LTR, Marriage & Divorce

Calihopeful

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2019
Messages
34
Reaction score
24
Age
31
The "Did your wife change after kids" post got me thinking a bit.

For those who are divorced, at what point did you realize the marriage was over? What sort of arguments did you get into and how did you handle it? How hard did you work to save it, if at all? What did you try to do to change and save it? Why didn't it work? What do you believe you did wrong? (I'm assuming it's the man's fault here, as I believe it is probably the case >90% of the time). Are you happier now, what's different? Are you dealing with similar issues with other women, or was it just your ex wife?

For those who are still married or in LTRs, how long have you been together? What sort of arguments do you get into and how do you handle it? Are you happy? If so, why do you think this relationship is so successful? If not, why do you stay with them? What are you doing to try and make it better?
 

Morpheus

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 28, 2015
Messages
16
Reaction score
6
What do you believe you did wrong? (I'm assuming it's the man's fault here, as I believe it is probably the case >90% of the time).
I don't know where you got the idea from that men are overwhelmingly responsible for divorces; perhaps a woman? Did you see who was copping the majority of the abuse in that thread?

Remarks like this suggest that you have absolutely no idea. Divorce (like marriage in general) is a VERY nasty institution in feminist (western) societies. Women are pretty much paid (certainly incentivised) to divorce their husbands. So, guess who overwhelmingly initiates divorces? Anglo-American societies are run by lawyers and divorces help feed the lawyers (which is what the law is for).

You probably need to acquaint yourself with just how corrupt these institutions are.

I can't post links, but I would suggest going to Youtube and looking up:

. Red Man Group - ep. # 30 Divorce

. Red Man Group - ep. # 41 DDJ on The Feminist Lie

. Richard Cooper (one of the Red Man Group) also has an interview with DDJ on his channel (Entrepreneurs in Cars). Rich is divorced with a daughter.

. I think Stefan Molyeux has an interview with the guy who made Divorce Corp.

. Divorce Corp. (documentary about this industry in the US especially - probably won't be on youtube but elsewhere)

They also have a new group called The Patriachs which attempts to deal with the niche of marriage which might interest you.
There is also much excellent advice on this forum but it sounds like you need to get your bearings first.
 

Augustus_McCrae

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 3, 2012
Messages
689
Reaction score
656
The "Did your wife change after kids" post got me thinking a bit.

For those who are divorced, at what point did you realize the marriage was over? What sort of arguments did you get into and how did you handle it? How hard did you work to save it, if at all? What did you try to do to change and save it? Why didn't it work? What do you believe you did wrong? (I'm assuming it's the man's fault here, as I believe it is probably the case >90% of the time). Are you happier now, what's different? Are you dealing with similar issues with other women, or was it just your ex wife?

For those who are still married or in LTRs, how long have you been together? What sort of arguments do you get into and how do you handle it? Are you happy? If so, why do you think this relationship is so successful? If not, why do you stay with them? What are you doing to try and make it better?
Why would you assume it’s the man’s fault >90% of the time?

-Augustus-
 

How This "Nice Guy" Steals Women from Jerks

Did you know a woman can be totally UN-ATTRACTED to you...

And she'll still sleep with you?

If you've ever seen a girl go home with some asshole she didn't even LIKE, you know this is true.

But how is this possible?

Because deep inside her brain, sexual desire has nothing to do with what you LOOK like...

And everything to do with how you make her FEEL.

Matt Cook knows this all too well.

Matt is a nice guy... but he steals women from JERKS all the time.

In this free video training below, he'll show you how he does it:

How to Control Her Emotions and Make Her Chase You

LiveYourDream

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 17, 2014
Messages
1,478
Reaction score
1,348
Location
From the Heart and Soul, of a Woman
@Calihopeful I am not sure if you started this thread just looking for a more general discussion on marriage/divorce or if you are actually also looking for, and open to feedback, on your own marriage situation here?

You have shared a lot about your marriage in other people's threads. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds here or hijacking your intent for this thread. If you are open and looking for feedback on your personal situation, I'd like to offer this from all that I've read of your marriage experience, previously in other threads.

I personally believe there is one key place for you to start.

I do not offer this observation with judgment. I am not saying that feeling this way is wrong. I am saying it because I care.

In other threads, in my experience, you repeatedly describe yourself, as powerless, in your marriage.

IMHO, until you choose to shift gears, inside yourself, and you choose change that perspective ( inside yourself first), you will continue to feel stuck and like a victim.
 

LiveYourDream

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 17, 2014
Messages
1,478
Reaction score
1,348
Location
From the Heart and Soul, of a Woman
@Calihopeful I am not sure if you started this thread just looking for a more general discussion on marriage/divorce or if you are actually also looking for, and open to feedback, on your own marriage situation here?

You have shared a lot about your marriage in other people's threads. I hope I am not overstepping my bounds here or hijacking your intent for this thread. If you are open and looking for feedback on your personal situation, I'd like to offer this from all that I've read of your marriage experience, previously in other threads.

I personally believe there is one key place for you to start.

I do not offer this observation with judgment. I am not saying that feeling this way is wrong. I am saying it because I care.

In other threads, in my experience, you repeatedly describe yourself, as powerless, in your marriage.

IMHO, until you choose to shift gears, inside yourself, and you choose change that perspective ( inside yourself first), you will continue to feel stuck and like a victim.
@Calihopeful, I just realized that in my earlier post today, I accidentally confused you with another SS poster. I actually know nothing of your marriage or perspective @Calihopeful.

It was actually @highSpeed's and his posts, on his marriage, that inspired what I shared above. I also know that @highSpeed is far from alone, in his experience, of marriage and potential divorce. It is a rough one.

I apologize for my error and any confusion.
 
Last edited:

highSpeed

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 20, 2011
Messages
836
Reaction score
638
@Calihopeful, I just realized that in my earlier post today, I accidentally confused you with another SS poster. I actually know nothing of your marriage or perspective @Calihopeful.

It was actually @highSpeed's and his posts, on his marriage, that inspired what I shared above. I also know that @highSpeed is far from alone, in his experience, of marriage and potential divorce. It is a rough one.

I apologize for my error and any confusion.
I'm working on my mindset to change that. I'm already changing how I respond to things. The gaslighting me to get me to respond, that's over. I refuse to get sucked into arguments anymore, that's done. I get literally nowhere with that. Other stuff, money, kids, that'll be next.
 

Spaz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
4,818
Reaction score
3,414
Location
Somewhere where's it's none of your business
I'm working on my mindset to change that. I'm already changing how I respond to things. The gaslighting me to get me to respond, that's over. I refuse to get sucked into arguments anymore, that's done. I get literally nowhere with that. Other stuff, money, kids, that'll be next.
Different mindset influences a different approach which produces a different result.

How you think + how you do things = results.

When the results is something not desired then check how you do things, when results is still the same then it's time to reexamine how you think.

Remember that. Always.
 

highSpeed

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 20, 2011
Messages
836
Reaction score
638
Different mindset influences a different approach which produces a different result.

How you think + how you do things = results.

When the results is something not desired then check how you do things, when results is still the same then it's time to reexamine how you think.

Remember that. Always.
It's funny you mention the reflection part. I'm like replaying interactions in my mind now after the fact to see how I'd like them to go in the future. I'm visualizing things, seeing what I'd like to do and then doing it. If it works, check, time to put that into the routine. If it doesn't, throw it out and try something else. I'm done p*ssing and moaning about things not being what I want them to be, I'm in this for results.
 

Spaz

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 14, 2018
Messages
4,818
Reaction score
3,414
Location
Somewhere where's it's none of your business
It's funny you mention the reflection part. I'm like replaying interactions in my mind now after the fact to see how I'd like them to go in the future. I'm visualizing things, seeing what I'd like to do and then doing it. If it works, check, time to put that into the routine. If it doesn't, throw it out and try something else. I'm done p*ssing and moaning about things not being what I want them to be, I'm in this for results.
Apply this thought process in everything you do and not limit it to just women.

You will be greater then before.

Guaranteed 100%.
 

Glassguy

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
Messages
2,567
Reaction score
3,438
Age
41
The "Did your wife change after kids" post got me thinking a bit.

For those who are divorced, at what point did you realize the marriage was over? What sort of arguments did you get into and how did you handle it? How hard did you work to save it, if at all? What did you try to do to change and save it? Why didn't it work? What do you believe you did wrong? (I'm assuming it's the man's fault here, as I believe it is probably the case >90% of the time). Are you happier now, what's different? Are you dealing with similar issues with other women, or was it just your ex wife?

For those who are still married or in LTRs, how long have you been together? What sort of arguments do you get into and how do you handle it? Are you happy? If so, why do you think this relationship is so successful? If not, why do you stay with them? What are you doing to try and make it better?
1.) I realized it was over the instant she mentioned getting a divorce. At that point I knew that she had lost respect, had extreme interest in someone else, etc. and I knew from my perspective, I would never respect her or our marriage again.
2.) Woman will argue over anything and everything. It is not what you argue about rather the fact that she is starting the arguments. Women who respect you and are submissive to you will stay in their feminine frame and not do this. When her attraction/interest in you plummets, she will start the fights because shes is acting more masculine and not feminine.
3.) We tried counseling. I will say this- women will play the victim during counseling even though their actions are 100% why you are there in the first place. IMO counseling is a total joke. You will be the main target of "what needs to change". No thanks. If you are at the point of her recommending counseling I would instead recommend some silence and distance first. Or be like me and just go file for the divorce. I do in fact take a biblical marriage seriously which is why I agree to try the counseling.
4.) At some point in the marriage I stopped being the person that I was when we started dating. Not that I went through any big changes, but I dropped several things that I loved doing before the marriage because she complained about them (loss of frame). From there they just pick you apart like a buzzard on a dead carcass. Never lose frame.

I have been totally happier after my divorce.

You must realize that once the D word comes up your marriage has been compromised. I say this because I believe 150% a woman will not bring something like this up before she has someone in waiting, knowing she can monkey branch. It is always much easier to start with a new canvas once the old one is severely damaged.

Once you lose frame it is nearly impossible to get it back regardless of how long you have been with the woman.
 

LARaiders85

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 4, 2016
Messages
6,646
Reaction score
5,593
Age
34
I believe 150% a woman will not bring something like this up before she has someone in waiting, knowing she can monkey branch.
Any act of so-called courage regarding her ability to walk away/threaten to walk from a relationship for whatever purported reason(usually something that occurred in the very beginning of the relationship) in my experience was totally empowered and facilitated by a backup. They have no courage and are consumed by fear of you ending the relationship before they are good and ready otherwise.
 

Boris Rum

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 22, 2017
Messages
23
Reaction score
24
In my case, it was over when she filed a false restraining order. Though I disagreed with the allegations, I agreed to the judge putting a two year restraining order on me. I realized I could use this later to my advantage. I then retreated, ghosted her once she had moved out of the family home. Temporal shared custody for the kids, communication through a third party arrangement. Three months later, due to no contact from me, she asked the judge to cancel the order and started hustling me that she wants to come back. I gathered all the texts, voicemails and emails she was sending me and got a 3 year restraining order on her. Lol, mine she had it cancelled and for her, 1 year more to go. Of course, I also filed first for divorce, got custody of the kids since she opted to move from the family home. Remember with women, their decisions are based on emotions and how they feel at that moment, which most of the time turns out disastrous. Use this weakness as a man, to define and plan your next steps. Don't fight, argue or engage in their ****ed up reasoning or drama. Remember that women run when no one is chasing them and opt to stop when they are actually being chased.
 
R

Ranger

Guest
The "Did your wife change after kids" post got me thinking a bit.

For those who are divorced, at what point did you realize the marriage was over? What sort of arguments did you get into and how did you handle it? How hard did you work to save it, if at all? What did you try to do to change and save it? Why didn't it work? What do you believe you did wrong? (I'm assuming it's the man's fault here, as I believe it is probably the case >90% of the time). Are you happier now, what's different? Are you dealing with similar issues with other women, or was it just your ex wife?

For those who are still married or in LTRs, how long have you been together? What sort of arguments do you get into and how do you handle it? Are you happy? If so, why do you think this relationship is so successful? If not, why do you stay with them? What are you doing to try and make it better?
To be rather forward, you are asking the wrong questions. Too many assumptions.

1. Who told you it’s the man’s responsibility to make a woman happy and want to stay? The act of trying to make her happy or happier to be with you is a failed proposition.

Who here thinks that a man has to do something to express his devotion or love or that he should do more? This type of thinking is a coffin nail.
The exact opposite is the truth. Do less to “make her happy”. That doesn’t mean do sh!tty things to make her unhappy.

A woman is happiest when she has to work to keep her nest together and functioning. If a woman can’t drop into that frame...she’s worthless. If she hasn’t developed any skills other than shopping she is the worst kind of woman imaginable. Absolute garbage.

So OP to answer your question. She works to hold it together. It’s her nest. Never build that nest for her. You take away all of her challenges related to living with a man. Her whining is just background noise.
A marriage is fundamentally sex and children. When a woman says it’s time for you to work on your relationship? You’re dead fukking meat.

Not showing intimacy, care, and understanding of her world is also just as wrong. You are the one she is following. Stop doing that and letting her run the show? Somebody start playing taps and call up the pallbearers.
 
Read the 22 Rules for Massive Success with Women. Everything you need to know to become a huge success with women. And it's free!

Bokanovsky

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 7, 2012
Messages
2,137
Reaction score
505
^^^ Exactly this!!!^^^ @ Calihopeful I am a woman and your statement seriously shocked me!! IMHO, your mindset needs a serious tune-up!
With a name like 'calihopeful', one has to assume he's a product of left wing, feminist indoctrination.
 

speed dawg

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 9, 2006
Messages
4,495
Reaction score
865
Location
The Dirty South
He made this thread Friday, yet he hasn't responded to the replies and it is now Wednesday. I would imagine this guy is trolling or incredibly ignorant in the ways of the world. Neither would surprise me.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
8,897
Reaction score
4,266
Location
DFW, TX
He made this thread Friday, yet he hasn't responded to the replies and it is now Wednesday. I would imagine this guy is trolling or incredibly ignorant in the ways of the world. Neither would surprise me.
Maybe hes not addicted to this form like many of us are.
 

highSpeed

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 20, 2011
Messages
836
Reaction score
638
To be rather forward, you are asking the wrong questions. Too many assumptions.

1. Who told you it’s the man’s responsibility to make a woman happy and want to stay? The act of trying to make her happy or happier to be with you is a failed proposition.

Who here thinks that a man has to do something to express his devotion or love or that he should do more? This type of thinking is a coffin nail.
The exact opposite is the truth. Do less to “make her happy”. That doesn’t mean do sh!tty things to make her unhappy.

A woman is happiest when she has to work to keep her nest together and functioning. If a woman can’t drop into that frame...she’s worthless. If she hasn’t developed any skills other than shopping she is the worst kind of woman imaginable. Absolute garbage.

So OP to answer your question. She works to hold it together. It’s her nest. Never build that nest for her. You take away all of her challenges related to living with a man. Her whining is just background noise.
A marriage is fundamentally sex and children. When a woman says it’s time for you to work on your relationship? You’re dead fukking meat.

Not showing intimacy, care, and understanding of her world is also just as wrong. You are the one she is following. Stop doing that and letting her run the show? Somebody start playing taps and call up the pallbearers.
Yes, it is fundamentally about sex and children. How many guys, you know the vast numbers of guys who report being in a sexless marriage would actually have chosen that when they got together. How many men would get into a marriage with children if they were approached by their wives and said "Hey, I'm going to lure you in with copious amounts of sex but after we get married and kids? Try a handful of times a year". I know, one of the other females on here will say that sometimes it is the woman who is in the sexless marriage but honestly, what do you think the breakdown of that is? I'd say around 90/10, with the 90 being the men who are stuck in sexless marriages.

I can put up with a lot of crap when the sex is good but take away the sex? It's like a roommate situation. Who the hell wants to split finances and kids with your roommate?
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
4,905
Reaction score
1,069
He made this thread Friday, yet he hasn't responded to the replies and it is now Wednesday. I would imagine this guy is trolling or incredibly ignorant in the ways of the world. Neither would surprise me.
Maybe so, but this thread has been edifying for me, someone who walked away from one marriage but isn't sure he'd ever tie the knot again. My marriage was short, 3 years or so, but I had no problems with sex, at least. What I'm seeing on this thread are two schools of thought, 1) that she can (and likely will) withhold or diminish sex and there's nothing you can do about it, and 2) that it's up to you to maintain frame no matter what, the game never ends, no matter how familiar you two are, you must lead, and run the game, to keep her on her toes.

Both seem true. I'm guessing going with #2 until and unless she doesn't change, in which case it's hopeless.
 
Top