Making the most out of my time

Plinco

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If you guys can help me out I would appreciate it.

So I need to be able to think outside the box on this one. I'm trying to get social contacts with young people (18-24) and I have had some success, but I am not as successful as I would like to be. First, let me give you some background.

I'm turning 35 in a couple of weeks. I physically look like I'm 24-29. I have a good sales job and I like it. I have a lot of testosterone for a man in his mid-30's, even though despite the fact that I'm thin. But I have a problem; I am socially way behind on my development! I have the social maturity of a 21~ish young man. The good news is, is that I don't look or feel 35. I have no problem being around people who are collage age. The reason for this I think, is because I was so unsuccessful in my youth that I think I have to compensate for it. I only started to become successful past the age of 27. So I don't have much desire to hang out with people who are over, say, 26 because there is too little action going on; it's like they are too old for me. My goal is to get over this part of myself so that I can move on and I don't have to be stuck there forever. I do have to grow up, have a family, maybe get into politics and all of that boring stuff. First, I think I have to get this 21 year old out of my system.

There is another complication. The girl I'm suppose to marry is coming over in the matter of months. If I am going to get my young self out of my system, then I'd better do it now. So I joined some clubs in my old university posing as a student and I have done some volunteer work. I feel better that I'm around younger people again, the problem is, is that it doesn't feel like it's enough. I've tried the local fraternities but I've missed the rush dates and I can't get a hold of any of them.

How do I make the most out of my limited time? Am I missing anything?
 

Plinco

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So I'm going to try to answer my own question and say that I should get into something athletic near the campus
 

Sigma68

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Is this an arranged marriage or someone from abroad you haven't met???
 

Plinco

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My girlfriend from overseas. I've known her for a year and a half.
 

Plinco

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darn... I get no love here?
 

Plinco

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AJ84

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Why not take a night class or two and actually be a student rather than posing as one.

You would be a 35yr old working guy taking classes on the side. Own it rather than making up lies which implies you have are lacking and need to compensate.

It’s less pathetic than trying to pose as something you’re not to get in fraternities.

When I was in uni there were a couple of older people who we hung with who were upgrading skills, career change etc. They didn’t try to be someone they were not and they fun to hang with.
 

Augustus_McCrae

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If you guys can help me out I would appreciate it.

So I need to be able to think outside the box on this one. I'm trying to get social contacts with young people (18-24) and I have had some success, but I am not as successful as I would like to be. First, let me give you some background.

I'm turning 35 in a couple of weeks. I physically look like I'm 24-29. I have a good sales job and I like it. I have a lot of testosterone for a man in his mid-30's, even though despite the fact that I'm thin. But I have a problem; I am socially way behind on my development! I have the social maturity of a 21~ish young man. The good news is, is that I don't look or feel 35. I have no problem being around people who are collage age. The reason for this I think, is because I was so unsuccessful in my youth that I think I have to compensate for it. I only started to become successful past the age of 27. So I don't have much desire to hang out with people who are over, say, 26 because there is too little action going on; it's like they are too old for me. My goal is to get over this part of myself so that I can move on and I don't have to be stuck there forever. I do have to grow up, have a family, maybe get into politics and all of that boring stuff. First, I think I have to get this 21 year old out of my system.

There is another complication. The girl I'm suppose to marry is coming over in the matter of months. If I am going to get my young self out of my system, then I'd better do it now. So I joined some clubs in my old university posing as a student and I have done some volunteer work. I feel better that I'm around younger people again, the problem is, is that it doesn't feel like it's enough. I've tried the local fraternities but I've missed the rush dates and I can't get a hold of any of them.

How do I make the most out of my limited time? Am I missing anything?
It sounds like you’re trying to cram 4 years of college party/dating time into a few months. You don’t say it directly , but it seems like you want to spin plates and live the life of a carefree bachelor before settling down.

Are you Indian? What you say sounds like someone who feels like they have to follow society’s plan and timeline that’s expected of them.



-Augustus-
 

Plinco

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Yep, everything you said is in the ballbark of correct except that I am not Indian)

One thing that I have been doing a little of lately is playing sports.
 

Plinco

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Why not take a night class or two and actually be a student rather than posing as one.

You would be a 35yr old working guy taking classes on the side. Own it rather than making up lies which implies you have are lacking and need to compensate.

It’s less pathetic than trying to pose as something you’re not to get in fraternities.

When I was in uni there were a couple of older people who we hung with who were upgrading skills, career change etc. They didn’t try to be someone they were not and they fun to hang with.
I seriously thought about this too.
 

LiveYourDream

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Wanting to pretend you are a college student, at almost 35, in order to rush a fraternity so you can hang out with a younger people, comes off as creepy to me.

Owning that you have not matured properly for your age is admirable. Your intentions of how to correct it seem way off to me.
 

Plinco

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Wanting to pretend you are a college student, at almost 35, in order to rush a fraternity so you can hang out with a younger people, comes off as creepy to me.

Owning that you have not matured properly for your age is admirable. Your intentions of how to correct it seem way off to me.
It is what it is. I have nothing to hide, and I don't live for other people.
 

LiveYourDream

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It is what it is. I have nothing to hide, and I don't live for other people.
What is the intent of this girl “coming over”? Whats the full story there?

-Augustus-
This^^^
Please share and include...
How do you know her? Through family, an international service, mail order bride, OLD, work?
What is your established history with her?
Did you meet her in person overseas, on a trip where she is or where you live now?
Has it only or primarily been a LDR?
How much time have you actually spent together physically, in person, in the last year and a half?
Are you planning to live together immediately when she arrives here?
Planning to marry her?
Is that your own desire or due to your/her family pressure or both?
How many LTR’s have you had before her?
What do you really want?
Are you looking forward to her coming here?
It sounds like you feel not ready or stifled by the idea?
What is that all about?
 

Sunnypoo

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Buddy do yourself a favor and don't get married, at least not yet. You'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't do things for yourself now and get it out of your system. Once you do what you need to do then you will be better suited to make such a big decision such as marriage.
 

Plinco

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This^^^
Please share and include...
How do you know her? Through family, an international service, mail order bride, OLD, work?
What is your established history with her?
Did you meet her in person overseas, on a trip where she is or where you live now?
Has it only or primarily been a LDR?
How much time have you actually spent together physically, in person, in the last year and a half?
Are you planning to live together immediately when she arrives here?
Planning to marry her?
Is that your own desire or due to your/her family pressure or both?
How many LTR’s have you had before her?
What do you really want?
Are you looking forward to her coming here?
It sounds like you feel not ready or stifled by the idea?
What is that all about?
I met her online via friend of a friend through a Russian social media site called "VKontakte" which is like Facebook for Russians. It's a long story, but I know people in the former Soviet Union through collaborating on translating Socionics for English speakers. I had a friend that lived in Voronezh who was an acquaintance of this this girl that I will call "Susan." I started talking to her when I was talking to a number of other girls from Tinder and POF and I was curious to see if there were any differences to talking to a girl from Russia. The conversation started off with me telling her about my time in Voronezh and Moscow and how I liked the environment over there. It went back and forth a bit and I told her some jokes and we hit it off. She is very emotional and is sensitive to my opinions, which I liked a lot, plus she likes to have fun in the same ways that I like to. I decided to go back over there for ten days and meet her, and I had a blast!) she to smiled quite a bit too. Honestly, I have never dated a girl like this before. I have had long term relationships that lasted for about a year, but this girl is on a different level. She does not argue with me, instead she gives advice sheepishly. Overall she acts nicely and shy, and she is a virgin :/

I have known her for a little over a year and a half.

I have met her twice in person, once for 10 days, and another time for 8 days.

It is about as long distance as you can get.

I am going to try to get her over here and she will live with me for a month or so and we will see if we are as compatible living together as we seem to communicate and have fun. If I cannot bring her over here, then she wants me to live with her in Russia; I would consider it if I could make a living there, but I cannot. If it works out like I think it will, then yes I will marry her.

To live together is both of our desires.

I had three long term relationships before meeting her. The longest one lasted 14 months. I have never lived with any of these girls.

This is what I want:

1.) Get my youth out of my system before the end of this year.
2.) Be the best at my job in order to increase my skill set, make money for my long term goals and be an asset to the company that I work for.
3.) Use social media to promote my idea of social interaction and an idea system to build both individuality and self discipline. My goal is to be the most influential person with regards to self-improvement (this is my future career).
4.) To take care of my future family. To have at least three well developed kids that will have more opportunity than what I had.

I am looking forward to her coming here, but not before getting my youth out of my system first and building up more in savings and skills to be better able to financially support her.

I feel like I am in a rush to get a couple of things done and out of the way. At this moment in time, I am not ready for her to come over here. I am in the process of working my butt off to make it happen by the end of the year. Any advice would be awesome!))
 

LiveYourDream

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I am going to hold back and wait for more clarification so,

Before I say more...

Please fill in the rest of the story..via questions below. Please be detailed.


You have had three LTR's
One for 14 months. -- How old were you and how old was she?
Same question as above for other two LTR's??

How many days a week do you connect with this girl?
What is your main method of communicating?
Number of days per week on Skye?
Hours per day by Skype?
Hours per day week by Skype?
What does a usual Skype interaction look like?

How old is she?
What does she do?
Does she live on her own?
Is she financially independent?
Does she have savings?
Have you supported her financially in ANY way via money transfers of some kind of physical items?
Exactly What, When and was the worth, for EACH item????

When and how long ago were your two visits?

Were you at all sexual with her while you were there the first time???
the second time??
In what way?
How far did you go?

Are you and she sexual over Skype?
In what way?
What is the farthest she's gone sexually with you?

Is her/your goal to bring her here, see if you are compatible, get married, get her a green card, have kids????

Does she have any kids?

Did you meet her friends?
How many?
How?

Did you meet her parents?
What was the set up?

When you visited....did you stay with her??
Were you together 24/7?

If not...why not???

How often and what kind of schedule were you together?

Are you planning for her to live with you as soon as she arrives?

What is the plan should you not feel as compatible as you both wished?

Is she paying her way her or are you?

Is her trip here a two way ticket with a set return date?

Is it set up as a one way ticket?

If things don't work out well who pays her return fare?

lots of questions I know. You are making life decisions. I could give you a snap answer. Offering you the opportunity to fill in the story. Please do. Please be detailed.
 

Plinco

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I am going to hold back and wait for more clarification so,

Before I say more...

Please fill in the rest of the story..via questions below. Please be detailed.


You have had three LTR's
One for 14 months. -- How old were you and how old was she?
Same question as above for other two LTR's??
14 months=me: 27/28, her: 19/20

9 months= me: 30/31, her: 18/19

10 months= me:32/33, her: 20/21

How many days a week do you connect with this girl?
What is your main method of communicating?
Number of days per week on Skye?
Hours per day by Skype?
Hours per day week by Skype?
What does a usual Skype interaction look like?
We use Whatsapp, and we communicate every day. She complains that I don't communicate with her enough, but I am busy with work and other things. She probably takes up about an average of an hour and a half per day of my time. Interactions are usually playful but she does not want to leave me alone, she talks about how she wants to cuddle with me and how she misses me for example, etc. Her communication is very sweet and supportive. She teaches me on how to speak better Russian because her and I both entertained the thought of living there. I told her that if we are to live together then she better speak better English because she will be living here, at least until I am able to work remotely; so I teach her how to speak better English. Sometimes we have mundane conversations about family, weather, work, etc.

How old is she?
She is 23.
What does she do?
She is currently doing the Russian equivalent to early residency for being an oncologist.
Does she live on her own?
She lives with her parents.
Is she financially independent?
No.
Does she have savings?
No.
Have you supported her financially in ANY way via money transfers of some kind of physical items?
Exactly What, When and was the worth, for EACH item????
No.


When and how long ago were your two visits?
1st visit was for 10 days in late July, from 7/21 to 7/31 last year.
2nd visit was for 8 days in early January of this year, from 1/01 to 1/08.
Both these visits were in Moscow.

Were you at all sexual with her while you were there the first time???
the second time??
In what way?
How far did you go?
Slightly, she acts like a teenage virgin. She's private and shy about that kind of thing but I bypass that aggressively and she likes it (this is one of the things I like about her). We were alone only briefly a couple of times, like in an elevator, and we would make out, but that's as far as it goes. She wants to be a virgin until she is married.

Are you and she sexual over Skype?
In what way?
What is the farthest she's gone sexually with you?
Over Whatsapp, I like to push things a little bit but she is shy. The furthest I have gone with her is making out.

Is her/your goal to bring her here, see if you are compatible, get married, get her a green card, have kids????
Yes, if she is compatible, which I think she is.

Does she have any kids?
NO.
Did you meet her friends?
How many?
How?
I have never met any of her friends.

Did you meet her parents?
Yes, we had Christmas together with her parents (Russian Christmas is on January 7th). They have mixed feelings about me. They like me on the surface, but they don't like the idea of her moving away.

What was the set up?
Her and I walked in her home and I introduced myself (in broken Russian) to her parents and her 7 year old sister. I gave her mother flowers and her little sister a toy. I had brief conversations with her parents, but it was not very good because they do not speak English and I speak poor Russian. "Susan" translated between her parents and me about half of the time. We talked about Russian culture, like music from Victor Tsoy and Russian novels. We all had dinner and played board games after that. This whole interaction lasted for probably around five hours.

When you visited....did you stay with her??
Were you together 24/7?

If not...why not???
I rented an apartment for 10 days the first time and I stayed in a hotel for a week the second time. We were together 10 hours per day. She had to go home at a certain time to cook for her family.

How often and what kind of schedule were you together?
From 8am to 6pm every day I was there.

Are you planning for her to live with you as soon as she arrives?
Yes, she would have no where else to go.

What is the plan should you not feel as compatible as you both wished?
She will go back home.

Is she paying her way her or are you?
I am.

Is her trip here a two way ticket with a set return date?
No, it's going to be a one way ticked that I will have to pay for.

Is it set up as a one way ticket?
It will be.

If things don't work out well who pays her return fare?
I do.

lots of questions I know. You are making life decisions. I could give you a snap answer. Offering you the opportunity to fill in the story. Please do. Please be detailed.
I like the attention and I'll answer your questions no problem, but it's also off topic. The goal of this thread is about how to get where I want to go before she gets here.
 
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