It's much easier than it seems

[jhonny9546]

It's much easier than it seems. We must learn to recognize the reality of pragmatism.
Most LTR's (> 5 years) are sustained, for these reasons:

1) Relationship since adolescence
2) Lack of alternatives
3) (Sunk Cost Fallacy) Investments: of time, money, children, social commitments, work commitments, financial commitments such as mortgages, loans, etc., which people will justify as "sacrifices," "I'm doing it for the kids," etc.
4) Exclusion from social circles after 30, fear of being alone (outside "couples only here" groups)
5) Dynastic reasons: parents choose good matches for their heir children
6) . You say .

All the major troubles start to come to the surface after "major events," which are the following:

1) Birth of children
2) Marriage
3) Purchase of a home together


This explains why the divorce rate is high.
This explains why women initiate divorces.
This explains why monkeybranching is widespread (it's actually more of an instinct).

This, however, doesn't apply to everyone.
There are people who manage to do this, while others don't and instead remain alone.
It's a bit like saying, "Yeah, okay, I have this job now, it's good, it pays the bills, but it doesn't satisfy me, and if new opportunities arise, I'll leave and find a new job."
But in the meantime, we're left with the five points above, which are being developed as time passes and people need to take action.

So I believe that if solid relationships exist, it's more important to consider this fact, and that those people actually knew how to choose the right person after considering these factors. Or they already had past experiences that helped them grow.

These divorce you see, which are a big part of the statistic demographic out there, most occur at the start of the relationship, but people stay togheter, and as time goes on, "knots come to the comb".
That relationship shouldn't be there right at the beginning.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Divorces aren't fun Op.

 

[SW15]

Most LTR's (> 5 years) are sustained, for these reasons:

1) Relationship since adolescence
2) Lack of alternatives
3) (Sunk Cost Fallacy) Investments: of time, money, children, social commitments, work commitments, financial commitments such as mortgages, loans, etc., which people will justify as "sacrifices," "I'm doing it for the kids," etc.
4) Exclusion from social circles after 30, fear of being alone (outside "couples only here" groups)
5) Dynastic reasons: parents choose good matches for their heir children

In 15,000+ posts on this forum, I am most known for promoting the idea of relationship decay. Most longer term relationships have a shelf life of goodness of around 3-5 years. Relationships that go past 5 years are in a state of decay when they still exist.

Your reasons #2-#4 speak to why people stay in a decaying relationship that is 5+ years old.

Relationships since adolescence is becoming less common in younger generations. Most adolescent formed relationships for Millennials (29-44 years old in 2025) have ended. When Millennials have been reaching their 5+ year long relationships, it is often met with someone after the age of college graduation, which is typically 22-23 years old. If Millennials had formed a relationship during their college years, it usually ends within a few years of college graduation.

#2-#4 are valid reasons for decay and I can get into those as this discussion progresses.

All the major troubles start to come to the surface after "major events," which are the following:

1) Birth of children
2) Marriage
3) Purchase of a home together

This explains why the divorce rate is high.
This explains why women initiate divorces.
This explains why monkeybranching is widespread (it's actually more of an instinct).

At a certain point, keeping a woman in a relationship becomes much more challenging without these "major event" milestones. Most women who are 20-34 when the relationship starts want to move through these milestones with a romantic partner. Women will dump a boyfriend if they don't receive a marriage proposal with a wedding ring and have great social media photos of the engagement fast enough.

In my primary social circle, one male friend received a ultimatum (a deadline to propose marriage) from his girlfriend at the wedding reception of another male friend.

The wife of a male friend admitted years later that she would have dumped my male friend had he not proposed marriage by a certain date. My male friend proposed marriage to her 6 months before the deadline she had in her mind. She never verbally communicated that deadline to my male friend in the form of an ultimatum like the story in the text block above this one.

With the passage of time and some milestone achieved together, longer term relationships tend to get stale without new milestones. Additionally, with the birth of children, parenting duties take up more time. Many LTRs/marriages with children feel like roommate situations with a shared goal of raising children and dealing with the day-to-day responsibilities of that shared goal.

Men often face a difficult decision of retaining a woman and risking a future divorce after the passage of time and key milestones or staying unmarried and risking the struggle to get sex without the presence of a committed relationship. This is a vital component of the scarcity mentality associated with most beta males. Most males are beta males and they will pass through these milestones with a woman in order to keep having sex on a somewhat regular basis.

 

[The Duke]

Two things not listed are "people can change" and "individual priorities change".

There are no guarantees. Stop worrying about it so much. Do the best to pick the right partner, take care of your relationship, enjoy it and make it last as long as possible.

It's ok if it doesn't last forever. Life goes on.

My divorce provided me with so much opportunity.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Two things not listed are "people can change" and "individual priorities change".

There are no guarantees. Stop worrying about it so much. Do the best to pick the right partner, take care of your relationship, enjoy it and make it last as long as possible.

It's ok if it doesn't last forever. Life goes on.

My divorce provided me with so much opportunity.

Exactly, too many men today are afraid to take risks and end up stuck behind a computer desk. This growing fear of taking chances is concerning, and it’s also something women don’t find appealing.

 

[BaronOfHair]

It's much easier than it seems

You've arrived at the same recognition Otis Toole did back in '81, after swiping Adam Walsh out of that Sears

 

[jhonny9546]

In my primary social circle, one male friend received an ultimatum (a deadline to propose marriage) from his girlfriend at the wedding reception of another male friend.

You've nailed it perfectly. (The same thing happened to a couple in my circle, and they broke up because he didn't want to commit.)

Let's say that if you have some people in your circle who are narcissists or borderlines, you can take inspiration from them, because they usually "emphasize" these stages through manipulation.

I can explore further, but I believe that system is fluid and applicable to today's relationships.

"People can change" and "individual priorities change"

Well said!
And this further confirms how important it is for couples to achieve those milestones, before moving on to others.

Being a man means guiding the relationship, and if you don't know the milestones, then it's like not knowing the road. Or the vehicle you're driving.

The milestones never end, and I could write a post from beginning to end, drawing a conceptual map of how a relationship evolves and takes shape depending on events.

Let's say all the milestones have been achieved. For example, the birth of a child.
It doesn't end there...

Will there be other milestones, for example, what sport will the child play? What school will he attend?

In this case, there will be other milestones:
- the child's school (meeting new people and creating new groups)
- the type and location of sports (meeting new people and creating new groups and sporting events)

In this case, the parents feel involved in all of this together, time passes, and long-term relationships "increase in value."

Have you noticed that it's not love but the ability to correctly set the stages, and never take them for granted? Help women relive these stages, keeping them on tenterhooks just enough.

I'm referring to @SW15 and the narcissistic and borderline personalities who are masters at this "recognition" and "delay" of the stages, or simply at playing with it.


A very compressed summary is this:
1) Getting togheter
2) Marriage
3) Children
4) Big House
5) Travelling
6) Getting old between 50-60 you want nephew from your sons
7) They stay togheter to support spouse illness
8) Die

 

[ValiantMale]

I would say moreso it boils down to how much one loves themselves and how stable they are. If both partners are full of self love, a balanced life, stability, they can last a long time or forever.. But even then, not every relationship is meant to last forever.

Yes, alot of relationships that formed when adolescent can last forever btu for some others thats not the case... its all case by case.. But the thing is this, you look at the people who last a long time and they usually just have alot of love and support in their life in general from friends and family, usually are stable minded, living healthy lifestyles, etc

And even sometimes you may not be "commited" to a person but still have them in your life as friends.

 

[jhonny9546]

from friends and family

Important point, I think it's a vicious circle.
But I imagine there are also many families who were born and survived even without the car of friends and relatives, because maybe they were drug addicts and were driven away.