Just went on my first date in over a year

[FlexpertHamilton]

I had a really bad injury about a year ago and my life pretty much grinded to a halt.

Finally in a position to starting playing the field again. But I'm rusty and lost a ton of muscle and confidence so I'm kind of starting from square 1 until I can build myself back up which I have only just started.

Needless to say the date was one of the worst dates I've ever had. Easily the worst I've been on in probably 10 years. We had decent conversation and it wasn't awkward or embarassing or unpleasant or anything, but I had absolutely zero charisma, charm, or wit and there were almost no laughs basically zero flirting or sexual chemistry or anything like that.

One thing I learned from this it that it doesn't matter if you can have good conversation and get along well, if there's no laughing, teasing, flirting, etc then it turns into a sterile, vacant, hollow, and completely pointless experience that feels totally unnatural. I would think the worst sort of date to experience would involve some kind of drama and crazy shvt but I'd take that anyday over the type of date that is so dreadfully plain and boring that you want to pretend it never even happened.

One silver lining though, she picked up the entire tab. For some reason the waitress brought her the check without even asking if we wanted to split it. I thought she was just paying for her own drinks then I found out she paid for the whole bill (4 drinks total). So at least I didn't blow $50 for nothing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Haha, it's one good thing but it almost always means she isn't interested in seeing you again and is doing it so the guy doesn't feel like she "owes" him something for paying

You'll get back to it, just going to take some time to get back in the groove.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Haha, it's one good thing but it almost always means she isn't interested in seeing you again and is doing it so the guy doesn't feel like she "owes" him something for paying

You'll get back to it, just going to take some time to get back in the groove.

I don't think she even meant to lol she asked for the check and the waitress brought the whole tab I'm pretty sure she had meant her own tab only. But I could be wrong, woman definitely will do that to avoid feeling like she owes the guy anything.

It was pretty nice though didn't even have to pay for parking either.

But yeah thanks I'm sure I will. I really should focus on getting my muscle back first I don't even feel like a proper man right now b/c of how skinny I got.

 

[zekko]

One thing I learned from this it that it doesn't matter if you can have good conversation and get along well, if there's no laughing, teasing, flirting, etc then it turns into a sterile, vacant, hollow, and completely pointless experience that feels totally unnatural.

They say that if you can make a woman laugh, you can bang her. I roll with that idea, even though it's probably not strictly true. Close enough though.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

They say that if you can make a woman laugh, you can bang her. I roll with that idea, even though it's probably not strictly true. Close enough though.

it's simple enough - if she laughs at your jokes it's either means she likes you a lot, or it means you're being genuinely funny and giving her a good time.

that said i do not think it's actually necessary to be funny, but it doesn't hurt. no woman is gonna get a dry ***** from a man who makes her laugh. its a great feeling.

 

[Gamisch]

Congrats bro.

That many more dates may follow.

edit; okay I kinda glanced ober how horrible it went .

Perhaps we can dive a bit deeper and see if there was anything you could've done to lead the dance towards your preferred direction.

I believe that we as men do have the ability to determine the outcome. I say that specifically because ; she already went on a date with you!!! So the argument that " sometimes the spark just isnt there" ain't gonna fly with me..

She shaved her p00sy, picked an outfit, made time. So something must've happened that made her act like this.

If anything, ALL of my failed dates where simply because I pressed the wrong buttons. I can vividly look back and see myself being " too talkative, too silent, too funny , too stressed, too horny ect ect"

 

[BaronOfHair]

@FlexpertHamilton "Needless to say the date was one of the worst dates I've ever had. Easily the worst I've been on in probably 10 years"

Just getting back into the field is a victory. Kudos to you on that front

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Perhaps we can dive a bit deeper and see if there was anything you could've done to lead the dance towards your preferred direction.

I believe that we as men do have the ability to determine the outcome. I say that specifically because ; she already went on a date with you!!! So the argument that " sometimes the spark just isnt there" ain't gonna fly with me..

She shaved her p00sy, picked an outfit, made time. So something must've happened that made her act like this.

If anything, ALL of my failed dates where simply because I pressed the wrong buttons. I can vividly look back and see myself being " too talkative, too silent, too funny , too stressed, too horny ect ect"

In addition to being rusty etc;
1) I had literally zero libido, never once had a single sexual thought the entire date
2) I had two cans of hormel chili with like a pound of cheese 2 hrs before the date and felt mildly nauseous and self conscious b/c i kept burping
3) I just had surgery 10 days ago and ran out of the painkillers 3 days ago so i'm probably going through mild opiate WDs

all in all just a perfect storm. i was just out of my element. the date went as well as it had any right to.

not asking for advice lol i just thought this was an amusing anecdote

 

[plumber]

as the only date, it was the worst and also the best. glass half full, or empty. your far ahead of those at the keyboard telling of all the virtual victory.

it also sounds like you already know how to improve and just need to do it.

 

[zekko]

it's simple enough - if she laughs at your jokes it's either means she likes you a lot, or it means you're being genuinely funny and giving her a good time.

The PUA gurus used to say don't become the dancing monkey - the guy who's just entertaining them.
I think a lot of it comes down to your personality - does it come naturally to you to be witty or funny, without putting on the clown shoes?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The PUA gurus used to say don't become the dancing monkey - the guy who's just entertaining them.
I think a lot of it comes down to your personality - does it come naturally to you to be witty or funny, without putting on the clown shoes?

I don't think it's good to do it to seek validation or entertain her. The best kind of humor is self amusement.

 

[zekko]

I don't think it's good to do it to seek validation or entertain her. The best kind of humor is self amusement.

Yes, absolutely, self amusement, exactly. That doesn't necessarily leave her out of the loop though, it's always nice to share a laugh.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I had a really bad injury about a year ago and my life pretty much grinded to a halt.

Finally in a position to starting playing the field again. But I'm rusty and lost a ton of muscle and confidence so I'm kind of starting from square 1 until I can build myself back up which I have only just started.

Needless to say the date was one of the worst dates I've ever had. Easily the worst I've been on in probably 10 years. We had decent conversation and it wasn't awkward or embarassing or unpleasant or anything, but I had absolutely zero charisma, charm, or wit and there were almost no laughs basically zero flirting or sexual chemistry or anything like that.

One thing I learned from this it that it doesn't matter if you can have good conversation and get along well, if there's no laughing, teasing, flirting, etc then it turns into a sterile, vacant, hollow, and completely pointless experience that feels totally unnatural. I would think the worst sort of date to experience would involve some kind of drama and crazy shvt but I'd take that anyday over the type of date that is so dreadfully plain and boring that you want to pretend it never even happened.

One silver lining though, she picked up the entire tab. For some reason the waitress brought her the check without even asking if we wanted to split it. I thought she was just paying for her own drinks then I found out she paid for the whole bill (4 drinks total). So at least I didn't blow $50 for nothing.

Quite dramatic dude.

How did you meet this woman!

 

[corrector]

Are you going to ask her on a second date? I mean you shouldn't judge a date by how you think you performed, but if the girl genuinely likes you right? If she agrees to a second date then it means she likes you.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Quite dramatic dude.

How did you meet this woman!

hinge

Are you going to ask her on a second date? I mean you shouldn't judge a date by how you think you performed, but if the girl genuinely likes you right? If she agrees to a second date then it means she likes you.

at the end of the date i could tell she was completely uninterested. i genuinely wasn't into her at all either which probably played into it.

 

[Gamisch]

In addition to being rusty etc;
1) I had literally zero libido, never once had a single sexual thought the entire date
2) I had two cans of hormel chili with like a pound of cheese 2 hrs before the date and felt mildly nauseous and self conscious b/c i kept burping
3) I just had surgery 10 days ago and ran out of the painkillers 3 days ago so i'm probably going through mild opiate WDs

all in all just a perfect storm. i was just out of my element. the date went as well as it had any right to.

not asking for advice lol i just thought this was an amusing anecdote

Why didn't you cancel the date?

If you feel this bad its predetermined to be a bad date with a bad outcome. Oh well, I geuss its juist another life lesson...

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Why didn't you cancel the date?

If you feel this bad its predetermined to be a bad date with a bad outcome. Oh well, I geuss its juist another life lesson...

I probably should have but i didn't realize how ****ty i was feeling until like 1.5 hrs before the date and I had already rescheduled with her the previous week, so I just went with it.