I think that I just royally f'ed up

[Spaz]

Except for the child-molesting thread, eh?!

Edit - sorry, couldn't resist. That thread turned into such a sh1t show

Some people can't compartmentalised a particular disagreement and then take an opportunistic swing at Spaz in that thread that actually could potentially yield benefits to the forum at large.

Too bad.

And you guys want to preach abt egolessness...phulease.

 

[Spaz]

At about the 1.5 year mark I began to pull back. I was concerned about his financial habits which I was getting a better read on and his gambling habit. Also his life goals kept changing. One day one thing, next day a completely different thing. He is drifting a bit aimlessly and seems to have lost his purpose.

At the 2 year mark I broke it off completely after 6 months of back and forth. During those 6 months I saw seriously compulsive gambling emerge, and came to realize no matter how much money he has (a 6 figure passive retirement income), his spending and gambling outstrips his income. He kept all that well hidden/under control for quite a while even though I have sat and watched him play poker many many times.

I do not need a compulsive gambler in my life. The last straw was finding out he has 140K in gambling debt and has filed 3 bankruptcies over his life. I’m on a wealth accumulation trajectory and am extremely financially responsible. There is no point continuing with him.

He also is a BPD. That has its own set of issues.

I love him and we had a blast, but the more I learned the more I saw nothing good long term.

He wanted very much to remain friends as we had developed a close friendship in his mind...but I need time to be strict no contact to get over it. I’m actually doing fine as I’ve turned this over in my mind for 6 months already...and since the break he has been both reaching out (that is finally slowing down), and my friends have seen him out with other women...and I’ve had dates already too...

So it’s done. I have one friend whose ex wife embezzled 1.5 million from him during their marriage and I never want that to be me. Not with the responsibilities I have.

Fun for sure but bullet dodged.

Hinted to you as much in ur thread, in which I and Amante had some disagreement on which proper life narrative or story to be used.

 

[gettinit]

Wow, amazing how the tide can turn on here.
@Igetit!
I'm here to discuss and learn, not to get ridiculed. If that's just your style, oh well and no, you didn't hurt my feelings.
Whatever the case.
Simple answer: About 2.5 months.
Longer answer. I don't run into her all of the time. Sometimes two days in a row, sometimes for ten minutes, sometimes for a few hours. Sometimes a week or two goes by.

I took 5 minutes to post a question and she is always in my head? Honestly, although she unexpectedly got into my head a bit. I'm far from obsessed.

Hint may have been the wrong descriptor. She knew exactly where I was coming from. The next time she didn't and so on. Interest seemed to be growing at her end without me doing much except being me and I do have other options. She simply has seemed to grow on me and I asking her out was going to happen. When? No schedule, but it could have been the next time I saw her. At this point, I'm trying to decide to ask her or chill out for a bit.

Yeah, she was on a date. So what? I was on one myself the night before and for all I know she has been on a lot more. I wasn't going to crumble over it, but it did apparently bring some things to the surface. Thinking it was possibly just my competitive side, I took some time away. After all, a rebound requires dates in the first place. Its simply been my experience that a woman on rebound isn't a good bet, so why start a trip in what you see as bad weather? I didn't care AT ALL at the time. Now I have grown to enjoy her company. Its that simple.

No HS BS. I wasn't sitting there glowing in her touching me, nor her proximity to me. It just indicated to me that there was some comfort there and that she enjoyed being close to me. On the same note, her "date" had a more friendly distance. Just indicators. nothing more.

Sure, I wanted to suck it back in after I said it. The delivery was solid, straight and calm. Blurted was used to describe the lack of thought before doing so.

I don't fear rejection and I have had my share. I have learned a lot in the last few years. It sucks, but after all, those who don't risk it never get anywhere.

As far as a change, I don't expect a good one either and that was the reason for my post in the first place. If I flame out, oh well.

All that said,

"If" you were in this situation and did what I did, what would you do?

 

[BeExcellent]

Hinted to you as much in ur thread, in which I and Amante had some disagreement on which proper life narrative or story to be used.

I went back & re read the Attachment Theory thread. That was a great discussion.

Cheers Gents, BE

 

[gettinit]

A little update:
I acted like nothing happened and she started texting after about a week. Like always, I kept things fun, but short.
She came into were I was having a drink and sat with me for a bit and then stated that she didn't remember much from our last conversation. I said that I was buzzed and didn't remember much either except that my balls were getting busted for no good reason (with a little smirk). That resulted in a somewhat shocked look on her face. She then apologized and said "at least you know someone cares enough to get mad". That seemed to be the end of that. A bit later and after sensing that the tension between us was still there, I asked her out for next Friday. She said "maybe I can, but I think that I might already have plans". I replied "no maybes". She checked her phone and did have something (said so anyway), but said that she would reschedule it, so I told her I would get back to her with details. Got a text this morning "You will need this" followed by her address and a smiley.

 

[ubercat]

Leave it a week casually ask her out. To something you would be going to anyway. You haven't visited the pink palace yet so she's not invested WTF just take a punt treat it like buying a scratchie ticket and start spading other chicks.

believe me if you had three you were working on right now you'd be too busy to be posting threads about this one.

 

[ubercat]

Haha that's funny our posts Xed. anyway like I and the rest of the guys said a bit of reserve followed by bit of boldness is a good thing.. enjoy the fruits of your self control. BUT still keep spading other chicks you must always keep your sales funnel full.