Journal - Approaches on street, at mall, etc.

[Mindgamez]

Ohhh that's really nice! I think I should stop worrying about my own age and just go for it.

I agree that in high school, it's harder to game because as you said, there's reputation going on. But I think that you can't progress that much if you're too afraid to loose friends or reputation, because in the end, you should win more. I think the fundamental rule is to always go practice and practice whenever we have the chance. I'm still scared to approach people though, lol.

It seems weird to approach random school people when you've seen them for 5 years... I mean, if you're new or something, that's nice but right now it feels weird. What you guys think? Maybe I should approach girls in 10th grade.

 

[Mindgamez]

Alright guys,
Tomorrow, I'll be pranking people and practising interaction! I'll tell you how it went and everything. This time, we'll be 5 to 6 people. That's pretty cool. I might get some videos for you to see, and maybe not only about pick up but about funny things that happened.

Let's do this! I'll commit myself a 100%. If I fail, I'll fail giving a 100% and if I win, I'll win giving a 100%. I'll support my friends to the max, because I care for them and they care for me. Hopefully, I'll overcome my fear of the ridicule and approach anxiety the more I practise

 

[Mindgamez]

Today I went to the mall with a buddy,
We had big major anxiety... uugghhh!
But it doesn't matter. We know the more we will do it the smaller the anxiety will be. We didn't do that much this day I'll admit. We didn't approach any sets of girls and we were terrified pretty much. I don't know what happened with me this day, but I had worse stress than usual and I couldn't do it. It was even worse for my buddy.
I said hi to random people passing by, I did planking on an eating table, I fell on the ground on purpose, we asked if they sold pie in the sports shop, we... stared at girls >_<. Nothing really special, I think I really could've done better. I wanted to enter a girls' shop and ask for panties as a joke, but I chickened out.

Today I've learned that saying it is a lot a lot easier than actually doing it. I was feeling really confident the day before, but once I actually get there, my old beliefs and thoughts start to come back. It's really hard to control your subconscious mind sometimes.

Ioan my buddy said he might come next week. We'll see.
Though, he's not that supportive. He says things like : Hey, if we get a number today, I'll be veerryyy surprised! Man, it's just not going to happen. I'm talking about me though haha.
Or : Hey don't say this! It's way too awkward they'll take it wrong!
He's still a very good buddy of mine, but his attitude isn't that good all the time. He cheered me up often though, but to some limits. I think I should be more focused on my own mind and stop listening to what the world says, think, or whatever. I don't want to abandon him, because he is probably the only one of my friends that is into the whole pick up thing and improving self-confidence.

You guys got any advice to help me overcome anxiety?
Thanks!

BTW I'll receive my farting machine probably next week, so I might do some videos of public farting soon. Hahaha, can't wait!

 

[Mindgamez]

The other day, I tried the farting machine at the grocery store. LOL, I had some reactions, but most of them acted like they heard nothing. I had to force myself to not laugh lozloloLOZl.


I want to learn to do things alone, by myself.
But I'm feeling anxious about it. I'll be on my own, doing stupid things in public by myself. I'll have nobody to make me feel safe, but I MUST do it alone. It's not their life, it's mine and my friends won't help anyway. I have to learn to go out by myself and stop being scared of going out alone. Why the hell is it scary anyway? I don't know.

Tomorrow, I'll go fart on people's faces and see their reaction. I'll be direct LOL. Then, I'll try asking strangers random things. I'll just start with asking the time, then I might try something else.

 

[Mindgamez]

The other day I went to the mall with 2 buddies. The night before, I told them about the 3 second rule that consists of giving yourself only 3 secondes to think and after 3 you have to act. We had major approach anxiety lol, so we just walked around the mall for about an hour thinking and talking about how we will do it. We ended up thinking way to much... We ate our lunch, then we saw a cute HB8 asian girl from our school accross the room, with another HB5. I saw her looking at me. At first, I just avoided eye contact (bad choice, but it's a bad reflex). And then the next time, I looked at her. She looked away, then looked at me. I waved with a good smile. She responded well. Though, I was too scared to approach her... my buddy waved and told her to come near us. She said no with her head, then she left. Later, we saw her again so Samuel waved again, and then she came at our table. Lame conversation haha...
Sam : Hey, aren't you guys from our school?
Asian HB8 : Why were you guys starring at me?
at this point, she made a ***** face, so I was kind of turned off and it gave me major AA though.
Me : Because it's, funny.
*awkward silence*
Asian : Okay, bye!
Me : Bye.

I have no idea if it was a **** test or if she was just acting *****y. Later at the mall, we were sitting. I waved at her smiling and laughing, and then she waved with some kind of smile on her face. She walked around the bench to avoid us though... Can you guys explain this behaviour or something? lool.

Later at the mall, we met Emily(my ex gf) and her friends. She had to go shopping to some store, and her lil brother was here so we decided to take him with us. And then, I decided to fart on people. I did it at the bookstore where people were reading LOL. Then, at the waiting line to pay, I asked Phil the lil kid to crouch. Then I farted loudly 5 times on him LOL. Everybody looked at me really weirdly, and the cashier had to force herself not to laugh. Then we leaved the store. We did a couple more at other stores. Simon Sam and Phil tried the machine, but they didn't do things as crazy as me, like jumping like a rocket while farting toward some random guy, or lifting a leg to fart on an objet at the store to put it back.

Then we paused and standed still in front of the fountain. There was this cute HB7 sitting a little further. I told my buddies I had to do that 3 second thing. It doesn't matter what I say or what, I just want to open randomly to get over my fear. So I made the countdown in my head. 3, 2, 1... ugh ****! Didn't work lol. Again, and again, and again. Finally, It worked and my feet started walking by themselves like magic. I knew once I did my first step I couldn't go back or it would be very weird. So It went like this :

Me : Excuse me, aren't you... Jeanette?!
Her : Hum, no.
Me : Are you suuuuure? *pointing her with my finger*
Her(smiling) : Nooo I'm not Jeanette.
*pause, eye contact*
Me : Humm, alright then you're probably the wrong person! Seeya
Her : Bye.

Simple. I had no expectations. I just wanted to open my mouth, so I did that.
Then, we went to the store where many good looking girls go to. It's called Forever 21. So I saw a set of like, 3-4 girls. I farted on them. One of them said : Eww!
I told : Heey it wasn't me, it was this kid!
them : Yeah riight!
Me : He ate beans yesterday that's way .
them : Haha, we didn't want to know about that.

Then I met Emily with her friends randomly. She decided to record me while I farted on people. I farted on the girl that worked here 3 times in a row. She laughed a lot lool. Then, there was a group of HB8-9s (they were older than me probably though), and I did a big fart on them. Epic reactions! Then I turned my head over to eye contact them. I kept a very serious face. Omg that was so funny.

Then, my 2 buddies approached their first set of the day! (and the last but wtver lol XD). I was so proud of them. They did the same thing as me and invented some random name. Pretty easy, I dunno why I struggle with this.

Anyway. I think I'm in love right now, so if I approach women, it won't be serious and it will be only to overcome shyness. I'm glad I have buddies that are ore serious about this. They said they felt so good and proud after doing their set. They never imagined they could do that. They want to do it again another day. So do I!

 

[LearningSlowly]

I knew once I did my first step I couldn't go back or it would be very weird. So It went like this :

Me : Excuse me, aren't you... Jeanette?!
Her : Hum, no.
Me : Are you suuuuure? *pointing her with my finger*
Her(smiling) : Nooo I'm not Jeanette.
*pause, eye contact*
Me : Humm, alright then you're probably the wrong person! Seeya
Her : Bye.

Simple. I had no expectations. I just wanted to open my mouth, so I did that.

I DEFINITELY know that feeling of the first step being everything. Don't think about the girl, think about the first step. Anyone can take one step.

Well, you achieved that. Now you've learned to open random people. So cool it with the pranks and start going for longer, more direct interactions. You'll see a lot more success.

I understand that you need to run your own race, you'll never get there on someone else's schedule, but you don't know how fast that pace could be. Don't underestimate yourself, start going for numbers.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

To be honest I think the pranks are partly why we get a bad name. They make me cringe. Just approach direct man, like Learning said focus on the first step. Then go for sexy time.

 

[Mindgamez]

LearningSlowly you're right. I should not underestimate myself and go for it.

Jack, but yeah the farting thingy is not to start up a conversation. It was for my own amusement and to conquer my fear of looking stupid.

I'll try to give compliments to random girls this Sunday. I hope it turns out well. I won't try to pick them up though because I have this girl I want to date at my school. If it turns bad with her, I will try to get numbers. I just want to practice approaching and overcoming approach anxiety for now.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I'll try to give compliments to random girls this Sunday. I hope it turns out well. I won't try to pick them up though because I have this girl I want to date at my school. If it turns bad with her, I will try to get numbers. I just want to practice approaching and overcoming approach anxiety for now.

So you have a decent mindset (though I don't agree that you can only think about one girl at a time), but I want to recommend a better way to practice. I'll offer a preferable next step.

Try this, adjusted to how you feel most comfortable saying it, to open: "It may be shallow to approach someone based on how they look, but I guess I just did it."
This gives you many more options for extending the conversation. Your way, they say "Oh thank you..." and expect you to leave. You will actually leave a lot more times than you expect. My way will work better.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

try with every girl. That is a ***** excuse to not try.

I like that opener. Or ''Hey, I just had to meet your because you're fricken gourgeous... And I'm Jaedon ''

 

[mind]

There are a lot of openers, but if you're talking to strangers (especially girls). What about using the jealous girlfriend opener? I've tried that a couple times and you really get into long conversations! You could just try different openers and see what works for you.

 

[LearningSlowly]

There are a lot of openers, but if you're talking to strangers (especially girls). What about using the jealous girlfriend opener? I've tried that a couple times and you really get into long conversations! You could just try different openers and see what works for you.

You could. Or you could try the same opener 20 times and know the patterns that the conversation tends to take.

Go indirect if you feel like you need to. You'll be less successful.

 

[Mindgamez]

You know what, you guys are so right. I'm making excuses... I am not helping myself by sticking on that one girl.
I'll do the public approaches next weekend though, because I have to do my homeworks because school starts on Monday. This is a good reason though, because school is my number one priority. I'll make sure to get back on track after I'm done. Monday, I'll ask this girl out and I will see how it goes. I'm being less needy than before since I realized I have many options. For 2012, I will become the best man I can be.

 

[Mindgamez]

YEAH! I finally pulled the trigger!
I asked out the blonde HB8 today. She was repellent, but I was very very proud of how direct I was. That same day, I slid my hand on her hair and touched her boob just a little. She wasn't mad and she just let me do it, but she was kind of poker faced. Then I told her that she was beautiful. She told me thank you (without eye contacting me), than she left.

I asked her out later that day, because I had anxiety. Finally, my friends cheered me up and I did it. I told myself that I shouldn't care about if I got IOIs or not, even If I've got a lot from her before. It's weird how it all changed, but whatever. I have wonderful friends, I love them...

I warped my arm around her, then I told her : Let's hang out sometimes ! Do you want to? (not exactly the same words since I speak French).
Her : No... (with a repelled face)
Me : Haha, are you faking? (I tickled her chin, then she pulled back again)
Her : No... I don't want to.
Me : You don't want to be my girlfriend? (I unwrapped my arm from her)
Her : Is this a joke?
Me : No, it's real.
Her : Well, I don't want to, sorry.
Me : Oh... alright (starting to feel nervous. Many people were probably watching since we were at the lockers). Well... we are still friends right?
Her : Yeah.
Me : (looking around a little, avoiding eye contact. *I know it's bad but it was subconscious I didn't notice it myself). Lol, I'm dissapointed but whatever x).
I think she kind of smiled afterwards, but I don't know for sure. I saw it from the corner of the eye.

I need comments on this. Do I seem needy? Was I too fast? Etc.

Later that day at lunch, my friends cheered me up. They though that I was boss for actually doing this. They told me that I shouldn't have been so direct with her. What you think? She was one of my friends before. We weren't that close but we knew each other since last year. I just started feeling attracted to her this year though. So maybe with the friendzone thingy, it made things more difficult, but I don't care. The more difficult it is, the better it is for me. I didn't loose her. Later that day during english class, I told her : Still friends? And she said yes. So all is alright!

This is actually the FIRST time I ever asked a girl out face to face in my whole life seriously. I asked once a random stranger, and once on msn (it doesn't count though... lol. I don't see where's the big deal with that... It was hard to pull the trigger, but once it's done, you feel a LOT better than before! I learned to not think of the outcome, and to just focus on the now, because nothing else matters but now for now. I started to feel a little worried just after my approach, since I failed. I though about how her friends would react, what she'll now think of me. Right now, after thinking about it, it really doesn't matter at all. I have no shame to have. I am feeling very content with my failure.

I can't believe I used to be so attached to her like 3 nights before. I would wait for her to respond to my texts. She never did, and this situation didn't stop me from asking her out. The 2 weeks before, I dreamt about her at least 5 times. I was so needy... then, I realized she meant nothing at all. She is a very fun friend to be with, but nothing more.

We might go to the mall my and my friends on Friday. We'll see. I have no excuses. I will definitely approach many girls if I do. I progressed so much, I am progressing, and I will progress.

For 2012, I'm becoming the best man I can be.
Today is a great day.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Yeah dude!

Even the rejections feel good, I'm telling you. You faced your anxiety and won and you're better off for it. What a good feeling.

 

[Mindgamez]

Yeah man! Thanks for support.

My friends told me many things. One told me that I am a douchebag and that I will never find true love since I have a crush on 4 girls at the same time. He told me I will never get a girlfriend.. He also told me it's not acceptable at all for a gentleman and that he should never do this. They say that I have to stay focused on one girl at the time, and make sure to be deeply in love with her instead of liking many girls. My friend tries to change my way of thinking because he thinks I'm getting crazy or something, and he's absolutely convinced that his mentality is the way to go. I'm getting sick of this.

This is the formula I used for so many years, and it made me extremely needy and desperate...

I analysed my approach again and again, and I'm feeling a little bad about the things I could have done. With stress and anxiety, I didn't think that much and I ended up lacking of sincerity in my message. I'm kind of feeling bad to be honest, because she might not see me the same way.

And you know what, **** it. I'm getting influenced by my big AFC friends way too much. I have to stop this... I don't know if I should ditch them, or just ignore what they have to say, or simply don't share any pick up experiences with them.

Did you guys have to deal with AFC friends? They try to help me because they are convinced their mentality is the best one, but there's no good about it.

What did you do with these friends?
Please help guys!

 

[LearningSlowly]

You analysed your approach a lot. Well, that's good and bad. It's good in that you can see where you went wrong (I'm sure there were plenty of places). You should write down what you would do in hindsight.

It's bad because it sucks to think about unsuccessful social moves. You're glad you did it, as you should be, because it gives you experience, but you can have the "Ugh I'm so stupid, why did I do that?" moment. Hate those.

Just realize when they happen and shake them off. Focus on now.

And yeah, friends can't keep up when you improve quickly. I have two groups of friends, from before and after improving. The "after" ones are the coolest kids from the parties I go to. I roll with the people that get the most respect because I get respect. Love that. The "before" ones are still my friends, but mostly because we share so much history. But it's been interesting to notice, when I improve, and refuse to revert to my old weaknesses when I'm around them, they first don't connect well with me, but soon they're improving too. We are a little less comfortable together, because we don't accept each other's worst selves anymore, but I can see my two best friends changing from their AFC ways (slowly, over the course of the past 6 months).

 

[Mindgamez]

Hey thanks for advice buddy, I really appreciate that.

Today wasn't really a great day...
I saw the HB7 I used to like before. I played with her hair and she laughed like a little kid. We didn't interact much. It was like 20 seconds, then I left. I felt less confident today.

I spoke to the HB8 I talked to before. For the last period, she left her table and she sat at my table with her friend HB7. It's nice to know that she is still friendly with me. She smiles like usual. I still feel like since I asked her out, it feels weirder to talk together. It's fun to be around a nice person like her. I have to get her out of my mind though.

I still catch myself looking at her without thinking during the class. She plays with her hair non-stop and it distracts me. I thought that I was over, but I'm still thinking about her and being needy! What you guys do when you start being needy?

I think that I wasn't good today, because I started doubting myself after the approach I did the other day. What if all the IOIs I received from other girls simply weren't IOIs? I misinterpreted the blonde HB8's ones. She was just being touchy in a friendly and playful way.
The other day, we went snowboarding with a friend, and then she told me she had a wet ass. I laughed like hell, then I looked in her eyes and said : Whoa, you are so dirty Then she laughed, and she held my gaze for long, before looking down. Do you guys think she was interested before? I think I have made good things before, but there are definitely things that I messed up. I was probably too friendzone'd.

I'm just analysing what I did, so I won't make the same mistakes again hopefully. I'm still feeling bad about the things I could have done, but it's too late now... I hope everything gets better for me.

I just started watching TGIM again. Eric Thomas is an incredible motivational speaker. I must accept the challenge for 2012 and become the best version of me and forget about past failures. I must embrace the pain and grow from it instead of stumbling on it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAutSAy54GM

 

[Jack Wealthy]

''What do you guys do when you start getting needy?'' I Go away and go hang with some other girls. Though tbh I wouldn't be in that exact scenario because I would have gone for sex instead of asking her out. Asking out sucks. Even if I fail on the kiss (early step) I would have her thinking about how confident I am. When her confidence is up, maybe she'll go for it.

You're overanalysing. Don't look for IOI's, just assume they exist and go for it.

 

[Mindgamez]

Yeah you're right Jack. I'm used to waiting for IOIs to happen before escalating. Sometimes they never come and I never do what I have to do, and I think she's not interested. I used to always spot for something that could be an IOI, and sometimes it wasn't.

You would directly ask her if she wants to have sex? Or directly try to kiss her? That's pretty cool. I hope I'll get the confidence to do this later.