make up and break up... immaturity or road to ruin?

[styleman]

I'm half Indian half English, she's Pakistani. I'm Hindu, although not very religious and she's Muslim.

We've been dating for around a year. We knew this would be an issue from the start, but there was an obvious spark from day one, so against our better judgement we gave it a go.

She admits to having discussed the situation with her friends, and they tell her that it can never work so she should move on. She comes from a relativly orthodox background, I do not. I console her and tell her we can work it out.

We don't fight a lot, we've never fought about religion or culture.

Its happened before, but this all amalgamted before this last weekend, and she told me things like, its like I can't live with you or without you, I hate you for doing this to me I'm so in love with you... I only tried to console the girl because honestly speaking she's young (about 4 years younger than me), she's seen little else in her life outside her own culture, and is indecisive by nature.

She seemed to have convinced herself that it can't work out, so eventually after around half an hour of talking I tell her she's won.

She is clearly upset about this, but I tell her I'm sleeping.

I spoke to her the next day and she was very cold with me, so I just was polite and let her be.

Today she messages me late at night, after I ignored her all day, asking where I am what I'm doing, I ask her some questions in return then tell her I'm going to sleep, she then goes on and on at me saying she hates me. I had it in my head that I would not take her back unless she apologised, but I do have a soft spot for her and I told her I love her. She tells me she doesn't believe me, so I get a bit annoyed by this, I tell her I am only doing what she wants by keeping distance and that I love her enough to let her go if that's what she wants. She eventually gives in tells me I love you too, and she comes over and has sex with me. Now I'm lost as to what to do, I know I shouldn't have given in so easily but I do actually feel bad if I upset her... Now the biggest thing is how to play it... I would like to keep her but I really need her to grow up and see that she can make her own life decisions and that if she loves me like she says she does then she should be willing to work for it.

Guys how can I keep her under control?

 

[styleman]

Please help..

 

[styleman]

???

 

[L B]

Nothing you can do. Unfortunately, it is almost impossible for a person instantly think for herself and not care about what her friends, family, or religion thinks.

Continue your relationship with her if you can tolerate it, but as time passes, her main issue with you is only going to intensify. To make it work, you both have to put in the effort. If she doesn't do her put, the relationship is doom sooner or later.

 

[styleman]

Is there not a way to make her put in more effort?

 

[Maximummax]

So why you want to date a chick who asks her friends opinion whether to date or not to date you?
if you feel you are not comfortable with all this just move on

 

[styleman]

So why you want to date a chick who asks her friends opinion whether to date or not to date you?
if you feel you are not comfortable with all this just move on

Its not really as simple as that, you may or may not know India and Pakistan is a lifelong rivalry, much like Israelis and Palestinians.

 

[styleman]

Please help...

 

[pipe007]

trying to control another person = inner weakness.

you are weak right now

 

[perseverance]

Unfortunately I don't think it's going to last, when someone is religious, religion usually trumps everything and yes I know full well about the bad blood between India and Pakistan, you only have to read articles about Pakistan expressing concern about India's growing influence in Afghanistan.

Sometimes love just isn't enough, so you have to make a decision my friend. You can stay with her and except that at some point you two will split up due to religious differences, or you can break up now and walk away from it? Either way it's going to be a really hard decision.

 

[styleman]

Guys, I thought being a DJ was about being strong? Can't we be stronger than religion and social stigmas? Can't a girl feel so attached to you, that that is more important than anything else? How do we acchieve this?

 

[L B]

Guys, I thought being a DJ was about being strong? Can't we be stronger than religion and social stigmas? Can't a girl feel so attached to you, that that is more important than anything else? How do we acchieve this?

Not everything can be controlled. You can't force your will on others. They have to decide for themselves. You might be able to put a lot of effort in manipulating her into following you for so long. Eventually she will go back to her old self and in the process cause you a lot of drama.

Being a DJ, you weigh the cost and benefit of this and see if she's quality enough for you to waste all your effort/time to win her over or if it's better to pursuit others. Personally, I have better things to do than spending all this effort to get someone to love me. No woman is worth all that work.