Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

I need to un**** my life

CaptFinnBad

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What I do have going for me is my net worth.

Basically I was super successful before I took a break. The break was moving to a country I initially didn't intend on staying in (no industry for me there).

I met a women and settled there. Took a job for fun for a while but relied on my passive income. Then covid hit.

Just need a stable income, don't need to be shooting for the moon. I'm not in bad shape financially all considering.
 
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CaptFinnBad

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You were an aerospace engineer. In another words, highly educated. If you did this for 10 years you would be very qualified for a variety of good jobs I would think. Why have you been jobless for 3 years (and other periods of joblessness)? This sounds like it is almost all psychological (not just “lazy” as you call it).

Considering the breakup you just had, this could be a watershed moment in your life if YOU want it to be. You have to have that desire though and start making things happen. Becoming employed is number one - that has to happen. I would focus on nothing else until you have prospects outside of getting your a$$ in the gym. That’s it. Once you have some money, if you still feel down, maybe consider talking to someone professionally one on one.

Sounds like your parents are enablers as well reading between the lines. You need to get yourself away from them.
Thanks man. I've been living in a different country for the last 7 years only recently came bank.

So lots of big changes. In a short space of time. Also I got involved with the broken women that put me through a blender in the other thread I made.

Realistically I probably used the drama as an escape from taking action.

What happened with my parents was is I was abandoned by my parents when young. Basically left to fend for myself from age 13 onwards.

My mother packed up and left us. My father was out playing gangster. Basically home a couple times a week but never really present.

So never really had direction,. I ended up focusing on getting a career as soon as I could.

I was super successful. I bought property and had a ton in the bank. Eventually a company I was working for went bust and I got a big payout.


I found myself with no direction and a load of money . I didn't know what to do next.

So I went to live in a different country. Settled with a women for 7 years there. I was away from my connections and plus my industry wasn't a thing there.

So took a random job for something to do. Quit that and just lived off passive income.

Recently came back. So yeah I need to actually put in work again .


Realistically I need something I enjoy that I'm not embarrassed about. I don't need a high income to live the life I want, a pension is important though.
 
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Barrister

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The problem there is that he is going to have a heck of a time getting a good job now. The vast majority of employers will have nothing to do with him when they see that three year gap.
There’s no getting around it I agree.

@CaptFinnBad - a lot of what we do is about people you know. Not even whether you’re good at it. Is there someone that you know from your 10 years of working that you could reach out to just to get your foot in the door? That’s all you need is help getting started. I would think after 10 years you would have some connections of people who are familiar with your craft and won’t care that you have been off for a few years. I agree that just showing up with a resume that shows a void for the last 3 years in front of an interviewer who doesn’t know you from Adam could be a tall task.
 

CaptFinnBad

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There’s no getting around it I agree.

@CaptFinnBad - a lot of what we do is about people you know. Not even whether you’re good at it. Is there someone that you know from your 10 years of working that you could reach out to just to get your foot in the door? That’s all you need is help getting started. I would think after 10 years you would have some connections of people who are familiar with your craft and won’t care that you have been off for a few years. I agree that just showing up with a resume that shows a void for the last 3 years in front of an interviewer who doesn’t know you from Adam could be a tall task.
Nature of the work. When the company went bust the workforce scattered to different parts of the world.

The ones that stayed changed career.

The problem I have is getting Infront of people. If I could just get interviews it would be easy.
 

Çharismo

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@CaptFinnBad

You can read and post all you want on this website but at the end of the day you are the one that is in control of your life and most of all responsible for being in the position that your in. Things happen in life to all of us that are not fair nor do we deserve but you have to learn to roll with the punches and keep moving forward in life. It’s very easy to give up and quit or not even play the “game” but than you aren’t living at all but rather sleep walking and drifting through life hoping someone gives you a handout. I don’t know if you are expecting someone to come hand you a job or “fix” your life because that is never going to happen.

No one is going to do anything for you. You as an individual have to go out and make it happen. If you were serious about getting a job you would have figured it out by now. Your full time job should be applying for jobs. Just because you have been unemployed for a while (which was your decision)…you can just lie about it on your resume. If they ask for references you can use your friend or someone in your family. Just make something up. I’ve done that plenty of times. When people interview candidates for jobs a lot of it comes down to you being presentable, well groomed, well dressed, and basically being able to think fast on your feet when they ask you questions. That’s it.

I recommend you get a job where you are constantly engaging with people. You could work as a cashier or even a waiter for starters or if you really want to push yourself get a job in sales. Just do something and put yourself out there. Get out and engage with the world. Women should be the least of your concerns my friend because you should be focusing on getting your health and finances in order first. You need to take an active role in your life rather than being passive and waiting for things to happen.

It’s all on you ma G.

Go home or go hard.
 
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darksprezzatura

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I'm not a socially inept loser. I've just taken the wrong path, and not made the best decisions lately.

I suppose my focus in this order?

1. Health and fitness
2. Money (getting financial sorted )
3. Sex and intimacy
4. Social circle
Congratulations you recognised your issues and wrote them down.

Now write infront of them 1 thing you can do everyday to move ahead in all these 4 fronts.

Habits are everything.

I've turned my life around over a few years.

Consistent habits. Discipline. Focus on self.
REPEAT.

Things become boring and you'll see progress non linearly. Sudden jumps out of nowhere.

Don't stop, keep going.

The only way after hitting this rock bottom is up.

Have a great year mate, this one's yours
 

CaptFinnBad

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@CaptFinnBad

You can read and post all you want on this website but at the end of the day you are the one that is in control of your life and most of all responsible for being in the position that your in. Things happen in life to all of us that are not fair nor do we deserve but you have to learn to roll with the punches and keep moving forward in life. It’s very easy to give up and quit or not even play the “game” but than you aren’t living at all but rather sleep walking and drifting through life hoping someone gives you a handout. I don’t know if you are expecting someone to come hand you a job or “fix” your life because that is never going to happen.

No one is going to do anything for you. You as an individual have to go out and make it happen. If you were serious about getting a job you would have figured it out by now. Your full time job should be applying for jobs. Just because you have been unemployed for a while (which was your decision)…you can just lie about it on your resume. If they ask for references you can use your friend or someone in your family. Just make something up. I’ve done that plenty of times. When people interview candidates for jobs a lot of it comes down to you being presentable, well groomed, well dressed, and basically being able to think fast on your feet when they ask you questions. That’s it.

I recommend you get a job where you are constantly engaging with people. You could work as a cashier or even a waiter for starters or if you really want to push yourself get a job in sales. Just do something and put yourself out there. Get out and engage with the world. Women should be the least of your concerns my friend because you should be focusing on getting your health and finances in order first. You need to take an active role in your life rather than being passive and waiting for things to happen.

It’s all on you ma G.

Go home or go hard.
One of the main reasons I haven't got a job why I'm it's a sticking point for me it is because it isn't something I truly want. I think I've put a subconscious block on it.

I hate working for people, hate being told what to do and hate being in the system, hate not being in control. That's the truth.

I dispise being in a cage and I think that's why I've stopped playing the "game". I don't want to be in a prison.


For a while now it's been on my mind I want to walk dogs. So I see jobs apply for stuff but my heart isn't in it, I'm not hungry for it, which is likely causing my lack of responses.

Self sabotage I guess.

My sticking points regarding starting the business is other people's doubt in it and scepticism.

"You shouldn't be walking dogs, you should be looking for a career , doing this this and this. It's stupid"

"It's not a real job e.t.c. it will never work e.t.c"

"You've thrown away an amazing career and now you're going to just play with dogs?"



So it stops me from going for it, knocks my confidence. So I become avoidant and don't take any action whatsoever.

It's ****ing stupid because I believe in myself. I know I could make it work. My retard brain just says, "fine I won't do it then" but is unable to take anything else seriously.

I was just talking to a friend about it. They are doing their best to get me to apply for a job in the civil service ( great pension, good pay, and benefits).

In my head I've told myself that I wouldn't get it and I'd be ****ing miserable if I did (probably true).


This is why I've spent years of procrastinating and going/failing to land a job. Which I don't want anyways.

If I went for what my head and heart is screaming at me to do my plan would be...

I'm actually ready to go, everything is already in place. I could start tomorrow , just need to take the plunge and find clients.

Group walks. I'd need to do 1 (preferably 2) group walks a day (easily achievable).

That would meet my financial needs. Getting back into my own property, e.t.c. complete bare bones.

Even if I only achieved that I'd have good life.

Anyways I'd want more, the plan would be to coast on that for a while and establish myself in the area. I'm very experienced and crazy good with dogs. I'm confident I'd make a name for myself. Basically building my brand.

From there...

There is definitely scope to expand the business in various directions. Roads which I absolutely would want to go down.



1. I start employing people to walk the dogs. They walk dogs under my business name (lots of people eager to do this ) and I take my cut.

This is where it would start to transition to a real business.


2. I back away from the walking focus on the business side of things and expand into training (which I would do).


3. While running the walking side of things. I go on to additionally open a daycare / training facility. Again having employees taking care of day care.

When I focus on the business side and training (which I have a passion for ).


4. Within the facility I open a shop. Selling trading equipment, food, e.t.c.


So it would start as a simple dog walking business. But there is definitely room for growth.



If the business was successful. Like I said cost of living for me is ridiculously low, I'd have access a lot of extra money.

I'd want to put that into real estate. I absolutely LOVE real estate. I like developing properties (which I did with my own ) and thst I've been running for a long time now letting out to tenents.

It's something that I'm really good . I'm great at sorting problems, really good at dealing with people and getting things done.

I have a talent for it.


This is what I have inside my head. It's what I'm feeling pulled towards and why i struggle with motivation regarding a regular job.

Another factor / reality is ticking clock. Realistically I don't have a lot if time to achieve all this.

Another factor that makes me fearful to take the plunge.
 
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zinc4

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After a decade long relationship to a good women. I moved back home.

Now jobless and living with family , I got into a relationship with a women that mangled my brain.

So here I am..... 37.

1. Physically not in the best shape. I'm on the slimmer side (although I do lift quite a lot).

My body is tight. My posture isn't great.

2. I don't have a job. I've been jobless for 3 years. Before that I did a part-time job which I quit after a year and a half.

A number of years of joblessness before that.

I'm an aerospace space engineer originally. Did that for 10 years before company closure and getting made redundant.

In all honesty I got lazy when I was made redundant. I had lots in the bank, got depressed after applying for loads of jobs and gave up.

3. Living with family. This is my easiest fix. I own a nice property outright. I'm currently renting it out because I can't afford to live on my owns and need the cash it brings in.

As soon as I have income, I'll get my house back.


4. I no longer have reliable friends or a social circle. I've been away from this place for 8 years. People have moved on. .
I've tried to reach out and connect. Seems like I need. To build a new social circle.

I fish (so can meet new friends this way), I'm in a dog club, I have a small circle to socialise with there.

5. Women. Despite all the above I'm alright looking and can hold my own socially.

I can do well with women.

My main problem is because my life is currently out of sync I feel like I need to fill it with affection from women.

I have nothing going on and it just feels good when that need gets met.

This flip side this makes me vunrable and I can't take anymore heartbreak.


I need a plan to turn this around.

Not looking for a pitty party . I just need perspective and focus.

You were an aerosoace engineer? What's the problem? Start applying to jobs that require your experience. Screw walking dogs. Ffs....where is your ambition at? Focus on your career first. You are about to be 40. Forget about women until you get back on your feet.
 

CaptFinnBad

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You were an aerosoace engineer? What's the problem? Start applying to jobs that require your experience. Screw walking dogs. Ffs....where is your ambition at? Focus on your career first. You are about to be 40. Forget about women until you get back on your feet.

I get it the world has a hard-on for fighter jets I totally get it. The thing is if that's what I were meant to be doing, I'd be doing it.

This is what I've been struggling with and is my sticking point.

I meant to be doing something else, It's obvious.

Where I've ****ed up is I've internalised everyone's doubt and not taken action.

Totally my fault. Just not had the balls to not listing to anyone and going for what.

Definitely lots of ambition in my plan.
 
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hardboiled85

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After a decade long relationship to a good women. I moved back home.

Now jobless and living with family , I got into a relationship with a women that mangled my brain. CHECK - HAD A REALLY CLINGY BPD GIRL - PUSH PULLED HER FOR 3 YEARS, NO COMMITMENT GIVEN, THEN COVID FARKED OUR THING UP AND I LEFT HER.

So here I am..... 37. CHECK 36

1. Physically not in the best shape. I'm on the slimmer side (although I do lift quite a lot). CHECK

My body is tight. My posture isn't great. CHECK

2. I don't have a job. I've been jobless for 3 years. Before that I did a part-time job which I quit after a year and a half. CHECK (Jobless for 2 years, covid made me give up bothering basically - moved back to my hometown, my family home.

A number of years of joblessness before that.

I'm an aerospace space engineer originally. Did that for 10 years before company closure and getting made redundant.

In all honesty I got lazy when I was made redundant. I had lots in the bank, got depressed after applying for loads of jobs and gave up.

3. Living with family. CHECK This is my easiest fix. I own a nice property outright. I'm currently renting it out because I can't afford to live on my owns and need the cash it brings in.

As soon as I have income, I'll get my house back.


4. I no longer have reliable friends or a social circle. I've been away from this place for 8 years. People have moved on. . CHECK
I've tried to reach out and connect. Seems like I need. To build a new social circle. CHECK - OLD FRIENDS NOW MARRIED AND UNDER THE THUMB, SAID WE WOULD HAVE A BEER AND NEVER CALLED, ORGANISED IT - LIKE ONE WHOLE YEAR LATER, BUT NO TIME FOR A BEER FOR AN HOUR LOL


I fish (so can meet new friends this way), I'm in a dog club, I have a small circle to socialise with there.

5. Women. Despite all the above I'm alright looking and can hold my own socially.

I can do well with women.

My main problem is because my life is currently out of sync I feel like I need to fill it with affection from women. CHECK, EXCEPT MY CIRCUMSTANCES AFFECT HOW I RELATED, OR DON'T DUE TO THE CONFIDENCE DROP FROM LIFE CIRUMSTANCE ETC

I have nothing going on and it just feels good when that need gets met. CHECK

This flip side this makes me vunrable and I can't take anymore heartbreak. CHECK


I need a plan to turn this around.

Not looking for a pitty party . I just need perspective and focus.
Whoa - this is like verbatim to what is going on for me in my life except maybe 36 vs 37 heh.. also commenting to watch thread, see more opinions
I've marked off in orange text above.
 

CaptFinnBad

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You were an aerosoace engineer? What's the problem? Start applying to jobs that require your experience. Screw walking dogs. Ffs....where is your ambition at? Focus on your career first. You are about to be 40. Forget about women until you get back on your feet.
Dog walking alone.

2 X 4 dogs at £12 = £96 for 2 hours dog walking.

= £24,000 per year. Walking 2 hours per day.

(Unlikely to be doing when I reach a high age)

Obviously deduct expenses and taxes.

Perhaps introduce employees. Say give them dogs to walk and give them 60% of earning.

100% people would bite your hand off to do this. People would be lining up to walk dogs get good money without the hastle of building a business.

£9600 profit per employee per year.
(Can do regardless of age)


Dog daycare if I rent a facility.

10 dogs X £25 = £250 per day

= £65,000 per year.
(Can do regardless of age)

Pay minimum wage. Super attractive job easy to get employees.


Dog training. £60 per one to one session. X 2 per day.

£120 per day (2 hours).

£31,000 per year (based on 2 hours per day)

(Can do regardless of age, this is a hobby/passion of mine)

Group training.

10 X £20 per person = £200 per hour.

£10,400 per year ( based on working 1 hour per week)
(Can do regardless of age, but may not want to)

E.t.c.

No idea what the shop could make.



Loads of room for ambition.

Realistically my cost basic living would be about £8k per year.

Anything above that is luxury and fun money or investment money.

A decent 9 to 5, job pays probably around £24,000 here.

So roughly the same as walking dogs for 2 hours per day.

Obviously you don't get holidays , sick pay or a pension with walking dogs.



Long term plan would be. Ditch the dog walking. Have a team of walkers do it for me (I fill in gaps).


Have the daycare facility staffed. I check in and run.

My main focus would be on running everything, I'd do the one on one training sessions and group sessions.

Phase out the physical stuff as I age. Introduce trainers and i just play and oversee things.

Mabye I could build this within 5 to 10 years (if it works ). If it works I would literally blow anything I could achieve in a job out the water.

If I stepped back after it was built. I could just overseas it into my 70's if I wanted.
 
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Modern Man Advice

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After a decade long relationship to a good women. I moved back home.

Now jobless and living with family , I got into a relationship with a women that mangled my brain.

So here I am..... 37.

1. Physically not in the best shape. I'm on the slimmer side (although I do lift quite a lot).

My body is tight. My posture isn't great.

2. I don't have a job. I've been jobless for 3 years. Before that I did a part-time job which I quit after a year and a half.

A number of years of joblessness before that.

I'm an aerospace space engineer originally. Did that for 10 years before company closure and getting made redundant.

In all honesty I got lazy when I was made redundant. I had lots in the bank, got depressed after applying for loads of jobs and gave up.

3. Living with family. This is my easiest fix. I own a nice property outright. I'm currently renting it out because I can't afford to live on my owns and need the cash it brings in.

As soon as I have income, I'll get my house back.


4. I no longer have reliable friends or a social circle. I've been away from this place for 8 years. People have moved on. .
I've tried to reach out and connect. Seems like I need. To build a new social circle.

I fish (so can meet new friends this way), I'm in a dog club, I have a small circle to socialise with there.

5. Women. Despite all the above I'm alright looking and can hold my own socially.

I can do well with women.

My main problem is because my life is currently out of sync I feel like I need to fill it with affection from women.

I have nothing going on and it just feels good when that need gets met.

This flip side this makes me vunrable and I can't take anymore heartbreak.


I need a plan to turn this around.

Not looking for a pitty party . I just need perspective and focus.
The first step, forget about women for a few months. They will be a distraction.

The second step, take the first step towards moving forward. Whether that is a job, finding out what you want to do for a living, focusing on your fitness and health, moving out of your family's home, getting your home back, etc, etc. Pick one and start there.

Focus on ONE THING and one thing only.

I would say next to that would be to find a solid small group (2 or 3) of people that can uplift you and positively influence you. People that ideally are 5-10 years ahead of you. People that can genuinely say you would trade lives with. And with that, remove any negative/destructive influences in your life.


Modern Man Advice
 

DEEZEDBRAH

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After a decade long relationship to a good women. I moved back home.

Now jobless and living with family , I got into a relationship with a women that mangled my brain.

So here I am..... 37.

1. Physically not in the best shape. I'm on the slimmer side (although I do lift quite a lot).

My body is tight. My posture isn't great.

2. I don't have a job. I've been jobless for 3 years. Before that I did a part-time job which I quit after a year and a half.

A number of years of joblessness before that.

I'm an aerospace space engineer originally. Did that for 10 years before company closure and getting made redundant.

In all honesty I got lazy when I was made redundant. I had lots in the bank, got depressed after applying for loads of jobs and gave up.

3. Living with family. This is my easiest fix. I own a nice property outright. I'm currently renting it out because I can't afford to live on my owns and need the cash it brings in.

As soon as I have income, I'll get my house back.


4. I no longer have reliable friends or a social circle. I've been away from this place for 8 years. People have moved on. .
I've tried to reach out and connect. Seems like I need. To build a new social circle.

I fish (so can meet new friends this way), I'm in a dog club, I have a small circle to socialise with there.

5. Women. Despite all the above I'm alright looking and can hold my own socially.

I can do well with women.

My main problem is because my life is currently out of sync I feel like I need to fill it with affection from women.

I have nothing going on and it just feels good when that need gets met.

This flip side this makes me vunrable and I can't take anymore heartbreak.


I need a plan to turn this around.

Not looking for a pitty party . I just need perspective and focus.
How in the **** are you unemployed for 3 days let alone 3yrs?

Threads like this remind me of where Rachet woken come from with their entitlement.
 

Bigpapa

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This is another factor I took into consideration for the career I wanted to pursue. Sure starting a career at 29 looks bad when compared to 21 year olds starting their careers (can be a source of insecurity), but 20+ years doing that same career for instance, my case I'd be 49 (you 57), will it matter then that I started late? Absolutely not.
if you missed the corporate career train , like not doing your bachelors degree in time … the best bet is to learn a trade that is very much in demand

for example learning to be a plumber or an electrician

this professionals do around 4-5k euros net in western Europe , which more or less is kinda double the west Europe average salary . Most likely in the US they do 100k+ per year

After you gain some dexterity , you will start doing house calls , which means that from time to time you will meet good looking women directly in their house
 

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mrgoodstuff

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Yes, this one. Yes I am lonely but after a lifetime of rejection in general, false friends and failed relationships I've come to the
conclusion that despite the loneliness and lack of drive in general it is better than constantly having my guts ripped out
and my faith in others rewarded by betrayal.
What could you have done to have better outcomes? In alot of friends groups, they do these things to each other. So there are coups and over throws and then it happens to the other one, they do it back and forth to each other.
 

mrgoodstuff

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Agree with Modern Man. You need ONE area to succeed in that can be used as a springboard towards more success.

For me, I started my “rebuild/reinvent” process with weight loss. But everybody is different.
They call fitness improving your morale and in turn confidence and drive in other goals a "keystone" activity. Having some social break thru's can also serve as a "keystone" activity.
 

CaptFinnBad

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**** it.... I think I'll do what I truly want out of life and build a business doing what I'm truly passionate about.

Been putting it off way too long. All because I care about others opinions and expectations on what I should be. I've been a *****.
 

CaptFinnBad

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Women are a problem for me.

Women come easily to me (don't know why but they do). The problem is I use them to self medicate.

A MASSIVE DISTRACTION.


How can I cut them out my life?
 
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LARaiders85

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Some men were born to be losers. Some winners. Thats the way it is.

The fact that you let yourself be jobless for 3 years doesnt bode well for you.
There is no way you're real lol
 
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