I need help regarding my gf and relationship

[Askaladd]

Women tend to begin breaking up with a man in their own minds and emotionally distancing themselves before the breakup actually occurs. That’s what this woman is doing to you now.

It's about time for her to wrap it up then, she has been hurling such words for a half year now.

 

[Askaladd]

A toxic one. If she disrespects you like she has, the relationship is not worth keeping.

I guess she is being overly emotional. Or frustrated.

Why would you? Sounds like scarcity mentality.

What happened to love? So many people are willing to toss partners aside like playthings. I know she said many horrible things but I partially blame myself for it.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

I guess she is being overly emotional. Or frustrated.

What happened to love? So many people are willing to toss partners aside like playthings. I know she said many horrible things but I partially blame myself for it.

You need to read Rollos Iron rules, like this one:

"It is always time and effort better spent developing relations with new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship"

 

[plumber]

I apologized to many things about her that frustrate her about me. I did it because I wanted it to be over and to not stress over it anymore. We will see if it works.

ok. if the issue comes back. i mean, intentional disrespect. it does not matter what her reasons are for what she does. you don't care what she thinks and you can never know it. all you can know is what she does and says. so base your choices about what you know, that being what she say and does.

when you sorry after the disrespect it teaches her that she can escalate and dominate you. long term all women are attracted to dominance. if she is sure she can dominate you she will never treat you well long term. it is better to find another woman that can not dominate you than allow her to stay and dominate you. inside her female system, she will instinctively be looking for a man she can respect and that she can not dominate. that could be you, but you must hold your boundaries. one of those is no intentional disrespect. zero.... you don't argue about it, you don't show her how strong you are, you just step away because you don't allow anyone to dominate you. intentional disrespect is her dominating you (very unattractive to women)

again, do not defend when she does it. do not verbally tell her off. just step away emotionally and physically like a dominant male does.

all is not lost. keep a mental note for when this occurs again.

good luck.

 

[Askaladd]

ok. if the issue comes back. i mean, intentional disrespect. it does not matter what her reasons are for what she does. you don't care what she thinks and you can never know it. all you can know is what she does and says. so base your choices about what you know, that being what she say and does.

when you sorry after the disrespect it teaches her that she can escalate and dominate you. long term all women are attracted to dominance. if she is sure she can dominate you she will never treat you well long term. it is better to find another woman that can not dominate you than allow her to stay and dominate you. inside her female system, she will instinctively be looking for a man she can respect and that she can not dominate. that could be you, but you must hold your boundaries. one of those is no intentional disrespect. zero.... you don't argue about it, you don't show her how strong you are, you just step away because you don't allow anyone to dominate you. intentional disrespect is her dominating you (very unattractive to women)

again, do not defend when she does it. do not verbally tell her off. just step away emotionally and physically like a dominant male does.

all is not lost. keep a mental note for when this occurs again.

good luck.

Thank you good sir.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There is no response to these because that is blatant disrespect to you, not just as a man, but as a human being.

The problem is that you have likely allowed these type of things to build up over time where she has lost all respect for you so she just says whatever she wants and thinks it's OK because you are too afraid of losing her to put her in her place.

You say nothing and do not respond at all.

 

[BPH]

@Askaladd you've already received good advice, but I want to draw your attention to this quote in particular:

I've been in the exactly same position when I was younger. I think it all comes down to communication. You should find a way to communicate properly with each other. Work for it, because the chances of finding another quality long-term person in this society is too hard.

Never.

EVER.

Convince yourself this is the correct course of action; that you should tolerate personal attacks and disrespect because the alternative - being single again - is "too hard".

I see crowolf left another response since then, having reread your OP, but I really want to drive home this point.

 

[Sega Genesis]

"you are physically gross and unhygienic"
"you are always stupid"

OP no matter what you did that disappointed, frustrated or hurt her, there is NO reason for these^^ types of verbal assaults, specifically.

I just posted this on another thread but there IS a way for a woman to share negative feelings without such verbal abuse, which IS what that was.

Same with using any other derogatory names like calling a man an 'ass hole' which was referenced in the other thread.

No matter how hurt or pissed off I was at any boyfriends, I have NEVER and would never resort to such name calling and verbal assaults. .

That should be an automatic deal breaker again no matter what you've done.

If she thinks you're such a loser or whatever then she should end the relationship. What does her not ending it but instead attacking you say about HER?

Nothing good I promise you.

This is not gonna get better, she is abusive plain and simple.

It's good to introspect, own mistakes and your role BUT for the love of all things beautiful, never ever try and justify such personal assaults from a woman or anyone..

There is a saying "we teach people how to treat us."

By justifying and taking the blame yourself you are teaching her that you have no backbone or self respect.

In turn she won't respect you either

My advice is end this, learn from it, do better next time and choose more wisely.

 

[Plinco]

She's not turned on by you because she doesn't respect you. She doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself, as evidence by the fact that you want to continue a relationship with someone who talks to you like that.

Happiness, independence, self-respect, and self-esteem are all more important than sex. There are tons of other girls out there. Act accordingly.

 

[Jor-El]

OP has received some solid advice here. OP,if you return to this gal you MUST,as a priority,find the strength within you to stand up for yourself,even if that means walking away..we get that you like her,we`ve all been there,but if you let her talk to you like sh!t,you can be assured,as sure as night follows day,that she will do it all the more,and if you tolerate it the future attacks will be even more brutal..its nailed on. It can even lead to violence where they start hitting you in some cases! You need to draw a line in the sand right now and let her know with your actions that you will not tolerate this,and ul walk away,and you wont believe this but its true,often times when you stick up for yourself and walk away they will come begging YOU back..please yourself,but FFS do not tolerate this ongoing,because doing so is a road to destroying yourself esteem,sleepless nights and thinking that everything is your fault...DONT GO DOWN THIS ROAD

 

[CornbreadFed]

I have been doing a long distance relationship now for around 11 months. We were both virgins when we met. She was very inexperienced when it came to men, I was her first bf and she had never really talked to men.

End it

 

[Aguirre]

Cease contact for a bit.

In the meantime read or listen to Rollo's book The Rational Male. The book is basically about you and your girlfriend and more.

Then after some time, tell her you've been going to the gym lately and are making changes in your life, including cutting out toxic people. Read her amusing response and cease communication again.

Then after a time tell her how great you feel going to the gym; that people are already noticing changes and a woman there even expressed interest in you; and that you're now looking for a real relationship instead of a pretend one that only brings you down. Mention that you've now realized how valuable time is to you and you can't waste any more of it. End the relationship and wish her well and good luck in meeting someone special.

Then actually start going to the gym and start turning your life around.

 

[Vanderdonck]

Hello forum.

I have been doing a long distance relationship now for around 11 months. We were both virgins when we met. She was very inexperienced when it came to men, I was her first bf and she had never really talked to men.

During our relationship I have made countless egregious errors: unmasculine actions, being in bad shape, no real life goal, lazyness. Aside from my personal failures I also had severe lapses in communicating with my gf. She is very shy and doesn't usually say what she wants or feels, but instead wants me to pick up on cues or figure it out, aka notice.

A big problem is me not being able to pick up on her cues on how she is feeling and not giving her emotional support and in her words not caring about her. I do care, but it feels like there is some secret language that other people understand and I do not. For about 7 months I didn't even know how to console her when she was sad and I had to do a lot of research online to figure it out.

Recently we had a huge argument because of a dumb thing I did. This was not some relationship rule mishap, it was a pure person to person disregard of boundaries. This made her very very angry.

Here are some of the things she said to me in the last 24 hours:
"you dont show any care unless i sped the entire day typing paragraphs or argue with you"
"you dont sexually satisfy me"
"you are physically gross and unhygienic"
"you are never there for me"
"you are always stupid"
"you never understand anything"

What I am asking is what to here. How do I fix these things she is venting about. How do I pick up on cues over text, how do I say the right thing? How can I regain her respect, if even possible?

Hey brother. Sorry things are going south for you and her.

You really buried the lede in this post because once I got to the quotes from her at the bottom I realized it's not just a fading relationship. Your girlfriend is toxic and borderline abusive. I wound up typing a lot and am breaking it down in sections. So first:

Remove toxicity from your life.

I know that sounds like I'm making you a "victim" but I'm not - you have every liberty to end this and you probably should. And remember that no amount of words can truly hurt you, but of course they may have already because you're invested in this woman and have feelings, which is normal. So you'll have to separate the two and think clearly. A woman who respects her man would never say sh*t like these things you've pasted above.

You've acknowledged your own faults which is great and you should address those and improve, but I think first thing's first and that's not spending more time with someone so clearly negative and nasty. Believe me, she is saying these things because she's spoiling for a fight where breaking up will be a no-brainer. Women hate being the "bad guy" (though your gf is veering into that territory).

It's not your job to decode anyone.

I know a lot of this forum talks about social cues and subtext which is great for seduction. But the fact is that you don't owe anyone the time and effort of "picking up" on what they want if they won't say it outright, especially your partner.

This very idea is part & parcel of the gynocratic popular culture where it's thought a man should "just get it" or that women are from Venus or whatever. Yes men and women emote and communicate differently but nobody gets a free pass for being bad at verbalizing what is on their mind. I'm so sick and tired of this trope, and it even crept into the RP where guys like Rollo wrote about how alpha guys practically need to be mind readers.

Here's a thought: If a woman can't tell you how she's feeling and why then she's an emotional idiot and not worthy of my time. No hall passes for mind games. Yes there ARE women who are emotionally mature enough to be direct and honest or at least say they don't want to talk about it.

There is no "secret language." I just tell them what women say but often don't practice: that communication is important in a relationship and if they can't do that then it won't work.

Begin your new journey - for yourself.

You're out of shape, you have no goals, you're lazy, and not acting very masculine - according to you. Good news! These are all very fixable. You just need to change your habits. You can do this while in your relationship or out of it, but if it were me I'd hit reset and start on my own.

There's a lot of free info out there about how to change your mindset. Affirmations are key. Tell your brain what it needs to hear about you and block the external noise. There are YT videos, IG accounts, books, blogs, forums like this. Most important there's you and your inner voice and outer voice which are in complete control of your psyche. So get on it.

Find your MISSION. Really think about it. What do you want in life? What will you regret not doing when you're dying? What did you dream of as a kid? Be childish about it. It can be artistic, monetary, scientific. I think everyone has at least one single thing. Sometimes it changes. But get yourself set on a path toward a big goal and reverse-engineer it so you can take the small steps to get there.

Finally, get your a$$ in shape. Gyms and vegetables are cheap and the outdoors are free. No real trick to that other than you can use the concepts above to get to a fitness goal as well.

Hope this helps.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Do women usually talk like this in a relationship?

No. I've never had a woman talk to me like that.

The fact that she would disrespect you like that suggests that she sees you as a weakling and a pushover.

 

[H8CourtshipWithAPassion]

Hello forum.

I have been doing a long distance relationship now for around 11 months. We were both virgins when we met. She was very inexperienced when it came to men, I was her first bf and she had never really talked to men.

During our relationship I have made countless egregious errors: unmasculine actions, being in bad shape, no real life goal, lazyness. Aside from my personal failures I also had severe lapses in communicating with my gf. She is very shy and doesn't usually say what she wants or feels, but instead wants me to pick up on cues or figure it out, aka notice.

A big problem is me not being able to pick up on her cues on how she is feeling and not giving her emotional support and in her words not caring about her. I do care, but it feels like there is some secret language that other people understand and I do not. For about 7 months I didn't even know how to console her when she was sad and I had to do a lot of research online to figure it out.

Recently we had a huge argument because of a dumb thing I did. This was not some relationship rule mishap, it was a pure person to person disregard of boundaries. This made her very very angry.

Here are some of the things she said to me in the last 24 hours:
"you dont show any care unless i sped the entire day typing paragraphs or argue with you"
"you dont sexually satisfy me"
"you are physically gross and unhygienic"
"you are never there for me"
"you are always stupid"
"you never understand anything"

What I am asking is what to here. How do I fix these things she is venting about. How do I pick up on cues over text, how do I say the right thing? How can I regain her respect, if even possible?

i assume you are both in your early 20s