"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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I'm finally out of LJBF zone

lighthouse1956

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I started hanging around my late wife's best friend (Jan) soon after she died, and she ljbf me several times. Now, I almost married another woman (Lil)which looks very similar to my wife. Then Lil got upset about favors I did for Jan and they had an argument with each other, and I did not side with Lil and defended my right to have my own friends and help them where I see fit.

A few days later Jan calls me, tells me she did not realize how much she missed me, and wants me to know she has feelings for me "before it's too late".

I guess there's a lesson in here somewhere, but why did it take so long, and when I was almost 'off the market'?
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Deadly_Assassin

Master Don Juan
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I guess chicks always want what others have. Or maybe Jan wants to get back at Lil?
 

SilverSonnet

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Wouldn't you like to know? ;)
Wow, you've got some serious deciding to do. But, decide wisely. 'Cos Jan, might just be a little jealous that Lil is getting you. I'd personally stick with Lil, as she is who you chose and that Jan told you too late. Her fault, dont feel ANY guilt for this, you gave her plenty of chances. Good luck with your future marriage. Hope you have an awesome wedding :)
 

WesCottII

Master Don Juan
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So, to clear up. . .

You "do favours" for a woman, and your wife to be is annoyed. . . and you side with the other woman, so you can keep doing her favours, in the hope that she tells you she loves you.

and she ljbf me several times.
That should have been it. Any time chasing, or convincing otherwise stinks of desperation.

I don't want to hate on you, but you've hung onto the notion of Jan liking you for faaaar to long. This time should have been spent on other women (to be fair, you got lil), who you then turned on when she had a confrontation with Jan.

You don't owe women favours. You don't owe Jan your time.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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L B

Master Don Juan
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If you are serious with Lil, drop Jan asap. Don't waste anymore time with Jan and mess up your relationship with Lil. Men and women cannot be friends.
 

Juan_Man

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First off, let me offer my condolences to you for losing your wife. Also, keep in mind that Jan probably didn't want to get involved with you because she was your late wife's best friend. Jan probably thought she would have been betraying her, even though your wife has passed on. But the choice is yours. Personally, if you really like Lil, then I say that she is the one you should be with. But if you still have feelings for Jan, well....like I said, the choice is yours.
 
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