Is she powerplaying me?

[sazc]

Next time you are with a guy and about to have sex: Tell him that the condom may be too big for his small penis. Then tell him hey you’re joking. Don’t be so sensitive/BPD/uptight etc. Please report back on how he responded. Anything less than his devotion means there’s something wrong with him.

I had this happen! He kept having to hold the condom on with one hand! I didn't know what to say! How/when do you tell a dude his condom choice is too large for his penis?! There's just NO good way to say that, lolz

Edit: Imagine how he would have felt if I blurted out "ur d1ck is not that big babe, buy smaller condoms"

Of course, when he got offended I could have just said "kidding! Don't be so sensitive!"

 

[lamath]

#doublestandard

But they are very up front about preferring women to be submissive and subserviant.

The words women and equality dont belong in the same sentence.

But watch the hamster spin when she plays by the same rules.

Double standard?
You know why i dont get her attitude toward his comments?
Its because a women can tell the male equivalent to what he told her and i can tell you most men wont get offended.

 

[sazc]

Double standard?
You know why i dont get her attitude toward his comments?
Its because a women can tell the male equivalent to what he told her and i can tell you most men wont get offended.

(I think I understand what you are trying to say)

Again, I harken back to the ego saving ideal that is clutched here that "women are emotional creatures". That women act based on emotions. (Which essentially what she did but since he's butthurt that theory goes out the window and now's it's some sort of mental illness or power play)

Note how you all don't say "MEN are emotional creatures" you say "WOMEN are emotional creatures"

This implies that SHE is more likely to get offended over a joke-intended-sleight than he is.

Did I interpret you originally statement correctly?

The double standard is that he exhibited behavior she felt was disrespectful, so she nexted him (with explanation, mind you) and everyone is calling her name's.

The same behavior from any man on here (she disrespected you? Go NC my man!!!) would be PRAISED

 

[AJ84]

Double standard?
You know why i dont get her attitude toward his comments?
Its because a women can tell the male equivalent to what he told her and i can tell you most men wont get offended.

We had a thread where a guy was told his uncut penis was not wanted by her. And another where a guy had women tell him they didn’t like his accent. There’s more posts similar in earlier threads. If guys aren’t bothered by insults like that, we would not see these kinds of posts.

Guys are human too, no one likes to be told they are ugly or too short or penis to small etc etc. No one likes to be disqualified, and that’s what those kinds of comments ultimately are, a form of disqualification. She’s good enough to f**k but not good enough to be his gf, and she basically said as much in her texts to him.

And if she was the one who has said something like to him, He should of dropped her, it’s sh*tty to basically be told you are unattractive by your date, no matter what gender is saying it.

 

[lamath]

(I think I understand what you are trying to say)

Again, I harken back to the ego saving ideal that is clutched here that "women are emotional creatures".

Note how you all don't say "MEN are emotional creatures" you say "WOMEN are emotional creatures"

This implies that SHE is more likely to get offended over a joke-intended-sleight than he is.

Did I interpret you originally statement correctly?

The double standard is that he exhibited behavior she felt was disrespectful, so she nexted him (with explanation, mind you) and everyone is calling her name's.

The same behavior from any man on here (she disrespected you? Go NC my man!!!) would be PRAISED

You got what i was saying. English 2nd language i do make some syntax error sometime.

Too bad that it takes so little on both side to call it quit. Some stuff is red flag but more often its miscommunication imo.

 

[ubercat]

Mate couple of simple rules to bang by.

1. Always create a LOT of rapport BEFORE you start teasing.

2. If you really must neg (and I personally think negs r like loaded shotguns) do it as a fake positive. "I really like that more mature look.". she'll still take it as a dis but at least it's a bit more calibrated.

 

[ubercat]

And about frame. Most of the time when they act out it's about reassurance. Yesterday g/f banged on about how rubbish v day is. Then I caught some turn around texts in the evening. So didn't reply - went round after tennis with a huge bunch of flowers. Said I wanted to surprise her.

Face was saved on both sides. And I got a bj. Being beta is fine as long as you don't do it all the time. Yes they want a warrior but a warrior with a heart.

 

[AJ84]

You got what i was saying. English 2nd language i do make some syntax error sometime.

Too bad that it takes so little on both side to call it quit. Some stuff is red flag but more often its miscommunication imo.

Are you French Canadian?

 

[sazc]

You got what i was saying. English 2nd language i do make some syntax error sometime.

Too bad that it takes so little on both side to call it quit. Some stuff is red flag but more often its miscommunication imo.

Agreed

IMO the correct way to handle this situation would have been to tell him that her feelings were hurt and give him another couple of dates to see if this was who he really is.

 

[lamath]

We had a thread where a guy was told his uncut penis was not wanted by her. And another where a guy had women tell him they didn’t like his accent. There’s more posts similar in earlier threads. If guys aren’t bothered by insults like that, we would not see these kinds of posts.

Guys are human too, no one likes to be told they are ugly or too short or penis to small etc etc. No one likes to be disqualified, and that’s what those kinds of comments ultimately are, a form of disqualification. She’s good enough to f**k but not good enough to be his gf, and she basically said as much in her texts to him.

And if she was the one who has said something like to him, He should of dropped her, it’s sh*tty to basically be told you are unattractive by your date, no matter what gender is saying it.

Point taken and you make a good point. To bad op date only took his word into consideration and not his intentions

Still i dont see someone easily offended as something the opposite sex want.
Unless they like walking on eggshell,drama and conflict.

 

[AJ84]

You got what i was saying. English 2nd language i do make some syntax error sometime.

Too bad that it takes so little on both side to call it quit. Some stuff is red flag but more often its miscommunication imo.

Yeah good point. We also don’t know what she said in her banter. Maybe she insulted him first who knows.

 

[lamath]

Are you French Canadian?

Yes but not a Quebecer

 

[lamath]

Agreed

IMO the correct way to handle this situation would have been to tell him that her feelings were hurt and give him another couple of dates to see if this was who he really is.

Never met a women that would express herself directly in a situation like that without me insisting to know whats wrong for like 1hr

 

[AJ84]

Point taken and you make a good point. To bad op date only took his word into consideration and not his intentions

Still i dont see someone easily offended as something the opposite sex want.
Unless they like walking on eggshell,drama and conflict.

We women like to be seen as desirable. It makes us feel desire. When a guy says something that implies we are not desirable it hits a nerve, much like if a girl laughs your penis or comments on its size in a negative way.
I know I keep referencing penis’s lol. just trying to find an example of something that would be equilvant for how a guy may feel if a girl said something equally bad and guys don’t seem to like bad comments about their penis’s lol.

I’ll stop referencing it now.

 

[AJ84]

Yes but not a Quebecer

Cool

 

[lamath]

I know I keep referencing penis’s lol. just trying to find an example of something that would be equilvant for how a guy may feel if a girl said something equally bad and guys don’t seem to like bad comments about their penis’s lol.

I’ll stop referencing it now.

Some men are pretty insecure about their feet size lolllll

 

[Spaz]

You made a joke and she took it personal, that's her problem not yours, and yeah you should of continued on as if nothing happened instead of trying to make it right.

Someone with a healthy self esteem would of laughed it off, find a girl who doesn't get her panties in a bunch so easily.

If she was really attracted to you that remark would not have been a deal breaker, I have said much worse things to women lol none of then got upset because they know I'm just talking sh!t with them......

Manners are not like bonbons, chi town.

U may NOT choose the ones that suit you best and you certainly cannot put the half-bitten ones back in the box.

Remember that as you grow into a proper man.

 

[Spaz]

Hahaha! Like I said, it wasn't even intentionally. We were busting balls all the time, so it didn't seem that harmful when I said it, but perhaps it was to her. It can happen....

I don't feel I lost her in a sense that she was not a good candidate for something serious (which is really what I'm searching for), too much of a game-player. And I didn't like what she said about her short, intense relationship etc. She also said some things about her relationship that hinted to me that she wants to be a bytch and a guy should forgive her. She didn't say that literally, but something that hinted at it. In hindsight, it adds up to the rest of her behavior.

But I do agree that I could've fvcked her if I had played my cards better. Even though she's a difficult person who likes to play games, I shouldn't give her ammunition to play games! So I should've watched my mouth better with that aim!

Here's something for you OP, to be a winner always in everything you do and in all situations, remember my words; adversity presents itself in many forms and that if a man does not master his circumstances then he is bound to be mastered by them.

 

[Die Hard]

Agreed

IMO the correct way to handle this situation would have been to tell him that her feelings were hurt and give him another couple of dates to see if this was who he really is.

Exactly. It was not my intention to hurt her feelings, I was just busting her balls. But the remark touched a nerve with her, and that's okay. Then it's up to me to explain that I didn't mean to hurt her feelings and try to make her feel better. Which I did.

Apparantly, two days later she decided it still bugged her. Fine, so let's talk about it...if people don't communicate, shyt doesn't get resolved. So I asked her to talk to me on the phone but she decided she wanted to "punish" me some more by telling me "We'll have to see" and basically rejecting my offer to talk.

That's where I cross the line. I had honest intentions for that talk, I was planning to reassure her that I wouldn't make a similar comment again, now that she showed that it really hurt her. And if she would've expressed that it really hurt her, I would've shown her that I understood, with honest intentions. I don't like hurting people, that's not who I am...
Furthermore, I would've suggested to meet up again so she could see if I meant what I said. After all, it's kinda irrational to judge someone based on one little comment which he didn't mean as an intentional insult (and remember, I did and said many other things that night, which WERE flattering and gave her a good feeling). You can't pick one negative moment and judge someone on that, amidst all his other behavior which was positive. Well, you can...but it's immature and unfair to the other person. So I would've suggested to meet again and see for herself if it was an unintentional incident or that I would show more of that behavior.

It would've been an honest conversation from my side. But she didn't give me the chance and decided to "punish" instead, by rejecting my offer to talk.

That there, was the confirmation that she's an immature game-player. She's said other things during our interactions that pointed to this, but not enough to draw conclusions. But this behavior in the end, was the confirmation after all. If she's like this now, she'll be like this in future conflicts.

1. Man hurts woman
2. Woman acts angry to man
3. Man apologizes, reassures her that it won't happen again, does things to cheer her up and make her feel good again
4. Woman let's go of her grudge
5. Situation ends, they continue enjoying each other.

That's how it should go. But many women can't let stuff go and hang the guy's behavior over his head even after step 3. Then it's more like:

1. Man hurts woman
2. Woman acts angry to man
3. Man apologizes, reassures her that it won't happen again, does things to cheer her up and make her feel good again
4. Woman won't let go of her grudge and keeps acting angry towards the man
5. Man did all he could and feels she is treating him unfairly now, so he tells her to fvck off

In fact, she did let go of her grudge that night. As I have explained several times in this thread by now: she let go of it and later that night told me "I like us together, I want to meet you again" She smiled, grabbed my hand, I put my arm around her, things were good. Then two days later she decided she can't let go of her grudge after all. Which translates to:

1. Man hurts woman
2. Woman acts angry to man
3. Man apologizes, reassures her that it won't happen again, does things to cheer her up and make her feel good again
4. Woman let's go of her grudge
5. Situation ends, they continue enjoying each other.
6. Days, weeks or even MONTHS later, the woman suddenly brings up that moment where the man hurt her and hold it over his head AGAIN.
7. Obviously, the man feels treated unfairly by this tells her to fvck off.

It's almost a cliché, you see this type of interaction brought up during stand-up comedian's shows etc. It's something every man recognizes, I'm sure.

Perhaps I was in the wrong by not realizing that my "busting her balls" would feel like a strong insult to her. So then it's up to me to try to make things right, which I tried that night and she "accepted". Then she decided to hang it over my head again two days later, which feels kinda unfair to me but whatever, let's talk about it then. But she decided to reject the offer tot alk and wanted to "punish" me some more. So we reach the final step, where I feel she's obviously treating me unfairly and even abusing my good intentions, so I'm done with her.

This is very recognizable to any of the men here, I suppose. When you experience this type of behavior enough from women, you'll realize that being fair to them leads them to treat you unfairly. But when you treat them like shyt, it will result in them treating you fairly...

Which boils down to the classic rule: Nice guys finish last and jerks get all the girls.

 

[sazc]

@Die Hard I really think that you are the "victim" of her baggage in this situation. I'm not sure if she mentioned the dynamics of her last/last few relationships, but I would theorize that her past suitors might not have been as emotionally supportive/nice and, therefore, she is super sensitive about stuff, and screening heavily. She just doesn't want to take the chance to make the same mistake, again.

When trust hasn't been fully established between two people, its imperative that both parties understand that their personalities are not understood yet. Because of this, communication needs to be cared for. It takes time for trust to build.

You can adopt the mantra of "im going to be me and let the chips fall where they may" but if you do that (it's perfectly okay to do that) then you should also swallow that your 'success rate' is going to be lower as your brashness/boldness is going to push some people away (@guru1000 and @Amante Silvestre have mentioned this along the lines of 'failing because you are not catering to the female emotion')

My suggestion - and it's not going to be the popular sosuave alpha suggestion - is to let her cool off for a month and then send her a text that, if she was keen on you, might melt her a little....

"I wanted to send you a text because I have been thinking about you and wanted to see how you were doing"

best case scenario is she replies with "what have you been thinking?" and you can respond with something along the lines of "How I regret putting my foot in my mouth and hurting you unintentionally"

Notice how you are not apologizing to her, you are acknowledging that you unintentionally chose the wrong thing to say and you regret that it hurt her. That caters to her need to be apologized to, her need to have you acknowledge that you hurt her, her need for you to be empathetic and her need to feel supported in her feelings.

If the conversation goes favorably, invite her out for drinks, or a meal (even if you have to throw in the 'just friends' line) and see where things go. But, for gods sake, take care with your words and her.