Is asking for closure post breakup considered weak?

[MedDude]

Topic

 

[Zunder]

Topic

Yep. I should know, done it once or twice - you may as well get hunting knife out and slice off your own balls.
Never. Again.

 

[Tictac]

Life is not a sitcom or a cop show.

Closure doesn't come in 30 or 60 minutes like it does on television.

Just move on.

 

[MOTU]

^^^^This. That's what the 30 day no contact challenge is for. You get closure from yourself, not the woman.

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Tictac again.".

 

[Outlaw_]

OP, what are you not complete about? If you share a little, maybe someone who has had a similar situation can share with you what they did to get the issue resolved within themself.

 

[DJDamage]

Breakup is closure there is nothing more to discuss, think of it as "breakup opportunity" where you should be thinking instead of how great it is to be free and single again to chase a whole other slew of asses.

 

[Outlaw_]

Breakup is closure there is nothing more to discuss, think of it as "breakup opportunity" where you should be thinking instead of how great it is to be free and single again to chase a whole other slew of asses.

That's hard as fvck immediately after a breakup. All those emotions swirling around...the pain...You know that takes time. We can sit on the sidelines all day & tell him this, but the dude is going through some heavy stuff if he wants closure.

Unless you had checked out, a breakup is always like a ton of bricks.

 

[guru1000]

Your need for closure is due to your failure to understand the dynamics that were at play in the relationship.

Don't ask for closure. Ask to improve your game, your frame, and to understand the underlying motivations/intentions that arise with each exchange/communication.

 

[Outlaw_]

Can someone describe "closure" to me?

My take is it is where the two of you sit down, discuss what happened, why you love each other, but it is soooo much better than you simply part ways, move on and be friends.


Now, if that is what you think it is? Don't hold your breath - in real life this rarely happens. What happens is they start to drift apart, for various reasons, and argue more until the final big blowup (or one cheats) , and then they part on bad terms, go into isolation to lick their wounds and reflect on things, then emerge and begin dating others. They hate each other for awhile but in time, may or may not become friends. After a few years, they probably can..

But the scenario where they sit together, cry, hug, talk and part as friends rarely happens.

So, what I am saying, is "closure" is a myth.

Thoughts?

This is a thread all by itself bro. But a typical relationship is never going to have closure because the two people were never friends in the 1st place. So, there is no way they can be friends after.

The typical relationship is attraction -> role. That role eventually goes into girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife. So, when it's over all that's left is resentment for them not matching your image of girlfriend/boyfriend or husband/wife. That typically goes unresolved for most & becomes more baggage to add to the collection.

Then, there is no closure internally nor externally with the other person.

 

[DJDamage]

Now, if that is what you think it is? Don't hold your breath - in real life this rarely happens. What happens is they start to drift apart, for various reasons, and argue more until the final big blowup (or one cheats) , and then they part on bad terms, go into isolation to lick their wounds and reflect on things, then emerge and begin dating others. They hate each other for awhile but in time, may or may not become friends. After a few years, they probably can..

But the scenario where they sit together, cry, hug, talk and part as friends rarely happens.

So, what I am saying, is "closure" is a myth.

Agreed with everything that said also closure is made up by women to make them feel good when they dump a guy for no good reason (or cheated on him for sh1tty reason) and then when they accept their "friendship" offers they can pat themselves on back on a job well done.

But if the situation is reversed and its the guy that does the dumping/cheating and she is still hot for him and bothered by it, all you'r going to get is plenty of bullsh1t drama and lots of "fuk you a$$hole" if you attempt their own trickery on them 'cause they know its a B.S line they have invented.

 

[Kailex]

Closure is a fallacy. We've all been spoon-fed the idea of closure through movies and TV shows... that moment where two people just realize that it's not going to work out and then there is that one last kiss on the cheek before saying good-bye.

Or that moment where you realize what you might lose as you dash towards the airport or try to make it to her wedding before she says "I do" to someone else.

Or that "aha" moment while you are walking outside at the park and realize she'll be happier without you.

It's all a lie.

Closure isn't a moment, it's a combination of moments that begin as soon as the relationship is over and until you have finally moved on. It completely goes against that "right here, right now" mentality of closure where it all happens in less than a minute. It can take days, weeks, or even months.

You don't get closure from someone else, so what you are asking of that person is impossible. You want to get from them what they theoretically had thought they had already given to you. People asking someone else for closure are just someone who is imprisoned by emotions asking for the key to be let free. You had that key all along. You don't need someone else for it.

What is there to ask that hasn't already been stated or dealt with? Move on. Living well is closure within itself.

 

[nismo-4]

Closure my ass.

When it's over, it's over. F**k closure. When a woman leaves, don't try to figure it out. AFAIC she's in another castle.

Yes, it's true women have an easier time moving on than men do. Women ALWAYS have options. Men? Not always.

I do my best to be the first to break up. If I sense something wrong, I will soft next. But I will hard next if I have plausible reason.

 

[Desdinova]

The purpose of closure is to soothe the woman's emotions when she fears she's making the wrong choice.

 

[Warrior74]

I find it better to never let her have closure. Never. Keep the hamster spinning forever. I chop it off. "It's over, this isn't going to work. Good bye". Never explain or apologize. If you as a male are looking for closure, that means you lost this particular battle and want someone to explain to you how you lost and to make you feel good about it. Victors don't explain. They just rub salt in your wounds if they decide to talk to you at all.

 

[dasein]

Good posts have hit the nail, and just want to add to them. So what would your grandfather (or great grandfather if you are very young) say if you sat him down and asked if you should get "closure?" Mine would say, "Son, whatever that is it doesn't sound like something a man does. Go get me a beer out of the fridge and be sure to get some 'closure' on the door when you shut it."

Many problems of dealing with women can be answered by "what would your grandfather say/do?"

 

[abe0]

Sometimes what you consider closure for yourself is laughter and satisfaction for her.....and the hell if I am going to give her that!! Abe

 

[sodbuster]

My ex-wife looked for closure.... she asked our marriage counselor "why?" {without me, since the marriage was OVER}. He finally had the balls to say "you are HARD to live with". Before then, he didn't have the guts to say "you're a B!tch, knock it off"

 

[MatureDJ]

The purpose of closure is to soothe the woman's emotions when she fears she's making the wrong choice.

BINGO! Closure allows a woman to review again the reasons she decided to end the relationship, so that hopefully she can always think back to those reasons when she questions whether it was a good choice.

I think to some extent, all careful, rational folks do this for any big decision that cannot be reversed easily. Women, of course, with their operational schema being to maximize the desirability of the father of their children, and under the constraints of the "ticking clock", must be very careful in making such decisions. You will notice that the ultra-flaky teenie bopper girls do not think like this, as they have yet to arrive at the stage of life in which this schema is the driver.