Is It Possible To Always Be Faithful To Wife.

[lookyoung]

This is question to guys that are married or have been married. Rollo Tomassi, Latinoman, Karmasutra, LMS, all the guys that have been married I want honest answers...

I have always been a guy that has always said that I would not cheat on my wife no matter what. I have told this to my friends, cousins, who are married and they say after 6 months of marriage, LOOKYOUNG you will cheat on your wife.

I am starting to notice that they may be right. I consider myself to have good morals, to be very honest, but guys I think it is just in out nature to cheat....

If I was married the only way I could be faithful to my wife, I could not go to any nightclubs, bars, or get hit on by HB 9's and HB 10's.

What made me think of this I seen an HB 10 intern at my work and I was like Holy shvt.... Every married guy in the place was gawking and flirting with her. If this girl said lets get a room they would all be game.. NOTE MANY OF THESE GUYS GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY...

I said to myself if I was married and this HB 10 wanted to hang out with me there is now way I could turn her down.... NO matter how hard I tried. I don't think anyone else could either.


AN HONEST QUESTION TO YOU GUYS IF AN HB 10 HITS ON YOU GUYS IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE FAITHFUL.... REMEMBER THIS GIRL IS PERFECT... YOUR DREAM GIRL... A GIRL U SEE ONCE EVERY 4 OR 5 YEARS? And remember chances are your wife will never know about it.

MY question to you guys is it possible to be faithful to your wife in every circumstance? Would really like guys that are married, been married, or have lived with girl for at least 5 years to answer question.

 

[azanon]

As i mentioned in another thread, just shy of 30% of married men acknowledged having cheated in their marriage. Thus, 70%+ of married men have remained faithful (defined as not having sex with another woman). As one might imagine, this is a question on many people's mind hence the vast number of polls that have been conducted on it.

Now sure just because a man answers the poll "no" at the time he's polled, doesn't guarantee he wont cheat later. However, i think its still a pretty accurate reading if you simply freezeframe all marriages, and find that less than 30% of individual partners have committed adultry. That being said, the chance that one of the two partners cheated should be greater than 30% since you're adding probabilities in that case (25% for women, just shy of 30% for men). Anyone want to care to do the math for the chance that one of the two partners (or both) cheated using my numbers? I used to teach probabilites long ago (as a genetics lab instructor).

RT wanted me to find a source (I'm sure there's several), but anyone with a basic grasp of how yahoo and google works should have no problems finding such polls. I know ive seen at least two, and both were pretty close.

To answer your question lookyoung, yes it possible to remain faithful. Contrary to some opinion here, you are not completely subject to instinct. You have the ability to make a conscious choice and say no every time if that is important to you. Call it a benefit of being human.

Azanon

 

[jonwon]

This is question to guys that are married or have been married. Rollo Tomassi, Latinoman, Karmasutra, LMS, all the guys that have been married I want honest answers...

I have always been a guy that has always said that I would not cheat on my wife no matter what. I have told this to my friends, cousins, who are married and they say after 6 months of marriage, LOOKYOUNG you will cheat on your wife.

I am starting to notice that they may be right. I consider myself to have good morals, to be very honest, but guys I think it is just in out nature to cheat....

If I was married the only way I could be faithful to my wife, I could not go to any nightclubs, bars, or get hit on by HB 9's and HB 10's.

What made me think of this I seen an HB 10 intern at my work and I was like Holy shvt.... Every married guy in the place was gawking and flirting with her. If this girl said lets get a room they would all be game.. NOTE MANY OF THESE GUYS GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY...

I said to myself if I was married and this HB 10 wanted to hang out with me there is now way I could turn her down.... NO matter how hard I tried. I don't think anyone else could either.


AN HONEST QUESTION TO YOU GUYS IF AN HB 10 HITS ON YOU GUYS IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE FAITHFUL.... REMEMBER THIS GIRL IS PERFECT... YOUR DREAM GIRL... A GIRL U SEE ONCE EVERY 4 OR 5 YEARS? And remember chances are your wife will never know about it.

MY question to you guys is it possible to be faithful to your wife in every circumstance? Would really like guys that are married, been married, or have lived with girl for at least 5 years to answer question.

I was married now seperated for over a year.
Married for two years, i regret not cheating on her (even though we broke up for 3 months whislt married and i had sex with about 6 women, though i did not consider it cheating as i had no intention of going back to her at all and when i got back with her i did not care what she did in that time either).

there where times when i had opportunity's, sometimes i think if i would have cheated we would still be together, i turned a little AFC as one of my passions where, how can i say none existent, most of my mates where player types and i had no intention of putting myself out in the field with them, due to respecting vows.

After marriage 1 year on, i have changed my ideals on religion, marriage and all that stuff, maybe its not positive.

So the question about cheating.

If your with the right women, the need to cheat would not be that great (but a player cant help it no matter how it she is, somtimes), you would risk loosing her and no man with his head screwed on would risk loosing a fine women after they spent along time finding her.

It also depends on your ideals and beliefs, what you consider sacred!
Me i put marriage under the same heading as two people living together and enjoyin each other, marriage is now a watered down contract allowing the laws of the land a pass into your love. Women love marriage men are not really buying into it anymore, they see it for what it is and can see that it as a negative effect and not a positive one, these days. But if your religious, morals e.t.c get in the way, so the question would not be asked.

We are all fundimentally animals if we like it or not, governed by desires and programming, marriage can work, but only if both parties want it to.

I dont advocate cheating on wifes, but then again almost all married women i meet in the field have cheated on there husbands too.

The more i am single and go down this path the less i want to be married as my eyes are opened to sides most men dont see.

women are as bad as men if not worse, so.........

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

As i mentioned in another thread, just shy of 30% of married men acknowledged having cheated in their marriage. Thus, 70%+ of married men have remained faithful (defined as not having sex with another woman)

False.

Recent studies reveal that 45-55% of married women and 50-60% of married men engage in extramarital sex at some time or another during their relationship (Atwood & Schwartz, 2002 - Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy)

 

[jonwon]

I am starting to think the only truly way to be happy and married is not care one way shape or form if the other partner sleeps around.

Some cultures have open marriages and even some parts of america i hear, apparantly they work really well.

If there going to do it well seems to me the adult, mature, human attitude to it, is to stop hiding behind religious fantasy's (or facts, upto you), expect it and work a comprimise so those needs are met in a more reasonable contract then the one we have in this sociaty as it does not work and it is getting progressivly worse, the above will happen if you like it or not (or even know about it) for a vast majority of people. At least a more fairer HUMAN ideal your partner as some investment or say in it.

Having explored love and know how fickle it can be, the real purpose of marriage to me is the provision of children, love in marriage for the majority fades, some lucky few survive, but the % is not in there favour, if we like it or not we are creatures of pleasure and we seek se*.

In about 50 years or an 100 thing's will change if we like it or not, the evidence is in the growth of this with no sign of slow down, like a system of gentics weeding out the weak, so too is the marriage of man and women, more and more becoming a means to support children with feeling of confusion surrounding something that is technically NATURE at work.

The walls where constructed ourselves, no power told you to marry, to me it was a man made law, there was no fax from god, it is all a product of fantasy, in supression of NATURE and now at the onslaught of changes to religion and sociaty e.t.c it is starting to show its cracks and the cracks are getting bigger.

Maybe it will be more like a pagan cult then a catholic ideal.

 

[azanon]

False.

When i find the time, I'll get you a source. You do realize i will do that right?

I'm curious, do you think because one study says that, then that means its definitively correct? BTW, i want a link to the actual research article. I know i'm too lazy to go to the library and pull that journal!

When (not to be confused with if) i find a research article that says otherwise to yours, you wont see me declaring the one you found as "false".

You give the common man and woman way too much credit. Over half of married couples dont even have the guts to cheat. Remember, you're talking about a country where 80% identify themselves as christains and over 90% believe in God. If you want the source for that, i'll also put that on my list of things to do. That poll is less than 2 years old. Cheating while in a marriage takes a s******* of guts. Its ludacrious to think that more than half of married individuals have the balls to do it. Beyond just being willing, one has to be able to successfully find someone else thats willing to cheat along with you.

Azanon

 

[azanon]

first random study i found, relevant information quoted:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/fr/1252525/posts?page=9

"All told, 16 percent of adults say they've strayed from a committed relationship, including 14 percent who've had sex outside of that relationship, and two percent who've had sexual activity but not intercourse. Twenty-one percent of men say they've cheated, as have 11 percent of women. "

Ouch RT, that's even lower than the estimates i had.

 

[azanon]

From healthymarriageinfo.com
"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Introduction: Infidelity, or a sexual affair outside of marriage, is a primary cause of divorce. The media often romanticizes infidelity, but it actually destroys dreams and wreaks havoc on family relationships. Recent technological advances, such as the Internet, have dramatically increased the potential for infidelity.

This FAQ answers some common questions about infidelity using findings from scientifically sound research. Research doesn't have all the answers, but it can shed a great deal of light on many questions.

Questions:

Q1. What percentage of married individuals "cheat" on their spouse?

A1.
Current estimates are that about 4 percent of married men and 2 percent of married women admit to infidelity within the last year.
Over the whole length of a marriage, however, studies have found that about 25 percent of men and 10-15 percent of women report having had sex with someone other than their spouse.
These estimates may underestimate somewhat the number of people who are unfaithful to their spouse because some people will not admit to infidelity in a survey, even when their answers are anonymous. "

my comment: thus, taking into account those that lied even in an annonymous survey, should put the numbers about where i have them; just under 30% for men, and 25%ish for women.

Give up yet? I'm sure i can find at least 3 more. I'll stop for now unless you make a personal request for more.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I hardly think the citing the Free Republic's online sex poll constitutes a definiative study.

Let's see, since we're validating sources, which do you suppose is more thourough in their assessment criteria, ABC/Disney online freeper polls or The Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

From healthymarriageinfo.com
Current estimates are that about 4 percent of married men and 2 percent of married women admit to infidelity within the last year.
Over the whole length of a marriage, however, studies have found that about 25 percent of men and 10-15 percent of women report having had sex with someone other than their spouse.
These estimates may underestimate somewhat the number of people who are unfaithful to their spouse because some people will not admit to infidelity in a survey, even when their answers are anonymous.

The devil is in the details. That enough information for you?

 

[speed dawg]

Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples

That's scary right there. All you can do is be the man you want to be, and trust your spouse. If they lose your trust, gone. Simple as that. I've made the decision that if I EVER find out someone cheated on me, done deal, no questions asked.

 

[azanon]

RT,

I'm up 2 to 1 on you from a numbers standpoint and that was just 5 minutes worth of googling. So should i consider that a request for 3 more or do you prefer to cut your losses now?

You know, if you didnt act so smarta$$ towards me declaring me "wrong", i wouldnt be so motivated to make you look like the misinformed.

So just let me know, want it to stand at 2 to 1 or do you want 3 more?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Note that the above adultry statistics of the prevalence of affairs were made more than a decade ago; so based on changes in society during the intervening years, the current percentage of the population who have had affairs is probably somewhat HIGHER. For instance, the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the increase of women having affairs on the Internet means that the numbers for women having affairs is probably similar to those for men—about 60%

 

[azanon]

The devil is in the details. That enough information for you?

So you failed to see my comment directly below that. Only a naive nutjob would extrapolate those numbers up to 65%.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I can see you're not bothering to check my links so:

Infidelity Statistics

 

[azanon]

Note that the above adultry statistics of the prevalence of affairs were made more than a decade ago; so based on changes in society during the intervening years, the current percentage of the population who have had affairs is probably somewhat HIGHER. For instance, the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the increase of women having affairs on the Internet means that the numbers for women having affairs is probably similar to those for men—about 60%

Now we're going to end up mixing apples with oranges if we're not careful. What i am referring to is adultry by means of sexual intercourse. If you're going to throw into the mix "emotional affairs" via the internet, then i'm more than willing to accept a number quite a bit higher. What one calls an emotional affair, another might just refer to as flirting. But if THAT"S what we're talking about, then yeah i can accept a number much higher.

But i personally dont care if my wife flirts or talks to other guys * shrug *

 

[azanon]

I can see you're not bothering to check my links so:

Infidelity Statistics

I havent read your research article yet, but i'm going to. No matter, because i trusted that your source said that. All i'm saying is that this has been a personal interest of mine, and i've read a lot of research on it. The lion's share of them have actual adultry sexual intercourse more in the 25% range within the lifespan of a marriage; not 50%.

(edit) those numbers seem all over the place, but the majority seem to be more in the 25% range. I'd consider those estimating twice that to be outliers and/or also counting emotional affairs. Emotional affair 1. another name for a "relationship" (synonym: friendship) between a man and a woman. 2. No big deal (to a man)

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The inherent problem with statistics like this is that they rely on self reporting. It's like asking teenagers if they've had sex yet and the boys will answer in statistically impossible percentages that they are while the girls lean to the opposite.

I purposely cited a source that relied on the reports of marriage counselors and therapists who have no bias in their statistics and are working directly with infidelity.

 

[azanon]

Note that the above adultry statistics of the prevalence of affairs were made more than a decade ago; so based on changes in society during the intervening years, the current percentage of the population who have had affairs is probably somewhat HIGHER. For instance, the continuing increase of women in the workplace and the increase of women having affairs on the Internet means that the numbers for women having affairs is probably similar to those for men—about 60%

This is counting emotional affairs via contact from the internet. That was not what i am referring to. Women and AFC men worry about emotional affairs. Confident men have other things to concern themselves with other than being overly possessive.

 

[azanon]

The inherent problem with statistics like this is that they rely on self reporting. It's like asking teenagers if they've had sex yet and the boys will answer in statistically impossible percentages that they are while the girls lean to the opposite.

I purposely cited a source that relied on the reports of marriage counselors and therapists who have no bias in their statistics and are working directly with infidelity.

Again, i'm not completely rejecting that particular research. I think the wise man looks at it all as a collective whole and makes a best guess estimate. I just dont believe over half of every single individual in a marriage is committing physical adultry. But throw emotional in there too, and yeah sure its probably over 50%. But i personally dont see a big deal with a man and a woman having any kind of verbal relationship. To me, that's just flirting to various degrees.

I have no doubt men probaby try all the time to coerce or flirt with my wife. She's simply too hot to not get that sort of attention. And i imagine it makes her feel really good when that happens. I dont doubt a bit that she probably flirts back too or talks to them sometime. I fully accept all of this. As long as she doesnt screw them, i dont really care.