I've realized that I have a problem, but I don't know what it is....

[sharpshooter]

I think the fact that I grew up spoiled but without affection is really hurting me overall. I'm a great looking guy (egotisical as **** as you can tell), built, confident, funny, and usually very positive. I've built myself up to where i'm pretty comfortable with women (complete turn around from where I was).

Grew up in a home where everything was handed to me. Material objects were always greater than love. My family showed me love through buying me things. Grandparents were "mom" and "dad" since my parents split. My uncles and aunts were like guardians as well. So I was really well taken care of, maybe too much. The ODD thing about this is that I can't remember hugging anyone from my famiy or even mentioning the word "love"

The combination of growing up spoiled and not having any real affection is like a black hole deep inside of me. Sometimes I come off as extremely cold (if i'm trying to be funny) even when i'm trying to be the opposite. It's ironic though, because i'm NOT a logical type of guy. I'm a really emotion driven/adrenaline type of person. I say what I feel, do what I feel. I don't know if anyone here can relate to what i'm trying to say. It's probably coming off as really complicated. I'm a caring guy deep down, but hugging and touching is just odd as hell to me. I always feel awkward when hugging a friend, even though I don't show it. When I see people hugging or holdings hands, I wonder how it would be. I Just wanna know if there's anyone here that knows what i'm talking about. I'm not a loner or anything like that, have tons of friends and close ones. However, I can never fully open up with them and just tell them about how I feel (about what i'm saying in this post right now). None of my friends would ever even expect me to be feeling this way, you know what I mean?

 

[tristan22]

My parent's showed me an immense amount of love and i always had the best (everything paid for college, clothes, food, car, etc). Yet the rest of my family (my sister included) treated my parents and i very badly. They took great pride in our shortcomings and failures and frowned upon our success. Although i had great loving parents, i can't rationally get over my hatred towards my other relatives.

Although my life and upbringing was quite different from yours, my rationalization is quite similar to yours. I feel my upbringing has created a lot of shortcomings in my life.

Interesting!

 

[Grey Fox]

Find beauty in your life, not the women. But things like music, literature, nature. Stop and take time to appreciate the littlest of triumphs, good luck and good twists of irony and you'll find yourself a little fuller each day.

-Grey Fox

 

[sharpshooter]

opinions? comments?

 

[Engetsu]

Sorry to hear what's happening. I feel I can come off as cold when I'm trying to be funny sometimes. A way to fix that is to say it while laughing or to laugh after, even though it is said to never laugh at your own jokes..... sometimes it helps.