Hey team! I matched with a girl on a dating app. We immediately hit it off and had great chemistry over text. I met her for drinks last night and immediately realized that she looked nothing like her pictures (not as slim). I was respectful and we hung out for about 2 hours. I paid for everything and wished her a good night. She texted me today expressing interest in a second date. I was honest with her and told her that I did not feel a connection. Here is where things get interesting. She initially sends a text thanking me for my honesty. She then goes on to be more direct and specifically asks if it was because of her physical appearance. What would you guys do? I don't believe in ghosting and always thank people for taking the time to meet with me, etc. Even if the date does not work out, it's fun to just meet people. I am just not sure how honest I should be here.
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Interesting Situation
- Thread starter Cavalier
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
M
member160292
Guest
How big we talking about here? Would it be banging a sofa cushion or a tractor tire?
It seems like you guys hit it off if you spent 2 hours with her.
It seems like you guys hit it off if you spent 2 hours with her.
She was obese. Her pictures showed someone who was quite fit.
M
member160292
Guest
Oh jeez, I got a first date tonight after getting catfished last night. I should have not entered this thread.
Serenity
Moderator
If you're not interested I don't see how your level of honesty even matters. Just tell her you found her pictures deceptive and not a fair representation of reality if you want to.
Personally, I probably wouldn't care, never respond and move on. If I happen to feel like seeing what happens, then I'd give her the brutal honesty she seeks, if only for entertainment.
Personally, I probably wouldn't care, never respond and move on. If I happen to feel like seeing what happens, then I'd give her the brutal honesty she seeks, if only for entertainment.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
I don't think it really matters - I agree with Serenity.
You can either tell her what she wants to hear, or tell her the truth.
You can either tell her what she wants to hear, or tell her the truth.
Hah-hah. Made me laugh. I gave up on dating apps a good few years ago. The cat-fishing was on insane levels and far too frequent for my tastes. I had to give them credit, they really do know how angles work. And with all the filters nowadays - no thanks. In person all the way is how I play.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
I would just be polite and say “It’s just chemistry. I didn’t feel that spark that’s necessary to pursue a relationship. You’re a great gal and I wish you all the best.”
That’s just me. If they’re nice, I let them down gently. If she was a b!tch or had an ugly personality, I’d be more brutally honest.
That’s just me. If they’re nice, I let them down gently. If she was a b!tch or had an ugly personality, I’d be more brutally honest.
BackInTheGame78
Moderator
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You owed her nothing for being lied to. Why did you waste two hours of your time for a date you knew was going nowhere?
Time is the most important thing all of us have. Stop tolerating people who waste it.
And then paying for it on top of that? The date would have ended for me before we even walked in.
Time is the most important thing all of us have. Stop tolerating people who waste it.
And then paying for it on top of that? The date would have ended for me before we even walked in.
threeforfree
Senior Don Juan
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I'd have turned around and walked out if someone misrepresented themselves like that. And told them why, as I was leaving. Two hours?? She didn't deserve two minutes. You validated her fraud and she'll continue to do so.
Doctor Europeo
Moderator
Just be honest. Say something like "Yes. Sorry, you just didnt pass the boner test" but with nicer words.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
bat soup
Master Don Juan
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Personally, I don´t give a fçuk about chemistry over text. I want to meet up and if that´s not happening then I don't want to waste my time chatting.
Secondly, I´m not going to hang out with women that I don't find attractive. I'm certainly not going to pay for her night out. As far as I'm concerned, by being deceptive she just wasted my time and I don't appreciate it.
Somehow women seem to think that if they can make an emotional connection with a man, he'll overlook the fact that they look like sh!t. That's because women's brains sometimes do work like that and they assume men are the same. But actually a woman needs to be attractive in order for a man feel any emotion towards her whatsoever.
As for your question, I'd just block her already, before she gets butthurt and reports you on Tinder.
The Duke
Master Don Juan
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I would tell her she misrepresented her physical self and therefore wasted your time. Call them out on their crap. By tolerating "fraud" you send a message that its ok. Guys need to stop worrying about a chics feelings so much.
BackInTheGame78
Moderator
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95% of the time guys get Catfished it's due to poor screening on their part.