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"I like where we are"--interpretation?

Lookatu

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She's on the c0ck carousel and has a better option for that day. You'll be moving in on sloppy seconds. I hope she cleans herself well.
 

mrgoodstuff

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"I like were we are"... If you are dating and not fvcking her, it's a string along. IMHO she wants to keep things right were they
are at and use you for the emotional support.

"I like were we are"... If you are dating fvcking and doing fun things, it's avery good things to say, it means she likes it.
 

Lookatu

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"I like were we are"... If you are dating fvcking and doing fun things, it's avery good things to say, it means she likes it.
In this case since the OP is actually fvcking her and doing fun things but since she just got out of a relationship, I interpret that to mean she's having a fun time with him but isn't looking to be tied down in any way at this point and still wants her freedom.
 

Glassguy

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Actualy i wonder if its still time to use the take away

@Glassguy sorry man for the recent mentions but i know this is your forte
I only read OP's initial post so I dont know what has been updated since that.

A kiss of death is this: implying that you want a relationship with a woman, asking "what are we", etc. It shows a scarcity mindset, you have no other options and it shows that you are seeking her validation. None of which are good.

Your job as a man today is to provide a fun filled experience where sex can happen. Your job next week as a man is to provide a fun filled experience where sex can happen. Same for next month.

What is not your job: worrying about a relationship, wondering where you stand with a woman, etc. That is HER job.
OP is doing the woman's job and by taking the woman's role, she will no longer treat him like a man unless he changes his behavior ASAP.

I have been seeing the same woman now for almost 4 months. She is great. Smart, great career (Nurse Prac), 12 years younger than me, great in bed, she is fully invested. At no point do I ever talk about a relationship. That is her job. She drops major hints about the future. I dont (not that I havent thought about it, but I do not need to openly communicate everything I think about to a chick).

2 weeks ago I did a pull back. It was great. Kept her on her toes, made her think of ways to chase, etc. Last night I got the question laid out from her: "Do you see a future with me?". I kept my response consistent with my personality:
"Of course I do. I am sure we will cool off in the pool sometime this week, probably go to dinner at some point and more than likely we will fvck each other's brains out before the week's end ;)".

Obviously she knew that I was being sarcastic and what I meant, but I still didnt say it. I still have orbiters hitting me up on FB, Snap, IG and other platforms. Its good to have orbiters that are willing and ready for their shot.

But I will not be the one who brings up a relationship. Period. Its not my job.

When a man does this, he is essentially telling the woman that she has him and you will see her personality start to change.
 

Glassguy

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Value = something that you had to work hard for and you could lose and watch it become valuable to someone else if you are not careful.

You cant have value if you are putting yourself on a silver platter. You have to make them work for your time and attention. If not they will start devaluing it.

Not to mention that it sounds like the cvm is still drying on the sheets from her previous bf. Why in the fvck would someone want to be in a relationship knowing that she just came out of a LTR and knowing that you are a fwb rebound? Just enjoy fvcking her and let her chase.
 

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rart

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Too much mind fvckery and game playing these days. It’s like you have to decode what women say because what they say always has some hidden meaning that you have to figure out.
Never interpret what a woman says, only what she DOES. Her rescheduling is the message. The message being that she has more important things than you.

Now knowing that, you make her less a priority in your life
 

lamath

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Value = something that you had to work hard for and you could lose and watch it become valuable to someone else if you are not careful.

You cant have value if you are putting yourself on a silver platter. You have to make them work for your time and attention. If not they will start devaluing it.

Its was about this


Time to use the take away?
.
So, what I wanted to happen, happened. She hit me up last night...

Her: I would love to make you dinner sometime this week =)
Me: I'd love that. How about Thursday?
Her: Sounds good! Any requests?
Me: Surprise me. Chef's special ;)
Her: =) Mkay

I was pretty excited about this, because it was proof in my mind that she IS thinking about me and cares enough to make a move. Then I wake up to a text from her...

Her: Can we do Sunday instead actually
Me: Yeah that's cool
Her: Thanks =)

I tried to play it as cool as possible. She DID reciprocate, which is good, but this seemed weird to me. She hits me up saying she wants to make me dinner, which screams high interest, we schedule a date, then within 12 hours reschedules the date to three days later.
 

HyenaPrince

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Never interpret what a woman says, only what she DOES. Her rescheduling is the message. The message being that she has more important things than you.

Now knowing that, you make her less a priority in your life
This.
 

stormrider

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Been seeing someone for a couple months now. Thing is, she's pretty fresh out of a long term relationship. And by fresh, I mean we started talking as she was moving out of her ex's apartment. In her words, she's not hurting from the breakup--she broke up with him, so maybe she's been mentally checked out for a while.

We've hungout and gone on dates, and have been sleeping together and seem to have a lot of chemistry. This was probably a mistake, but last night I ended up telling her "we should probably talk about what we're doing. Are we friends with benefits, dating, or is this a rebound?" Her response was a relatively vague "I like where we are," and she also said she's not sleeping with anyone else right now (I had mentioned the "safety" aspect of us sleeping together without condoms if we're also sleeping with other people). She asked if I was okay with that and I said I was.

Not sure if I should interpret this as "I like you but I'm not ready to jump into something serious again", or "I like you but I want to keep my options open and not be exclusive", or all of the above. I only brought this up with her because I've caught feelings (didn't tell her that, but I'm sure she can deduce it). Also bad timing all around. I'm 30 and have only dated and hooked up--never had a "real" relationship and am ready for one, and she's just out of a LTR. I also feel weird talking to other women (because of my feelings for her), but at the same time feel like I should be talking to other people to protect myself. Awkward situation.

I am prepared to be torn apart and flamed for this post.
It’s understandable to want to be in a relationship. But it should be with a woman that blows you away (with her efforts), not because you are getting old and want to be like everybody else and settle down due to some misguided sense of romanticism.

It is your own neediness that you are projecting to her. And it’s going to repel her.

The next time you have sex with her will be your very last. So enjoy it.

Just kidding, I’m not psychic.

I’m not going to tear you a new one because everyone else has already done a fine job.

I have a misplaced sense of compassion for misguided romantics because I used to be one myself. It was needyville and all women were repelled.

But then one day I realized that I had an over reactive ego and made everything about me. There is a dynamic that goes on in a romance between a man and a woman. Each person has to equally give in order for the romantic bubble to exist.

If one person gives, and the other does a takeaway, then the bubble bursts. I’m not saying she will ghost you. She might still use you for sex, which could be a good/bad thing depending on your level of one-itis.

The fault is not because she didn’t reciprocate your feelings for her. The fault is that your feelings are not justified. You are coming from a place of neediness and she didn’t do anything to deserve your feelings. In other words, she just exists.

When you reward someone with an escalation of any kind, whether sexual or romantic, and they didn’t really do anything of value to deserve it, you come across as low value.

So now you are coming across as low value and needy. That’s two strikes against you.

Just because you have feelings for someone does not mean you should reward them. Your feelings could be coming from loneliness and neediness.

A woman has to make an effort to want to capture you. This way, you bringing up a relationship would be framed as a reward for her.

Just like how a woman constantly talks about marriage and one day you bring up wedding rings. It’s a reward for prolonged good behavior.

If you don’t have a reward/dismiss system in your cognition, women cannot place a value on you. A woman needs to feel like she’s earned your affections.

This may seem like a complicated concept to wrap your mind around but fostering an atmosphere that nourishes attraction with women is very simple.

She makes an effort, you reward her efforts with your efforts/escalation, this encourages her to make more efforts, and the cycle continues, like a never ending loop of romantic efforts.

But if you reward a woman for nothing, she will see you as low value.
 
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Korrupt

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So much overanalyzing in this topic. OP's only real mistake is being so invested that he made this topic. He's obviously not having fun with this, and if it's not fun and is giving him nothing but anxiety then it's not worth pursuing. I feel for OP in this situation, because I've been a victim of bad timing as well and it's, honestly, the fvcking worst. But this girl has done you a favor by forcing detachment because now you can pursue other women and take your mind off her, then come Sunday get a free dinner and sex from her.

Sh!t maybe if you guys get lucky over the weekend you can swap the cvm and pvssy juice from your previous dates and have a good ol time :rofl: Just kidding. But seriously, if you think she's giving you sloppy seconds, then give her sloppy thirds right back.
 

AwlaysFukedUp

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She texted me last night to say she's looking forward to seeing me on Sunday. And to sext--telling me but she wants to tease me and etc. Honestly I can't tell if she's playing a really good game, or none at all at this point.
 

Lookatu

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She texted me last night to say she's looking forward to seeing me on Sunday. And to sext--telling me but she wants to tease me and etc. Honestly I can't tell if she's playing a really good game, or none at all at this point.
Who cares? Just enjoy your turn and make every encounter count. It's really that simple.
 

LARaiders85

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She texted me last night to say she's looking forward to seeing me on Sunday. And to sext--telling me but she wants to tease me and etc. Honestly I can't tell if she's playing a really good game, or none at all at this point.
What game do you think she could possibly be playing? She wants to date you casually. She told you that directly.
 

AwlaysFukedUp

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She hit me up again today on snapchat making a joking/teasing comment about one of my snap story pics, which led to some small talk where I eventually asked her what she was up to today (because today is the day she rescheduled to sunday). She told me she had just gotten back from a bike ride at a some nearby park with her friend Megan--that was around 7pm. We exchange a couple more messages, one where she asks me a question about my meal prep, I respond around 8, then she goes dark till about 10:30. She responds and I say I'm surprised she's still up, then she says "I can't sleep idk what's wrong!" I just ended it after that saying I was heading to bed and goodnight. I could be totally off-base here, but for some reason this is all just so damn sketchy to me. I mean she rescheduled our dinner from today to sunday, then says she was hanging with this Megan girl who she's never mentioned before, and now she's up crazy late (for her schedule) saying she "can't sleep".

And if her plans were with this girl Megan, why not mention that as the reason for rescheduling. "Hey can we do Sunday instead? My friend Megan wants to hangout and can only do Thursday." Boom. Perfect.

On another note, I had a second hangout tonight with a girl I slept with ~a month ago. I definitely helped keep my mind off the above BS for a little while.
 
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BackInTheGame78

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She hit me up again today on snapchat making a joking/teasing comment about one of my snap story pics, which led to some small talk where I eventually asked her what she was up to today (because today is the day she rescheduled to sunday). She told me she had just gotten back from a bike ride at a some nearby park with her friend Megan--that was around 7pm. We exchange a couple more messages, one where she asks me a question about my meal prep, I respond around 8, then she goes dark till about 10:30. She responds and I say I'm surprised she's still up, then she says "I can't sleep idk what's wrong!" I just ended it after that saying I was heading to bed and goodnight. I could be totally off-base here, but for some reason this is all just so damn sketchy to me. I mean she rescheduled our dinner from today to sunday, then says she was hanging with this Megan girl who she's never mentioned before, and now she's up crazy late (for her schedule) saying she "can't sleep".

And if her plans were with this girl Megan, why not mention that as the reason for rescheduling. "Hey can we do Sunday instead? My friend Megan wants to hangout and can only do Thursday." Boom. Perfect.

On another note, I had a second hangout tonight with a girl I slept with ~a month ago. I definitely helped keep my mind off the above BS for a little while.
Bro...who cares? This isn't your girlfriend. If you can't handle this type of basic interaction with a plate then stop seeing her. You are having your hamster wheel spun round and round by some girl that isn't anything more than a plate to you.
 

LARaiders85

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She hit me up again today on snapchat making a joking/teasing comment about one of my snap story pics, which led to some small talk where I eventually asked her what she was up to today (because today is the day she rescheduled to sunday). She told me she had just gotten back from a bike ride at a some nearby park with her friend Megan--that was around 7pm. We exchange a couple more messages, one where she asks me a question about my meal prep, I respond around 8, then she goes dark till about 10:30. She responds and I say I'm surprised she's still up, then she says "I can't sleep idk what's wrong!" I just ended it after that saying I was heading to bed and goodnight. I could be totally off-base here, but for some reason this is all just so damn sketchy to me. I mean she rescheduled our dinner from today to sunday, then says she was hanging with this Megan girl who she's never mentioned before, and now she's up crazy late (for her schedule) saying she "can't sleep".

And if her plans were with this girl Megan, why not mention that as the reason for rescheduling. "Hey can we do Sunday instead? My friend Megan wants to hangout and can only do Thursday." Boom. Perfect.

On another note, I had a second hangout tonight with a girl I slept with ~a month ago. I definitely helped keep my mind off the above BS for a little while.
She is dating multiple people at the same time. That is what women do. That is particularly what women do that try to make sure not to enter a committed relationship with someone who basically asks them for one the way you did. She IS dating other guys. Whether her Megan story is real or not does not matter at all.
 

LARaiders85

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@AwlaysFukedUp I was in a similar situation to you where I was hyper aware of texting patterns and things like that with a non-exclusive girl and this is the advice I got from a former mod here:

"
I know exactly what you mean because I'm basically in the same exact situation: Non-exclusive and no interest from either of us to make it exclusive, she has a high sex drive and we have great sex, but we only see each other once or twice a month, etc.

There were a few changes I made to make it easier to deal with those thoughts that would sometimes creep into my head.

First, this woman was texting me non-stop daily. Good morning, good night.... sometimes she would even text me in the middle of the night when she knew I was asleep and wouldn't respond, just to get thoughts out of her head. Because of this non-stop texting, I ALWAYS knew when she was out having drinks and so forth. I never did and still do not have any issue with her being out and about without me, but I didn't want to be constantly reminded about it either, so I had to start limiting our contact just so I wouldn't have constant updates on her whereabouts. We still keep touch daily, but by ramping it way down I didn't have those constant reminders that would sometimes get my hamster spinning.

Another change I made was increasing the "booty call" opportunities with her. Because of my schedule, her schedule, me being a single father, etc. there is only one or two nights a month when we are both free at the same time and can actually go out, spend the night together and so on. However, there were many more opportunities for us to hook up for brief periods here and there, even if only for an hour or two in many cases. This really helped us break up the long waits between sex that we were dealing with.

On top of that, on the nights she is free and I'm not, she will often stop by my place late at night on her way home from whatever she's doing. This has turned into a routine where she would go out with her friends, end up getting a good buzz on from all of the drinks guys were buying for her and she would just end up in my bed for the romp at the end of it all, then go home."

 

bcude

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Speaking of former mod, why did Amante Silvestre leave and had all of his posts removed? I get that he was ready to leave SoSuave behind but not why his posts had to go, still valuable information for others to read. @Atom Smasher @billtx49 @logicallefty ?
 
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