"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Is it possible to date a Borderline Personality Disorder co worker?

Speculator E

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I just discovered the girl I'm dating at work has BPD. Is it possible to make it work? She will be my 2nd BPD relationship but unlike the first one I am educated about the disorder this time.
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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HeadLightsOn

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I can't believe this is a serious question. Co worker AND BPD - Mmmmmm that's a jackpot of misery! Are you slightly screwed up, seriously? Please date her and post back here in 6 months or so. I'd be interested in your state of mental health at that stage.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Border line and at work, that would be insane. She could get stressed and come after you in the work place and make your life a living hell.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Speculator E

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I can't believe this is a serious question. Co worker AND BPD - Mmmmmm that's a jackpot of misery! Are you slightly screwed up, seriously? Please date her and post back here in 6 months or so. I'd be interested in your state of mental health at that stage.
I know but I'm trapped. The root of her disorder is fear of abandonment which is what leaving her is. It's her triggers. If I leave now I really have no where to run. I need help and advice here. Seriously.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Infern0

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OP, this is the exact scenario that happened to me

Well, I didn't even know about BPD at the time, let alone that she had it, but I met a full on waif-bpd at work

At first she was just this coworker who had depression and seemed sad a lot of the time, so i used to just tell her jokes and try and have a laugh and that, she ended up idealizing me. I didn't want to go there because she was a co-worker but she seemed really nice and caring, and she chased me for months so eventually i gave in.

When the devaluation happened, she very, very nearly got me fired. I had built a good reputation at work and was seen as someone who was going to go far in the company. After what she put me through I had a double whammy of disciplinary action laid upon me for her acting out, which i got blamed for too, and post that I had a nervous breakdown due to her emotionally torturing me for weeks. (afc on my part but i didn't know better at the time)

Anyway my rep at work is ruined, I only managed to keep my job by going over my (female) bosses head to her (male) boss, who was actually very understanding of my situation and quietly managed my ex out of the company.

I still have my job but i will NEVER be promoted now, I understand that, and i'll be getting a new job somewhere when it becomes available.

BPD's should never be trifled with, ever. But if you absoloutley have to make sure she doesn't know where you live or work, and certainly that she isn't a coworker

Get out of the relationship as soon as you can, in the nicest way you can (grey rock technique)

You won't though, you are too far in, the destruction is on it's way
 

Atom Smasher

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OP, if you were "educated about the disorder" you wouldn't be asking this question.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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bigneil

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It's possible to have a gay love affair with your jail cell mate also, but I don't recommend it.
 

Tictac

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Another case of BPD meaning 'she doesn't like me so she's diagnosable'.

SpecE has been harassing this woman at the office for weeks if not months and imagining that she's into him. He's been hauled into HR once already yet he still stalks her.

Behavior has consequences @Speculator E. Welcome to yours.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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