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Main plate hooked up with another guy during new years, kind of bothered.

Lover_boy

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So I’ve been dating this 21 year old non-exclusively for the past 3 months. It’s important that I first share with you all her current situation so that you can have a clear understating. She is currently in a “open relationship/long distance” with her current bf. The dude is in another country for the military and he is planning to move back to the states and move in with her and do the whole exclusive LTR with her in early February. They have been separated since March of last year. In the meantime she’s been dating around. I met her in September of last year and we’ve been seeing each other and smashing once and sometimes twice per week since.

We both knew and understood that we were just having fun and dating non exclusive since she knew she was going to eventually move in with her “real bf” in February of this year. But Since the last two months, we would see each other more and more regularly. I met her mom and even went over to her house on Christmas Day.

She asked me one day in mid-December what were going to do on new years? To which I answered that I was going away for new years to visit friends in South America. When I got back in town on Sunday I called her to hang out but she did not answer or returned my call.

Fast forward to today when I saw her, I asked her what she did for new years and she said she went on a date with someone. To which she later expressed that she made out with the guy and he fingered her. She asked if I did anything when I was away and I said yeah.

Now, even though I also smashed when I was away on my trip, I can’t help but feel my ego is hurt a bit with this news. I know I can’t expect her to sit at her house and do nothing on new years. But I guess it felt better before knowing I was the only guy she was dating/smashing and now there’s someone else in the picture.

She insisted that she wanted to hangout with me this Saturday and sleep over so her interest for me are still there. But I am kind of upset and a bit jealous that she hooked up or even smashed another dude.


FYI, I am not in love or have any feelings for this chick. I guess my ego is just a bit hurt.

How do you guys handle your non-exclusive plates? Let them date other guys ? Or drop them as soon as you know there’s someone else? I know her motives were also to maybe get back at me since she was expecting to hang out with me on new years to which I didn’t. But I Don’t really like the thought of becoming option #2 if that’s gonna happen … thoughts ?
 

BackInTheGame78

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She is cheating on her boyfriend to be with you, why would you not think she would cheat on you? And technically it isn't even cheating since you aren't her boyfriend. It's nothing really, but you have a glimpse inside who she is so you should know this is what is going to happen.

She is a plate, whatever she does when she isn't with you is her business.

Clearly you DO have feelings for her or else this wouldn't even be brought up. She made it clear she wanted to hang out with you Saturday, what's the problem?

I'm sorry but I don't get the posts where guys claim these women are only plates and they don't care, but then are so concerned with what the woman is doing when she isn't with them.

Bro...that isn't a plate if you are concerned with that, it's a girlfriend in your mind. Be honest with yourself and then be honest with her.
 
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manfrombelow

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"Plate" itself means she is not committed to you a.k.a she's free to fvck whomever she wants other than you. As a man, you are expected to treat a plate as the name suggests: a fvck buddy/FWB, no more no less, and vice-versa, she is expected not to want anything more than sex from you.

So, the fact you are feeling "bothered" displays a certain level of emotional attachment from your side, which is troublesome in the long run and something that you need to re-evaluate from now on.
 

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Mike32ct

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Agree with the others above. It's also a case of "You didn't really want to know..."

She brought up the finger guy for one of two reasons:

a) She thought you were really cool/comfortable as a FWB and didn't think it would bother you at all; or

b) She was still resentful that you weren't with her on NYE, so she wanted to rub it in your face out of spite.

I'm leaning towards (b).
 

LARaiders85

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So, the fact you are feeling "bothered" displays a certain level of emotional attachment from your side, which is troublesome in the long run and something that you need to re-evaluate from now on.
I believe it's normal and I believe it's not necessarily attachment to one specific woman, but attachment to the plausible deniability of not being single anymore regardless.
 

ThisIsSparta

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She is currently in a “open relationship/long distance” with her current bf.
Thats what SHE said.

The question is what did you expect/hope from a person like that?

I had a plate (cheated on her BF as well), that told me that she needs to be careful not to fall for me and asked me if i feel the same. Her being an obvious hoe i just said "nope, i am good".

Next time i met her to fck she told me story upfront how she met a guy at a bar with hom she ended up in a park making out with him groping her and she "almost let him fck her".

I called BS on that and thought of it as a revenge on me for "not falling in love with her" ...... or maybe just to get a jealous reaction out of me.

So i guess your plate maybe just wants to ****-test you and see your reaction on her going for other men.
 

SW15

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You got too emotionally attached to a low value promiscuous woman.
This is exactly what happened.

Side note: does anyone really think this woman will one day just meet the right guy and suddenly see that guy as more than just a utility? Think again.
She is likely to have a messy relationship life going forward.
 

Barrister

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OP,

I didn't even have to get 2 sentences into your post to know the problem. The problem isn't that this "plate" is seeing other people - that is obviously going to be the case if you two aren't exclusive and she is attractive. The problem is that you have developed feelings for her when you shouldn't have. She is cheating on her boyfriend with you. This girl clearly is not worth your time for anything more than a fvck here or there given what you already know she is capable of. Yet, you are here posting about this and "bothered." Why?

It is always important to be realistic about plate spinning. You have to accept that your time on the ride is generally limited as we say and keep your mental barriers up to prevent this kind of thing happening. Especially when you start seeing a woman that is in another relationship or married - you know this kind of thing is temporary. My recommendation? Cut ties with her now. You will be better off and have a clear head.

Good luck.
 

BackInTheGame78

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OP,

I didn't even have to get 2 sentences into your post to know the problem. The problem isn't that this "plate" is seeing other people - that is obviously going to be the case if you two aren't exclusive and she is attractive. The problem is that you have developed feelings for her when you shouldn't have. She is cheating on her boyfriend with you. This girl clearly is not worth your time for anything more than a fvck here or there given what you already know she is capable of. Yet, you are here posting about this and "bothered." Why?

It is always important to be realistic about plate spinning. You have to accept that your time on the ride is generally limited as we say and keep your mental barriers up to prevent this kind of thing happening. Especially when you start seeing a woman that is in another relationship or married - you know this kind of thing is temporary. My recommendation? Cut ties with her now. You will be better off and have a clear head.

Good luck.
Guys really struggle with not having the same expectations from plates as they do from GFs after a while. So many posts about guys expecting the same behavior from a plate they would expect from their GF and I honestly don't get it.
 

Barrister

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Guys really struggle with not having the same expectations from plates as they do from GFs after a while. So many posts about guys expecting the same behavior from a plate they would expect from their GF and I honestly don't get it.
Yep. It is easy to let the chemical rush of feelings you get with a new woman make you think "she is the one!" or "she feels different about me than all those other guys she was before!" Especially if she is telling you this kind of thing to your face. I think once you become experienced with women you see through this stuff. In fact, if a woman actually says these things to you, I wouldn't say it is necessarily a red flag, but my warning bells begin going off that she may be Cluster B.
 

Howiestern

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So I’ve been dating this 21 year old non-exclusively for the past 3 months. It’s important that I first share with you all her current situation so that you can have a clear understating. She is currently in a “open relationship/long distance” with her current bf. The dude is in another country for the military and he is planning to move back to the states and move in with her and do the whole exclusive LTR with her in early February. They have been separated since March of last year. In the meantime she’s been dating around. I met her in September of last year and we’ve been seeing each other and smashing once and sometimes twice per week since.

We both knew and understood that we were just having fun and dating non exclusive since she knew she was going to eventually move in with her “real bf” in February of this year. But Since the last two months, we would see each other more and more regularly. I met her mom and even went over to her house on Christmas Day.

She asked me one day in mid-December what were going to do on new years? To which I answered that I was going away for new years to visit friends in South America. When I got back in town on Sunday I called her to hang out but she did not answer or returned my call.

Fast forward to today when I saw her, I asked her what she did for new years and she said she went on a date with someone. To which she later expressed that she made out with the guy and he fingered her. She asked if I did anything when I was away and I said yeah.

Now, even though I also smashed when I was away on my trip, I can’t help but feel my ego is hurt a bit with this news. I know I can’t expect her to sit at her house and do nothing on new years. But I guess it felt better before knowing I was the only guy she was dating/smashing and now there’s someone else in the picture.

She insisted that she wanted to hangout with me this Saturday and sleep over so her interest for me are still there. But I am kind of upset and a bit jealous that she hooked up or even smashed another dude.


FYI, I am not in love or have any feelings for this chick. I guess my ego is just a bit hurt.

How do you guys handle your non-exclusive plates? Let them date other guys ? Or drop them as soon as you know there’s someone else? I know her motives were also to maybe get back at me since she was expecting to hang out with me on new years to which I didn’t. But I Don’t really like the thought of becoming option #2 if that’s gonna happen … thoughts ?
You got attached to a wh0re that is playing multiple men. This chic has bigger balls than you do.

And you don't have any other plates either.
 

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Modern Man Advice

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Might as well say the same thing for any woman. What makes her a higher risk than a woman that you went out on the 3rd date with and banged(who, unbeknownst to you, banged another guy that week)?
She has a bf. And practices non-monogamy. Meaning her moral values are low, which means she is of very low quality. Untrustworthy.

But to your point, you should be protecting yourself with any women nowadays cause you are right, most modern feminists are sexually liberated which means sex is abundant.
 

Lover_boy

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OP,

I didn't even have to get 2 sentences into your post to know the problem. The problem isn't that this "plate" is seeing other people - that is obviously going to be the case if you two aren't exclusive and she is attractive. The problem is that you have developed feelings for her when you shouldn't have. She is cheating on her boyfriend with you. This girl clearly is not worth your time for anything more than a fvck here or there given what you already know she is capable of. Yet, you are here posting about this and "bothered." Why?
Its not so much that I caught feelings, its more like an egotistical feeling to want to be her main attention but to also keep it non-exclusive. As @Mike32ct mentioned, I believe she also said it to rub it in my face a bit since she was kind of getting attached to me before the holidays.

I appreciate everyone's input, if she is just a plate, I have to treat it as such and not be bothered nor care who she messes with or hasn't messed with. (Also need to let go of the urge to ask questions and want to find out what they did or did not do during my time away from them).

This girl is not LTR material due to her current promiscuous behaviors while still having a bf in an LDR. Even though the bf knows about me and at first said it was ok but lately has gotten jealous about me being around.

I will continue seeing her as I please and look for other plates.
 
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