"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Is it possible to date a Borderline Personality Disorder co worker?

Speculator E

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I just discovered the girl I'm dating at work has BPD. Is it possible to make it work? She will be my 2nd BPD relationship but unlike the first one I am educated about the disorder this time.
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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HeadLightsOn

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I can't believe this is a serious question. Co worker AND BPD - Mmmmmm that's a jackpot of misery! Are you slightly screwed up, seriously? Please date her and post back here in 6 months or so. I'd be interested in your state of mental health at that stage.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Border line and at work, that would be insane. She could get stressed and come after you in the work place and make your life a living hell.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Speculator E

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I can't believe this is a serious question. Co worker AND BPD - Mmmmmm that's a jackpot of misery! Are you slightly screwed up, seriously? Please date her and post back here in 6 months or so. I'd be interested in your state of mental health at that stage.
I know but I'm trapped. The root of her disorder is fear of abandonment which is what leaving her is. It's her triggers. If I leave now I really have no where to run. I need help and advice here. Seriously.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Infern0

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OP, this is the exact scenario that happened to me

Well, I didn't even know about BPD at the time, let alone that she had it, but I met a full on waif-bpd at work

At first she was just this coworker who had depression and seemed sad a lot of the time, so i used to just tell her jokes and try and have a laugh and that, she ended up idealizing me. I didn't want to go there because she was a co-worker but she seemed really nice and caring, and she chased me for months so eventually i gave in.

When the devaluation happened, she very, very nearly got me fired. I had built a good reputation at work and was seen as someone who was going to go far in the company. After what she put me through I had a double whammy of disciplinary action laid upon me for her acting out, which i got blamed for too, and post that I had a nervous breakdown due to her emotionally torturing me for weeks. (afc on my part but i didn't know better at the time)

Anyway my rep at work is ruined, I only managed to keep my job by going over my (female) bosses head to her (male) boss, who was actually very understanding of my situation and quietly managed my ex out of the company.

I still have my job but i will NEVER be promoted now, I understand that, and i'll be getting a new job somewhere when it becomes available.

BPD's should never be trifled with, ever. But if you absoloutley have to make sure she doesn't know where you live or work, and certainly that she isn't a coworker

Get out of the relationship as soon as you can, in the nicest way you can (grey rock technique)

You won't though, you are too far in, the destruction is on it's way
 

Atom Smasher

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OP, if you were "educated about the disorder" you wouldn't be asking this question.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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bigneil

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It's possible to have a gay love affair with your jail cell mate also, but I don't recommend it.
 

Tictac

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Another case of BPD meaning 'she doesn't like me so she's diagnosable'.

SpecE has been harassing this woman at the office for weeks if not months and imagining that she's into him. He's been hauled into HR once already yet he still stalks her.

Behavior has consequences @Speculator E. Welcome to yours.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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