LTR screening only test that you need

[Bigpapa]

I was recently chatting with a girl that a couple of years back had a crush on , but both of us were dating other people so nothing happened . The only thing that I remember is that I really liked her a lot because she seemed to be an amazing person

Recently we started chatting and things happened

at some point , she mentioned that she put her Instagram on dating apps so she can get more followers . I started laughing and told her that it is quite stupid what she did , as at maximum she will get a lot of low value men attention , which is quite irrelevant .

she started getting defensive and told me that I judge her in a bad way . I asked her what it would be the correct way to judge her . She did not respond and only got angry on me and told me that she Is disappointed in me as she really liked . I told her that I understand that she has insecurities and that everyone has them , but we should try not to let them be in charge of us . She gets pissed and leaves

thinking about this and other discussions like this with women , I realized that there is only one big test that matters the most . And that is to try to put her into her place early in the relationship and see how she responds to this .

people that are worthwhile will try to have a proper discussion ( as long as you do not look too judge mental ) without getting pissed , while the people that should avoid will go kaboom from the very first word if they feel criticized

imagine having a relationship with someone that you can not have a serious discussion with . It would be hell

 

[Bigpapa]

Disagree, I think she would have shown low value if she tolerated you putting her down that early on. Sure, later on a hypersensitive person is a huge drain and red flag, but they become apparent quickly. I would even caution against displaying your values too soon, because she might learn to hide her own values.

I agree with you that showing my values early on can make the woman hide her true self , but in the same time I think that is more important to see how people behave when you put pressure on them .

I kinda disagree with the idea that a woman is low value if she puts on when you say something like that . Why do you think so ?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

No idea why guys want to argue with women over stuff like this. OP, what did you think you were going to accomplish with this?

 

[Bigpapa]

No idea why guys want to argue with women over stuff like this. OP, what did you think you were going to accomplish with this?

initially I thought that it was a test from her , to see how I would react , so I pushed a non judge mental frame .

apparently this frame triggered a bad attitude from her and tried to reason with a her for a bit , so she will calm down . After this did not work then I just put her in her place as she pissed me off .

do you think that it would have been better to not put her in her place , especially since I was thinking about an ltr with her ( based on my impression I had about her from 2 years ago when we were talking a lot in a group setting ) ?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

initially I thought that it was a test from her , to see how I would react , so I pushed a non judge mental frame .

apparently this frame triggered a bad attitude from her and tried to reason with a her for a bit , so she will calm down . After this did not work then I just put her in her place as she pissed me off .

do you think that it would have been better to not put her in her place , especially since I was thinking about an ltr with her ( based on my impression I had about her from 2 years ago when we were talking a lot in a group setting ) ?

I think you need to re-evaluate your definition of "non judgemental". What you told her is the very definition of judgemental.

You told her what she did was very stupid. How does that say non judgmental to you?

But, hey, congrats...you "won" the argument. Now you get to write a post about it.

 

[derby1]

do you think that it would have been better to not put her in her place

with women your best off using projection....ie

instead of being authority....guide her at irrelevant times/use projection...

"Men of value dont commit to women who need validation from strangers in such abundance, its a low value character trait"

 

[Bigpapa]

I think you need to re-evaluate your definition of "non judgemental". What you told her is the very definition of judgemental. You told her what she did was very stupid. How does that say non judgmental to you? But, hey, congrats...you "won" the argument. Now you get to write a post about it.

Initially I was quite non Judgmental , but in the moment I heard her saying that I could not censor what thoughts

I guess that the main reason on why this happened is because I thought that she is a person that I want to have a relationship with , and in the moment she said that I was really disappointed as I realized that she not really relationship material

dated girls like this in the past and it never ends well , because they have a lot of insecurities and when you will not play as she wants her you to play ( even though is really stupid what she wants ) she will use this card to push your buttons

putting this context , do you still think that I was a d1ckhead for no reason ?

 

[Bigpapa]

its rude and it isn't really your place honestly. Why should she give your opinion any weight that early on, even if valid?

yeah , I agree that I was quite rude , but like I mentioned above , I was quite disappointed in her being like that when my impression about her was that she is a really cool person and want a relationship with her

and this is why I could not really censor my thoughts ...

 

[Bigpapa]

with women your best off using projection....ie

instead of being authority....guide her at irrelevant times/use projection...

"Men of value dont commit to women who need validation from strangers in such abundance, its a low value character trait"

yeah , I usually go by this , but now I guess I was quite emotionally charged towards her and just expressed by thoughts very raw

 

[Bigpapa]

OP let me say this again. A women who posts on a dating site to gain Instagram followers is not going to have much depth to her. Its not something you want to live with

exactly this were my thoughts when I heard this , and was quite disappointed and just spit my thoughts very raw

to be frank , I was expecting at least to have like a serious discussion about it , but she just got angry and left

then I was thinking that dealing with people is not easy and you will have a lot of friction from time to time , but those worthwhile at least will try to talk about it and gain another opinion

this is why I think that is important to create a precedence of you not accepting stupid things and kicking her out the curve from the get go with girls that you think are ltr material

sure some will not come back , but in the same time those that will have self conscious , which I think is key for a relationship

if a woman acts like this when she feels criticized , for sure she will act even worse if you really criticize her down the road when she does something dumb

 

[derby1]

yeah , I usually go by this , but now I guess I was quite emotionally charged towards her and just expressed by thoughts very raw

I use this all the time on all the female members of my family, I guide them what quality people want from others.

My own daughter now, thinks her friends attention whoring behaviour is pitiful. where as she may have been sucked in if i didnt intervene with guidance and projection. Unfortunately there all at it now age the age of 12 and fatherless, society is devolving

 

[Bigpapa]

It wasnt screening, it was sabotage bc subconsciously you knew she was a bad fit. I agree with screening as you recommended, but your thing wasnt quite that.

your comment made me think about it , and you might be right that I kinda auto sabotaged myself on purpose

 

[bat soup]

I was recently chatting with a girl that a couple of years back had a crush on , but both of us were dating other people so nothing happened . The only thing that I remember is that I really liked her a lot because she seemed to be an amazing person

Recently we started chatting and things happened

at some point , she mentioned that she put her Instagram on dating apps so she can get more followers . I started laughing and told her that it is quite stupid what she did , as at maximum she will get a lot of low value men attention , which is quite irrelevant .

she started getting defensive and told me that I judge her in a bad way . I asked her what it would be the correct way to judge her . She did not respond and only got angry on me and told me that she Is disappointed in me as she really liked . I told her that I understand that she has insecurities and that everyone has them , but we should try not to let them be in charge of us . She gets pissed and leaves

thinking about this and other discussions like this with women , I realized that there is only one big test that matters the most . And that is to try to put her into her place early in the relationship and see how she responds to this .

people that are worthwhile will try to have a proper discussion ( as long as you do not look too judge mental ) without getting pissed , while the people that should avoid will go kaboom from the very first word if they feel criticized

imagine having a relationship with someone that you can not have a serious discussion with . It would be hell

You should have talked to her about puppy dogs. It's no use to talk about anything serious with a woman.

 

[Bigpapa]

Ive done it before and had it done to me, so thats how I know haha

Its for the best

When someone does not know you and you did not do anything wrong , I would say that person is insecure because they see you higher value than them ... otherwise it makes no sense to auto sabotage itself by arguing with you

 

[bcude]

I started laughing and told her that it is quite stupid what she did , as at maximum she will get a lot of low value men attention , which is quite irrelevant .

When you make someone feel belittled and attacked, the natural response will be to become defensive and angry. This goes for all relationships which is why i suggest for you to consider your approach in communicating.
What she is doing is low value behavior but shouldn't be an issue, nor a concern until you two become serious, but it will still present a good opportunity for you to convey your standards and expections, which is only something that men of value will do and women know this.

I'd explore further.

Me: "So why do you want more followers, do you sell any kinds of products?" "no?" (dig to the core to why, so she has to say it out loud herself)
Her: "blabla"
Me: "i once was in a LTR with a girl who did this and never again."
Her: "But why blabla?"
Me: "I expect a gf to cut off all other males if she wants to be in a serious relationship with me, and that goes for exes too btw."
Her: "WHAT! you're insecure"
Me: "I don't force anyone to be with me but these are my expectations for commitment between two adult persons who choose to be together and by your reaction i can see we wouldn't be a good fit."

She turned you off by her comment and you explained to her why she would be disqualified from your emotions.
Same outcome but in this way she puts her guard down since you're not attacking her directly and the message is coming through - a message that she would not be good enough for you.

 

[Bigpapa]

When you make someone feel belittled and attacked, the natural response will be to become defensive and angry. This goes for all relationships which is why i suggest for you to consider your approach in communicating.
What she is doing is low value behavior but shouldn't be an issue, nor a concern until you two become serious, but it will still present a good opportunity for you to convey your standards and expections, which is only something that men of value will do and women know this.

I'd explore further.

Me: "So why do you want more followers, do you sell any kinds of products?" "no?" (dig to the core to why, so she has to say it out loud herself)
Her: "blabla"
Me: "i once was in a LTR with a girl who did this and never again."
Her: "But why blabla?"
Me: "I expect a gf to cut off all other males if she wants to be in a serious relationship with me, and that goes for exes too btw."
Her: "WHAT! you're insecure"
Me: "I don't force anyone to be with me but these are my expectations for commitment between two adult persons who choose to be together and by your reaction i can see we wouldn't be a good fit."

She turned you off by her comment and you explained to her why she would be disqualified from your emotions.
Same outcome but in this way she puts her guard down since you're not attacking her directly and the message is coming through - a message that she would not be good enough for you.

she was negging me and trying to look cool on my expense for a while now , basically she put a lot of effort to outframe me

but I guess that I would have been less intense if she was not trying so bad before to look that she “cooler” than me

but yes , you made a very good point and post

 

[SW15]

The discussion was kind of silly. Also, why does she need to promote her Instagram following on Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble?

Just a bad thing from all angles.

 

[Bigpapa]

The discussion was kind of silly. Also, why does she need to promote her Instagram following on Tinder, Hinge, or Bumble?

Just a bad thing from all angles.

yeah , thinking more about it , I guess that I initially thought she is a ltr material ( based on how I remembered her ) , then I slowly realized that she is not really ltr material ( as she was trying all the time to look “cooler“ than me , and trying to enforce her frame by force ) , and the final straw was her saying this super shallow thing ( which basically destroyed any hope )

for sure I could have been softer with her , but in the same time I also needed to vent , so I went very raw on my thoughts

 

[bcude]

she was negging me and trying to look cool on my expense for a while now , basically she put a lot of effort to outframe me

but I guess that I would have been less intense if she was not trying so bad before to look that she “cooler” than me

but yes , you made a very good point and post

Ouch, this is really a bad sign. A good 'quality' woman will not fight you tooth and nail or have a power struggle with you, that's a result of the feminist movement. A good woman will happily take her feminine submissive role and surrender to your leadership as soon as she feels your strong masculinity and subsequently respect your words as if you were god.

 

[Bigpapa]

Ouch, this is really a bad sign. A good 'quality' woman will not fight you tooth and nail or have a power struggle with you, that's a result of the feminist movement. A good woman will happily take her feminine submissive role and surrender to your leadership as soon as she feels your strong masculinity and subsequently respect your words as if you were god.

Yeah , she is a little bit into feminism and stuff like that , but for me it was silly and cute as most of the times when she would say something stupid I would put her gently back to her place , and she would accept the frame and giggle

but I guess that every time I would out frame her , she would build resentment and try to win back power . And this is why we would end in power struggles