greatsnake
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2017
- Messages
- 648
- Reaction score
- 313
- Age
- 37
Let her know you have your own interests early or else it could get worse. If she complains about that/continues to be overbearing, I’d cut it loose....
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
LOLWhat the hell man... I thought we were players for life
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Agreed. The way women can Stone wall, dudes need to put their foot down.The issue is we men know that women get approached at bars, hell thats half the purpose of them.
I don't mind if my gf goes out now and again with the ladies for a happy hour, but if its an evening out with the girls, then she is well aware she is placing herself into oncoming traffic of men hitting on her. I am not cool with that and neither is any man if they are honest.
This is why its important to set boundaries from the start. A girl has to be really awesome for me to give more than 2 nights a week to. Define your expectations and stick to them. Don't cave because you get horny either! If she likes it great, if not then go who cares. Most of the time they will go along with it.So it's been a month.
Before this it had been almost 3 years since my last (With the BPD one)
The relationship is good, my girlfriend is attractive and a very kind and caring person. We have heaps in common.
But already I'm starting to think .."man I wish I could just chill on my own tonight"
It's not that I'm not happy with her or want anyone else, I am and I don't. But I think I'll always be a guy who just likes plenty of his own space.
I'm just saying this because I know there's guys who think just having a good girlfriend will "fix everything" but trust me, there's downsides, and having a share of someone else's emotional wellbeing is pressure.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.