I kept saying no no no, you have to kiss me.. and she would go “nooo, I can’t I hardly know you” and I’d be like “ohh, but you know me well enough for me to pull out my wallet for you and get you a drink, right?” lol and she would just laugh.. this went on for a few hours, with her appearing every so often, as I was talking to other girls as well and what not,, and eventually she came over and just stood right there in front of my face and looked down on my lips and back in my eyes, and I kissed her pretty good.. I ended up f*cking the sh*t outta her that night lol)… so some girls will follow the little kiss on the lips with a nice kiss on the mouth, literally right away lol so within like 40 seconds of meeting them or whatever, and then I usually tell them, “well, that’s a good start, but we’ll have to work on this some more before I can get you a drink lol”.. keep in mind, some of them will call you an ******* here and walk away… but those that stay and keep kissing you…. .bingo LOL… or you can just be a nice guy and hold up your end of the bargain and buy her a drink lol.. up to you..

Anyway, I could tell you stories that you’ll never believe, simply because you’ve never seen it happen and it’s beyond what you think is possible with a guy and a girl.. everything I described above is somewhat normal but there are stories I could tell you and you’d be like “no way” lol… some guys on this site might be the same way, and I can’t blame them too much, but go out there and make some friends with guys that are really good with girls.. As good as I am when I’m single, I know a couple of guys that blow me outta the water.. but these guys are just ridiculous and one of them was literally sleeping with a new girl almost every day of the week.. no joke… he’s happily married now by the way.. so go figure..

Also,, whenever I’m in a relationship, as I am now, it is harder for me NOT to approach girls when I see them than it is to just not say anything.. I’m so programmed to IMMEDIATELY go into attack mode that it’s really hard to hold back when I’m in a relationship.. so literally anywhere, as soon as I step my foot out the door, that’s where you can meet girls, anywhere and everywhere,, so if you’re ever single again,, set some goals and go out there and go on a mission.. mix it up.. do it yourself a few days a week, and bring a buddy with you the other time, and see how your results vary.. I’ve had great success both ways.. but the thing is, you can’t ever hesitate.. I don’t care if she is with 3 other girls, you have to approach right away..

Originally Posted by FairShake

FWIW I think many guys here are full of sh!t. In fact, when it comes to women, it's safe to say many guys are full of sh!t in general.
Maybe so brother, maybe so,, but when I’ve personally had the success I’ve had when single, and had rotations of 10+ chicks while still meeting new ones all the time, there’s no way in the world that ANYONE can convince me that it’s not possible for other guys on this site to have had that same type of success or better... there are guys on this site that are truly trying to help out other guys when they have the time.. in most of my posts, I go into great detail in order for the person to get the most out their answer, whatever that may be.. I’m sure there’s some guys on here that might be exaggerating, but there’s nothing we can do about that and all I can hope for is that they still offer solid advice… However, for guys that haven’t’ had as much success with women, sometimes it’s hard to believe some of the stories of guys who have been successful, so once again.. if some of these things are hard for you to belive, I suggest you go make some friends that are really good with chicks.. because this is nothing.. oh.. and why don't you go sarging and approachign chicks??? you seem to ignore this possibility lol ?? you might do a whole lot better if you actually go and approach girls rather than wait for just hookups from friends... just a suggestion
 
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