Is she powerplaying me?

Die Hard

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I'm having difficulty assessing this girl. She seems like a "good girl" but I've met so many treacherous, crazy bytches that I assume they are all like that until proven otherwise....

Initial meet
  • Met at a social event. Good connection, lots of kino, sexual vibe, nice conversation, everything positive. Exchanged numbers.
  • Did some texting. She hinted at meeting up so I suggested a day. She accepted and was very eager, saying stuff like "I look forward to it!" etc.
First date
  • Went for drinks. Had a good time, lots of conversation about all kinds of topics, no boring moments. Kino was good, she let me rub her leg, let me put my arm around her, she grabbed my other arm and held it while we sat next to each other, looked at me smiling with dreamy eyes (like they do when they want to be kissed)
  • Now here's the rub: We were teasing each other a lot, had much playful banter, we were very "loose"in conversation. Then at one point we were discussing age, meeting a potential partner etc. She said: "I am now at an age (32) where it's becoming harder to find a man..." I couldn't help but smile, actually I had to laugh but I supressed it and this was obviously visible to her. Of course I thought of SoSuave, I think I even watched a video of Rollo discussing the wall and epiphany phase that same afternoon hahaha. So she asked why I laughed but I said it was nothing and told her to carry on. So she continued and said: "Anyway, I am now at an age (32) where it's becoming harder to find a man who doesn't already have kids." So as she started the sentence, I thought she was gonna address the wall and losing her looks (which is why I started laughing already) But as she continued, it was apparently about finding a guy without kids.
  • Anyway, she asked me again "Why did you laugh?" I teased her and hinted at the wall, I told her "I thought you were gonna say that it's becoming harder to find a guy because you're getting older and losing your youthful looks, ~wink" She said "How so?" So I responded "Well, you know how women lose their good looks quite rapidly once they passed 30, while us guys don't have that problem" I said it in a playful way, with a smirk on my face. We were having this type of playful, teasing conversation all the time, so it didn't feel like I dropped a huge bombshell in the middle of a serious conversation or anything. However, she was really not happy with my remark........
  • At first she responded a bit mildly, just saying that it was not true. But the conversation became silent and I could tell from her body language that I really hit a nerve. She wasn't happy anymore and became distant/cold. Oops........... I told her I was just teasing her, not to take it that seriously, that it was just a general observation about women, not neccesarily meaning she in particular had lost her looks or whatever. She wasn't having any of it and told me "No, I don't like your comment, I can say the same thing about you: When you approach 40 you're gonna get difficulty getting an erection..." I smiled, just told her "I really don't hope so.... But look, you shouldn't take my comment personally, I didn't mean to say that you in particular lost your looks, it's just an observation about women in general and that's not an untrue observation right? I wasn't saying it to hurt your feelings, if I thought you had lost your looks, I wouldn't be sitting here with you"
  • Still she had difficulty letting it go: "Well, I do begin to wonder what you're doing here with me, while perhaps you could also date a 25 year old?" I told her "Nah, 25 year old girls are immature and annoying with their behavior, I like being here with you. But hey, now I have explained a few times that I didn't mean you any harm and you still look kinda angry, so what else do you want me to do now?"
  • Eventually, she let it go and we continued talking about other things. The good vibe returned, we were laughing again, the physical connection also returned and everything was good again. Later on, she even told me things felt good between us and that she'd like to meet a second time. When I brought her home, we had a short kiss, not very passionate but it was okay.
The aftermath
  • Next day we did a little texting. She sounded happy through that, not distant at all.
  • Two days later I asked her if she wanted to meet up next Saturday. She said she was going to do something else that day. She gave some details about what she was gonna do and it sounded like bullshyt to me, sounded like she made it up. Then just silence, no counter offer...so I texted "Okay, then let me know when you want to meet". To which she replied "Okay!"
  • I sensed she was purposely acting distant. When we were texting before the first date, she was practically forcing me to set up a date with her and couldn't wait. Now she does the opposite, made up an excuse for Saturday, didn't make a counter-offer and when I basically asked her to make a counter-offer, she just said okay but didn't actually do it.
  • Then two days of radio silence. So I texted her "If you're not eager to meet up a second time, maybe we better call it quits. I enjoyed you on Friday, so I'd like to meet a second time. But if you don't feel the same, I'm gonna end this here."
  • She responded very shortly after my text: "Thanks for being clear with me, I appreciate that. I also enjoyed you on Friday but I notice I'm not ready to start something with a new guy yet (her last relationship ended a few months ago). So I agree, let's end it here..."
  • I told her okay. But later on I texted her and hinted that maybe she's concerned that I will just use her until I find a younger girl (since she literally expressed that concern during the date) and maybe she's protecting her heart by not meeting up again.
  • She responded: "No, I don't think you will use me until you meet a younger girl. I was more concerned that you won't consider my feelings whenever you say something"
  • I told her: "So actually you are ready to start something with a new guy, you just don't want a guy who doesn't consider your feelings. In fact, that's the real reason you don't want to meet again....you just said weren't ready for a new guy because that was a more convenient excuse. Do I have this correct?"
  • Her: "Yes, you have it correct..."

Now there are two options here:

1. She's a "good girl"/"quality girl" and I was too much of a jerk during the date, particularly at that heated moment. I hurt her feelings and came off as a cold bastard. So it's only natural for her to break things off, quality girls with healthy self-esteem don't accept bullshyt from a guy and don't find cold bastards attractive. The girls with low self-esteem get attracted by such guys and such behavior. I have to admit, that's the type I am used to deal with... But if she's not that type, then maybe I was too much of a jerk, too dominant and too cold for her.

2. She's playing me, making a giant power play to grab the frame. Basically signalling 'you have to consider my feelings or else I walk away'. Now if I want to make it up to her and continue dating her, I have to convince her that I will consider her feelings. And if she's a conniving, treacherous bytch (like most of them are) then this is simply an attempt of her to subdue me and grab me by the balls. Once she knows I will give in to her "demands" to keep dating her, she will think she can use the same tactic to control me throughout the rest of the dating phase and later on, if it evolves into a relationship. Maybe she thinks "Hah, whenever I disrespect him or piss him off in the future, and he makes a big deal about it, I'll just play the "You're mean, you don't consider my feelings" card and he'll fall in line whenever I say that...."

I really don't know which one it is. She shows some traits that she's more of a quality girl. High education, parents still together (unfortunately we didn't talk about her father yet, which is an important indicator), she seems nice and polite, there were a few moments during the date where she displayed good morals and values....
At the same time, BPD bytches seem like the perfect girl too when you first meet them.... She hasn't shown a lot of red flags but she did mention that her last relationship was "short, but very intense" and one of her exes yelled a lot at her (not sure if it was the same guy from that short, intense relationship)

I'm just not sure what to make of it. Is this a power play of her or did I scare off a good girl with my behavior and should I do my best to convince her that I'm not an azzhole? I have too little information to make a good assessment of the situation and I don't know how to proceed from here on. I guess it couldn't hurt to call her and just see if she acts reasonable. At the same time, my gut is telling me: "You guys had only one date, and already you've basically "broken up" and are now trying to get back together, lol" This drama after just one date? It kinda reminds me of the well-known BPD cycle.... Girl creates drama, breaking up, getting back together, everything good again, then shyt hits the fan again, another round of getting back together and so on and so on....
Could very well be the case that she's a cluster B (since most girls that I attract are...) and she felt during the date that I'm difficult to get under control, so she's making a hard turn with this power play... Then again, maybe she's just a nice girl and I was too much of a jerk.

What would you guys do?

P.S. Her face is just okay, but her body is mouthwatering. So if she's a big drama queen, obviously I should move on...but I'd really want to have sex with her at least one time then :p
 
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LiveYourDream

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maybe she's just a nice girl and I was too much of a jerk?
Yes. You came across as lacking the social awareness/consideration, to realize how jerk-ish what you said to her actually was, before choosing to say it. Then when she called you on it, for it's rudeness (not necessarily lack of truth), rather than catch on, you took it further and defended it. By doing so, you rubbed it in again. In doing so, in her mind, you cemented your unawareness/inconsideration. She's done. Move on.
 
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LARaiders85

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people on the rebound are vulnerable and very subject to narcissistic injury and buyer's remorse at the slightest provocation. If it wasn't this it would be something else. The first thing she said to you was more true than when you went full beta and started begging her for closure, at which point she had no choice but to punish you for your supplicating.

Way too early to detect if she's a good girl.

What you said was rude yes but her solution to a problem is to go fvck other men as casually as she did with you.
 
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lamath

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You lost frame when you notice she did not like what you said about age,not ez to handle after that,not sure i could handle this either
Dont appologize or explain yourself, deflect or ignore.


I think your biggest mistake was the txting you seems too anxious, made it look like neediness, after her turning down the date wait for her to initiate contact imo.
 

LiveYourDream

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  • She said: "I am now ... (32)..."
  • I couldn't help but smile, actually I had to laugh but I supressed it and this was obviously visible to her.
  • I responded: "Well, you know how women lose their good looks quite rapidly once they passed 30"
This was game over for her.
Move on.
 
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lamath

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  • She said: "I am now ... (32)..."
  • I couldn't help but smile, actually I had to laugh but I supressed it and this was obviously visible to her.
  • I responded: "Well, you know how women lose their good looks quite rapidly once they passed 30"
This was game over for her.
Move on.
I dont agree on this i think it happened after he failed her **** test, by defending himself and the double/triple texting
 

mrgoodstuff

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I dont agree on this i think it happened after he failed her **** test, by defending himself and the double/triple texting
Overanalyzing is almost certain hes fvcking up badly. They should both enjoy the interaction. Its that simple.
 

Spaz

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  • She said: "I am now ... (32)..."
  • I couldn't help but smile, actually I had to laugh but I supressed it and this was obviously visible to her.
  • I responded: "Well, you know how women lose their good looks quite rapidly once they passed 30"
It was this that done you in.

100% confirmed.

Next time when you wish or desire to disparage a women's beauty, do so after you decided to dump her.

Unbelievable.
 

Die Hard

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Update.

After she told me that I understood her correctly about the situation, I told her:

"It's not handy to discuss this through text. We could talk on the phone tonight, I'll explain some things to you and then you make up your mind, okay? Come on, it's Valentine's day :D"

She responded: "Haha. It's okay to speak on the phone, but I don't know about tonight. We'll have to see :)"

I told her: "Forget it" and deleted her number.

I guess she's a gameplayer after all. Perhaps I stimulated her by supplicating too much, perhaps if I had stronger frame she wouldn't even give me shyt about that remark during the date. The lesson I take from this is be more of an azzhole, not less. Bytches I attract are all the same, it's probably best if I just start punching them on the first date so they get attracted to me lol.
 

guru1000

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Insult her and then contemplate what happened? LOL.

That’s why the red pill is too much for some men. Just be natural, and feed her ego. Insulting her ego reflects how you think about yourself, as when a man is of high value and loving life, he is bringing everyone UP with him.
 
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Chi Town

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You made a joke and she took it personal, that's her problem not yours, and yeah you should of continued on as if nothing happened instead of trying to make it right.

Someone with a healthy self esteem would of laughed it off, find a girl who doesn't get her panties in a bunch so easily.

If she was really attracted to you that remark would not have been a deal breaker, I have said much worse things to women lol none of then got upset because they know I'm just talking sh!t with them......
 

behimo

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i guess this goes with "never talk about game, while you're in the game" with the person.

i think you got too needy trying to make up for that mistake.
 

lamath

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You made a joke and she took it personal, that's her problem not yours, and yeah you should of continued on as if nothing happened instead of trying to make it right.

Someone with a healthy self esteem would of laughed it off, find a girl who doesn't get her panties in a bunch so easily.

If she was really attracted to you that remark would not have been a deal breaker, I have said much worse things to women lol none of then got upset because they know I'm just talking sh!t with them......

This

She did you a favor and showed her true color, imagine being in a ltr with someone that susceptible.
 
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AJ84

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She was saying dumb stuff, finishing for compliments, and you basically told her she is ugly.

Not sure what purpose you thought that would serve in your attempt to get laid?

Lame stuff on both sides here.
 

Die Hard

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You made a joke and she took it personal, that's her problem not yours, and yeah you should of continued on as if nothing happened instead of trying to make it right.

Someone with a healthy self esteem would of laughed it off, find a girl who doesn't get her panties in a bunch so easily.

If she was really attracted to you that remark would not have been a deal breaker, I have said much worse things to women lol none of then got upset because they know I'm just talking sh!t with them......
Yeah like I said, we were busting each other's balls all the time, so I was a bit surprised that she suddenly reacted so strongly.

I see how some members are drawing the simple conclusion that I fvcked up coz I insulted her and it's normal for her to "dislike" me because of it. But come on, she got over it that night and things returned to normal, she was being very enthusiastic again after we moved on from that situation, told me she liked us together and wanted to see me again. Then two days later she becomes distant because of that one remark after all? Something doesn't add up there....
Then when I tell her we should talk on the phone, she starts playing around, telling me we'll have to see about tonight. If she were serious about it, she would do the damn phone call with me. But instead, she saw my offer as another chance to fvck with me, I supposedly had to wait for her to see if she was up for it tonight or if she would make me wait for another day, basically as if she said: "Hmm, I don't know if you've earned it yet, we'll see..." Come on, that's just playing childish games and it tells a lot about her character.

So no, I think it's very simplistic to just say: "You were insulting, and that's why you lost her." Regardless of my "insulting" remark, her actions show that she's a gameplayer. Right after I made the remark, I think she was playing a game already, seeing if I would supplicate to her if she responded upset at my remark, and see how much effort I would then make to apologize and "win her favor" again. Which I did, as everything was cool the rest of the night. But then she turned around two days later again. Pure and simple game-playing from her side I actually believe I lost her respect when I extensively explained her that she shouldn't take it personally. I don't think I lost her because of the remark, I believe I lost her because of the weak behavior I showed after. So no, I didn't lose her because I was too much of a jerk, I lost her because I was too much of a nice guy!

Obviously, it's never a good idea to purposely insult a girl, but that wasn't what I was doing anyway. I just busted her balls with that remark and she took it the wrong way. It can happen. But regardless of that stuff, she has played games with me in the aftermath. Which tells me that shyt would have hit the fan one way or another between her and me, even if I hadn't made that remark. I just wish I had fvcked her silly before shyt hit the fan....
 
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lamath

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She was saying dumb stuff, finishing for compliments, and you basically told her she is ugly.

Not sure what purpose you thought that would serve in your attempt to get laid?

Lame stuff on both sides here.
She was probably doing this and before reading your post i would have never guess.

Shows how I have no clue


imo he prob hit a nerve/insecurities with his remarks about age thats why it didnt turn out so good.
 

lamath

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Yeah like I said, we were busting each other's balls all the time, so I was a bit surprised that she suddenly reacted so strongly.

I see how some members are drawing the simple conclusion that I fvcked up coz I insulted her and it's normal for her to "dislike" me because of it. But come on, she got over it that night and things returned to normal, she was being very enthusiastic again after we moved on from that situation, told me she liked us together and wanted to see me again. Then two days later she becomes distant because of that one remark after all? Something doesn't add up there....
Then when I tell her we should talk on the phone, she starts playing around, telling me we'll have to see about tonight. If she were serious about it, she would do the damn phone call with me. But instead, she saw my offer as another chance to fvck with me, I supposedly had to wait for her to see if she was up for it tonight or if she would make me wait for another day, basically as if she said: "Hmm, I don't know if you've earned it yet, we'll see..." Come on, that's just playing childish games and it tells a lot about her character.

So no, I think it's very simplistic to just say: "You were insulting, and that's why you lost her." Regardless of my "insulting" remark, her actions show that she's a gameplayer. Right at that moment, she was probably playing a game, seeing if I would supplicate to her if she responded upset at my remark, and see how much effort I would make to apologize or anything.

Obviously, it's never a good idea to purposely insult a girl, but that wasn't what I was doing anyway. I just busted her balls with that remark and she took it the wrong way. It can happen. But regardless of that stuff, she has played games with me in the aftermath. Which tells me that shyt would have hit the fan one way or another between her and me, even if I hadn't made that remark.
You contacted again?
I dont think it was a good idea if u wanted to salvage this.
 

guru1000

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Die Hard said:
Obviously, it's never a good idea to purposely insult a girl, but that wasn't what I was doing anyway. I just busted her balls with that remark and she took it the wrong way. It can happen. But regardless of that stuff, she has played games with me in the aftermath. Which tells me that shyt would have hit the fan one way or another between her and me, even if I hadn't made that remark.
I have an extremely sarcastic and witty personality, so I know ALL about insulting people who don't carry like wit.

Know thy audience. And insert your wit accordingly.

Think about it. You haven't bang her. Accordingly, she has zero emotional investment in you. She just turned 32 so her looks are likely starting to deteriorate. And then you tell her looks for girls over 30 begin to deteriorate. LOL.

Come on bro. Use your emotional intellect. It's not her here, it's YOU. Your social calibration was off.

If you want to stop writing threads about women and instead have women writing threads about you on Loveshack, lol, don't do that again. After she has invested, then you have more flexibility.

Also: don't chase.
That's bad for your energy (for future women). After that comment when the frame collapsed, you eject permanently. No explanation, no rational, nada. Just dismiss her with lesson learned.
 
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AJ84

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This is common sense to anyone who has actually dated a woman. Who says this stuff, even as a joke, to a woman on a date? I mean really, does anyone here expect a girl to actually be turned on by that statement. This is basic dating 101, and he failed.
Like come on lol if some girl looked at your penis and said well it’s kind of small but whatever. And you got understandably miffed and she said she was ‘just joking’, how would you feel?
F**k? It’s actually hilarious how stupid this was and how some here think she’s the one with the issues because she’s not swinging off his penis after basically being told she is undesirable.
 

behimo

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This is common sense to anyone who has actually dated a woman. Who says this stuff, even as a joke, to a woman on a date? I mean really, does anyone here expect a girl to actually be turned on by that statement. This is basic dating 101, and he failed.
Like come on lol if some girl looked at your penis and said well it’s kind of small but whatever. And you got understandably miffed and she said she was ‘just joking’, how would you feel?
F**k? It’s actually hilarious how stupid this was and how some here think she’s the one with the issues because she’s not swinging off his penis after basically being told she is undesirable.

LOL :cool:
 
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