I'm so low, I don't want to go on--Please help-Any advice will be appreciated

[otr4]

I think I have reached one of the lowest points in my life.
Today I finally ended my "relationship" with this girl I've been seeing for almost 4 months now. I was expecting to have a great day with this girl, but we ended up having a serious talk and concluded we shouldn't see each other anymore. I just said goodbye and left her house. End of story.
I will probably never see or talk to this girl again.
I really cared for this girl and I'm in extreme pain right now.
We've broken up before, but got back together. But this time I'm almost certain we are done for good.
On top of this, my closest and best friend is moving across the country in a few days and I most likely won't see him for years.
I feel like in one fell swoop, my life is going to be completely different and its eating me up inside.
I can't eat, sleep, or move. I feel like I want to lay down and never wake up again. I really want to die right now.
I have nothing to look forward to at this point. Nothing to wake up for in the morning. I won't even have my closest friend around to help me out.
I been at this site for years and know I should just be able to move on and forget about this girl, but I can't seem to do that right now. I can already tell A lOT more pain is on its way and I'm in a state of disbelief right now.
PLEASE HELP. Anyone, if you have good ideas you can relate on how I can get through this with the least amount of pain, please help me out. Advice from your own personal experiences is the best. I'm not good right now and really need your words.

 

[rgeere]

I've felt like you have before, and it's not fun to feel that way. Maybe if you took some time to write out how you feel, and find someone like a counselor to talk with. There's no point in having your feelings bottled up inside like that for ages. Get some closure now or it will screw up your future with fears and insecurities.

 

[otr4]

I don't have the time or money to see a counselor.
I need real advice from real people who have real, similar experiences. Everyone, please help.

 

[ted]

I'm so low...

Hey man, I have been there. I know that a lot of what people say may not help, but this is what helps me sometimes. Try to realize that if you were meant to be with this girl, you wouldn't have broken up. It always helps me to know that a higher power knows what is best for you and HE is always in control. Know that you can make a woman feel good and this one did not have what it takes for you to be with her forever. You can take what you learned from this relationship and apply it to future ones and eventually find someone that is right for you. It always helps to not put all of your focus on a certain woman or relationship. Do things that you enjoy, enjoy yourself and being by yourself. A relationship will only enhance your enjoyment of life, she shouldn't be the center of it. I hope this helps some.

 

[Pepe Le Pew]

This must be very difficult for you,
The feeling that you had something you cared for sooo much that you gave everything you had.
And the special bond that you had with this person, the memories, the fun, the laughs, the connection.
And all of a sudden poof gone!
Yet I tell you there is more!
This is a moment for you to grow,
A time of learning,
These are the moments when change comes into your life, even though there is pain.
There are still many things to be discovered.
Please take a moment to think about life, and it's meaning, why you are here. Your priorities, your goals and dreams, apart from women. If possible take a trip or some time off, to step away from the situation. Fly above the storm and clouds like the eagle and look at the big picture.
And remember that a woman can never fill the emptiness within.
And a woman can never complete you,
You must first become whole, and complete yourself,
To satisfy and be attractive to any woman.
If anything use this situation to push you to find out what a man truly can be.

 

[Pepe Le Pew]

On another note Otr4,
I want to bring to light your personality,
What do you think is your most negative attribute?

What is your most positive?

What is your definition of a great life?

What is your definition of a man?

 

[KillingTime]

One thing I can say is this: No matter how tempting it is, for a few months DO NOT listen to any mellow love songs (or angry songs about love).... try & listen to really upbeat stuff. It's amazing how listening to a little three minute song about love can make you feel almost suicidal at times like this.

Other than that, try to hang out with the funniest people you know as much as you can until your over it... its tempting to think about the girl and get all emotional but just force yourself into other situations.

 

[otr4]

"On another note Otr4,
I want to bring to light your personality,
What do you think is your most negative attribute?

What is your most positive?

What is your definition of a great life?

What is your definition of a man?"


OK, I'll answer your questions.
My most negative attribute is NOT being a dominant and powerful enough person, particularly with women.

I have no idea what my most positive attribute is. At this point in time I can't think of anything positive about myself.

My definition of a great life is being happy and making a good living at what you love to do, and also having beautiful, cool, intelligent woman to share it with

My definition of a man is: a dominant, powerful, successful, respected and intelligent person who has control over his life and the world around him.

 

[WestCoaster]

Read the articles on this site

First off, read the articles on this site, especially the Hall of Fame articles and the DJ Bible. No offense to the message board as I'm a frequent poster, but the real knowledge of this site is in the articles.

It is a MUST that you know how to be happy within yourself and not have a woman dictate your emotions or feelings. Yes, breaking up sucks, and most of us have been there. It's not a good feeling.

That said, I'm wondering how old you are because if you're reeling this bad after four months, I've got news for you: You'll have longer lasting relationships in the future and you may even break up with someone you dated for a year or longer. If you do not know how to handle this and become suicidal or something, that's dangerous.

The ONLY way you can get through this is to develop inner strength through your own interests and passions and to like yourself. To be honest, there's not a woman on this planet worth your self-esteem and self-worth.

Read the DJ Bible ... now.

 

[otr4]

PLEASE HEAR ME OUT:
I HAVE read the bible.
I've read probably 20 e-books on-line, listened to numerous audio cds, etc...When you're in the situation I'm in and feeling so low and terrible, none of this stuff seems to help or matter.
I honestly feel like I don't want to wake up tomorrow. Any "post" on the DJ bible is not going to change this sick feeling in my stomach and the notion in my head that the world around me is collapsing.
I need real true advice here and now.

 

[KennyBoo]

I lost my brother, my mom and my dad all in the last 8 years, I am a very sensitive person and can't handle pain very well. Although your situation is totally different than mine if I can survive the loss of 3 very very very close family members of mine I am pretty sure you can handle losing a g/f that you been with for 4 months. I am not saying it is easy but trust me you will get over it and find someone that you will be more happy with. Good luck bro.

 

[Pepe Le Pew]

Thanks for sharing man,
The churning in your stomach is anxiety, and it comes from fear, and lack of stability........how will you go on? how will you handle this? I will never succeed? What did I do wrong? my soul mate? etc.......You must search for something to be stable and always depend on in life, it might take your whole life time. It must be something that never fails......A WOMAN CAN;T do it......(hint: Higher help)............moving on:
Ok I understand your meaning of having a great life
Yet your desire to be dominating is incongruent with a wall of conflict in your persona.
See, there is a pattern in you:
Imagine a woman, and this woman you meet and she's cool kind of soft, yet hurt, she says cool funny things that you like. So you get to know this girl better and she's kind of sad, maybe mom and dad where abusive when she was young. Maybe she came from a divorced home or several bad relationships. So she tells you about these things and how it's been like that all her life, how she can't handle life anymore. She tells you that you are her saviour, that without you she is nothing, she would die without you. She tells you that she enjoys your company, and that she has given you precious secrets and special care. She then is very comfortable in this relationship with you.

Would this woman be attractive to you or would you kind of feel alot of pressure that you kind of got a bum deal?

Now I've seen your posts up to the last two years, and almost every post talks about how sad you are, and how you can go on...this is not dominating behaviour, and women will sense this.
Your attractiveness to women will equal that of the woman above. You MUST BREAK OUT of your self pity.

Your Positive Attribute is that :
You can admit yourself the truth, and call the situation for what it really is....you are really in touch with your emotions.

Negative attribute:
Self Pity, and not being able to see Positives attributes.

Your problem is deeper then just women, but definatly solvable........NO DOUBT you are at the threshhold of solution.

Everyone hits rock bottoms, but you hit the bottom, bottom, the very last rope, the very edge, the very floor of the rock. GOOD that means you are on solid ground.

Sometimes you can't go on: GOOD perfect time to rest!

Enjoy the journey while it lasts man! AND THIS WILL MAKE YOU A DOMINATING MAN, .......A MAN THAT CAN SEE POSITIVES EVEN WHEN THERE ARE NEGATIVES, A WARRIOR, ONE WHO TAKES THE PUNCHES! Who falls and gets up.
It is not one who over exherts their power over other people, or demands respect, RESPECT IS EARNED And it is when they see your endurance, perseverance, strength, stamina, grace, and coolness that they will come to you and say wow you have much patience, courage, strength.

Again thanks for sharing man! It took alot of courage to share.
and let me leave you with this little fact:
There are over 6 Billion women on earth
30 thousand in the US alone,
It would take you 6000 years to say hi to every one......

 

[KennyBoo]

This is what I do when I get depressed and feel like I have noone to turn to. I get in my car and drive around what I like to call "The Circle". I take the 4 main streets that make a complete square around my city (dunno why I call it the circle but oh well). This usually makes me feel better and plus I get to get out and see what's going on all around me. Everyone is different so I dunno if it will help you but it definatly helps me a lot.

 

[Move]

otr4:
As you have said. Nothing anyone can fix the pain your feeling right now, and every waking moment of your existence. I can relate. I was in a 3 month relationship with the most amazing person, but i stopped living for myself and she turned me out like dirty dishwater. It hurts. I wanted to kill myself too.
I agree with KillingTime. NO love songs! Turn the radio off. Skip to the next track on the CD. Its the memories that kill us. They provoke emotions and let us slip into regression on how things 'were'.
Night times are the hardest for me. I hate going to my bed alone. Every night i wish she would knock on my door. But we all know that's not going to happen. Life goes on. Time heals all wounds. Knowing this, helps me. Im still hurt but try your hardest to stay out of that mentally self-destructive vicious cycle.
Remember, you hurting will only hurt you. Your basically reacting the way she wants you to act. By dumping you she has given herself a big confidence boost by now having the 'power'. Turn the tables. Move On even if you dont want to. Cut your losses and get outta there. Dont play the friend card, just get out!

Finally, please read all the info you can. I have found this site a fountain of useful info. Everytime i get particularly down, i read an article about my situation. Heres one that helped me:
http://www.sosuave.com/halloffame/hall233.htm

Good luck buddy - im there with you. It hurts me everyday and all you can do is give it time - in the meantime, improve yourself for the RIGHT girl!

 

[Dirtheart]

I sympathise. I have been there myself, not too long ago actually. You feel like nothing else matters, you get the urge just to sit in silence brooding over what you should have done and trying to work out a way of undoing the past. Whenever you look ahead the future feels empty and pointless and all the ambitions and dreams you had suddenly mean nothing. You can't distract yourself because you have no motivation to do anything. You just feel like giving up.

There is no magic cure, just the knowledge that things WILL get better as soon as you allow it to. You can't see it now, but it's a fact.

The pain will desist when you let go. I mean completely let go and accept that it's over that there's no solution, there was nothing you did wrong and there's no possibility of changing the past. You have to affirm that you will NEVER be with her again and that any related thought or regret is futile.

Best of luck.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Otr4,

There is nothing wrong with feeling pain and hurt – this feeling of distress is actually part of a magnificently naturally designed healing process that ultimately has a positive affect on your emotional state and mental psyche. The same natural affect that tears have in lessening the burden of a broken heart.

So I say go ahead and grieve but not to the point of self-destruction. The absence of a girl who you have known for four months is not the most shattering thing that will happen in your life – you will experience far worse in the life you have ahead of you!

I think your problem is not the girl but your state of loneliness and lack of true friends and a close family. Without close friends and family the pain of not having a girl compounds itself because it bitterly reminds you of your lonely state.

Make yourself more available to begin new friendships by joining organizations and attending more social events. We all need others in our life to fulfill our need for social stimulus, this is only natural - but do not let the lack of the company of others bring you to such a distraught and unproductive state.

The ultimate solution to your woes of loneliness is to have a purposeful driven life – seek a hobby or employment that brings you satisfaction from within – something that makes you feel good about yourself and gives you a sense of accomplishment.

Rely less on a girl’s company to make you complete and do NOT become so attached and give your total being to a girl only after four months of knowing her!!! Rely mainly on yourself for your ultimate happiness and see others in your life as a ‘contributing’ factor to this happiness and NOT the ‘determining’ factor!

In time you’ll look back at this scenario and view it in a much different light – you’ll see it as one of the least important inconsequential and uneventful happenings in your life.

In the long run, hurt and pain will only build your character and resolve – experiencing hurt is actually not a bad thing – don’t take it to be!

 

[WestCoaster]

Learn to tough it out

Without sounding too harsh, I'm a bit surprised at the level of pain of people going through three- and four-month relationships here. Maybe it's because I lost a sibling while I was in grade school, but breaking up with a girl you've known four months sounds like stubbing your toe to me.

And if this is how you're feeling over someone you dated just four months, the rest of your life is going to be living he-l, to be honest. There's many more break-ups on the way, possible divorces, deaths in the family, deaths of friends, loss of jobs, financial hardships ... WAY more troubling than breaking up with some broad of four months.

And when we suggest reading the stuff and you snap back, perhaps you need to read it again. Develop some hobbies, make some friends, date a variety of women, take some classes, get some GOALS in life that don't revolve around WOMEN. Sheesh, the world is out there waiting, take advantage.

The sooner you realize that WOMEN are to compliment your life, not BE your life, the better off you'll be.

Wish I had more sympathy for you guys who have these short-term, whimisical relationships, but make the break-ups sound like deaths ... but sorry, I'm not there.

You folks need to get a grip because life is going to get a lot tougher, trust me.

 

[Genghis Juan]

Otr4,

Most people with some dating experience have all been dumped by girls that we fell in love with at some point. It times alot of time to get over it. Especially if its your first one. You're just going to have to find a way to dig yourself out of the hole. It could be going to the gym to pump up, getting out and making new friends, or spending more time with your family.

Take some time to grieve, but what you're going through is not a unique experience. You've lost a best friend and a girl that you were apparantly in love with. You'll get over it.

Keep in mind that with each subsequent relationship blowout from here onwards will get progressively easier to deal with.

BELIEVE me, a girl is not worth destorying your life over. You will learn with time that girls are just not that special at all. Spend more time on improving yourself and making friends. Forget the girls for awhile. In fact, with time, you'll learn that a girl is not even worth ADJUSTING your life for, nevermind throwing away your life.

Never give a woman the key to your heart so early dude!! Most women are selfish *****s and ding-dongs not worth spending time with. It takes several months, at least, to determine what the hell she is all about. The first 6 months of an R-ship doesn't count pal. Learn from this mistake, or else, you will be destined to repeat it, and then it will be your fault.

Be strong, and keep that key to your heart tucked safely away; don't give it away so easily ever again.

If you read the Bible you should have learn that if a girl is what you want to make your life valuable, then you are just worth shyte. That's not the way to play the dating game. Find validation and worth with your own life first.

Good Luck

 

[khane9]

In times like these I remind myself of a few simple points.

First is that the pain is not a punishment, it is a natural emotion. I am suppose to feel it. It's a normal reaction to a sad situation and I am not abnormal for feeling it.

Another is that there is no "why me?". It is not only me, alone. Painful things will happen to every single person alive. Everyone has felt low and pained before, and every one will feel it again someday. Being powerful, rich, attractive, popular.... it doesn't save anyone from it.

Which leads me to a third reminder: Even if I am loved, admired and appreciated- no matter how great of a life I can dream up, no one has more potential to care about me than me. Everyone can help, some a lot, but no one as well as I potentially can.

With these 3 reminders, the idea of wanting to die just doesn't cross my mind.

 

[Skweints]

Well, as you can see, a lot of people have experienced the same thing as you. I'm sure it happens to everybody, sometimes more than once. Your best bet is to give it time. The average person takes 6 months to recover from something like what you're experiencing. I myself experienced this recently. A girl I was with, even only for 8 months, I thought was going to be the love of my life. But about two weeks ago, we got into a fight, I said something I shouldn't, and it was done. I haven't called her since. I felt it was coming to an end, anyways, so I was able to prepare myself for it. I'm a true believer in "**** happens for a reason." The night my girl broke up with me, I met another female the same night. Wasn't expecting that to happen at all, and they turned out for the better.

My point is, you're not alone. I'm not gonna give more tips or advice, most of the DJ's here made great posts themselves, and I agree with them. Just hang in there, everything will turn out for the better. Hell, you might even have something to learn and keep with you because of this. There's always a lesson behind everything.