Leaving my family behind

[TheManMasenko]

Just need some insight on my situation/life..you can look at this post for more background info about me: Need some advice...possibly want to move out... | SoSuave Discussion Forum

I'm currently on track to obtain my degree within 2 years which will be able to get me at least $30 an hour. I'm going to stick it out before moving out.

I'm going to be turning 24/25 by the time I graduate and honestly, I just want to get as far away from my family as possible to pursue my dreams of becoming rich and building a big family (six kids) plus travel n f*** some women on the side. Most members of my intermediate family (brother, sister, mom, dad) are not doing much with themselves. A couple of members of my intermediate family members earn good money where if they invested properly, 5-10 years from now they would be comfortable (which means I would not have to worry about their well-being). But instead, they hand out money like it's water and accommodate their vices. It's at the point if they were to all continue on the road by the time I turn 30 (a few years) if not most but all my family members of them will be in a wreck position.

They are not making sacrifices for themselves or their family which will pay dividends in the long run...instead, they all have short-term mindsets and f*** waste time. I know if I skipped the states on them, they'll have some words to say...should I bring up to them that I want to move out immediately after graduating? What's the solution?

 

[TheManMasenko]

I don't feel respected or loved in my household. The relationships I have with my family are poor.

My dad rarely spends time with me, spreads my personal business to people I don't like or talk to and only invites me to spend time with him and his girl, never alone. Then wants to lecture me about how I'm living.

I don't like talking this s**** cuz I feel I'm whining. But I genuinely dislike the relationship I have with him and others in the family. Only I can save myself.

 

[RazorRambo24]

Hey man anything is possible . I'm a testament to that. There's so much I avoid posting to not stunt/flex on people.. and all of this I had never imagined would happen in my life when I was younger. Growing up I didn't make career or finance my priority. Instead I chased the wrong things for the most part.. But what I naturally had was a hustler mindset..

Some flexes I've purposely avoided posting.. but will mention here to motivate you: Recently my brand got a plus 2 invitation to the Met Gala in NYC (Charity Fashion Exhibition hosted by and for one ofthe biggest art museum's in America) just by networking and knowing a bigger international clothing brand.. It was the first time I ever got to see so many models and celebrities in one place.. TO give you an idea of how lucrative it is, its invite only and for the public to buy tickets , a ticket ranges from $30-50k. Public can visit the outside and watch the red carpet but cannot come into the exhibition, where there is a ****tail party and dinner and then the final exhibition of fashion. I got to say hi and hello to models, and celebrities that previously I only seen through a tv/phone screen. I was literally feet away from people that have influence over tens to hundreds of millions of people worldwide. It was quite surreal.

This was all possible because I have a successful womens clothing brand and while its smaller than big brands out there, by networking I got invited to this huge thing. It took me trying and quitting/failing at 6 diff business ventures different things just to find success in this one business.

Now another thing that I wanted to make a post about but didn't because im not here to flex--but might serve as some more motivation for you: I bought my first ever super car (corvette z06). I mean i've had a pretty nice BMW in the past but I bought it used. In between having that M4 and now the z06, I had 2 different camrys and a Hyundai Santa Fe and a pretty average SUV which I still own.. I still miss the Santa Fe.. I cherished it so much.

At the stage I'm at people don't realize how easy life gets .. But they dont know how much work i put in to get here.

--- I want you to know that I started off with really f-ed up circumstances.. Grew up pretty poor in urban environments, got involved in street life/drugs/crime/gangs, my father was barely around, and then when I needed him the most he got sick with Diabetes and was barely active in the lives of myself and my brother. I dropped out of highschool and even though I started college super late at 25, i was so far behind in math that it hindered my path and I eventually put it on hold to focus on working and business.

I think you're on a great track. I didn't even go to college till I was 25. I think you should practice b eing more grateful for what you have because I feel like you're headed toward some good things. Instead of blaming your family for their faults.. Learn to appreciate them and don't rush moving out.. Take your time and when you're ready, you'll know.

 

[2rings]

Dear OP
I think you posted some healthy observations.
When you get a little older, those observations about how wacky your parents and family are will become amplified into an even more sickly and realistic version of the truth.

I am probably a good 10 or more years older than you and recently realized my parents are kind of lazy and uncaring, uninvolved, and they are truly stupid about a lot of important things.

On the other hand they still have some decent halfassed advice.

So my advice is to learn to establish mature Boundaries. There is a newer book about boundaries out there somewhere. It’s worthwhile to read.

Learn to take breaks away from parents and family.

You will get out of there. Man it is hard with parents sometimes.

I’d devise a way to ask them a way to just gift you money to escape and go off on your own.

Parents are a lot like a business transaction that is highly personalized and finicky.

You need to gtf out of there but unless your family truly is outright unbelievably abusive, then your relationship can change a ton just by exiting their house and immediate sphere.

Be on your own.

I’d think of ways to legit have a solid plan and ask the P’s for money so you can mthfkn leave.

 

[ruthere]

Just need some insight on my situation/life..you can look at this post for more background info about me: Need some advice...possibly want to move out... | SoSuave Discussion Forum

I'm currently on track to obtain my degree within 2 years which will be able to get me at least $30 an hour. I'm going to stick it out before moving out.

I'm going to be turning 24/25 by the time I graduate and honestly, I just want to get as far away from my family as possible to pursue my dreams of becoming rich and building a big family (six kids) plus travel n f*** some women on the side. Most members of my intermediate family (brother, sister, mom, dad) are not doing much with themselves. A couple of members of my intermediate family members earn good money where if they invested properly, 5-10 years from now they would be comfortable (which means I would not have to worry about their well-being). But instead, they hand out money like it's water and accommodate their vices. It's at the point if they were to all continue on the road by the time I turn 30 (a few years) if not most but all my family members of them will be in a wreck position.

They are not making sacrifices for themselves or their family which will pay dividends in the long run...instead, they all have short-term mindsets and f*** waste time. I know if I skipped the states on them, they'll have some words to say...should I bring up to them that I want to move out immediately after graduating? What's the solution?

It sounds like you have some clear goals in mind for your future, and it's great that you're working towards obtaining your degree. Moving out and pursuing your dreams is a big step, and it's natural to want some distance from a situation that might be holding you back. When it comes to discussing your plans with your family, it could be a good idea to have an open and honest conversation with them about your intentions after graduation. Communication can help set clear expectations and possibly lead to a better understanding of your choices. Just remember, ultimately, the decision should align with your own aspirations and what you believe is best for your future.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Many many people have grandiose dreams of wages their degrees will get them.

Here's the reality: businesses are owned by people and people are gonna pay you what they believe you are worth... Many factors influence this belief, for example many business owners feel hiring people with degrees is dangerous for them because they don't have those same degrees, they feel threatened by you and thus will give you a lower wage just to show you who's in charge.

Fact of the matter is that if a lot of people are looking for jobs with that same degree, your very likely gonna be taking a lesser wage or it could be due to something like the blurb above... I know many people who have masters degrees and are offered a job in their respective field for minimum wage as an example.

The conditions of the market, interest rates, rent, inflation, they should all be saying the same thing to you: ride the gravy train as long as you can, don't get comfortable, you need to save money and think forward to get ahead.

 

[TheManMasenko]

Thanks for the responses..

I’m definitely going to distance myself from my friends and family. I was accepted into my career program. Most of them are still not doing anything productive.

This year everything I said I was going to accomplish, I have done.

The next goal is to buy property.

Im already hated by my family but once I own some land, the gap will be even bigger.

I just can’t justify helping people who don’t help themselves, even if they are my own blood.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Thanks for the responses..

I’m definitely going to distance myself from my friends and family. I was accepted into my career program. Most of them are still not doing anything productive.

This year everything I said I was going to accomplish, I have done.

The next goal is to buy property.

Im already hated by my family but once I own some land, the gap will be even bigger.

I just can’t justify helping people who don’t help themselves, even if they are my own blood.

Careful, misery loves company.

 

[NoBiscuits]

Broken families are extremely difficult to fix because you hear their voices in your head long after they're not around.

Here's my input:

Distance and independence between you and them will be healthy for you, but always recognize this distance as temporary. At some point, you'll have a family of your own, you'll be financially independent from them, you'll prove you can survive on your own without them, and they'll eventually forget the habit of controlling all of your decisions for you.

Going without contact permanently is a very bad option, and you can find all sorts of examples of people having mental breakdowns over a sudden death of their parent later on in life and never recover from it. If in ten years you get an apology note, the worst outcome is ignoring it instead of making a decision.

But at that point, they'll be the guest in your domain. What you should aim for is a reunification of the family after the roles of the generations have inverted. That is, once you're developed in your 30's, it's now your turn to call the shots for their own good because they'll be old. It may come out differently though. Your dad might instead see himself as a kind of "nosy grandpa" figure. That's fine. The important thing to keeping peace is that there's a recognition that he is the old grandpa and you're the flagship of the family now. This will probably only happen after you have kids and stability (as hard as it is to come by these days). Let age work on them.

It's safe to ignore conflicts of values or politics and brush them to the side. At the end of the day, everyone will ultimately submit to the leader they find has the best attributes for security, prosperity, and stability. Your family bending their beliefs to yours is a sign that you're doing things right. This is naturally how humans behave when they trust a leader, they buy into his values themselves and then try to keep the whole thing going. It happens on it's own in the background. Don't force it. You can't anyway. This isn't ancient Russia where everyone knows grandpa is in charge and if he wants to assert dominance by doing your wife then you have to give her to him.

You would need to achieve 100% independence. Your parents will probably set up safety nets for you (eg. "you can stay here if you can't afford the rent"). Do not take these offers. They are poison for you. It will just set you back 3-6 years in terms of their mentality towards you. Avoid telling them what you're up to if you know they'll try to steer your decisions. Bring down the level of contact if you need to. The idea here is for them to see, over and over for a decade or so, that you don't need their parental instincts to bail you out of trouble anymore. Every wad of cash you reject from them is like another day gone by where a junky resists the drug.

Another thing, a history of multi-generation divorce practically guarantees a bad family. We should have sympathy for those who are victims of the times we live in, but we shouldn't defend what got us here. You can redeem your family by forming your own and never getting divorced. Choose very wisely, have patience, and use the information on this forum and others to get as accurate of a picture of female nature as you can. Be a good commander, and stay away from "trad" stuff. It's a disgusting community. Because behind the scenes, those families are either ruled by women with pet husbands, or the man is weak and doesn't understand how to command authority, resulting in a relationship governed by domestic violence and beatings. I can't think of a single "trad wife" influencer who doesn't have pornography of herself online.

Since rampant divorce is completely new and mostly a boomer, gen x, and older millennial thing, we're going to see some weird family dynamics in 20 years that no one's ever seen before. Our parents may in fact get jealous of us for being able to hold down a marriage when they themselves couldn't. And that's going to be weird.

 

[Money & Muscle]

Im already hated by my family but once I own some land, the gap will be even bigger.

There's a difference between being taken for granted and being hated. I'm sure if they hated you, you wouldn't be allowed to live with them. Getting some distance from them - both physically and emotionally - is healthy. Stop telling the town gossip your secrets; he is not your confidante. Men in your social circle (AKA "Tribe") are supposed to be there for this - not your parents or siblings, not your girlfriend or wife, definitely not your kids.

$30/hr isn't rich unless you're in a VERY inexpensive place to live, so be careful with those kinds of expectations. Just when you think you're done with the grind - you come to realize that was just the start. Welcome to manhood.

I strongly recommend giving No More Mr. Nice Guy and When I Say No, I Feel Guilty a read. They will help you with your mental models and you will be less easily manipulated by the people who are in the best position to manipulate you (your family).

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

$30/hr isn't rich unless you're in a VERY inexpensive place to live, so be careful with those kinds of expectations. Just when you think you're done with the grind - you come to realize that was just the start. Welcome to manhood.

Exactly miy situation. My hands are covered in glue and tar from last night's job and I cant get it out. Been grinding for a year and a half just to get out of the entry level position I was in. Now Im starting to ascend but its even harder cuz I have more responsibility. The relief comes from the fact that Im making more money and that Im less bored. But its still a GRIND and it will be for many years to come until I figure out my sheet.

 

[alicentjenner]

Hi, Just so you know that I love without my family as well, and I know it takes a lot of courage to live like that. i can relate

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

Just need some insight on my situation/life..you can look at this post for more background info about me: Need some advice...possibly want to move out... | SoSuave Discussion Forum

I'm currently on track to obtain my degree within 2 years which will be able to get me at least $30 an hour. I'm going to stick it out before moving out.

I'm going to be turning 24/25 by the time I graduate and honestly, I just want to get as far away from my family as possible to pursue my dreams of becoming rich and building a big family (six kids) plus travel n f*** some women on the side. Most members of my intermediate family (brother, sister, mom, dad) are not doing much with themselves. A couple of members of my intermediate family members earn good money where if they invested properly, 5-10 years from now they would be comfortable (which means I would not have to worry about their well-being). But instead, they hand out money like it's water and accommodate their vices. It's at the point if they were to all continue on the road by the time I turn 30 (a few years) if not most but all my family members of them will be in a wreck position.

They are not making sacrifices for themselves or their family which will pay dividends in the long run...instead, they all have short-term mindsets and f*** waste time. I know if I skipped the states on them, they'll have some words to say...should I bring up to them that I want to move out immediately after graduating? What's the solution?

You can either work hard or you can work smart.

Get your degree, good idea, keep doing it if you want an international job.
After your degree get either a TESOL, US teaching license or your PGCE, it's a lot of social justice sh1t but once you've got it, you won't need to work hard for the rest of your life. Take some STEM stuff to pad out your degree so you actually have some skills that people want to learn: CODING, MATH, CHEMISTRY, BIOLOGY, bit of PSYC, ACCOUNTING, BUSINESS. Take some martial arts right now, don't wait.

You can absolutely make money if you're smart about it. Forget about your family, when you move to another country, all that matters is what you do. Most schools will hire you with just a degree and you can skate by on that for the rest of your life if you want but if you want to make the big bucks you need to teach STEM and Business subjects in English to rich people and corps. You don't need to be great at what you do either, as long as you have an extroverted personality. If you can, go get a sales job right now. Doesn't matter if you don't make any money at it, the skills you'll learn on the job will carry you through the rest of your life.

You don't need 50k movie tickets to live a good life. Lemme give you the opposite advice. A nice 2 level home in Mexico in a gated community rents for $500 to $800/month in GDL. The average international school in Mexico will pay between 2k and 3k. Enough for you to really live well and enjoy yourself. My buddy who is Mexican, makes 2500/month as an ESL teacher. He lives with his buddy in a small apartment. Pays $150/month and gets laid by h0rny 18 to 20 y/os twice a week. He spends the rest of his time playing video games and working on small biz ideas. You don't need a lot of money to enjoy your life. I was basically 'retired' throughout most of my twenties and thirties using this method. Take your hobbies and make them generate money for you. You don't need to be a millionaire to live that lifestyle, you just have to bang his daughter.

If you want to make big bucks, start looking at China. There are jobs there that pay 2 to 300 USD per hour if you're good at what you do. My buddy from Italy used to teach Kindy for years, then got a lucky break there and is now the head of QA at NetEase. He sits around playing mobile games and talking about what sucks about them. Teaching is absolutely the way to get there and it's a super laid back life. Kick your heels, grab an iced cap, sit and lecture a bunch of dorks and smash women like this:

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

There's a difference between being taken for granted and being hated. I'm sure if they hated you, you wouldn't be allowed to live with them. Getting some distance from them - both physically and emotionally - is healthy. Stop telling the town gossip your secrets; he is not your confidante. Men in your social circle (AKA "Tribe") are supposed to be there for this - not your parents or siblings, not your girlfriend or wife, definitely not your kids.

$30/hr isn't rich unless you're in a VERY inexpensive place to live, so be careful with those kinds of expectations. Just when you think you're done with the grind - you come to realize that was just the start. Welcome to manhood.

I strongly recommend giving No More Mr. Nice Guy and When I Say No, I Feel Guilty a read. They will help you with your mental models and you will be less easily manipulated by the people who are in the best position to manipulate you (your family).

In Burundi the average person makes $10/month. If you know how and where to leverage what you've got, you can be a rich man working at McDonalds.

 

[BoomToTheMoonAlice]

Many many people have grandiose dreams of wages their degrees will get them.

Here's the reality: businesses are owned by people and people are gonna pay you what they believe you are worth... Many factors influence this belief, for example many business owners feel hiring people with degrees is dangerous for them because they don't have those same degrees, they feel threatened by you and thus will give you a lower wage just to show you who's in charge.

Fact of the matter is that if a lot of people are looking for jobs with that same degree, your very likely gonna be taking a lesser wage or it could be due to something like the blurb above... I know many people who have masters degrees and are offered a job in their respective field for minimum wage as an example.

The conditions of the market, interest rates, rent, inflation, they should all be saying the same thing to you: ride the gravy train as long as you can, don't get comfortable, you need to save money and think forward to get ahead.

Education doesn't get you hired, sales skills do. Education gets you through the door faster. My old man has no education but he could sell ice to an eskimo and built a small empire from selling expensive air time to rich business owners. People will pay you what they believe you are worth, truth. Make them believe in you!

Would you pay a quarter million to hang out with this guy?

Someone did.