Is this too jaded for an online personal ad?

[DCC]

Who am I?
I am a spiritual leader, a lover, a friend, a man with a sense of humor, a musician (a pretty good one, so I hear), a handyman that can fix pretty much anything even if there isn't any duct tape within miles, one of the most sincere people you will ever meet, and most importantly, a man with a heart for God.

Who do I refuse to be?
I'm a nice guy, but I'm not a doormat. I will challenge you from time to time and I'll probably even forget to call you back on occasion. Not because I'm mad at you or because I have some crazy ulterior motive, but because I'm a guy, and that's what guys do. I'm by no means the most stubborn person in the world, but I won't ever agree with somebody just to avoid a conflict. Where's the fun in that? ;-)

On the other side of that coin, I'll also show you what it means to have a true sense of balance in a relationship.

I am the master of my own destiny, I know what I want out of life, I'm on the right path, and am looking for someone who wants to come along for the ride.

I know you might be skeptical, but believe me when I say I am everything listed, and more.

I am a religious man, and I'm not saying that so I can find a "churchy" girl. If religion / spirituality is a turnoff, then it won't work...even if you're the most interesting person in the world.. If you're looking for a genuine man who has direction in his life, then I am your man.

Here's what I'm looking for: a woman (not a girl), who is intelligent, honest, mature, and who preferably doesn't smoke. I'm looking for someone with a great sense of humor, who can talk about anything and everything, who likes to have fun both outdoors and indoors. If this sounds like you then send me a reply and we'll take it from there.

Also, any improvement tips would be appreciated. And religion is one thing I can't skimp on...I'm entering ministry as a career in a few years, so the 'fun' is over, and I can date all I want, but f-closes are off limits until marriage.

 

[Jaylan]

Who do I refuse to be?
I'm a nice guy, but I'm not a doormat. I will challenge you from time to time and I'll probably even forget to call you back on occasion. Not because I'm mad at you or because I have some crazy ulterior motive, but because I'm a guy, and that's what guys do. I'm by no means the most stubborn person in the world, but I won't ever agree with somebody just to avoid a conflict. Where's the fun in that? ;-)

Did not like this part at all. No need to verbalize that you are nice or that you are not a doormat. Just let the profile speak that for itself.

Also, instead of saying "I am this" and "I am that", let your personality show in other ways besides outright saying attributes about yourself. Just an opinion though.

Id like to hear what you and others think?

 

[DCC]

I'm iffy on that part. I was also pretty angry when I wrote it though, lol.

Wasn't exactly in the best mindset.

 

[mahoney]

never talk about what you're not. and don't do this while angry

 

[iqqi]

I think it was ok.

Not bad. I might work on the "I am a nice guy" wording a little bit, to make it a little bit funnier and less like you are a damaged reformed nice guy, lol!

 

[Jariel]

It sounds a like a list of generic qualities, plus I think you're revealing way too much about yourself. You need to retain an element of mystery.

As it stands, I also think you appear like you're seeking approval. I would suggest taking the position of the selector and talk more about what you are looking for in a woman and maybe even what traits you don't like to see. The final paragraph is perfect, but maybe you can expand on it a bit more.

 

[mahoney]

I think the other problem with this profile is that it doesn't really say anything about you, I get no sense of what you are into or what your style is

To be fair, this is the main problem with dating profiles in general , they are mostly really quite bland and generic. Girls profiles are actually usually worse than dudes in this regard also. Very very few profiles are interesting, never mind irreverent, witty, effusive or individual in any way