Leaving behind AFC friends

[reset]

sorry to waste your time. I'm beyond asking other people how to live my life.

 

[Jitterbug]

Yes I've experienced that quite a few times as there have been many big changes in my life. I don't think it's "leaving your friends behind". Rather, it's to accept that you are individuals and may lead different lives. You choose the life you want to have, so go pursue it with all the passions you have, and let him do the same with his own life. Don't force your friend to go your way if he doesn't want to do that himself. That'll just make both of you miserable.

Think of it like an adventurer, like Indy Jones. He has great friends in the places he's been to, but when the adventure in one place is over, he's off to seek a new one, waving goodbye to his friends. Occasionally in his new adventures, he may bump into them again and they're still great friends (or foes, in some cases), but he doesn't have to hang out with them all the bloody time!

 

[reset]

Occasionally in his new adventures, he may bump into them again and they're still great friends (or foes, in some cases), but he doesn't have to hang out with them all the bloody time!

That's a good way to look at it. Just in my case, I've run out of adventures to share, because I'm the only one going on these adventures.

 

[Jitterbug]

You'll always meet new people, get along with some of them and make new friends.

 

[KontrollerX]

As much of an AFC as he is you can look at it like "hey he's not AMOG'ing me and he's certainly never going to c0ckblock me so eh I'll keep him in my life but only as the down time buddy I chill with when I need a break from the world or he'll be the dude I hang with when I'm sick or something like that."

Though if he's truly a downer and making you depressed then I'd say its definitely time to cut the chord.

 

[reset]

Though if he's truly a downer and making you depressed then I'd say its definitely time to cut the chord.

yeah, pretty much where it's at. He hates people, has a horrible tempter, just doesn't like life. A couple weeks ago we were near a bar. I told him we should both go in there and see what it's like, he freaked out and came up with all these reasons that we didn't belong, we weren't rich, weren't driving BMWs so they would kick us out... it was just a nice upscale bar. No one cared.

I should have done this a long time ago. I'm not going to cut him out of my life completely, but I have to stop expecting him to be the guy I go out and get crazy with. He just isn't willing to experience new things. Sucks, but people change.

 

[edger]

he freaked out and came up with all these reasons that we didn't belong, we weren't rich

I had a friend like that yrs ago. There was this MILF hangout on Long Island which typically attracted wealthy older men(40's-50's). Whenever I would suggest we go to this place, he'd say, "I feel funny, all these guys are older than us and are rich dudes, I feel out of place". Such a defeatist attitude. Very insecure guy. And if anything, this guy blended right in, as he was preppy to the bone, meanwhile if anyone stood out, it was probably me, dressed as a rocker with long hair. I did pretty good at this place, the 2 times that I went. Was approached by 2 hot women, one of which was a sexy MILF who was with her sexy MILF sister, lol, who also was hitting on me, as she ran her fingers through my long locks and told me how I was hot.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Unplugging chumps from the Matrix is dirty work. I like to think of it as triagé - save the ones you can, read last rites to the dying. Sometimes thats a tough call especially when their emotional state is influenced by defeatist, non-constructive and feminized ideals and you see them for what they are.

Law 10: Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky
You can die from someone else's misery— emotional states are as infectious as diseases. You may feel you are helping the drowning man but you are only precipitating your own disaster. The unfortunate sometimes draw misfortune on themselves; they will also draw it on you. Associate with the happy and fortunate instead.

 

[slaog]

I've been on the other side. I got cut off from friends years ago for being negative and no fun etc. It didn't happen in an instant it happened over time. I'd go as far as saying that it's not like they started disliking me (because I was always a nice guy) it's just they didn't feel good being in my company. I know why it happened now and don't blame them at all.

 

[reset]

"Avoid the Unhappy and Unlucky"

Yeah that stuff ages your early. Actually, I guess I prefer going out alone anyway. I still get nervous going out without a friend along to lean on, but I also have a lot of freedom. I hit it off with a chick from the bar a few weeks ago, went to her apartment (then she had a panic attack and kicked me out, lol) but I never could have done that if I had to babysit my friend at the same time.

This has been going on for years, we've both decided we were going to set the bar low, not challenge each other, and just hide from life. Last few months I've decided I'm not going to live like that anymore. He's a good person but he is negative, angry, and these are qualities I don't have as much as I used to. So this drifting apart is probably natural.

I've been on the other side. I got cut off from friends years ago for being negative and no fun etc. It didn't happen in an instant it happened over time. I'd go as far as saying that it's not like they started disliking me (because I was always a nice guy) it's just they didn't feel good being in my company. I know why it happened now and don't blame them at all.

That's what's happening here. Glad you don't blame them.