I'm either rusty or ignoring the obvious...?

[DarkShade]

Yeah I know, I'll just next her for now, until she ever grows up and can make adult decisions for herself.

 

[DarkShade]

Well, quick update. We texted each other for the next half hour or so. My notes in parenthesis:

Her: i know i gave u that impression...and ur sexy and great...but i dont want to stir up ne thing with [my ex] or the circle (our social circle) because i like u (fvck $hit pi$$!!!!)
Me: I understand that your friendship with [my ex] is important, I could care less what she thinks because I'm ready to start a life without her in the picture (get ex out of the picture ASAP)
Me: If you were worried about [mutual friend she had relations with previously that I am great friends with but lives in another state now] we had a man to man chat. But i understand if you aren't ready (reinforce trust and friendship, hit her with a neg)
Her: and whatd u say to him?
Me: Just asked about how he would feel about you and me and he gave me a genuine blessing (which he did)
Her: Did u tell him we messed around too
Me: No I promised you back then (Saturday) it would stay between you and I (and sosuave), even though I don't know why, i respect your privacy
Her: im just a private person with sexual activity period. thats happened with you and i so i think it should be our business...im not ready for dating (aka I'm afraid that you are amazing and I don't know if I can hold myself back)
Me: I understand. I am not looking for a serious relationship either. doesn't mean we can't do anything, but that's up to you. I am very trusting and loyal, anything you need kept secret is safe with me (all very true statements)
Her: oh so you wanted a **** buddy then (at this point I'm like IT'S A TRAP)
Me: Not necessarily, the thought crossed my mind but you are unlike any girl I've met -- something special (Whew...)
Her: how so... (ooh caught you off guard did I? Exactly my plan)
Me: There's way to much for texting -- the words lose their meaning -- can I call? (Silver tongues work better than silver keyboards)
Her: im at work...look its cool we are cool had a great time and ill see u again im sure soon..i appreciate u being so great to me (notice how her sentence sounds rushed like she's trying to say a bunch of nothing while responding to me, she's intimidated by me)
Me: I just have two questions before you cut off communications with me -- What is the real reason why we can't do this, and what are you afraid of? (honest, truth and to the point. What is your deal woman?)
Her: Can we get together tomorrow and talk about this... (notice she took the time to capitalize her word in this sentence, denotes sincerity. I have the fish on the line and am beginning the process of reeling her in)
Me: Yes, what time and where? (I swapped a day with a coworker to make this happen, but she doesn't have to know that)
Her: i haven't been to [restaurant] for a long time wanna go there say 7:30? or we can go to the bar ur choice (This is no time for loud boisterous bars, this is srs busnis!)
Me: Dinner sounds great, 7:30 it is
Her: see ya then



I'll report back tomorrow. :crazy:

 

[BeyondCharm]

Well, quick update. We texted each other for the next half hour or so. My notes in parenthesis:

Me: I understand. I am not looking for a serious relationship either. doesn't mean we can't do anything, but that's up to you.

Her: oh so you wanted a **** buddy then (at this point I'm like IT'S A TRAP)
I'll report back tomorrow. :crazy:

I only quoted this section for a reason. You sacrificed your "I am the prize" frame when you said "but that's up to you". This is clearly giving her all the power to decide if she wants to sleep with you.

Instead, I suggest the mentality of "The power is still mine whether I want to sleep with her again." EVEN IF YOU DO.... If you give her the power, she loses the attraction. She no longer sees you as a prize, she sees you as an easy-****... she'll move onto something more challenging. If you think you're the hottest **** around, test my theory and prove me wrong.. you'll quickly find out that women are not attracted to men that THEY do not see as the prize.

I suggest if she doesn't flake (which she might but who knows) at dinner, that you continue to qualify her to see what kind of woman she is. Instead of giving her the automatic "OH YOURE SUCH A GREAT WOMAN BLAH BLAH BLAH" routine which they hear all the time, QUALIFY HER!!

ASK HER if she's outgoing, caring, nurturing, good at guessing your needs before you voice them, etc etc... qualify qualify qualify... then challenge her to live up to whatever she claims to be.

 

[decades]

I really see you seeking her approval here big time. Over and over you are trying to qualify yourself to her (you spent one night together), that you are good enough for her, and you are already putting her on a pedestal, calling her special, making her the prize, begging for another chance.

She doesn't see you as a prize. This is a NINE. You never negged her. You aren't being mysterious, evasive. You don't sound here like you have any other options. You sound desperate. You have not made her believe that YOU are the prize, and that she should be working to get you to agree to see HER again.

I know all this seems counter intuitive; but that's how it works. She has you eating out of the palm of her hand. This isn't about the X nor is it about the social circle. If a woman Wants you, those "obstacles" are nothing, they are meaningless. If a woman sees you as the prize the social circle does not matter. Women sleep with married men all the time. What about those guys? They don't even have an X! Yet they still get the woman because the woman is powerless in her desire for the man, whether he is available or not. You are 100% available. You're free. There are no ties to your X and she knows this. As it stands, they are convenient excuses for her to LJBF you.

Again, you lucked out that night. You are demonstrating that you didn't DJ the pants off her that night. Your text back and forth is from an AFC. You got lucky. She took you for a spin and that's it. Don't beg her for another chance! Figure out how to make her WANT you and beg for a chance to be with you! Read the DJ Bible.

 

[DarkShade]

Regardless, what transpired was that I gave myself another chance where there wasn't going to be one. I probably wasn't going to hear from her again, so I'm just making the most out it. Like I said, dateless and alone since May, can't blame me for grasping for straws. If I had women flocking to me this would be a non-issue.

 

[wait_out]

During this time Abby and I are having intellectual conversation about politics, the economy, etc. She's brilliant, an art history and journalism major (I'm a history major and education minor) even though we are opposite political parties we find some common ground and enjoy each others company. I'm leaning in (I know, a big no-no) because it's loud and I'm trying to listen to her, and she looks me right in the eyes and open mouth kisses me while we're sitting at a table...

There we chat some more, and she says something that's stuck with me. In the middle of a political conversation, she looks at me and says "You have no idea how wet it makes me that I can talk to you about this stuff.", whether she was being exaggurative, silly or serious I thought it was a cool remark to make.

Interesting Darkshade. I gravitate towards smart women as well -- this is almost like a form of intellectual foreplay. It's a kind of mutual qualification as well as a demonstration of your value. This leads to a lot of one night stands because it is a rare approach. I can sketch out how an insurgent network operates on a ****tail napkin and I will be enjoying myself and confident because it's where my interests lie. A smart (secure) girl will be a lot more impressed by that than asking "nice hair, is it real?"

Girls like this don't grow on trees though, so you're limiting how many girls you can talk to if you can't connect on other levels.

Don't underplay either, how grinding accelerated things. You're obviously physically attractive as well as physical; if her imagination was already going (your conversation!), you would have launched it through the roof on the dancefloor. Recognize that! Women like that are cooler and interesting to talk to, but they are still women!

No, she cannot do this with all guys, but don't forget this; she didn't take you home to talk politics right?

1) You should have rocked her socks that night so you would have KNOWN she was thinking of you the whole next day. For your confidence.
2) Smart women like to think of themselves as independent women. Let them decide if it's going to be a one-night stand. Make no demands on them, just create the opening when they ask for one.
3) Keep your emotions and relationship ideas out of this. She liked you because you were a intelligent, good-looking guy she could relate to who made no demands on her at all. Don't cast the shadow of the future over things she wants to enjoy in the present. Here's what I mean: if she says, "I've never had a one-night stand", don't say "It doesn't have to be only one." Say, "well, let me make it the best one you'll ever have."
4) Be the guy you presented yourself as. Mail her an amazing article you respect and can both talk about over drinks. Don't be IM'ing her like a teenager.

-------------

Then again, maybe Abby sniped you. Since she remembered you from the wedding, she could have arranged the whole thing with your platonic GF Jane beforehand, and here you are trying to understand what happened. Who knows?

Some things are not worth analyzing Darkshade. Put yourself first.

 

[horaholic]

Thats a hell of a bump, man. He never gave any updates, though.

 

[wjh]

Is it just me or was she not the one leading the entire time?

 

[wait_out]

Is it just me or was she not the one leading the entire time?

Yes. But if you set things up well, she should be leading, quickly -- because guys like you don't come around everyday, and she risks losing you if she doesn't show you she's serious.

Hence the quote, "They are all the promiscuous type for the right guy." That kind of whirlwind romance is almost codified in Hollywood, and it's socially acceptable for women, if not encouraged.

This thread interested me because high-level intellectual conversation is so underrated when it comes greasing the track with certain women. Once you break out of the intellectual plane, things in the physical/sexual plane move very, very fast.

But maybe this is just a niche technique for the Blood Diamond subset.

 

[wjh]

Yes. But if you set things up well, she should be leading, quickly -- because guys like you don't come around everyday, and she risks losing you if she doesn't show you she's serious.

Hence the quote, "They are all the promiscuous type for the right guy." That kind of whirlwind romance is almost codified in Hollywood, and it's socially acceptable for women, if not encouraged.

I understand letting her assume the lead at certain points, like when she offers her bedroom as a place to stay the night, but the entire encounter - and every move - should not be initiated by the woman. Maybe I'm just old school, but I feel as if a girl more aggressive than me is probably not trust worthy. That being said, I wouldn't kick her out of bed, I just don't know how "far" I would get with that type of girl.

I believe being aggressive, bold, and taking the lead is a much more successful general strategy than passive intellectual conversation - I mean, of course, in terms of seduction and sexual interaction.

 

[horaholic]

Thats a hell of a bump, man. He never gave any updates, though.

This thread was a month and a half old, and the OP hasnt brought it back. Why are you guys posting on it?

 

[wait_out]

This thread was a month and a half old, and the OP hasnt brought it back. Why are you guys posting on it?

I was interested how this whole chain of events started with a serious conversation. PUA routines are based on light-hearted fluff like palm reading, corny jokes, and emotional sucker punches like C+F & negs. Not intellect.

I've engaged several women I've never met before in some pretty heavy conversations, on both political and personal subjects. As soon as you break the spell, so to speak, and go back to joking around in real-life, it's hard NOT to see the spark of interest you planted in them. I'm pretty sure they are trying to recapture the feeling that you are expanding their knowledge of the world and themselves, by having a closer (sexual) connection with you.

I was just curious if anyone else has had similar experiences.

-------------

wjh, I don't think this can work on all women. And you can never come across as passive, even while talking. You have to be actively drawing her thoughts out of her, to the point where she is voicing things she's never thought about for the first time of her life. After this, the physical stuff seems like it falls into place on its own very quickly.