All that said, she clearly is very immature and has already made sex transactional.
Women, like your fiancee, who are willing to make sex transactional make very poor LTR partners.
She will continually do this to you throughout your relationship whenever you do something she deems unacceptable.
I have to weigh in here. I understand the OP's situation.
I’m sharing my own experience, as well as what I’ve seen among couples of friends out there.
To start: once she behaves this way and the frame is lost, is the situation salvageable?
And if it *is* salvageable, what kind of relationship will it be?
I’ve had many friends who lost the frame in their LTRs when difficulties arose.
For example: an "orbiter" becoming emotionally closer, a tough financial situation, the guy refusing therapy—leading her to test him and act like a total *****, etc.
The outcomes varied:
a) In the case where she physically cheated with the orbiter: obviously, the LTR ended in divorce.
b) In cases where she had a crush on an orbiter or another man—after behaviors like the ones the OP described (she didn't withhold sex but threatened to end the relationship)—she came to her senses and blocked the orbiter; however, she kept the LTR going but refuses to marry her current boyfriend.
c) Regarding long-term relationships like my parents': it seems my mother still behaves that way, and my father cheated on her with many prostitutes because they don't have sex, yet she still takes care of him after 50 years.
So this either means OP essentially is a man-child for whom she feels she constantly has to do things—and who doesn't contribute to necessary tasks—or she simply likes bossing OP around and now feels entitled to do so since it’s been going on for so long.
She’ll bait you a bit, storm off somewhere, and eventually come back around and apologize. At that point, you can honestly discuss anything you might have missed on your end.
So, what does this mean?
It seems that men might have lost their frame, yet—for some reason that actually benefits the relationship—the woman returns to showing respect for the man she is with.
She goes back to cooking, tidying the house, doing the laundry, looking after the kids, being accommodating to his requests, posting photos of the two of them online, and doing so much more—even if she has lost respect for him or is thinking about another man in the meantime.
It could be that some women simply want to know they have you wrapped around their finger.
And that they only want to be in a relationship with a man if they know they can control him.
So, is a man who holds his frame a threat to them?
Just like this woman—perhaps she, too, is wired for that kind of relationship: "I need to control the man" rather than "I need to follow this man."
So, what did her actions say? When you got home, you banged her brains out, so what’s the problem?
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Hold on a second—are you saying that if my girlfriend got furious with me and said things like "I might as well be single" or—like she told the OP—"we aren't having sex," and then actually *did* have sex, that would be considered normal?
While it’s true that you should "watch what she does" rather than "listen to what she says," the way this woman is behaving shows that something isn't right with her.
That isn't how all women act.
.