LTR traveling to visit girlfriends, did not ask you to go

[st_99]

and guy she banged before you is also in that city and part of the same circle.

From a non paranoid non jealous perspective but simply from a respect perspective what are your thoughts?

 

[jonhaul]

Just not care nor worry about it thats how you loose the women through being jealous just do not show it and let it go.

 

[st_99]

How long together? And what is the level of seriousness (living together? etc,...)

living together / about 2 years relationship total.

(btw, this isnt me but a guy i know)

 

[Boilermaker]

I was very skeptical about a lot of things, not all women are slvts when I was in the process of unplugging. Later, life taught me otherwise. (aww poor me)

That "part of the same circle" thing bothered me a little. It sounds like, getting wasted and ending up in a bed is not a remote possibility.

Enter more data.

 

[st_99]

No invite is a red flag. A pretty major one actually for this particulary case. I would begin looking for new places to stay in preparation for leaving her. How long til the lease renewal? Please do not tell me they bought a place together.

I would also start seriously looking for other options and going out without her in the aim to gather more plates. It will make it easier to dump her. Bottom line, for me this is a "next" situation.

so are you saying its a big red flag because too much a chance she will cheat (im thinking this guy has moved on and doesnt care at all about this girl, its been too long)

OR

are you saying its a big red flag because its disrespectful because her boyfriend knows the situation, the history and what went down in the past with this circle? and she should be more in tune with what he may be thinking or feeling about it all..? and she doesnt seem to care?

 

[Maximummax]

Dude
she is going to ***** around, so she can get new d1ck. period

 

[In2theGame]

and guy she banged before you is also in that city and part of the same circle.

From a non paranoid non jealous perspective but simply from a respect perspective what are your thoughts?

IMO, Theres Danger ahead..... You have to remember the card females play. They deny everything! until you actually catch her with a c*ck in her mouth THEN and only then she will admit that she cheated but will turn it around and say its your fault because you neglected her etc,,. Ive heard multiple girls say this to each other "Dont admit anything!" or something similar.

 

[Aristippus]

A woman that's crazy about you will not pull crap like this. A woman that's crazy about you will invite you to vacation with her. She won't put herself in a situation that could jeopardize her relationship, like going out of town to visit girls who are in the same social circle with a guy she used to have sex with.

If nothing else, this is disrespectful, even if she has no intentions of fooling around. At this point you set boundaries. You either tell her that that would be disrespectful and she's not going, or you dump her (this depends on if there are a bunch of warning signs you've noticed in the relationship). I'd say not inviting you to vacation with her and disrespecting you by creating a situation where you could potentially doubt her loyalty are by themselves two warning signals.

Women are VERY concerned with what others think of them. This means, if she has high interest and is good girlfriend material, she would tread carefully so as NOT to put herself in a situation where you might question her loyalty and integrity. Sometimes women don't see their own double standards, which is why, if you feel overall the relationship is good, you simply tell her no, in a calm but firm way, as if she were a child who simply didn't know any better. If she pushes the issue, get pissed, and use calm anger in your favor. At that point a dump might be the best course of action, with what limited information I have.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear St,
You have disobeyed one of Rollos Laws,don't let them move in....I suppose if it is a shared household OK....No prepare yourself,think how you painlessly slide out of this relationship?....start spinning plates this weekend,when you feel secure enough,either move out yourself or if you have the lease,just tell her to go,having found a new tenant...Pre-emptive strikes are not limited to warfare,lull her into false security then strike,plan your own Pearl Harbour,Oh a really smooth unplugging from some Smart Arvsed Vixon is soo sweet!

 

[SecondHalf]

Pretty clear, poor sod!

ST, how's he taking it?
What's his gut telling him to do?

SH

 

[st_99]

Pretty clear, poor sod!

ST, how's he taking it?
What's his gut telling him to do?

SH

well he's totally in love with her so he isn't going anywhere. I think he feels nervous about it but isn't going to do anything about it either. She is a professional flirt and is a very likable person and one of those types that people can easily fall for. She has him hook line and sinker and she knows it.

Having good knowlege about the whole deal i honestly dont think anything is up with that other guy. It was something very brief and they were not dating or anything, im 95% sure nothing will happen or if she will even see him.

But my concern was more so how disrespectful the whole thing is because she knows that her current boyfriend knows about this guy and well, does that mean she thinks less of him because of the non invite? does the fact that they have been together a while now make it that she SHOULD automatically invite him OR does it make her traveling alone not a big deal, even if there is some shady history there?

 

[st_99]

A woman that's crazy about you will not pull crap like this. A woman that's crazy about you will invite you to vacation with her. She won't put herself in a situation that could jeopardize her relationship, like going out of town to visit girls who are in the same social circle with a guy she used to have sex with.

this was my concern but then i thought well, its been a couple years of them being together and maybe the relationship has matured to a point where you can travel alone to see friends and not feel like you're doing something wrong? i was thinking at like the 7-8 month stage you feel crazy about eachother and so of course you want to do everything together but after a couple years that naturally cools down and a more trusting phase enters.. i dont know, i could be totally wrong.

When I was in a LTR i never had to deal with anything like this because my girlfriend did not have friends in other cities to travel to. So i dont know what the correct move is.

 

[Slickster]

Are we talking about a weekend trip or months of travelling?

 

[Warrior74]

Lots of worry about nothing. All you can do is either trust your girl until you have a reason not to, or lock her in a basement. Pick one. I ain't gonna have a heart attack stressing over what she's doing when she's with her girls. If I think she's cheating or get that vibe, cut her loose. Otherwise, carry on.

There is another reason your friend is worried. What is it? Because this shouldn't have him so worried. It's because he's lost all frame. Things have not been as they were, and her behavior has changed right? I would bet a million dollars this is true. It's not about the other guy, its about him and how he's wussed out. He doesn't deserve her anymore and he knows he, he just hopes he can keep her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Lots of worry about nothing. All you can do is either trust your girl until you have a reason not to, or lock her in a basement. Pick one. I ain't gonna have a heart attack stressing over what she's doing when she's with her girls. If I think she's cheating or get that vibe, cut her loose. Otherwise, carry on.

I agree. And if the thread title were my gf won't let me go see my friends without her because my ex lives in the same city, that gf would be a jealous b!tch.

 

[Boilermaker]

I agree with Warrior as well.

He probably spotted the root cause.

 

[C-quenced]

and guy she banged before you is also in that city and part of the same circle.

From a non paranoid non jealous perspective but simply from a respect perspective what are your thoughts?

Anything is possible. Would I immediately accuse her of anything without having any proof? No. Would I trust her in such a manner that I would immediately assume she would never do such a thing? Absolutely not. I learned a while back NEVER to trust a female and not just simply for the sake of not trusting them. Not even women trust other women so that should be telling enough.

The problem is many guys are deranged and allow themselves to become emotionally attached to these broads and then start sweating the circumstances the second something seems "odd" or out of place. Their expectations from women and relationships are unrealistic and too demanding. Lets just say that females (when their interest is beginning to fade) do whatever they want regardless of how you feel and there's not a damn thing you could do about what she decides is going to happen.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198738

 

[FairShake]

As the others said: If you can't trust her don't date her.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear St,
When we chose a name for our Kids,our Dog it shows a lot about our the role we see them playing in our lives,choosing a name for ourselves is even more revealing.....Perhaps you see yourself as a Saint,often they went looking for persecution and were happily martyred...great news mate you are about to be Canonised.....Blind Freddy can see this Woman is enjoying a power trip at your expense,some Women push their boundaries,escalating the levels of bad behaviour until you decide to pull them into line,when she talks about going away with Family and Friends,they will ask,what does your little St think about this?she will earn their respect by saying Oh him,I have him eating out of my hand....
If things are upsetting you so much that you write asking for advice,then she sees your discomfort too,probably enjoying it,she gets away with it and there will have been a pivotal change in the relationship.....Bettina Arndts book "The svex diaries" goes through I think about twenty situations where relationships are starting to fall apart,in only two were they salvaged,and only in the bluntest of reactions from the Male involved,the most successful involved disrespectful behaviour similar to yours.....briefly,the guy wrote her a letter just saying he wasn't a mind reader,she has to frankly declare what's going on and make her mind up or, he would commence divorce proceedings....Jealous?I suppose it is,but whats mine I will fight for ....Someone here signs off with,"What would Clint Eastwood do"....So what would he do?....
Ultimatums are a last resort but unfortunately there are times when they are necessary....Reflect when Hitler started his little game by walking into the Rhineland,stopping him would have been like treading on an ant,his Political rivals would then have smartly finished him off,maybe saving 60 million lives!

 

[C-quenced]

I am saying it's a red flag because I have never known of a woman to do this thing when she has sufficient interest in her man.

She would want to show her man off to her friends, and definitely to her ex should he appear. What would be the point of her going away and not wanting her bf to go?

This is not about the ex living in the same city, the ex has the same circle of friends. There is a big difference here. And to tell the truth, separate vacations are a red flag. Never have I seen anything good come of them.

These are not the actions of a woman in love. These are the actions of a woman who does what she wants, when she wants. Such women are not built for relationships.

If the OP needs to ask then chances are that his intuition is telling him that something about this particular woman's behavior is off. It's easier for everyone else (male and female) to explain it off as just a bad case of jealousy.