Hey team! I matched with a girl on a dating app. We immediately hit it off and had great chemistry over text. I met her for drinks last night and immediately realized that she looked nothing like her pictures (not as slim). I was respectful and we hung out for about 2 hours. I paid for everything and wished her a good night. She texted me today expressing interest in a second date. I was honest with her and told her that I did not feel a connection. Here is where things get interesting. She initially sends a text thanking me for my honesty. She then goes on to be more direct and specifically asks if it was because of her physical appearance. What would you guys do? I don't believe in ghosting and always thank people for taking the time to meet with me, etc. Even if the date does not work out, it's fun to just meet people. I am just not sure how honest I should be here.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Interesting Situation
- Thread starter Cavalier
- Start date
"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"
I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.
The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.
Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.
M
member160292
Guest
How big we talking about here? Would it be banging a sofa cushion or a tractor tire?
It seems like you guys hit it off if you spent 2 hours with her.
It seems like you guys hit it off if you spent 2 hours with her.
She was obese. Her pictures showed someone who was quite fit.
M
member160292
Guest
Oh jeez, I got a first date tonight after getting catfished last night. I should have not entered this thread.
Serenity
Moderator
If you're not interested I don't see how your level of honesty even matters. Just tell her you found her pictures deceptive and not a fair representation of reality if you want to.
Personally, I probably wouldn't care, never respond and move on. If I happen to feel like seeing what happens, then I'd give her the brutal honesty she seeks, if only for entertainment.
Personally, I probably wouldn't care, never respond and move on. If I happen to feel like seeing what happens, then I'd give her the brutal honesty she seeks, if only for entertainment.
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
I don't think it really matters - I agree with Serenity.
You can either tell her what she wants to hear, or tell her the truth.
You can either tell her what she wants to hear, or tell her the truth.
Hah-hah. Made me laugh. I gave up on dating apps a good few years ago. The cat-fishing was on insane levels and far too frequent for my tastes. I had to give them credit, they really do know how angles work. And with all the filters nowadays - no thanks. In person all the way is how I play.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
I would just be polite and say “It’s just chemistry. I didn’t feel that spark that’s necessary to pursue a relationship. You’re a great gal and I wish you all the best.”
That’s just me. If they’re nice, I let them down gently. If she was a b!tch or had an ugly personality, I’d be more brutally honest.
That’s just me. If they’re nice, I let them down gently. If she was a b!tch or had an ugly personality, I’d be more brutally honest.
BackInTheGame78
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You owed her nothing for being lied to. Why did you waste two hours of your time for a date you knew was going nowhere?
Time is the most important thing all of us have. Stop tolerating people who waste it.
And then paying for it on top of that? The date would have ended for me before we even walked in.
Time is the most important thing all of us have. Stop tolerating people who waste it.
And then paying for it on top of that? The date would have ended for me before we even walked in.
threeforfree
Senior Don Juan
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I'd have turned around and walked out if someone misrepresented themselves like that. And told them why, as I was leaving. Two hours?? She didn't deserve two minutes. You validated her fraud and she'll continue to do so.
Doctor Europeo
Moderator
Just be honest. Say something like "Yes. Sorry, you just didnt pass the boner test" but with nicer words.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
bat soup
Master Don Juan
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Personally, I don´t give a fçuk about chemistry over text. I want to meet up and if that´s not happening then I don't want to waste my time chatting.
Secondly, I´m not going to hang out with women that I don't find attractive. I'm certainly not going to pay for her night out. As far as I'm concerned, by being deceptive she just wasted my time and I don't appreciate it.
Somehow women seem to think that if they can make an emotional connection with a man, he'll overlook the fact that they look like sh!t. That's because women's brains sometimes do work like that and they assume men are the same. But actually a woman needs to be attractive in order for a man feel any emotion towards her whatsoever.
As for your question, I'd just block her already, before she gets butthurt and reports you on Tinder.
The Duke
Master Don Juan
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I would tell her she misrepresented her physical self and therefore wasted your time. Call them out on their crap. By tolerating "fraud" you send a message that its ok. Guys need to stop worrying about a chics feelings so much.
BackInTheGame78
Moderator
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95% of the time guys get Catfished it's due to poor screening on their part.