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Insecure women

Glassguy

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Very interesting read on dealing with insecure women. And lets face it.....due to a rising amount of cluster B personalities, damaged women, abused women, poor childhood family dynamics, etc., if you're in the dating pool, you will encounter them.

My personal experience/belief is that attachment styles in a relationship (secure, anxious and avoidant) often magnify these insecurities as they are blended together.

@soulforge @The Duke @BeExcellent and I have discussed this recently. It is becoming more and more prevalent.

Good topic of discussion.

Happy Hunting
 

soulforge

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Very interesting read on dealing with insecure women. And lets face it.....due to a rising amount of cluster B personalities, damaged women, abused women, poor childhood family dynamics, etc., if you're in the dating pool, you will encounter them.

My personal experience/belief is that attachment styles in a relationship (secure, anxious and avoidant) often magnify these insecurities as they are blended together.

@soulforge @The Duke @BeExcellent and I have discussed this recently. It is becoming more and more prevalent.

Good topic of discussion.

Happy Hunting
Thanks for this information. Honestly dating is a minefield currently, it's a ridiculous amount of damaged girls out here, especially in the UK.

We have a single mom's raising kids epidemic this side of the pond.

I think we really need to strengthen our minds moving forward, learn to read those red flags, vet ruthlessly & avoid getting attached to anyone who shows signs of toxicity/damage or low value.
 

Bigpapa

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Very interesting read on dealing with insecure women. And lets face it.....due to a rising amount of cluster B personalities, damaged women, abused women, poor childhood family dynamics, etc., if you're in the dating pool, you will encounter them.

My personal experience/belief is that attachment styles in a relationship (secure, anxious and avoidant) often magnify these insecurities as they are blended together.

@soulforge @The Duke @BeExcellent and I have discussed this recently. It is becoming more and more prevalent.

Good topic of discussion.

Happy Hunting
All of them are insecure, especially if they actually like you :)
 

BillyPilgrim

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Thanks for this information. Honestly dating is a minefield currently, it's a ridiculous amount of damaged girls out here, especially in the UK.

We have a single mom's raising kids epidemic this side of the pond.

I think we really need to strengthen our minds moving forward, learn to read those red flags, vet ruthlessly & avoid getting attached to anyone who shows signs of toxicity/damage or low value.
Really all you got to do is read the eyes and body language, even if it's an OLD bio. Crazy, nervous eyes, avoidant gazes deliberately looking away from the camera, a "survivor" type defiance, resting B face, all symptoms of it along with any kind of body language that's not naturally carefree.

Easier said than done but if you see it enough times it's easy to read.
 

BeExcellent

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Insecure women are certainly commonplace in the dating landscape & I know OP has encountered a number of them.

The advice generally given around SS (the woman needs to initiate etc.) tends to hold true for insecure women. It will not hold true however for self confident, self assured women (which is what I assume men are looking for when they say they want a “quality” girl) and I typically advise men insofar as how best to attract confident women, which is a different deal than insecure women.

That’s not to say you can’t get a good interaction with an insecure girl, but as a man you’ve got to understand what you are dealing with because it makes a difference in how the interaction is going to play out.

Cheers.
 

The Duke

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I know very few attractive women that arent a little insecure. I think it comes with the territory more often than not. Typically they will have anxious attachment styles and will seek reassurance and or commitment early on. They will also initiate contact more often and make it clear they are interested.

The few secure women I knew that were attractive, play their cards real close. They all made me wonder if they were all that interested. A secure female will show you she is interested by agreeing to keep seeing you.
Their attachment style will be secure or avoidant. They will be independent/stronger personalities as well.

I actually prefer a woman with some minor insecurities. One that comes to me for validation/reassurance instead of other sources. Having their man near helps them feel secure. Insecure girls work harder to impress you, they are also more submissive.

Your own attachment style is important as well. It will take a guy with a secure attachment style to handle a female with anxious attachment style.
 

JoyDivision1990

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I actually prefer a woman with some minor insecurities. One that comes to me for validation/reassurance instead of other sources. Having their man near helps them feel secure. Insecure girls work harder to impress you, they are also more submissive.
I agree and it's because a bit of insecurity and seeking reassurance displays vulnerability and being vulnerable in the right dose is a very attractive feminine quality to a lot of masculine men.

A woman who displays an abundance of self-confidence and portrays herself as a "quality" woman with high SMV often comes off like she doesn't need men, it's masculine and "invulnerable" which is a turn off for many men.

A balance of both would be ideal but if given the choice, I think most men would prefer the slightly insecure girl for the reasons you posted @The Duke .
 
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CountSuavula

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Just learn how to be an abusive boyfriend. It’s what keeps bringing them back time and time again. Provide her with a little bite or a strategically placed BRUISE or three, or make her CRY and she will always be back for more,

Then tell her to cook you steak and eggs. If you bruised her and made her cry, she will soon be at the frying pan cooking for you,
 

BillyPilgrim

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Just learn how to be an abusive boyfriend. It’s what keeps bringing them back time and time again. Provide her with a little bite or a strategically placed BRUISE or three, or make her CRY and she will always be back for more,

Then tell her to cook you steak and eggs. If you bruised her and made her cry, she will soon be at the frying pan cooking for you,
Cooking with a body-shaking, smoldering rage that causes her pale, tense hand to grip the pan handle tightly, the grip turning into a clinging for dear life as her long-repressed, soul-cracking nightmares of tears, violence and laughter come roaring back with the fierceness of a lion pouncing on the African Savanna, and as she creeps towards you with wide and vacant eyes as your back is turned, her deep in the fugue state, as the point of no return rapidly advances, no one has any idea of what will come next except for the screaming demons inside her mind of minds, blocking out all sound and reason.
 
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Dash Riprock

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Just learn how to be an abusive boyfriend. It’s what keeps bringing them back time and time again. Provide her with a little bite or a strategically placed BRUISE or three, or make her CRY and she will always be back for more,

Then tell her to cook you steak and eggs. If you bruised her and made her cry, she will soon be at the frying pan cooking for you,
 

BadBoy89

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Men don't want self-confident, self-assured women. Because THIS is what women want in men, they project this thinking onto men and think men want this in women. It is the farthest from the truth.

Well, let me rephrase,

If the woman is menopausal, yes, men want self-confident, self-assured feminists who pay for half the bills and groceries and nights out.
If the women are young and fertile, men want low self-esteem women who are hot and can easily get pregnant and give birth to a healthy baby.

What men want in a women depends on her youth.


But I'm not sure how "insecure" these women are. A lot of women I date have no problem telling me to go to hell with ice cream on top, and I could buy them 8 times over.
 

Barrister

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Most people are insecure about one thing or another. And an even higher percentage of women than men are insecure.

I have found that the insecurity is generally more noticeable the hotter the woman is. If you are dealing with a HB 9, her insecurity over her looks is generally much more difficult to deal with in a dating relationship than a HB 7. And generally speaking, most (not all) business women are out to prove something about themselves to the men in their industry.
 

AureliusMaximus

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I have found that the insecurity is generally more noticeable the hotter the woman
True indeed.
They see all their mediocre average girl friends being approached by loads of guys, while she is not so much which makes her very insecure in herself. E.g. "Are they prettier than me since guy approach them, but not me?" etc.
 

Money & Muscle

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I actually prefer a woman with some minor insecurities. One that comes to me for validation/reassurance instead of other sources. Having their man near helps them feel secure. Insecure girls work harder to impress you, they are also more submissive.
Absolutely this.

Note minor insecurities.
 

MtmVaott

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The few secure women I knew that were attractive, play their cards real close. They all made me wonder if they were all that interested. A secure female will show you she is interested by agreeing to keep seeing you.
Their attachment style will be secure or avoidant. They will be independent/stronger personalities as well.
How did it play out with these women you thought had a secure attachment style? That it is enough to just schedule the next date is the advice of DocLove for men. So how does it work out when women do this?
 

The Duke

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How did it play out with these women you thought had a secure attachment style? That it is enough to just schedule the next date is the advice of DocLove for men. So how does it work out when women do this?
I was with one for 15yrs, married for 5 of those. Met her in highschool. Easiest relationship I ever had. She knew her place, was very supportive, could take care of her self, had open communication, we got along very well, didn't need my attention 24-7. The relationship ended because we quit working on it. Both got busy with our own goals and didn't pay attention to each other. She cheated on me, I divorced her.

The 2nd one was a secure avoidant. It took me 4-5 dates to have sex with this chic which is unusual. After 4months of dating she tells me she loves me, I'm her person, blah blah blah. She rides the high for a month or two, starts to feel vulnerable then gets flakey and starts to pull away. She wants to be friends, not lovers. I tell her hell no, I'm not friends with girls I'm not fuhking. We were at a bar when i told her that and she has an outburst of emotion and jumped in my lap with delight. That comment got me another few weeks out of the relationship. I didn't know she was a secure avoidant until after I dated her and made sense of everything. The strangest thing about her was she would take trips by herself to the mountains and go backpacking/fishing. 5'8" long blonde hair, pretty face, perfect body, very natural beauty. Not what you would expect to see on some hiking trail by herself.

The 3rd girl with secure attachment style was easy to get along with, didn't worry about my long line of exgf's. Didn't rush into anything romantic. She knew I was dating others in the beginning. Didn't question me. Trusted whatever I told her. Comfortable with who she was in our relationship. Always kept her emotions in check. There was an insecure side to her regarding her looks(Fake t!ts, hair extensions, nose job, & regular botox). She was also a little needy at times but it was puppy dog like harmless. Didn't have a social media addiction, only had close friends. She'd look to her man for validation. She got too caught up in her work and that led to the demise of our relationship and when her job got stressful she got selfish.

All of these girls had high level jobs. They could take care of themselves financially. Had their life in order. Not flakey, not cluster-b's. Brought a lot to the relationship, were very feminine.

Women with secure attachment styles are no doubt the easiest to get a long with long term. They will have a higher level of independence as well. The drawback for me has been when their jobs bled into our relationship. At times it was hard for them to turn all that off and play their role as a submissive, vulnerable, caring, supportive woman that drew me near. There's a reason SS says what it does about career women. A guy has to figure out what works for him. I'm not sure what the perfect scenario would be unless she had a less demanding career.
 
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Glassguy

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I was with one for 15yrs, married for 5 of those. Met her in highschool. Easiest relationship I ever had. She knew her place, was very supportive, could take care of her self, had open communication, we got along very well, didn't need my attention 24-7. The relationship ended because we quit working on it. Both got busy with our own goals and didn't pay attention to each other. She cheated on me, I divorced her.

The 2nd one was a secure avoidant. It took me 4-5 dates to have sex with this chic which is unusual. After 4months of dating she tells me she loves me, I'm her person, blah blah blah. She rides the high for a month or two, starts to feel vulnerable then gets flakey and starts to pull away. She wants to be friends, not lovers. I tell her hell no, I'm not friends with girls I'm not fuhking. We were at a bar when i told her that and she has an outburst of emotion and jumped in my lap with delight. That comment got me another few weeks out of the relationship. I didn't know she was a secure avoidant until after I dated her and made sense of everything. The strangest thing about her was she would take trips by herself to the mountains and go backpacking/fishing. 5'8" long blonde hair, pretty face, perfect body, very natural beauty. Not what you would expect to see on some hiking trail by herself.

The 3rd girl with secure attachment style was easy to get along with, didn't worry about my long line of exgf's. Didn't rush into anything romantic. She knew I was dating others in the beginning. Didn't question me. Trusted whatever I told her. Comfortable with who she was in our relationship. Always kept her emotions in check. There was an insecure side to her regarding her looks(Fake t!ts, hair extensions, nose job, & regular botox). She was also a little needy at times but it was puppy dog like harmless. Didn't have a social media addiction, only had close friends. She'd look to her man for validation. She got too caught up in her work and that led to the demise of our relationship and when her job got stressful she got selfish.

All of these girls had high level jobs. They could take care of themselves financially. Had their life in order. Not flakey, not cluster-b's. Brought a lot to the relationship, were very feminine.

Women with secure attachment styles are no doubt the easiest to get a long with long term. They will have a higher level of independence as well. The drawback for me has been when their jobs bled into our relationship. At times it was hard for them to turn all that off and play their role as a submissive, vulnerable, caring, supportive woman that drew me near. There's a reason SS says what it does about career women. A guy has to figure out what works for him. I'm not sure what the perfect scenario would be unless she had a less demanding career.
These are all perfect examples of relationships within each attachment style, assuming you're a secure attachment style.

I honestly think at this point I'd have a hard time considering any woman with a cluster B disorder as a secure attachment style.

As always well written post.
 

Bingo-Player

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I think we really need to strengthen our minds moving forward, learn to read those red flags, vet ruthlessly & avoid getting attached to anyone who shows signs of toxicity/damage or low value.
In this modern era of social insanity I would avoid getting too attached to ANYONE unless you have throughly vetted them over a 6 month period

People are hiding all kinds of stuff these days

The instagrams never lie though
 
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