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I'm not sure if I can love anymore

FlexpertHamilton

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I've only ever loved one woman in my life and it was almost ten years ago. Nothing has really come close it, and each new woman I'm with means less and less to me. Some stand out, but they're exceedingly rare. Was I just lucky?

"Love is kind of like when you see a fog in the morning, when you wake up before the sun comes out. It's just a little while, and then it burns away… Love is a fog that burns with the first daylight of reality.”
 
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devilkingx2

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That could be a blessing in disguise if it's true. No more oneitis to poison your mind and weaken you.

But most likely it's not true, as soon as you find a girl you really like you'll feel it again. It's just hard to find a girl like that for all of us.
 

Black Widow Void

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We're on the same boat. Although I've had "fun" and some mild entertainment, nothing matches a relationship that ended in late 2012.

I'm sure that neither of us are holding on to a decade old relationship, but when things have been *that* good, it does create an expectation - if not a new goal.

Personally speaking, I'm not sure if I've been jaded, evolved, more acutely aware of bad signs or what. Perhaps you're thinking the same thing. All I know is that ten years ago, I was in sync with someone (sexual nature, sexual mood, same interest, philosophical thoughts, etc..). And I've yet to meet someone newer that's this interesting.

On the positive -- although there are no "highs" there's also (due to no motivation to get invested) no real "lows." This prevents (or reduces) potential drama and chaos.

Wish I could offer more encouragement. My typical "excitement" has been recycling a few from the past and enjoying the 'newness' of someone new (which eventually seems to lose its flavor after a while).

The Charles Bukowski quote seems to sum it up better than I.
 
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bat soup

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I've only ever loved one woman in my life and it was almost ten years ago. Nothing has really come close it, and each new woman I'm with means less and less to me. Some stand out, but they're exceedingly rare. Was I just lucky?

"Love is kind of like when you see a fog in the morning, when you wake up before the sun comes out. It's just a little while, and then it burns away… Love is a fog that burns with the first daylight of reality.”
What was it about that woman that made her so special?
 

BackInTheGame78

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Probably because you are jaded and you subconsciously do that to protect yourself. It's a common psychological phenomenon when people are faced with painful experiences, they tend to avoid repeating them to keep themselves safe.
 

oldmanofthesea

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The root of what you are talking about is a side effect of red pill. We are brainwashed growing up to believe a specific narrative on what love is, feels like, and means. The unfortunate part about that is that most of it involves feelings and patterns that are counterproductive to not only the relationship, but your own mental health. Examples include codependence, neediness, pedestalization, thoughts that someone else must "complete you" and you cannot be whole without that person, and lack of abundance/faith in yourself in finding other women to date should the relationship not work.

The truth is, no one can really define "love." Everyone has their own definition. The best definition I can give, is when two people who already feel COMPLETE (happy without a partner, awesome social life, good job/career, plenty of hobbies/interests and passions, and who don't need to take anything from anyone to feel whole), come together to share that completeness with each other, and who are attracted to one another sexually, who admire each other in some ways, and who enjoy spending time with each other (can make each other laugh, have good conversations, etc). That's really it. The extreme high-emotions we feel toward women during our blue-pill days are not caused by any of the things I just mentioned in this paragraph. The highs happen due to the things I mentioned in my previous paragraph (and of course, the lows follow the breakup from those situations).

So one of two things is happening:
1. You are still in the phase of yearning for the unhealthy "high" that dysfunctional blue pill dynamics gave you (this can happen outright even if you aren't suffering from the issues in my first paragraph because you are simply chasing that old "high", or it can happen because you ARE suffering from those issues - for example, you don't feel "whole" alone because you haven't achieved that state of being yet and each time you get a girl you realize you still don't feel whole and you don't realize it's your issue to fix and not something a girl can provide you so the cycle repeats - you look for someone to fill a void no one but you can fill and get disappointed when they can't and blame them) or
2. You have not found a woman you admire, enjoy being around, and are sexually attracted to. This can be HARD to do. It's one thing to find a girl with one of these. It's another thing to find a girl with any two of these. And it's yet another to find a girl with all three of these. Then you have to tack on #4 which is really just an extension of #3 which is: Is she mentally healthy enough to be able to be in a relationship.
 

FlexpertHamilton

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Awwww.......let's all hold hands and share tears together, lol
I'm not complaining or trying to bask in sorrow or anything...I'm just indifferent across the board.

Probably because you are jaded and you subconsciously do that to protect yourself. It's a common psychological phenomenon when people are faced with painful experiences, they tend to avoid repeating them to keep themselves safe.
There might be some of that. I welcome going through certain types of painful experiences, as they make me feel alive. I think I'm just too apathetic in general.

I'll take that to mean you haven't been able to keep a chick around for longer than 3 years.
I cannot possibly imagine wanting to be with the same chick for 3+ years
 
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BadBoy89

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I've only ever loved one woman in my life and it was almost ten years ago. Nothing has really come close it, and each new woman I'm with means less and less to me. Some stand out, but they're exceedingly rare. Was I just lucky?
I’m assuming her looks and fertileness has crashed and burned since.

What made her so special?
 

FlexpertHamilton

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I’m assuming her looks and fertileness has crashed and burned since.

What made her so special?
I don't know, I ghosted her and removed her from my social media after we broke up and haven't looked back.

She wasn't that special we just had a lot in common. It was honestly an absolute ****show and I have as many bad memories as good. She just also introduced me to a lot of things - weed, shows, music, video games...We mostly got super high and had tons of sex (I was fairly inexperienced before her) got ****faced, and went on fun trips, it was all very memorable.

Highest highs, lowest lows sort of thing. Women were drawn to me like magnets during and after we brokeup too. So it was not just her but that entire stage of my life that was transformative.
 
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Modern Man Advice

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I've only ever loved one woman in my life and it was almost ten years ago. Nothing has really come close it, and each new woman I'm with means less and less to me. Some stand out, but they're exceedingly rare. Was I just lucky?

"Love is kind of like when you see a fog in the morning, when you wake up before the sun comes out. It's just a little while, and then it burns away… Love is a fog that burns with the first daylight of reality.”
I think "love" is a relative and subjective concept. It is also a social construct. What you felt for that woman ten years ago was supposed to be unique to that person. It will be different with the next person. The problem might develop if you expect to feel the same type of "love" with every woman you connect with.

Keep in mind that "love" is but a chemical reaction in the brain, mostly shaped by how society has painted and scripted it in your brain. I think of "love" as more of a deep spiritual connection with someone, and as I stated above it will always be different from person to person due to its spiritual nature.

My two cents.

Modern Man Advice
 
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Barrister

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@oldmanofthesea nailed most of it. I can add a thought or two:

A lot of this is just getting older and understanding how the brain works relative to women. As in, even when I really like a woman up front a lot now, I know that eventually a lot of that "honeymoon phase" feelz are going to disappear and I know that no matter how hot she is that I will get that itch to look around; regardless of how much I care about her. Doesn't mean we necessarily have to partake in anything more than that, but it is silly to there is "a one" that is meant for us.

When blue-pilled, you don't believe those things. You think the woman you are with is destined to be with you for good and you are fully committed to making it work with them no matter how much bad behavior (which you are conditioned to think is "hard work" in relationships) she exhibits. And in a way, this kind of mindset is more conducive to making LTRs last longer. Being strongly red-pilled, I can sniff out bad behavior/manipulation far better than I used. But it also makes me want to hit the eject button and not ever deal with things - no matter how minor. Whether that is a good thing or not is probably a matter of interpretation. But having this mindset makes it hard to ever be "in love" and hard to fully invest in someone to the point that you feel the infatuation you could when you are blue-pilled.
 

BillyPilgrim

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We're on the same boat. Although I've had "fun" and some mild entertainment, nothing matches a relationship that ended in late 2012.

I'm sure that neither of us are holding on to a decade old relationship, but when things have been *that* good, it does create an expectation - if not a new goal.

Personally speaking, I'm not sure if I've been jaded, evolved, more acutely aware of bad signs or what. Perhaps you're thinking the same thing. All I know is that ten years ago, I was in sync with someone (sexual nature, sexual mood, same interest, philosophical thoughts, etc..). And I've yet to meet someone newer that's this interesting.

On the positive -- although there are no "highs" there's also (due to no motivation to get invested) no real "lows." This prevents (or reduces) potential drama and chaos.

Wish I could offer more encouragement. My typical "excitement" has been recycling a few from the past and enjoying the 'newness' of someone new (which eventually seems to lose its flavor after a while).

The Charles Bukowski quote seems to sum it up better than I.

There's a reason why Bukowski ended half of his poems with a line saying "and then I stopped to get beer and cigarettes on the way home."
 

Pierce Manhammer

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I think all of us have one we just cannot shake. Sure we can move on, bang tons of others, but she creeps back into our brains when it’s quiet and dark. We wonder how it went wrong, why at what point; what did we do wrong.

Over time the tales grow taller as our brains prune the memories and we tend to remember the highs more than the lows further putting her up on the pedestal.

Time heals all they say, not so sure about that adage.

But the show must go on.
 
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