Late bloomers, how did you internalize being the prize?

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

How did you internalize being the prize? I've been fat and broke, with some fun for more than 30 years. In the last 2 years I've become top 5% income earner in my age bracket for household my city physique I'd say top 10% or 20% Idk and getting better everyday.

However, my mindset still hasn't adapted, while I compared myself and see it, I still have doubts of myself, some scarcity mindset, insecurities.

How does a super late bloomer like me overcome that?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

How does a super late bloomer like me overcome that?

You are not who you were.
You're new and improved.
You don't sell the old you.
You advertise the new you.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I dont think its a once size fits all solution. Try different things. Keep improving. Fake it till you make it. Try therapy.

 

[Gamisch]

@soulforge said something about this today as well. This gentlemen, is why "top tier" men are after your girl. And why she gets dms from men "out of her league ".

Because most men started out as a ugly duckling and worked their way up to a SEEMINGLY top tier man. But internally they'll still feel like a "TEENAGE DIRT BAG " (baby).

Here's your solution: the OLD you suppresses the NEW you. If you REALLY love yourself you accept the better version of you...that's why ,despite being a top 5% earner you STILL struggle with women: because you still want THEM for validation. The moment you start validating yourself you are officially part of the top 15 percenters.

Embrace the dark side. Thank and salute the old you ,but this is a relay race rather than a sprint: the old you passed the torch to the NEW YOU. Now you gotta run at it full speed without holding back.

 

[mikedee]

Swinggcat wrote a ebook about this, it's old and it may be outdated a bit but it's worth reading I think.

 

[pipeman84]

I'd suggest looking into metaphysics, try Abraham Hicks, Eckhart Tolle, Bashar or others ... see which one resonates with you. It will give you a larger perspective on life and most likely you'll find inner peace, which is priceless. As long as you judge your value by the the outer things such as physique, income you'll perpetually be insecure and unhappy. Those are very well and good, but by themselves they are not enough for a happy and fulfilled life as evidenced by all the miserable multi millionaires out there.

 

[Murk]

I still feel insecure at times, just don't let it affect your choices/decisions and you will be fine.

You should know you're the prize because of how people treat you, men and women. Other people will reaffirm your status in life. The main thing is to keep doing what you're doing, improving in all aspects.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

It takes time to adjust, there is no real shortcut and it also takes work and effort on your part, particularly with what your internal voice "tells" yourself.

How does it speak to you? Negatively or positively?

The first thing is you have to genuinely love yourself first and foremost and forgive whatever past transgressions you have had done to you or that you have done to others that are holding you back mentally.

Until you do that anything else is really just an illusion or a facade you are putting up that will be seen thru quickly enough once a person gets to know you.

The truth is, some people can't figure out how to do that and never make the adjustment.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

How did you internalize being the prize? I've been fat and broke, with some fun for more than 30 years. In the last 2 years I've become top 5% income earner in my age bracket for household my city physique I'd say top 10% or 20% Idk and getting better everyday.

However, my mindset still hasn't adapted, while I compared myself and see it, I still have doubts of myself, some scarcity mindset, insecurities.

How does a super late bloomer like me overcome that?

In my experiance. Girls make that obvious for you.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

In my experiance. Girls make that obvious for you.

I think I have an idea of what you're saying, pretty much keep improving, keep grinding until you start to see more and more IOIs coming your way?

 

[Black Widow Void]

Speaking from experience, you will gradually adapt. I'll share my background to offer a perspective.

Although there were also times when it felt like a dry spell, there were other school students with worse and better luck. Growing up, I was fortunate enough to usually land a girlfriend with each school year. These were the 'average' looking girls. They didn't get shunned or ridiculed, but they also were not cheerleaders or highest in popularity.

After moving away and going to college, it seemed like a twilight-zone. Suddenly, the type of girl (the most popular type) would approach me and laugh at my most stupid jokes. I'm not saying that every desirable girl approached me, but it was enough to realize that it almost seemed weird and unexplainable. Although I was suddenly viewed as (so-called) "cool"... I did not initially know how to behave as "cool."

As mentioned above, you'll gradually adapt. To give an example, here's a couple of my own experiences.

In my city, there was a large popular 24 hr diner. After a party or seeing a show, it was the place to go to sober up and/or put food on the stomach. When I first moved to this town, I'd look around the diner to see if there was anyone I knew. If not, then after being seated, I might nonchalantly look to the door (when opened) to see if I recognized someone.

After the realization that I had become the "cool" and "popular"guy, it was almost second nature to change some former habits.

With this awareness (when walking into the restaurant hangout) I didn't look around for any familiar faces. If I knew someone, I knew that they would approach me. If I heard the entrance door open, no more nonchalantly looking up. If they knew me, they'd walk up to say hey.

There was an alternative music bar that had bands play every weekend. Between songs, I heard a feminine voice behind me tell her friend "that's Black Widow Void" (actually she didn't say Black Widow Void, but my actual name). I was dying of curiosity and wanted to turn around to see who this was. The old me would have done this. The (so-called) "cool" me acted as though I didn't hear it or that it didn't phase me.

--- In other words, just as we subconsciously adapt to our day to day social fate, we will also subconsciously re-adapt when the new environment arrives.

 

[TB24]

...that's why ,despite being a top 5% earner you STILL struggle with women: because you still want THEM for validation. The moment you start validating yourself you are officially part of the top 15 percenters.

Sounds like the perfect solution, but:
- How do you validate yourself?
- How do you get rid of the need for external validation?
- Can you train this, so that neuroplasticity can work its magic?

I guess that self improvement and creating a mindset of being the price have to go hand in hand. At first, self improvement is necessary. But by constantly striving for getting better, don‘t you internalize the notion that you are not good enough, yet?
- How do you frame this dilemma?

 

[zekko]

Speaking for myself, I honestly don't think I've ever really internalized it. To me, the idea is just some PUA concept that Pook came up with (I think?), it doesn't really make sense. They say you shouldn't compare yourself with other people, other men in particular. So if you look at it like that, to me life is more like a game of golf where you measure your score with your previous ones to see if you've improved. I know I've improved, and I know what I've accomplished. That doesn't make me some infallible "prize", or the best guy in the room. I mean I think I'm a good catch. I know I can attract women. I know I can't attract every woman, but there are some out there who will buy what I'm selling. I don't know if that makes me some sort of prize.

I guess the concept is that if you are a man, that means you are the prize instead of the woman. Yeah, I don't know if I buy that, especially when in our society the guy has to initiate most male/female interactions. In fact, honestly I'm sometimes confused as to just what a woman sees in a man exactly - I just can't relate to it, since that's not what I'm seeking. I can rationalize that the masculine attracts the feminine and vice versa, but I'm not attracted to men so I have a hard time seeing it. I can see that men offer protection, emotional and physical strength, and abilities that can come in handy. But women have the beauty that gives them intrinsic value (while the man's value is constantly changing, as Tyler from RSD used to say. Whatever happened to him and them, are they still around in any form?). Having a beautiful woman on your arm is its own reward, in a way I'm not sure men can match. Man's value is both more tangible and more subtle.

I'm not saying guys should think this way, this is probably a failing of mine somehow. I've had a competitive ego, but I've never gone around thinking I'm better than anybody else, never could embrace the c0cky personality. There are things I do better than others, and things others do better than I. Now I do think that I am myself, as an individual, and as such I have to value my wants and needs above others, because no one else is going to take care of me. I certainly can't value a woman above myself, because that is a recipe for disaster, in all sorts of ways. So in that sense I guess I think I'm the prize, but it's more of a case of practicality than anything else.

 

[The Duke]

How did you internalize being the prize? I've been fat and broke, with some fun for more than 30 years. In the last 2 years I've become top 5% income earner in my age bracket for household my city physique I'd say top 10% or 20% Idk and getting better everyday.

However, my mindset still hasn't adapted, while I compared myself and see it, I still have doubts of myself, some scarcity mindset, insecurities.

How does a super late bloomer like me overcome that?

I sense your insecurities in many of your views you share here. I've explained to you before that you need a few more trips around the sun to develop true inner confidence and you were offended.

Confidence comes thru doing and gaining more experience. I have no doubt you are capable. You are a man that goes after what he wants.

Internalizing you are the prize comes from achieving non- materialistic goals. Those achievements should have nothing to do with money, sex, or looks as the motivating factor. The motivating factors need to be internal, not external.

The man who scores lots of women isnt motivated by sex, he is motivated by his internal desire to seduce and hunt. He got there by increasing his knowledge, dedication, hard work, and building on his experiences, which resulted in more confidence. When he got his azz beat he got back up.

That period you go thru when you elevate yourself to the next level after a big failure is when you build internal confidence.

You ever wonder why a lot of women tend to be insecure and lack confidence? Because their value system is based on looks and other superficial things. Same with insecure men.

The most secure women that value themselves and are a true value to men have accomplished things far greater than maxxing her looks. I'd say a lot achieve personal value by raising successful families they are proud of.

@BeExcellent is one of them. She gets more bullets fired at her more than anyone else on this forum and isn't rattled. That's how a very secure person that believes in their self value behaves.

Stop worrying about what others think. Take chances, put yourself out there, get your ass beat, learn from failures, get back up.

Look at how the US military trains their soldiers. They break them down, give them knowledge, expose them to as many experiences as possible, develop instincts. The end result is a confident individual that believes in themselves in order to be successful in difficult situations and accomplish things most can't. The best go on to be special ops soldiers.

 

[Kotaix]

As long as you let your ego drive your actions, or operate from a perspective that happiness or success is a state that you will achieve at some point in the future when you get x big salary, or y hot girl, or z ripped physique; you will be unhappy. The ego's thirst can never be quenched, so it's a voyage with no actual end and no happy ending.

Being happy and confident are choices. You don't have to earn them, you simply assume them and project them.

 

[Mike32ct]

A late bloomer will never completely forget that he’s a late bloomer. And that’s totally ok. He doesn’t need to have the exact same mindset and “vibe” as the “natural.”

The ascended late bloomer or “unnatural” (if you will) should just own it.