Is It Possible To Always Be Faithful To Wife.

[Rollo Tomassi]

Let's also consider age ranges in these statistics. Men and women married for longer periods are going to have more opportunity to have had extramarital affairs than a young couple only married for 2 years. Consequently the older the respondent the more common the incident. Without filtering for age and ranomly cross-sampling you'll always come up with lower percentages.

 

[NewMan]

These statistics can be manipulated however you'd like. So, depending on who's making the survey, they will sway the stats one way or another.

Let's not get into a d#ck waving competition over it...

 

[lee36044]

Statistics? How about we just accept that on questions like this there are no definitive sets of statistics. Some men cheat, some don't. Some women cheat, some don't! If the problem or phenomena is widespread enough to be statistically tracked at all, it is definitely a pervasive influence in Our society!

To get back to the OP's question:

I personally think it depends on two things. The strength of your moral or ethical values and the value you place on the relationship. If your "code" ,if you will ,says "I won't cheat" and you are strong (or stubborn) enough to live up to it ... you won't ... end of discussion. On the other hand .. if the value of what might be lost is all that stops you ... there will be times temptation can, and usually will, win out.

I've given in to temptation a few times in the past but finally got stubborn and said "I won't" and have turned down some very tempting offers while involved with someone else (long enough into the relationship that if "boredom" was a factor, I should have given in). I won't claim it was easy, but I did manage not to break my code.

Bottom line is that if the marriage or relationship is so unfulfilling you don't value it enough that you would risk losing it by cheating, it's time to be honest with her and yourself and move on anyway. It really boils down to your own integrity. Yes our "animal" nature makes giving sex to a hot willing woman our predisposition. But the part of us that makes us better than the animals can override it if we want it to. Blaming cheating on our genetic predisposition to mate with as many females as possible, an irresistable temptation, or extraneous factors like excessive drink are just ways of rationalizing our own lack of self control.

Originally posted by Jonwon:
I am starting to think the only truly way to be happy and married is not care one way shape or form if the other partner sleeps around.

Some cultures have open marriages and even some parts of america i hear, apparantly they work really well.

I've had oportunity to both observe and participate in this "open" style of relationship. I once thought it might be the way to have the comfort and security of an LTR without the restrictions of a more traditional relationship. It takes a very "flexible" mindset to be able to deal with the openness necesary to make them work at all. Many ppl seem to enter them thinking I can stray without realizing their partner will be able to stray too. When it hits them ... it isn't a pleasant experience. And there is always the chance that your partner, or you, will meet someone who is worth moving on with. That is what happened with mine. I've seen others fall apart because one partner was going outside of the relationship more than the other. I even know one couple who divorced after trying it for about two years because "it just didn't feel like being married"

Regards

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I can't believe that I'm going to say this but...

[rant=on]
:cuss: FVCK THE STATISTICS!!!! :cuss:

The question was whether it is possible for a guy to always be faithful to his wife. The answer is that a guy can do whatever he chooses in instances where he has control; fidelity being one of those things.

It's a sad state when guys will base their actions on what others have done instead of choosing to do what he wants to do. It's as if he's looking for a reason to justify his actions.
[/rant]

 

[bronyraur]

I was married for 7 years. I had plenty of chances to cheat but never did...even when we were seperated. In my mind I wanted to be able to look myself in the mirror and say I never did (even though I'm 99% sure she did). The day after I went to court.....I was on the phone setting up a hook-up.

Sex/affair can cause so many problems.....I'd rather rub one out if I have to versus regret something.

 

[azanon]

The question was whether it is possible for a guy to always be faithful to his wife. The answer is that a guy can do whatever he chooses in instances where he has control; fidelity being one of those things.

In this case, i didn't feel so guilty expanding on those statistics, because i gave the OP pretty much the same answer you did here in post #2, bottom paragraph. It was an easy question quickly answered, so no harm or foul hijacking beyond that point.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Back on point: I've been married 10.5 years now and in that stretch of time, and in my line of work, I've had many opportunities to cheat on my wife without her ever possibly knowing. Meaning the girls were asking me to bang them, they knew I was married and I could've done it without consequence. I finished my degree while married and was constantly around hot women. I travel a lot in my job and I often do on location video at parties and clubs teeming with beautiful young women. I turn it down all the time.

Now I wont lie, I certainly want to ride them to glory, but I don't. Not because of some huge moral obligation or that I want to pop off with being able to say "I've never cheated on my wife", but because I simply have no real reason to do so. I get what I need from my wife. She stays sexy, she's fun to be with, I can't bang her enough and we click. She knows what I do to pay the bills and rather than acting insecurely about it she confidently takes care of me. So yes, it's entirely "possible" to stay faithful to your spouse. Whether it's "probable" or not really depends on your relationship and how you relate to each other.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...It was an easy question quickly answered, so no harm or foul hijacking beyond that point.

So yes, it's entirely "possible" to stay faithful to your spouse. Whether it's "probable" or not really depends on your relationship and how you relate to each other.

Bravo!

 

[grinder]

All I can tell ya is I was married x2, for 20+ years and never had sex with any other woman. I waited until we separated, so technically, before the divorce I “cheated”.

It was not religion that kept me “in line”, but just stubborn adherence to the oath I swore.

Was I tempted, did I get close, you betcha. But by a friend of both ours, not some remote thing that could be hidden. She was my ultimate perfect 10 and if I had not been newly married with a fresh set of blinders on, I would have happily cheated. Later, another one became such a friend of ours that she went everywhere with us. Maybe that was cheating without sex, because we were close. Ok, she was more MY friend, but still no dinkin. Remember I was a brainwashed AFC so if no sex then no foul.

What the hell moron decided we can only have one wife at a time? Bet those cheating numbers people are fighting over would go down if you could have 2 or 3 wives. Why oh why can’t we change those rules? I would consider marriage again if I could have 3.

 

[Sir Drinksalot]

I was with my ex wife for 10 years and didn't once cheat on her, but I can't say that if our relationship survived, I would have been for much longer.

I can only remember 2 HB10s making a serious play for me during that time.

The first was a drop-dead gorgeous Norwegian woman, "K." I think she got off on the "forbidden fruit" thing, I was the king of AFCs at the time, an outspoken proponent of marriage, and raised to believe that men in my family didn't screw around on their wives. I just had my second kid. I was very in love. I let it go regretting I hadn't met K sooner, but not staying true to my vows.

A year and a half after that I met C. My marriage was falling apart because my wife became a heavy drug user. I was beginning to shed my AFC exterior and resent my station in life. I regret missing out on C. She was a beautiful twenty four year old doctoral student. Brilliant, with a body that belonged in nudie magazines, and an exceptional person besides that. Truly an "A-List" woman. C helped me through some rough times, was a great friend and wanted more. But for a number of reasons, I let it slip. My head was not screwed on straight, and my kids needed me around all the time (their mom was in rehab). I regret not cheating with C.

I've never cheated, but to be honest, if I'd stayed married for 20+, I'd have strayed. Sex gets less frequent, that's reason enough. Who can deal with getting laid twice a month? That's how often most of my married friends are down to, many of them less than that. Dealing with that is bound to wear on you after months or years. Why should you sit around getting prostate cancer because some 55 year old hag, who should be grateful for any attention you give her at that age, doesn't kick it down enough?

 

[azanon]

I dont expect anyone here to actually be in a marriage and openly admit to cheating. This is like one of those polls except not so anonymous. Further, i dont expect anyone, including myself, would fault someone like RT or anyone else for that matter for being faithful to their wives. Truthfully, in a marriage, that is going to be the default wisest option (not cheating) to say nothing of it being the most honorable choice.

Speaking hypothetically though, I think no matter how wonderful a woman is in bed; think Angelina Jolie if you must, she's still just one woman, and the lure of infatuation stage love with a new woman has to tempt any man in a marriage.

I think a man can say he is fully happy that he has not cheated, but deep down inside there is going to be that part of him that wants to. I'm a fan of Darwinian biology too; as i should be given my MA in Biology. As RT correctly stated, a male's biological goal is to spread his seed as widely as possible. This ingrained goal doesnt just suddenly disappear just because a man undergoes the modern societal ritual called marriage. At best, the man has to actively suppress this desire constantly..... or act on it. If a man says anything less, then you can have no doubt you're listening to a lier.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I think a man can say he is fully happy that he has not cheated, but deep down inside there is going to be that part of him that wants to. I'm a fan of Darwinian biology too; as i should be given my MA in Biology. As RT correctly stated, a male's biological goal is to spread his seed as widely as possible. This ingrained goal doesnt just suddenly disappear just because a man undergoes the modern societal ritual called marriage. At best, the man has to actively suppress this desire constantly..... or act on it. If a man says anything less, then you can have no doubt you're listening to a lier.

You're just speaking personally, right?

 

[azanon]

You're just speaking personally, right?

Doesn't my use of English there indicate that i was intentionally generalizing for all men? If that's your way of saying you disagree with part or all of that, then point out which part and state why.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Doesn't my use of English there indicate that i was intentionally generalizing for all men?..

I was just making the assumption that you might not always make sweeping generalizations in your posts. I guess you proved that both assumptions and generalizations aren't necessarily true.

 

[lookyoung]

Wow I give the guys that are married and never cheated on there wives much credit.. Especially to Rollo Tomassi. Your in another state, another country partying with hott girls. They want to bang u. They know that your married. For me that would be too much temptation, I would certainly cave in no matter how hot or good to me my wife was.


My only chance to stay faithful would be to get very religious, avoid bars and clubs, and to totally stop flirting with woman.


ROLLO YOU HAVE WILL POWER

 

[MightyMate]

It is not possible and its not even right to be faithfull.

 

[SonOfTheMostHigh]

I am starting to notice that they may be right. I consider myself to have good morals, to be very honest, but guys I think it is just in out nature to cheat.....

No it's in your nature to cheat. Each person has their own nature, its a part of their genetic programming. People are nothing more then biological machines, they have a mental map that rewards certain behaviours or punishes them and the strengths of the rewards and punishments... and what is rewarded and punished is somewhat different in every person to some extent.

There is no universal human nature and I wish people would stop assuming that there is. The truth is, there are just too many inferior human beings that give good people within humanity a bad name by association with "human nature".

 

[captn caveman]

From healthymarriageinfo.com
"
-....
Over the whole length of a marriage, however, studies have found that about 25 percent of men and 10-15 percent of women report having had sex with someone other than their spouse.

Hehe... so everytime a wife cheats on the husband, a baby must be conceived.

From BBC human Instincs and other sources:

10% of the children in the West world are not from their legal fathers.

Assumedly, 10-15% women cheat, 10% of kids not from the married man ( at least 10% women cheated on time or the other).... One shag, one baby....

Actually also explains that women cheat when they are on the heat.

People, I tell you, if a whole life is taken ito account, the number of women cheating is way more than the 10%, 20%, 30%'s written in the media. especially in the group born after the 70's...

I believe men cheat less. Women have better instincs in catching. More risk for men. Men know that.

Call me chauvenist. But, I have seen more women cheating than men.

 

[azanon]

Hehe... so everytime a wife cheats on the husband, a baby must be conceived.

From BBC human Instincs and other sources:

10% of the children in the West world are not from their legal fathers.

Assumedly, 10-15% women cheat, 10% of kids not from the married man ( at least 10% women cheated on time or the other).... One shag, one baby....

Actually also explains that women cheat when they are on the heat.

People, I tell you, if a whole life is taken ito account, the number of women cheating is way more than the 10%, 20%, 30%'s written in the media. especially in the group born after the 70's...

I believe men cheat less. Women have better instincs in catching. More risk for men. Men know that.

Call me chauvenist. But, I have seen more women cheating than men.

Are you talking to healthymarriage.com? My person opinion from all the statistics, expressed in post #2 of this thread, is 25% for women, and just shy of 30% for men. Also, i'm not necessarily assuming like you are that 10% of children are conceived by men outside of a marriage.

Most every poll has women cheating less. This would be consistent with Darwinian thinking (men try to spread their seed as much as possible, whereas females search for that one, best male to mate with).

But, I have seen more women cheating than men.

Me too, but I have an explanation for it in my case. I'm a heterosexual male. ;-)

 

[Latinoman]

Just ask yourself this question: How “honest” are the MARRIED women answering to those polls? The so called “anonymous” polls. Most women will lie in such polls (some men would too), because they don’t trust how anonymous those polls are. Or because they mistrust the way the poll is taken.

If we define cheating as any type of intimate affair between the spouse and the other person, and with intimate we include intercourse, passionate kissing, oral sex, and any other physical sexual involvement, then you can rest assure that those polls are not as accurate as we would like to think.

My experience is (in Western nations) that ANYONE is capable of cheating if put under the correct cheating stimulus (which might be different for any person). My experience is that if approached the correct way and by the correct style…that ANY person is capable of cheating. The people that not cheat are because they can’t or have ways of avoiding or identifying the correct style and try to avoid it.

I would say that women cheat more than the actual statistics. Furthermore, women TODAY (2000s) cheat much more than women in their 1990s or 1980s.

Now, once again, I’m talking about married people. And with married people, I would say men tend to cheat more than women.

When it comes to people in committed relationships (other than marriage), I would say that women cheat as much (or even more than) than men.