I'm so low, I don't want to go on--Please help-Any advice will be appreciated

[Ballistik]

OTR,

I've been there before, man. I've been down that road. Just this year, I lost my best friend, and a girl who I loved more than any other in my short life broke up with me. It's rough. I was in a ****ty place. I woke up and asked myself why I was getting out of bed, and I honestly didn't know.

But one thing kept me going. I had been depressed before, so I knew how it worked. I knew that how ****ty everything seemed, how alone I felt, how absolutely terrible my life seemed to be going, everything would eventually change for the better. I knew that I would move past the girl. I knew I would make new friends. I knew I would have new good times and make new good memories. I just had to get past the **** first.

It's a tough fight, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. No matter how bad everything seems, and I know, sometimes it can seem really, really ****ing bad, things will get better. It's not a possibility. It's a fact. Just keep fighting.

 

[WestCoaster]

Don't give another person so much power

Yes, we've all been through this, some of us a few times (then again I'm older). When you're younger, in high school or early college, we tend to act a lot on emotion. I know I did.

I had a college roommate who broke up with a gal (who admitted she was a lesbian) whom he dated for about three months. He was so distraught he didn't talk to me for three months, walked around in a haze, and didn't run well in track (we were on the track team) ... he was a freakin' mess. Even at age 18 or 19 I couldn't understand how one could give a woman so much POWER over his emotions, his well-being, his LIFE. (Today, now much older, he says he can't believe he acted like that.)

Feeling loss, grief, being bummed ... that's all natural and I expect you to feel that; if you didn't that means you didn't really care.

What's worse is giving this woman (or any person) so much POWER and control over your life. This person's actions or inactions determine your well-being, livelihood, and self-esteem. That's scary because that means you don't have your own life, it's in the hands of others. Frightening. You might as well be living in a police state with government ruled by a dictator.

In this case, the dictator is that WOMAN!

Think about surrendering that power ... that's not a good thing.

 

[NewMan]

otr4

My perspnal experience in the last yr.

Last July I brokeup with my GF of 4.5 yrs. We lived together for 2.5 yrs. Needless to say it was gut wrenching - I'd never felt so alone and down as I did at that point.

At 32, I found myself living in a Studio appartment - a room barely 400 sq. feet (I had previously lived in a 3 bdroom house). Not only that, I had no phone, no furniture, no TV, no light, no fridge. The only possension I had were a sleeping bag, coffee table, books, personal effects, toaster - and bare essentials. Sitting in that room at night, alone, was one of the lowest points of my life. I had nothing going on, I'd work, come home and sit, stare at the four walls. Life was passing me by - there was so mant other people out there that had their life together - a purpose (or so it seemed).

My ex - I would call her - to hear her voice. Her life was going well - she was happy and moving on.

I had to make a choice.

Either I was going to let life beat me - to fall by the wayside, or I was going to fix my life and get back on track.

I choice the latter.

I read.

I printed out the DJ bible at work - and read at night.

I no longer sat in my appartment wondering what to do - wondering how great other peoples life is while mine sucked.

I went out. I meet people. I grew.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

It made me a better person. I've never been happier than where I am now - and for the frist time in a while I can say that and mean it (for a long time I was lieing to even myself).

I've got great friends and a great life. I'm busy. I've got everything I could need (sure I'd like a new TV, but we all want something right?)

I've gone through several women - and I'm now dating a woman 8 yrs younger than me. She a hottie - danced in music video's - modelled some as well.

And my ex?

Well she's calling me. I'm in a better place and realise the following:


1) I don't need a woman to be happy. I have friends. I have good people around me.

2) pvssy is pvssy. It's replacable.

3) Confidence is all important in all aspects of life. If you don't have it now - fake it until you do.

4) Exercise is important for a good life. It makes you feel like your the sh#t. it makes you strong mentally and releeves stress.

5) Life is an experience. I'm glad I went through what I did. I can now relate to to other people. I'm stronger. I a better person. And I appreciate people a lot more than I did.

Good luck.

 

[MikeYikes122]

otr4:

This situation sucks real bad man, but you just gotta step up here and be a man or at least learn what being a man is. I was in the same situation a year ago, and all that the dudes on this message board did was read the bible verbatim to me. Unfortunately, while hearing "just meet other girls man" is the ultimate answer, it won't do much for you right now.

You gotta learn how to look at sh!t differently, not just relationships - all aspects and situations of life. You have to realize that a man put in your situation would see the tragedy of it all, and he would also see the other side of it as well. He would realize that losing a girl sucks and it would make the "average joe" cry and be miserable for days. But he would then realize that it's horrid situations like these where men step-up, roll with the punches, and ultimately prevail. This is cliche, but it's situations like the ones that you're in right now that distinguish the men from the boys. Confidence is only talked about in one frame of reference on this website, and that's in the areas of approaching girls and being ballsy and whatnot with them, but confidence in its purest form, in its root form, is knowing damn well that you can handle any situation presented to you.

Ex-girlfriends aside, I was presented with a horrible situation this year. Because of my major I pretty much had to transfer schools as a sophomore in college. I knew maybe fifteen to twenty people out of 37,000 at my new school and my previous school only had 500 people, but I also knew deep down inside that I could handle it. I arrived there, and about two to three months in all the cards seemed to be stacked against me. My best friends that went there were becoming huge a$$ losers and had talked themselves up and told me that they were everything that they weren't. A girl I was talking to there was playing me for a fool. A lot of my friends back at home were losing touch with reality and starting to get way into drugs and were becoming worthless. One of my best friends had stabbed me in the back and had been completely ignoring me there (he only liked me at home because I had a lot of friends there.) I couldn't quit thinking about how I was kingpin back at home, but I was nothing more than a piece of lint on the carpet at my new school. I was miserable for a little while I guess you could say.

But then it hit me one October night. I realized that the old me would have cowered in his cubicle in his room and just blown the rest of the year by thinking about the way things used to be. I realized that a flat out pvssy would have sat around and played video games and wallowed in misery. I realized that once you lose the world you only have the world to gain. I realized that a man plays the cards that he's dealt, while a lesser being only sits around and wishes for better cards. Sufface to say, man I realized a lot of sh!t.

I'm not gonna lie though. For the majority of first semester I could probably have counted on one hand the number of friends I had. It wasn't until second semester that I met some pretty cool guys and made a ton of friends. While I had only really been running around with one or two girls all second semester, I was still completely content with that. But the key to my situation was realizing that I shouldn't need friends or girls to define me or make me feel good about myself.

Now take all that into account and figure out what you gotta realize and what you gotta do. Keep thinking, a man is above real life situations. A man is totally self-reliant and can handle anything. Situations like my aforementioned one and yours are where character is built.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Originally posted by NewMan
otr4

My perspnal experience in the last yr.

Last July I brokeup with my GF of 4.5 yrs. We lived together for 2.5 yrs. Needless to say it was gut wrenching - I'd never felt so alone and down as I did at that point.

At 32, I found myself living in a Studio appartment - a room barely 400 sq. feet (I had previously lived in a 3 bdroom house). Not only that, I had no phone, no furniture, no TV, no light, no fridge. The only possension I had were a sleeping bag, coffee table, books, personal effects, toaster - and bare essentials. Sitting in that room at night, alone, was one of the lowest points of my life. I had nothing going on, I'd work, come home and sit, stare at the four walls. Life was passing me by - there was so mant other people out there that had their life together - a purpose (or so it seemed).

My ex - I would call her - to hear her voice. Her life was going well - she was happy and moving on.

I had to make a choice.

Either I was going to let life beat me - to fall by the wayside, or I was going to fix my life and get back on track.

I choice the latter.

I read.

I printed out the DJ bible at work - and read at night.

I no longer sat in my appartment wondering what to do - wondering how great other peoples life is while mine sucked.

I went out. I meet people. I grew.

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

It made me a better person. I've never been happier than where I am now - and for the frist time in a while I can say that and mean it (for a long time I was lieing to even myself).

I've got great friends and a great life. I'm busy. I've got everything I could need (sure I'd like a new TV, but we all want something right?)

I've gone through several women - and I'm now dating a woman 8 yrs younger than me. She a hottie - danced in music video's - modelled some as well.

And my ex?

Well she's calling me. I'm in a better place and realise the following:


1) I don't need a woman to be happy. I have friends. I have good people around me.

2) pvssy is pvssy. It's replacable.

3) Confidence is all important in all aspects of life. If you don't have it now - fake it until you do.

4) Exercise is important for a good life. It makes you feel like your the sh#t. it makes you strong mentally and releeves stress.

5) Life is an experience. I'm glad I went through what I did. I can now relate to to other people. I'm stronger. I a better person. And I appreciate people a lot more than I did.

Good luck.

Hey, this guy says everything I was trying to say real well. Damn straight man... Damn straight....

 

[MikeYikes122]

Re: Learn to tough it out

Originally posted by WestCoaster
Without sounding too harsh, I'm a bit surprised at the level of pain of people going through three- and four-month relationships here. Maybe it's because I lost a sibling while I was in grade school, but breaking up with a girl you've known four months sounds like stubbing your toe to me.

And if this is how you're feeling over someone you dated just four months, the rest of your life is going to be living he-l, to be honest. There's many more break-ups on the way, possible divorces, deaths in the family, deaths of friends, loss of jobs, financial hardships ... WAY more troubling than breaking up with some broad of four months.

And when we suggest reading the stuff and you snap back, perhaps you need to read it again. Develop some hobbies, make some friends, date a variety of women, take some classes, get some GOALS in life that don't revolve around WOMEN. Sheesh, the world is out there waiting, take advantage.

The sooner you realize that WOMEN are to compliment your life, not BE your life, the better off you'll be.

Wish I had more sympathy for you guys who have these short-term, whimisical relationships, but make the break-ups sound like deaths ... but sorry, I'm not there.

You folks need to get a grip because life is going to get a lot tougher, trust me.

Man you need to shutup and not get so wise on everyone here. You obviously haven't lived long enough or had enough life experiences to realize that life is proportional. Think about how bad you felt as a third grader when you didn't get what you wanted for christmas. This is probably this dude's first relationship - stuff is proportional man this is going to seem dumb to him in a year or so.

Just do us all a favor and knock it off with the sage stuff...

 

[jbbrain]

Re: Re: Learn to tough it out

Originally posted by MikeYikes122
Man you need to shutup and not get so wise on everyone here. You obviously haven't lived long enough or had enough life experiences to realize that life is proportional. Think about how bad you felt as a third grader when you didn't get what you wanted for christmas. This is probably this dude's first relationship - stuff is proportional man this is going to seem dumb to him in a year or so.

Just do us all a favor and knock it off with the sage stuff...

I think that's his point. Otr4 has lost ALL his perspective right now..slowly, he will regain it. Letting him know that he should be able to deal with shyt like this, even at his young age, is great advice, IMO.

Wake up man. You have a whole life to live. Put an end to your weakness.

Live your life.

All cliches.

But all so true.

 

[FoxHound20]

You will only get stronger from this experience! As corny as this sounds, you had the strength to reach that furtile egg, and you will have the strength to overcome this. You're very lucky.. to think that you could have come to life as a pigeon or some other unforunate animal.. you are part of the most complex, intelligent, powerful, and magnificient species to have ever graced this planet. You have the freedom to do what you want, express yourself, do ANYTHING your heart desires! 4 months of your life isn't wasted my friend, it's going to be a time that you reflect on as being one of life's greatest lessons... YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS.

Think of all the amazing experiences that you will miss out on if you give up. It would be sad to live a life where you never flied in an air balloon, experienced true love, swam next to a pack of dolphins as the sun disappears into the beautiful horizon,witness the birth of your own blood, experienced the feeling of being lost in a foreign country and not having a care in the world! Anything.. the world is your destiny my friend! Think of it.. you are given the greatest opportunity of a life time, never give it up for anything!

 

[FoxHound20]

Download the song

Unique II - Break My Stride

Ain't nothing gonna break my stride.. nobody's gonna slow me down!

 

[WestCoaster]

To Mike and NewMan

First off Mike, I'm older than a lot here and have had experiences -- both painful and good -- that you can only imagine. Luckily through these experiences -- even at a young age -- I wasn't basing my self-worth on four-month relationships.

Life is proportional, but all these AFCs getting in here telling the guy that it's OK to be suicidal after a FOUR-MONTH breakup is freaking incredible. "I've been there man" ... after 4 MONTHS?!

What Sage stuff are you talking about fool?! If this guy is acting like this after 4 months he needs to get to a psyche ward ASAP. People here are practically encouraging him that it's OK to feel this way. It's sad he feels like this, but from a practical/medical point of view this is not healthy at all. He has to dig deep to find out why one person had such control over his life, and why this person dictates his complete self-worth. Guys getting on here who have felt this way after 3 months or so and saying, "I've been there," aren't a ton of help. They need serious psychiatric evaluation, too.

To NewMan, that was one great post, beautiful. And I accept and respect his pain because it was a freakin' 4 1/2 year relationship where he lived with a woman. That's like a divorce. People ought to respect that post more instead of just a Clintonesque, "I feel your pain reply."

Get real!

 

[dingo23]

My friend, welcome to the world which we call Reality. Sh*t happens and we all face them. Be strong and conquer it. You can d0 it!

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by KennyBoo
I lost my brother, my mom and my dad all in the last 8 years, I am a very sensitive person and can't handle pain very well. Although your situation is totally different than mine if I can survive the loss of 3 very very very close family members of mine I am pretty sure you can handle losing a g/f that you been with for 4 months.

In my eyes, KennyBoo's situation is a REAL tragedy. Loosing a girlfriend after 4 months? Come on bro, get real. Grow some fuking balls and get your **** together. You sound like a little high school girl that just got dumped by the most popular football player in the school.

Am I saying your not a man? No, of course not, I don't know you well enough to come to that conclusion, but you sure as hell aren't 'acting' like one. Do youself a favor and slap the shiot out of yourself until you wake up. Hopefully by then your balls would have dropped. I'm sure I'll get allot of slack for this post, but whatever.

A little 'tough love' by your friendly neighborhood 'biker'.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by otr4
I think I have reached one of the lowest points in my life.
Today I finally ended my "relationship" with this girl I've been seeing for almost 4 months now. I was expecting to have a great day with this girl, but we ended up having a serious talk and concluded we shouldn't see each other anymore. I just said goodbye and left her house. End of story.
I will probably never see or talk to this girl again.
I really cared for this girl and I'm in extreme pain right now.
We've broken up before, but got back together. But this time I'm almost certain we are done for good.
On top of this, my closest and best friend is moving across the country in a few days and I most likely won't see him for years.
I feel like in one fell swoop, my life is going to be completely different and its eating me up inside.
I can't eat, sleep, or move. I feel like I want to lay down and never wake up again. I really want to die right now.
I have nothing to look forward to at this point. Nothing to wake up for in the morning. I won't even have my closest friend around to help me out.
I been at this site for years and know I should just be able to move on and forget about this girl, but I can't seem to do that right now. I can already tell A lOT more pain is on its way and I'm in a state of disbelief right now.
PLEASE HELP. Anyone, if you have good ideas you can relate on how I can get through this with the least amount of pain, please help me out. Advice from your own personal experiences is the best. I'm not good right now and really need your words.

What you really need is to feel the pain and stop trying to shut it out. Life is all about pain, it's all about change. Friends are going to move on, girls are going to fall out of love, you live, you laugh, you cry, and you die. That's our existence as human beings.

Listen to yourself..."everything's different...I'm in so much pain, I need to get through this with the least amount of pain". Yeah, pain hurts...and change hurts. But dealing with pain is not only what motivates us to seek pleasure, it's what makes us men.

You want to die over something like THIS? Is that how you want to go out?? I say bullsh*t. Stop looking at death and avoiding the pain. Grow yourself a set of balls and deal with your life like a man. Yeah, it hurts. It hurts like hell. EVERYONE hurts. Stop trying to not hurt. Stop hiding from your life and start using it.

You have no idea how remarkably free you are now that you've shed the crutch that was holding you back. Yes, that's right. Your girl was a crutch for you, a comforter. That's probably why she dumped you, too. Now that you've dropped the crutch, it's time to STAND UP. Once you learn to walk on your own two feet, then you can worry about finding a new girl.

 

[NewMan]

It's a case of the match that broke the camel's back...

It's obvious that after 4 months otr4 is blowing this out of proportion - but it's very likely that he's depressed - and had grabbed onto anything to put some meaning into his life - and his now ex GF was probably that "Thing".

In my youth, I remember I did hang onto some of the girls in my life after they were gone. Looking back now, it was because I had nothing else going for me at the time - a lack of a "Life". But after I got into sports, lifting, running etc. that changed quickly. I never had time to get obsessed over a chickie.

What you've got to do is take action. If something is bothering me I usually hit the gym or go for a walk. I've walked miles and miles this last 12 months - it allows me to think and put things into perspective.

In any event, otr4's got to move forward - live in the now not the past. You've got a life and experiences in front of you - you've got to start from today. Put a regimine together - get some good reading material - throw that crappy food and alcohol out of your pad and work for a better today - not for the memories of yesterday.

 

[Pepe Le Pew]

otr4
You still alive, give us a shout to let us know you are ok...

 

[otr4]

I'm still alive...
I think everyone has had something good to say.
I've been trying to keep my mind occupied and focus on larger, bigger goals.
BUT, thoughts keep drifting back into my head about my "ex" and good times we had. From now on, I feel like whenever I have a really good time with a woman, I will not enjoy it because I'll just be thinking in the back of my head that the moment will eventually be a sad, melancholy vision in my mind when we stop seeing each other.
LOOK, I do realize I was only with this girl for four months, but I still felt good around her and thought she had potential...
I think I'm becoming more negative in regards to women. I can feel myself slowly but surely becoming the "a******."
I'm sick of being good to women. I realize being good to women is not what they want.
Women, in my opinion, want a man who is in control. They almost want someone who doesn't treat them with respect or kindness because they then end up feeling they have control over YOU and see you as weak and, thus, lacking control.
I actually want to start treating women badly.
I've actually had more success with women treating them like B*****, ignoring them, and making fun of them than actually being good to them. I don't want to physically hurt a woman, but if I can mess with them emotionally, I will feel vindicated.
I'm still pretty down (against my will) and I would still appreciate anyones thoughts or helpful words.

 

[jbbrain]

otr4-

It saddens me to see, that in your 2 years on this site, you're still missing the point.

Are these helpful words? Probably not. But I really have no time helping anyone (ignorant and self obsessed at that) who doesn't want to be helped.

Dare I say...read the bible?

 

[WestCoaster]

Anger is good, too

Actually, the range of emotions you're feeling is good.

However, you've fallen into a case of generalization, where "ALL women are like this," and so forth. Trust me, I do this on a regular basis, but kick myself back into gear after thinking of the logic.

For example, on a daily basis I think 99 percent of American women are whacko, then I realize I'm nuts and it's only 90 percent. :>)

That said, wanting to be mean to women because ONE woman may have scorned you isn't logical.

A DJ is in complete control. A woman's actions or emotions does not alter his own emotions or actions. This is one of the most valuable lessons of DJism.

Again, you said you read the DJ Bible ... I'm not sure if you absorbed it.

As you're going through the hurt and pain, try and establish some sense of calmness, coolness, collectedness, and more than anything a belief in yourself that no woman can take away.

Again for everyone out there: The sooner you figure out that women are the side dish, not the main meal of life; and the sooner you learn how to be and live alone without the craving of another person to validate you, the better off you'll be.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by otr4

I'm sick of being good to women. I realize being good to women is not what they want.
Women, in my opinion, want a man who is in control. They almost want someone who doesn't treat them with respect or kindness because they then end up feeling they have control over YOU and see you as weak and, thus, lacking control.

YES! Our boy is waking up! *hands you a shot and beer chaser*. This one's on me bro, way to go...

 

[Dirtheart]

I second Biker_gixxer.

Sometimes it takes a hard lesson to realise this, but this is absolutely spot on! Women are not logical beings.

Being nice to women not only puts them in control and puts them off you, but it leaves you feeling resentful because you tried so damn hard to win her affection.