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I was the rebound guy, What can I do now?

Jango_88

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No offense OP, but you made a *big* rookie mistake.

NEVER get emotionally involved with a girl who just got out of a LTR. You're simply a placeholder to fill the void left by her ex. I could have predicted with 99% accuracy how this would turn out for you on day one.

Plus, she's creating excuses to break up with you about things you did or didn't do to make herself feel better. Women do this all the time to validate their decisions; create the evidence, true or not, to support their beliefs.

Sounds like you went right into relationship mode which is a *big* no-no.

If 95% of SS members would remember this one thing it would solve most of their issues: GO SLOW. Men rush into things and push women away all the time.

You got way too emotionally involved way too fast. Check your feelings at the door next time and just have casual fun at first. Be the James Bond. Seriously.

Better luck next time.

Dash
I have never spoken about relationship with her. It came by itself that we were exclusive. But it was getting too much for her what I understand and respect now. When I figured I was kinda pissing her off I went completely silent.She is an emotional mess and was also when I have been with her. I kinda tried to help her because I felt sorry for her.
 

Mbuckets82

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I’d go dead silent after I heard that tinder thing. She doesn’t respect you enough to tell you then she doesn’t deserve any of your attention. Think what else she’d do behind your back if things got real serious.
 

stormrider

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“ we had a Beautiful relationship.”

You are too needy and that repulses her.
 

Jango_88

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I already started to text with other women. I am in holidays anyway and meeting up with a beautiful girl now. She is still in my head and won't go away magically but I will try my best and after the date i will put a picture of us together on facebook so they will see I am seeing other chicks already. I have self respect and she shouldn't think I am a weak person and that I am sad that she left. I can replace a woman anytime I want. Even if thats not what I want.
 

Glassguy

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You knew she jumped back to OLD. You shouldn't have mentioned it to her and just shunned her with silence and distance.

It was going to sound like a beta move when you asked her about it, so you should have just left her wondering what happened for you to disappear.

Go find new chicks.
 

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Jango_88

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You knew she jumped back to OLD. You shouldn't have mentioned it to her and just shunned her with silence and distance.

It was going to sound like a beta move when you asked her about it, so you should have just left her wondering what happened for you to disappear.

Go find new chicks.
No I never knew that its because of the ex. She never admitted that its because of him and never said why she couldnt sleep at nights. It was just my feeling at the end. But its all good. For me its done now. I am definitely not going to reach out to her.
 

bcude

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As others have said, there isn't much you can do at this point. Just accept the loss, be thankful for the experience and move on to new chicks. On what to write, from the different options i liked the quoted answer the best. Turning tables that make them question their worth (friends?! am i not attractive enough?! buhu) work wonders on girls, especially insecure younger girls who're more concerned about their status within their circle. It atleast gives you some sort of chance to establish yourself as a challenge after the rushed commitment. Also i would leave out "i like you alot" in the beginning.

Two is you can say to her "I like you a lot but you're obviously in a different head space. I get it and that's cool. Maybe down the road we can be friends." Yep, I said 'friends.' Give her a soft friend zoning. But note: I would only say this to her in a state of total outcome independence and frame. You sound truly sad about it not working out (okay to admit it) so it's probably better to just stay silent.
 

Black Widow Void

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Welcome aboard. I see that you are new here.

Before addressing your problem, it's best that I explain something about some of the forum behavior.

I'd wager that some of the members responding to your posting (the ones making comments about your character) ... have not even had the opportunity that you had with this girl. They feel powerless over their own destiny and to feel some feeling of self-worth, they see a new member and assume the role of the fat 5th grader on the playground (when the new kid arrives in school) . If you think life is bad, at least you aren't in their shoes.

Sometimes reading postings like these (and there's plenty) can be a little uncomfortable. The reason is because it takes us all back to when we were in a similar situation. There's this old saying which (paraphrasing) goes; "sometimes the things we dislike in others are the very qualities that we dislike within ourselves. They've simply provided a mirror."

When it comes to women, we've all been blindsided (well, those of us with experience.) You've probably had one of those "what was I thinking moments." This "ah-ha" moment doesn't typically occur until our thoughts/emotions have subsided. Eventually, you'll have one of those "what was I thinking moments" about your current situation. Until then, I'll provide a perspective.

When you allow yourself to become too invested (and too soon) this places you in a bad spot. If you observe other happy cohesive couples, you'll notice that the man retains his sense of self and identity. This is the very trait that the woman initially found attractive. The moment that a man's self-identity is compromised, a woman's attraction will diminish.

The next time you are faced with a similar situation, agree with her. This will display that you aren't dependent upon her or her approval. You don't want to react with anger or sadness or in fact any emotion. Simply respond with something like.... "I'm glad to hear you say this. I couldn't decide if we were at an impasse of if I was feeling impatient with you. It seems as though we are more different than I realized. I wish you well"

There's no 100% guarantee on any advice that will turn the tables, but the above reply will certainly leave her wondering if she made the right decision. If nothing more, you walk away with your dignity.

Most of us have been there and while it's not fun to recall, it's something that happens. No matter the outcome, if we learn from our past mistakes, we grow, evolve and become "newer and improved" versions of ourselves.
 

Mazer

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Sounds similar to the situation that brought me to this site. She just wanted to have fun and you gave off the relationship vibe too soon. I’m sure she is still “working it out” with her ex but looking to have fun. Save yourself a lot of headaches and let this one go. Good luck.
 

soulforge

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The fact that you described this as a "Beautiful Relationship" only 3 months in.. Is where you went wrong.

You are young and will meet plenty more women, so just focus on that.

Also cut out the emotional talk with females and work on self improvement.. In 3-4 months time you will be seeing someone else.. Covid permitting!
 

BackInTheGame78

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When a woman isn't 'feeling it' there is nothing you can do about it. Trying to get a woman to rationally explain her emotional decision making is like insisting that she answer you in a language she doesn't understand.

The truth is she has no idea why she isn't feeling it. But one thing is certain, the only thing worst than getting rejected by a woman you really like, is 'winning over' a chick that isn't feeling it... as she goes through the motions of pretending.

One other thing... women need a lot of time to get over an ex. It is almost a given that the next 2-3 people she dates will not work out. And now I will tell you why... She was in that relationship because she was attracted to that dude... what ever he was or did was what she wants. After she breaks with him, her knee jerk response will be to do a 180 and date men that are nothing like him. The problem is that someone that is completely different from her ex REALLY isn't what she is attracted to... after she jerks around with a bunch of dudes that are completely different from the guy she dated... she will eventually either go back to the ex.. or find someone that is just like him because that is what she really wants.
Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.
 

soulforge

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Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.
I tend to agree with this.. If your a good man, hard working, to some degree reliable and has his chit together.. In her eyes something is wrong with you and she will bounce.

Nothing about you will excite her.. However treat her like garbage occasionally, she will worship you.

I banged this chick once for 6 months.. She told me about her loser ex and how he used to go inside her handbag and steal money from her and go spend it on alcohol or gambling etc.

My next question was how long was you with this guy? She replied.. 10 years!

After 6 months I dumped her.
 

Jango_88

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Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.
this is so true. her ex boyfriend is a drug addicted. I am NOT. I am the complete opposite when it comes to drugs. I didnt create any toxicity we had a great time. And this dude also owes her a lot of money too. She always said she feels sorry for him and I never understood how someone feels sorry for that type of person. She has this protector instinct not only for him but also for other people around her, like some friends. For me personally anyone who is involved with that type human beings, have no self respect and no self love. I had arguments with her about this, because I couldnt understand why someone still feels like helping him even when he is toxic to her. She is 23 and her ex is 25. So they grew up together. This guy holds her down, I was the guy who motivated her for studying her ****ing exams, because she didnt even study for her exams.
 
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LARaiders85

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She has this protector instinct not only for him but also for other people around her, like some friends. For me personally anyone who is involved with that type human beings, have no self respect and no self love. I had arguments with her about this, because I couldnt understand why someone still feels like helping him even when he is toxic to her.
Thoroughly dislike these types of women tbh... You see the way they act on the outside is not the real them. The reason why she is with abusive men is in part because that is her true nature internally. Try not to fall for the act.

I still sometimes fall for the act though and I'm just so confused why it seems like these well put together women are the cause of the scarcity in the market for decent men because they would rather be with a sociopath, but I have to remind myself that things are not as they seem.
 

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BackInTheGame78

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The only thing you can do is simply tell her to get in touch with you if she changes her mind and then never contact her again unless she reaches out
 

Toddz

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The only thing you can do is simply tell her to get in touch with you if she changes her mind and then never contact her again unless she reaches out
No, don't even give her the option to get in touch if she changes her mind. That's desperate and submissive.

OP - Her ex boyfriend is a drug addict? Deep down inside, do you really want to be in relations with such a woman? My guess is no.
 

HyenaPrince

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She has this protector instinct not only for him but also for other people around her, like some friends.
That's what many women make you believe to look humanitarian. They get off on playing the selfless martyr who suffers for the sake of others. Protector instinct for him? She likes the f*cked up "bad boy", as do most of the females out there.

I was the guy who motivated her for studying her ****ing exams, because she didnt even study for her exams.
You literally played the role of her tutor without getting paid.

I'm not trying to bash you. But you still write as if she owes you something. She doesn't. You've been a decent and helpful guy and yet she doesn't care about you. You can't win a woman over by being overtly helpful and nice. She will gladly accept your nonsexual help and then search for the fire somewhere else.
 

RangerMIke

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Part of the problem with OLD is most of these women have been in relationships with fvcked up dudes...alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, dudes with no jobs, physically or emotionally abusive, etc etc...these women only know toxic relationships

So if you are a guy that has your life together, treats them well and doesn't create some type of toxicity in their life, eventually they will bounce. Because no matter what they think or logically want, if a person has been in 20 years worth of toxic relationships then on some level that is what they want and believe they are worth.

You represent the unknown and that is scary to them.
Yep... it's what she is what she is used to and comfortable with. You should avoid these chicks like the plague... you will never make her happy, she is addicted to the emotional chaos. I know SOOOOO many dudes that ended up in relationships with the emotionally damaged women, thinking "I will treat her well, and she will appreciate and love me." That is wishful thinking.

It's like the old Chinese proverb about the turtle and the scorpion... the scorpion will sting you because that is it's nature, even if it dies.

The best way to avoid this bvllsh1t is to NEVER put a woman higher than 5th place in your life.

(1) Yourself - Yes you will be called a selfish pr1ck... fvck anyone that tells you this, bottom-line unless YOU are okay YOU aren't going to be any good to anyone else. It's why flight attendants tell parents to put their oxygen mask before their kids.
(2) Your career or school - If you are not taking care of business you will have no future.
(3) Your family members that add value to your life - Some relatives are worthless pieces of sh1t... flush them, but you have a responsibility to stay connected with valued relatives.
(4) Your long term friends - Friends you have known for years are worth their weight in gold.
(5) Chicks....

I know way too many dudes that immediately put their new chick to #1, and if you do this with a damaged woman you are totally fvcking up your life.
 

Jango_88

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No, don't even give her the option to get in touch if she changes her mind. That's desperate and submissive.

why is it desperate when you still walk away afterwards? I should have said "Give me a call if you change your mind" before I went NC. I agree if I do it now, its not gonna end well. All in all I was too responsive to her and too available. I think that turned her off. That was a very big mistake and I feel much much better now after a week, because she allowed me by backing off, that I see my own faults and I am happy that I havent chased her at all. Will do much better next time.

That's what many women make you believe to look humanitarian. They get off on playing the selfless martyr who suffers for the sake of others. Protector instinct for him? She likes the f*cked up "bad boy", as do most of the females out there.
Thats what she initally liked about me I feel. The ****ed up bad boy. I am fully covered in tattoos (even on my face), ripped etc. it was a new experience for her. But when I developed some sort of feelings for her, she backed off, but glad I did too and didnt chase. She is not ready for a relationship now and I accept it. Maybe if she reaches out I will bang her but thats all, without any feelings. I am feeling much much much better today after 1.5 weeks of NC. The best thing is I banged 2 chicks while being with her, glad I did.
 
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