LTRs and problems with intimacy

MachinePT

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Hey guys, been a lurker for some time in this forum, learned tons through you guys, and this is my first post.

I have been noticing some issues in me with LTRs , in wich after about 3 months of banging the same girl, i start to lose interest in the interaction.

I mantain the relationship as long as i can because the girls are fun and and wife material, but somehow my sex drive plunders after few months. Thats when always find myself trying to sabotage the relationship, thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Not quite sure what im asking here, but as anyone gone through the same thing?
 
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ShePays

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What you describe is the same phenomenon experienced with porn. It's possible that you've conditioned your sex drive to be triggered by the "New(to you) car smell," rather than the "roar of the engine," so to speak. Or, you're just bullsh!ting yourself about how awesome these girls really are, and you're body chemistry is short-circuiting your self-hypnosis, and telling you to move along. Hard to tell. What do your trusted friends tell you about these girls, since they're in a better position to know the truth?
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Do you value novelty or intimacy? That’s what you need to get examine. Is novelty getting you where you need to go or are you starting to get the sense that it’s hollow and you are missing out on something deeper?

When you say wife material in what sense do you mean?

How are the womens’ disposition? Are they nice? Too nice? Too compliant?

Around here you’ll hear guys talk about feminine women & submissiveness and so forth...but if a girl is too nice, too compliant, too submissive then you are going to get BORED. You need someone who keeps you on your toes in some way beyond the bedroom. Not a shjt tester necessarily but a woman who thinks for herself and holds her own in some way.

Are these women stimulating outside the bedroom?

Are they too safe in the bedroom?

Help us help you. Cheers.
 

Jager

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Hey guys, been a lurker for some time in this forum, learned tons through you guys, and this is my first post.

I have been noticing some issues in me with LTRs , in wich after about 3 months of banging the same girl, i start to lose interest in the interaction.

I mantain the relationship as long as i can because the girls are fun and and wife material, but somehow my sex drive plunders after few months. Thats when always find myself trying to sabotage the relationship, thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Not quite sure what im asking here, but as anyone gone through the same thing?
Stop getting into LTRs. Clearly, you don’t want them. If you did, you wouldn’t be having this problem.
 

Jager

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What you describe is the same phenomenon experienced with porn. It's possible that you've conditioned your sex drive to be triggered by the "New(to you) car smell," rather than the "roar of the engine," so to speak. Or, you're just bullsh!ting yourself about how awesome these girls really are, and you're body chemistry is short-circuiting your self-hypnosis, and telling you to move along. Hard to tell. What do your trusted friends tell you about these girls, since they're in a better position to know the truth?
It’s more than likely simpler than that. Getting into LTRs because he’s been taught to. Not because he wants to.
 
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Jager

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Black Widow Void

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Men can grow tired of the mundane and predictable. If this wasn't the case, playboy magazine could sell the same issue over and over again every month - every year. My advice is to try doing things a little differently. Also, if you are watching porn (as we all have and do) break away from this habit or keep it to a minimum.
 

MachinePT

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What you describe is the same phenomenon experienced with porn. It's possible that you've conditioned your sex drive to be triggered by the "New(to you) car smell," rather than the "roar of the engine," so to speak. Or, you're just bullsh!ting yourself about how awesome these girls really are, and you're body chemistry is short-circuiting your self-hypnosis, and telling you to move along. Hard to tell. What do your trusted friends tell you about these girls, since they're in a better position to know the truth?
Maybe it's the long exposure to porn , dunno. feels like i havent got all out of my system yet.
So you keep the same intensity of desire for the same person after months ?
 

MachinePT

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It’s more than likely simpler than that. Getting into LTRs because he’s been taught to. Not because he wants to.
I think that deep down we all want a partner, specially if it's good material
 
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ShePays

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Maybe it's the long exposure to porn , dunno. feels like i havent got all out of my system yet.
So you keep the same intensity of desire for the same person after months ?
Depends on the girl. Depends on the chemistry, too. But, if you're mixing porn into the equation, it's impossible to know what's real, and what's just the jackleg rewiring porn did to your brain. The good news is that it's reversible. The less-good news is that it'll take self-discipline and patience.

It takes about 30 days of consistent performance or abstinence for habit to be formed or broken, but it can take up to 2 years of consistent discipline for real change to occur, which is why people don't often associate negative consequences to their bad habits(because the consequences tend to lag the acquisition of the new habit). That's also why people so often revert to bad habits recently broken, because the positive changes come slowly.

If your buddies who know these girls are calling you a dumbass, for bailing on these girls, they might be worth a second look....assuming your buddies aren't dumbasses. But, if you aren't healthy, right now, it doesn't really matter how great those girls are; you won't be capable of a healthy relationship, anyway.

Just focus on you, and the better YOU get, the higher your standards will be for anyone you share your time with. Then, if you do happen to find a girl you click with, it is possible for attraction to grow and mature, with time...but, that should only be someone you want to make a family with, not just lock down, out of complacency, desperation, or fear of loneliness. That's how people end up in nightmare relationships.

Think about porn and masturbation as intercourse disruptors. You wouldn't expect to have healthy relationships with family, bosses/co-workers, or friends, if you were battling any type of substance addiction. Porn and masturbation are even worse than a heroine addiction, to a healthy sexual relationship, because at least junkies can share a needle with each other, but porn/masturbation "junkies" are usually even more isolated from their partners. You really have to rely on your girl to be your porn and source of sexual pleasure, if you want to develop a real sexual bond.
 
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MachinePT

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Depends on the girl. Depends on the chemistry, too. But, if your mixing porn into the equation, it's impossible to know what's real, and what's just the jackleg rewiring porn did to your brain. The good news is that it's reversible. The less-good news is that it'll take self-discipline and patience.

It takes about 30 days of consistent performance or abstinence for habit to be formed or broken, but it can take up to 2 years of consistent discipline for real change to occur, which is why people don't often associate negative consequences to their bad habits(because the consequences tend to lag the acquisition of the new habit). That's also why people so often revert to bad habits recently broken, because the positive changes come slowly.

If your buddies who know these girls are calling you a dumbass, for bailing on these girls, they might be worth a second look....assuming your buddies aren't dumbasses. But, if you aren't healthy, right now, it doesn't really matter how great those girls are; you won't be capable of a healthy relationship, anyway.

Just focus on you, and the better YOU get, the higher your standards will be for anyone you share your time with. Then, if you do happen to find a girl you click with, it is possible for attraction to grow and mature, with time...but, that should only be someone you want to make a family with, not just lock down, out of complacency, desperation, or fear of loneliness. That's how people end up in nightmare relationships.

Think about porn and masturbation as intercourse disruptors. You wouldn't expect to have healthy relationships with family, bosses/co-workers, or friends, if you were battling any type of substance addiction. Porn and masturbation are even worse than a heroine addiction, to a healthy sexual relationship, because at least junkies can share a needle with each other, but porn/masturbation "junkies" are usually even more isolated from their partners. You really have to rely on your girl to be your porn and source of sexual pleasure, if you want to develop a real sexual bond.
Great answer dude. It really answered alot of questions for me. thanks
 

Suave88

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Hey guys, been a lurker for some time in this forum, learned tons through you guys, and this is my first post.

I have been noticing some issues in me with LTRs , in wich after about 3 months of banging the same girl, i start to lose interest in the interaction.

I mantain the relationship as long as i can because the girls are fun and and wife material, but somehow my sex drive plunders after few months. Thats when always find myself trying to sabotage the relationship, thinking that the grass is always greener on the other side.

Not quite sure what im asking here, but as anyone gone through the same thing?
So you are losing interest because sex is not satisfying you? Is this particular girl born in same year you were born? What year were you and her born?
 

MachinePT

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What you describe is the same phenomenon experienced with porn. It's possible that you've conditioned your sex drive to be triggered by the "New(to you) car smell," rather than the "roar of the engine," so to speak. Or, you're just bullsh!ting yourself about how awesome these girls really are, and you're body chemistry is short-circuiting your self-hypnosis, and telling you to move along. Hard to tell. What do your trusted friends tell you about these girls, since they're in a better position to know the truth?
My friends love my gfs. But the problem , along side porn,is that they are all puas.

Its hard to shut down the pick up engine when all the time i hear their field reports and videos, photos etc...i end up valuing more the time i spend with the boys :/
 
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ShePays

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My friends love my gfs. But the problem , along side porn,is that they are all puas.

Its hard to shut down the pick up engine when all the time i hear their field reports and videos, photos etc...i end up valuing more the time i spend with the boys :/
Noting wrong with spending the bulk of your time with the boys, but how healthy can it be that all that time is spent talking about and chasing girls? Maybe you guys could take up skydiving together?
 

BeExcellent

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Depends on the girl. Depends on the chemistry, too. But, if you're mixing porn into the equation, it's impossible to know what's real, and what's just the jackleg rewiring porn did to your brain. The good news is that it's reversible. The less-good news is that it'll take self-discipline and patience.

It takes about 30 days of consistent performance or abstinence for habit to be formed or broken, but it can take up to 2 years of consistent discipline for real change to occur, which is why people don't often associate negative consequences to their bad habits(because the consequences tend to lag the acquisition of the new habit). That's also why people so often revert to bad habits recently broken, because the positive changes come slowly.

If your buddies who know these girls are calling you a dumbass, for bailing on these girls, they might be worth a second look....assuming your buddies aren't dumbasses. But, if you aren't healthy, right now, it doesn't really matter how great those girls are; you won't be capable of a healthy relationship, anyway.

Just focus on you, and the better YOU get, the higher your standards will be for anyone you share your time with. Then, if you do happen to find a girl you click with, it is possible for attraction to grow and mature, with time...but, that should only be someone you want to make a family with, not just lock down, out of complacency, desperation, or fear of loneliness. That's how people end up in nightmare relationships.

Think about porn and masturbation as intercourse disruptors. You wouldn't expect to have healthy relationships with family, bosses/co-workers, or friends, if you were battling any type of substance addiction. Porn and masturbation are even worse than a heroine addiction, to a healthy sexual relationship, because at least junkies can share a needle with each other, but porn/masturbation "junkies" are usually even more isolated from their partners. You really have to rely on your girl to be your porn and source of sexual pleasure, if you want to develop a real sexual bond.
Strongly concur with the above. Good stuff.

I would add that in a great relationship the sexual connection and the intimacy deepens and increases over time. Novelty gets replaced with depth but there are also ways to create excitement and novelty in an established relationship. Therein you get the best of both worlds.
 

Suave88

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Hmm 10 year of difference. I think it is really a novelty issue
Your problem is not intimacy, you have sex problems, this doesn't mean you have impotence, but you are with the wrong woman. Just because the relationship is intimate does not mean it relates to sex. Intimacy means sharing, openness, mutuality.
You also dont have attraction problems, as I understand you believe the girl is wife material, so you like the girl in the exterior, but when it comes to sex and orgams you dont get the right climax.

You are in a ying ying or yang yang relationship. This is like magnetic attraction/repulsion, like the poles north and south - and - or + and + connection.

You know the rule different poles are attracted, while equal poles repulse.

You need a different woman and she needs different man. If you are yang, you need a ying female and if you are ying, then you need a yang female.

You do not need this forum because you don't have an attraction's problem. SoSuave is about PUA, it about how to get the girl out and to the bed. It is about picking up women. If You don't like the girl in sex, then there is nothing that can be done, other than finding a different girl you like to fvck.

Look, my father used to say "any pvssy will milk your cuck", but if so, why did he run out the front door with the excuse of visiting the market, but actually intended to be in bed with other women than my mother. He didnt like my mother, but she was wife material.

That is my point of view....which is based on some readings that shaped my believe. The material source comes from Oriental culture, not Western civilisation.
This is an alternative view/opinion to the view anyone can give you in here.
 
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