Is this double standard OK?

[sosuave213]

-go on first date with girl
-date goes great, second date planned. That also goes great.
-you have three other dates lined up for the week
-those three dates don't turn out so well
-turns out she is dating other men (she updated her Hinge profile, postponed a third date for two whole weeks)

Should you be angry at her for dating other men even if the first two dates went well, and is this karma for deciding to see other women?

I'm seeing her on Thursday. We haven't had sex yet. We kissed on the first date, gave me a hand massage and we made out on the second date. Things are progressing slow and it makes me wonder if she's this structured with everyone or just me and smashing Chad on the side. And should I even be mad if she's smashing Chad on the side? And if she doesn't want to smash on the third date (i.e. invite her to get a room but she declines), should I move on?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You aren't exclusive, whatever she does up until that point isn't your concern. Obviously if she goes out and murders someone or robs a bank, then it's pretty clear you should dump her, but other than that, I never worry because I like it when she goes out with other guys...those guys simply reinforce how awesome I am, it's like they do 10x the work I could do on a date simply by being lame or weird or needy or over sexual, etc.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Dont get angry or emotional. Just accept that she´s not wife material, she´s recreational use only.

Keep "dating" her. Have fun. Bang her. Keep her as a plate. Spin her until she drops.

 

[Divorced w 3]

I would say that she does have the right to date obviously but if you’re the right one she’s going to start giving you more and more of her time. It’s your job to continue to stay busy, the first 3 months or so in the relationship are a constant game of push and pull. You guys just may not be on fire together and there is nothing wrong with that! Keep your options open too dude.

 

[characternote]

Every guy likes the whole 'spin plates' thing, but they fail to realise that you are also a plate lol. You just don't know it!
It's all fun and games. Don't take any of it seriously

 

[Barrister]

OP,

You're doing this wrong. Until you have "the talk" with the woman, you each are free to do whatever you want. You also shouldn't invest so heavily in ANY woman until that point. The fact you are sitting around worrying about her seeing other men means you have already lost here because you are far more invested than she is.

If you were truly spinning plates effectively, you wouldn't care so much about this one woman. Makes me believe that you don't have any other options - and if that is the case you need to fix that to avoid this kind of mindset.

 

[inquisitor]

The label is the message, and you set the label. Are you non-exclusive? Simple yes or no question. If yes, which seems to be the case, then there's no reason to be angry. You're seeing other women too. If you want exclusivity, change the label and see how she reacts. Everything up until that point is not in your control, so expect nothing else until she agrees to exclusivity. It all boils down to this: know what you want, and clarify it for yourself.

Karma has nothing to do with it. You have your decisions, and she has hers.

Also, sex doesn't happen in as direct a way as you would expect, especially if you do have expectations. Having expectations is a sort of observer bias, which affects your moments with her. So expect nothing (i.e. be alright with whatever happens - if sex happens, great; if it doesn't, so what? it doesn't have to happen every time), and if you don't like what you're getting, then leave. Establish your frame, and hold on to it (and this includes the label you want to aim for). Simple.

 

[sosuave213]

The label is the message, and you set the label. Are you non-exclusive? Simple yes or no question. If yes, which seems to be the case, then there's no reason to be angry. You're seeing other women too. If you want exclusivity, change the label and see how she reacts. Everything up until that point is not in your control, so expect nothing else until she agrees to exclusivity. It all boils down to this: know what you want, and clarify it for yourself.

Karma has nothing to do with it. You have your decisions, and she has hers.

Also, sex doesn't happen in as direct a way as you would expect, especially if you do have expectations. Having expectations is a sort of observer bias, which affects your moments with her. So expect nothing (i.e. be alright with whatever happens - if sex happens, great; if it doesn't, so what? it doesn't have to happen every time), and if you don't like what you're getting, then leave. Establish your frame, and hold on to it (and this includes the label you want to aim for). Simple.

I'm going to go out there, have fun and show her a good time. Sex should happen naturally. Will keep you guys updated.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

-go on first date with girl
-date goes great, second date planned. That also goes great.

Stop right there.

If you didn't try to smash before or after the first date, you are playing the game wrong.

Wining and dining women on multiple dates with the hopes of smashing is playing the game backwards.

You are basically investing in puzzy, when she is supposed to be earning your non sexual attention.

But beta males don't think like that.

 

[sosuave213]

Stop right there.

If you didn't try to smash before or after the first date, you are playing the game wrong.

Wining and dining women on multiple dates with the hopes of smashing is playing the game backwards.

You are basically investing in puzzy, when she is supposed to be earning your non sexual attention.

But beta males don't think like that.

Ok but you still haven't proposed a solution or an alternative way of thinking.

 

[RazorRambo24]

The problem with investing time and energy in a girl who doesn't make you her #1 priority in the casual dating game is that you'll eventually be just a dude she's playing.. Think about it.. If the girl is the one with multiple options, sleeping around, and you don't have options-- you're basically one of her hoes.

We already know that majority of dudes who come to SoSuave and ask questions are usually guys who aren't at the top of their game.. so

Why would you even want that?

The reason why some of us are okay with casual dating girls who have other options is because we're already experiencing abundance, and we know we're the sht. We know that there's not many other dudes who can outdo us in any category.. Sex, Personality, Wealth, --so we immediately become girls #1 priority.. and we like that because to us they are not our #1 priority ever. no girl is.

BUt for a majority of you guys, you'll just end up getting hurt messin wit a girl whos single and enjoying an abundance of options.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Ok but you still haven't proposed a solution or an alternative way of thinking.

I think I made it very clear.

Do not take a woman on a date until after you smash...or at the VERY least, a one date minimum.

I know such a concept seems absurd and it goes against your beta instincts, but alpha males do alpha thangs.

And it is indeed hypocritical for you to give a flying FUK about her having other guys when you already had 3 dates lines up yourself.

In fact, it is so hypocritical that it is disgusting.

 

[BadBoy89]

Things are progressing slow and it makes me wonder if she's this structured with everyone or just me and smashing Chad on the side. And should I even be mad if she's smashing Chad on the side? And if she doesn't want to smash on the third date (i.e. invite her to get a room but she declines), should I move on?

Depends how old she is.

If she is younger, you should care. No smash on 3rd date, keep going because she is young. Keep working her.
If she is older, you shouldn’t care. No smash on 1st date, you move on.

Everything a man should do, or shouldn’t do, depends on the age of the woman.