B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
telling this girl I used to date that my anxiety ruined our relationship. I can't stand the thought of her thinking I'm weak. How do I deal with this?
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
I regret...
- Thread starter B0redandl0nely
- Start date
"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"
You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
Dash Riprock
Master Don Juan
By doing nothing. Move on. It's over. Learn and get better. The more you try to "fix" things, the bigger hole you'll dig. By anxiety, do you mean PA or general anxiety? And if she left you because of it (either issue) she's the one with the problem not you. No one's perfect.
B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
I can't deal with it being over. She tried so hard to make it work but I put this emotional wall up. I wasn't dealing with my issues and that's my problem, not hers. I'm a man and I'm supposed to be a protector and provider. And I wanna be alpha too but I'm aspergers. I feel like im an alpha soul trapped in an aspergers mind. The anxiety was general.
You decide on the best course of action to best repair your personal issues for the next girl. It may even go as far as requiring psych therapy and/or professionally prescribed drugs in that process.
Your admission of your anxiety issue was taken as a sign of personal weakness with this girl…
B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
I don't want another girl...
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
and I can't deal with her thinking I'm weak...
Dash Riprock
Master Don Juan
Ok, your best bet then is to go NC for a least a few months to try and get her to miss you. This does work sometimes. Then, reach out, and ask her to do something non-romantic like lunch to "catch up." See where it goes, but DON'T PUSH or get NEEDY. You'll kill it. Remember, full NC for now. Good luck.
That’s an anxiety driven response. Deal with that issue.
B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
and?
Dash Riprock
Master Don Juan
You're not "Weak." We all have issues. She'll think you're weak if you PUSH, keep contacting her, or acting all NEEDY. Date other women to practice and get your mojo back. I know Asperger's is tough and can make relationships challenging, but we all have our s*hit to deal with.
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
Cant do that sorry...
Murk
Master Don Juan
Then continue to stress and worry, just don’t harm yourself.
B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
I want her back
Regret is Always about the past. Recognize the past for what it was and was not, and live in the present while continuing to improve yourself for your future…
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"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Vantagepoint34
Master Don Juan
OP you are fine the way you are. No need to waste money on anything. You are who you are and you don't need to change for anyone. Strength in our society is just non existant. Most decisions are made passively because you gave no importance to begin with. Live on brother!
B0redandl0nely
Senior Don Juan
I'm not fine the way I am. What do you mean gave no importance? The regret I feel for the decision I made is very important to me...