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Bigpapa

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If I remember correctly , you posted about this girl also a while back

dunno mate , but for something that is at the beginning you opened a couple of threads , and all of them was about something quite dodgy

I think that also this should be taken into consideration when trying to be objective about the woman in question

I am quite a positive guy , but I learned that usually when something smells dodgy in Most cases it happens because it is dodgy
 
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Clamslammer

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OP, I will give you my perspective from a couple of different angles. A lot of this is intuitive and not worth overthinking.

1. I have a girlfriend, we don't live together. I also have a female friend with whom I chat A LOT and go out with once in a while. This chick has a BF and I'm cool being her buddy or whatever. But she's cute and if the opportunity were easy enough, I'd probably bang her. But right now there would be just too many factor at play - she would have to blatantly throw herself at me for me to think about it because I've got a girl anyway (among other factors/consequences).

2. A few weeks ago my gf had a guy friend from out of town crash at her place because he had to finish up some grad school stuff. She has a 3 BR apartment. I've met this guy, and I had absolutely zero worry about him or her. This is based on her behavior toward me, and just the vibe I get in general from him and her. A lot of Sosuavers would scream "red flag!" but I didn't bat an eyelash. Besides, if I found out the opposite, I'd just walk.

Believe me, I've been in the situation where it felt like something was amiss, and it was. It's all in the gut because behavior patterns change a bit. This is all about how you maintain your status and value internally. Once you start worrying about the other guy, you are lowering your status. Your drunken inquiry was not a great move in that respect, but forget it and move on. Just carry yourself like you're the shyt, talk to/flirt with other girls, listen to your gut, and be ready to eject when it's not meeting your expectations.
Your gf had a guy friend stay at her place....hahaha. If she didn't invite you over to spend the weekend with them then thats a red flag and I would drop her into fwb category . Respect is the most important thing in a relationship. If I were in her position I would have told the girl to find a hotel or I would have told my gf to come stay with me while the girl I was doing the project with slept in the other room.
 

DSterlen

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Since you don't really want to drop her like everyone has said, try this instead and report back. A friend of mine did this to his GF who was a "crew girl" surrounded by orbiters. Got the orbiters to fade away.

Start branding these men casually and humorously as "Bachelor number (1, 2, 3 etc.)". Refer to them by that name going forward. Let the guys in on the joke too if you meet them, call them B1,2,3 to their face. Don't sound like you actually care tho, be funny and jovial. It's important that they become aware of it, as they are the ones that are going to be doing the backing off, she's not going to kick them to the curb, after all, they're "her friends".

This girl has probably had various orbiters forever and has had problems with boyfriends in the past disliking it, so she'll probably have some defenses up on this very issue. This "bachelor" gambit gets the message across to her and the guys that you see what's going on, in a funny way, without opening yourself to the "insecure" label, because you are joking. It's kinda like C0cky & Funny in the sense that, if you make it funny, it works. If not, you look jealous.
 

Bigpapa

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Since you don't really want to drop her like everyone has said, try this instead and report back. A friend of mine did this to his GF who was a "crew girl" surrounded by orbiters. Got the orbiters to fade away.

Start branding these men casually and humorously as "Bachelor number (1, 2, 3 etc.)". Refer to them by that name going forward. Let the guys in on the joke too if you meet them, call them B1,2,3 to their face. Don't sound like you actually care tho, be funny and jovial. It's important that they become aware of it, as they are the ones that are going to be doing the backing off, she's not going to kick them to the curb, after all, they're "her friends".

This girl has probably had various orbiters forever and has had problems with boyfriends in the past disliking it, so she'll probably have some defenses up on this very issue. This "bachelor" gambit gets the message across to her and the guys that you see what's going on, in a funny way, without opening yourself to the "insecure" label, because you are joking. It's kinda like C0cky & Funny in the sense that, if you make it funny, it works. If not, you look jealous.
dunno if indeed women see it the same

In the OP case I think that is more important first of all to think if he really likes the girl ( as he already opened a couple of threads about her in the past , about her doing or saying dodgy stuff ) or he is just enduring this because she is the first girl he has slept with since his divorce 3 years ago

after he finds out which of the 2 , new horizons will open up
 

samspade

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Your gf had a guy friend stay at her place....hahaha. If she didn't invite you over to spend the weekend with them then thats a red flag and I would drop her into fwb category . Respect is the most important thing in a relationship. If I were in her position I would have told the girl to find a hotel or I would have told my gf to come stay with me while the girl I was doing the project with slept in the other room.
That is because if the roles were reversed, you would choose to feel disrespected. That's your prerogative. Perhaps you fear it.

I operate on a plane of high value and abundance, and intuit these things better than most men. That is why I get compliance. Once you start issuing demands your frame slips. That's not to say you shouldn't be true to what's right for you. That means walk or don't. If she wants to fukk him she will, and then I will walk if I find out. It's because I have this mindset that there's nothing for me to worry about. (Yes she came here once and I went over there once.) She can fukk any guy she wants, but I don't have to keep her around.
 

Clamslammer

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That is because if the roles were reversed, you would choose to feel disrespected. That's your prerogative. Perhaps you fear it.

I operate on a plane of high value and abundance, and intuit these things better than most men. That is why I get compliance. Once you start issuing demands your frame slips. That's not to say you shouldn't be true to what's right for you. That means walk or don't. If she wants to fukk him she will, and then I will walk if I find out. It's because I have this mindset that there's nothing for me to worry about. (Yes she came here once and I went over there once.) She can fukk any guy she wants, but I don't have to keep her around.
Your way of thinking applies when you are dating her, when you are in a relationship with the girl things change and respect is number 1 and my way of thinking ahould take over.
 

samspade

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Your way of thinking applies when you are dating her, when you are in a relationship with the girl things change and respect is number 1 and my way of thinking ahould take over.
Respectfully, we're different, that's cool. For me it's not a way of thinking but a state of being. Because she knows I both bring and give value, she has no reason to think I would feel disrespected. If she were dealing with a man of lower value or lesser confidence, then yes, she might avoid the situation to avoid upsetting his ego.

Whether in or out of a relationship, this is the way one should be.

Anyway, I'm not seeking advice and don't want to hijack the thread. To each his own.
 

rart

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Bottom line is OP is starved for p$%y. We all been there. I have been there in exact same situation. I agree with the OP that it will be a waste to let this perfectly good plate go.

If you OP can manage to grow a thicker skin toward this one, you can successfully spin her. Moreover, her interest in you will definitely increase.

Now, from my experience, after a divorce and a long dry spell, he is likely to catch deeper fillings. The only way to get this working is dating some new women.
 

B80

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I think this roller coaster is about to end... and I feel relieved. Shame to lose an attractive girl, but I've really lost the plot recently. Smokimg 30 cigarettes, drinking more and more. Pathetic, but no coincidence.

Sent a couple of texts last night, which I deleted. Seems to have tipped her over the edge as she's been texting today, minus the kisses. She kept asking what they said, I can't recall nothing offensive, then she started saying she doesn't care what they said in the grand scheme of things... I read that as meaning its over, so doesn't matter, going by her general tone.

Feel relieved already, as like I mentioned earlier feel cold towards her and that's probably been noted in my general tone. waiting for the hammer blow now.
 
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Bigpapa

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She kept asking what they said, I can't recall nothing offensive, then she started saying she doesn't care what they said in the grand scheme of things... I read that as meaning its over, so doesn't matter, going by her general tone.
she is playing this card because she is certain that she has you by the balls :)

do not feel bad about it though , this is how you learn

more or less you were out of the game for 15 years . It takes a while to get back in the game
 

Çharismo

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Here’s the problem with OP laying down the law: 1. She’ll turn into victim and accuse him of being a paranoid control freak (OK when the boot is on the other foot — the boot that stomps on his nuts) 2. She’ll go cry to her guy friend/s, and turn them into her flying monkeys 3. It will make OP look weak. 4. She’ll say ‘Fvck you! No mayyyn tells me what do’ and end it.

This is why, if he does end it, he just blocks / ghosts her on everything because it will make her feel totally devalued that he didn’t care about the r/s, and that’s she’s not even worthy of an explanation.

A girl I was seeing for a few months... we were having phone conversation, she thought everything was going just fine, but, out of nowhere, I hung up on her and blocked her. She went fvcking ballistic, and was banging my door down for days, and was in floods of tears for weeks.

You see, a few weeks earlier we were both out at a club, I was getting drinks at bar, when she suddenly began sexually cavorting with two guys in dance floor. The other two guys found out we were a couple, and began apologising to me. I kept my cool, but that could have so easily turned into a fight. I didn’t forget her for that stunt so waited for the dust to settle, and stung her good n hard.
You know I el-oh-eld at this because I’ve done something very similar to disrespectful women. The more attractive a woman is, the more attention she gets from guys, the more she gets her way with men majority of the time the more unstable they get. I’ve had women threaten to cut my d!ck off, leave me threatening voicemails saying they are going to kill me, threaten to blow up my car, get there ex’s to call me and threaten me,throw there pu$$y at me and whole lot of other crap. It really messes them up.

I had one woman show up at my door at 3 in the morning completely naked saying

“...please just f@ck me...”
“...just put your d!ck inside me...” and try reaching for my d!ck. I told her I had work the next day and if she doesn’t leave I’ll call the cops and slammed the door in her face.

The point that I’m trying to make is that cutting women off abruptly and disrespecting them like that really does mess them up.o_O

Keep the pimp hand strong!!!

Playa to playa ...pimp to pimp!!!
 

Jor-El

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I always like this saying "If you put her on a pedestal,she has no option but to look down on you" Its true
 

derby1

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more or less you were out of the game for 15 years . It takes a while to get back in the game
yes its changed drastically, women generally think men are pathetic......

I remember calling my daughters mom out recently.

you could tell by her breakdancing fit on the floor, not one male had called her out in the last decade since our split
 

AlphaDraconis

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You know I el-oh-eld at this because I’ve done something very similar to disrespectful women. The more attractive a woman is, the more attention she gets from guys, the more she gets her way with men majority of the time the more unstable they get. I’ve had women threaten to cut my d!ck off, leave me threatening voicemails saying they are going to kill me, threaten to blow up my car, get there ex’s to call me and threaten me,throw there pu$$y at me and whole lot of other crap. It really messes them up.

I had one woman show up at my door at 3 in the morning completely naked saying

“...please just f@ck me...”
“...just put your d!ck inside me...” and try reaching for my d!ck. I told her I had work the next day and if she doesn’t leave I’ll call the cops and slammed the door in her face.

The point that I’m trying to make is that cutting women off abruptly and disrespecting them like that really does mess them up.o_O

Keep the pimp hand strong!!!

Playa to playa ...pimp to pimp!!!
This is why I think OP should have taken this route because not only would it cause her to lose her sh1t - begging, crying, etc, he’d be in a position to then calmly tell her that the whole close male friend thing ain’t for him. I can guarantee - while she’s so vulnerable - she’d get rid of them on the spot. However, that would only be temporary until she has OP wrapped around her finger again. That’s why a guy must be ready to unexpectedly disappear at the drop of a hat - if he wants her to behave.
 

Bigpapa

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This is why I think OP should have taken this route because not only would it cause her to lose her sh1t - begging, crying, etc, he’d be in a position to then calmly tell her that the whole close male friend thing ain’t for him. I can guarantee - while she’s so vulnerable - she’d get rid of them on the spot. However, that would only be temporary until she has OP wrapped around her finger again. That’s why a guy must be ready to unexpectedly disappear at the drop of a hat - if he wants her to behave.
Look mate , do not get me wrong , but it is childish to take your toys and leave because you do not like something , especially if you are already seeing the girl for a while

and the motivation it is childish . You do not leave because you do not like it , you leave because you want to hurt her

this is how kids act :)
 

Bigpapa

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yes its changed drastically, women generally think men are pathetic......

I remember calling my daughters mom out recently.

you could tell by her breakdancing fit on the floor, not one male had called her out in the last decade since our split
yeah ,it is very unlikely that a guy and a girl are so close and are just platonic friends , especially since that guy has a gf already

dunno , but sounds unlikely that the gf of the guy would accept in a Sunday night her bf to go and watch a movie with another woman alone , no matter how much a puss1 she thinks he is
 

AlphaDraconis

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Look mate , do not get me wrong , but it is childish to take your toys and leave because you do not like something , especially if you are already seeing the girl for a while

and the motivation it is childish . You do not leave because you do not like it , you leave because you want to hurt her

this is how kids act :)
Well, look at from this perspective. She is 110% aware that she’s mind fvcking the OP, and has been doing it from the start. A conscientious person wouldn’t be subjecting someone to such emotional torment. I know, that if I was in an r/s, and had a close female friend around me all the time, netflixing and chilling, that it’s just wrong on every level, so I just wouldn’t do it.

Just because she’s female, doesn’t mean she should be treated with kid gloves, and subsequently a hall pass to abuse. B1tches like this could drive a guy to suicide, and they’d gleefully move on with life like nothing happened.

She’s set him up for a catch 22 - if he says something, she reverts to victim, and accuses him of being a paranoid control freak; if he says nothing, she sees him as a chump with idiot tattooed on his forehead. See how that works? That’s why the only viable solution to any of this, is to just walk away — no explanation given.

This isn’t a relationship, it’s psychological warfare being waged upon the OP, but he’s gradually smartened up to what’s happening to him, now it’s time to break free from the spider’s web before he ends up a drained husk of his former self.

She deserves zero respect, and deserves no more of his valuable time. It’s time to pull the rip cord ASAP.
 

B80

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yeah ,it is very unlikely that a guy and a girl are so close and are just platonic friends , especially since that guy has a gf already

dunno , but sounds unlikely that the gf of the guy would accept in a Sunday night her bf to go and watch a movie with another woman alone , no matter how much a puss1 she thinks he is

Yeah he could have lied where he's going I guess.

Anyway, I jokingly mentioned how her kisses were missing and she's perked up again. Loads of kisses, emojis, exclamation marks. Non stop texting, back to her usual self. Crazy. ****ing insane.
 

B80

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Well, look at from this perspective. She is 110% aware that she’s mind fvcking the OP, and has been doing it from the start. A conscientious person wouldn’t be subjecting someone to such emotional torment. I know, that if I was in an r/s, and had a close female friend around me all the time, netflixing and chilling, that it’s just wrong on every level, so I just wouldn’t do it.

Just because she’s female, doesn’t mean she should be treated with kid gloves, and subsequently a hall pass to abuse. B1tches like this could drive a guy to suicide, and they’d gleefully move on with life like nothing happened.

She’s set him up for a catch 22 - if he says something, she reverts to victim, and accuses him of being a paranoid control freak; if he says nothing, she sees him as a chump with idiot tattooed on his forehead. See how that works? That’s why the only viable solution to any of this, is to just walk away — no explanation given.

This isn’t a relationship, it’s psychological warfare being waged upon the OP, but he’s gradually smartened up to what’s happening to him, now it’s time to break free from the spider’s web before he ends up a drained husk of his former self.

She deserves zero respect, and deserves no more of his valuable time. It’s time to pull the rip cord ASAP.
I'm thinking you're right, wondering if I'm dealing with someone with proper mental issues. What with climbing management ladder so quickly, general dislike of kids, not close to her own.
 
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